Tagged: comedy
Tusk: One of the Worst Movies of 2014? For sure!!
I finally got around to checking out Kevin Smith’s horror podcast inspired movie “Tusk”. I have been looking forward to seeing it for a while now, but unfortunately this one doesn’t live up to the hype. Nope, what we have here is Kevin Smith’s “wacky” idea of a movie inspired by one of his “wacky” podcast episodes. I guess I really wonder why he’d waste the time to make such a shitty movie? Did the idea really sound that awesome on his podcast? I know it’s supposed to be like the Kevin Smith version of Human Centipede but this movie really didn’t need to be made. It was boring, it’s plot was generic, it’s characters were not likable in the least and it wasn’t funny or for that matter scary. Hell Johnny Depp couldn’t even save this one, in fact Depp’s character made the movie even worse!! Spoilers Ahead be WARNED!
So we have a hotshot podcaster played by Justin Long and his wisecracking nerd hipster buddy Haley Joel Osment who are supposed internet celebrities with their “clever” named website “The Not See Party”. Get it?!! Duh…They interview strange people and post viral videos that star these odd people basically making fools of themselves. So justin Long’s character goes on a trip to Canada and ends up randomly meeting an odd old man from a flyer he finds hanging on a wall in a dive bar. He goes to the creepy home of the man and listens to him blabber on about his unbelievable (stupid) stories at sea and his totally idiotic story of a walrus saving his life on a desert island. Then Justin Long realizes his tea has been drugged and passes out. This is where things are supposed to get “intense” when we realize the old man is obsessed with that walrus that saved his dumb life! Yep like Human Centipede he decides to transform Long into a big ol’ walrus. Shocking right? Hardly!
Johnny Depp wouldn’t attach his name to this movie even though he stars in it…hmm…I wonder why?!
On top of that we get some kinda lame side story with a “Kevin Smith-y” type love triangle going on that I honestly could’t care less about as all the characters in the movie are pretty uninteresting & annoying. Then we get an another pointless, irritating character showing up, Johnny Depp in heavy make up flashing some truly cringeworthy acting. The rest of the flick is just one big dumb pile of crap. We get an uneven story with bunch of idiotic scenes of Justin Long “arping” around in a big walrus suit, eating fish, and fighting his captor in a walrus battle. All of this shit is supposed to be clever and funny but it’s really just well…boring. I feel like I lost some brain cells watching this one and the surprise ending is just as dumb as you might expect. It tries hard to make some witty sense of this big stupid pile of horse shit of a film.
I have a love/hate relationship with Kevin Smith he has made a few ok films but for the most part I just don’t think he’s all that funny. This was most definitely his worst movie, which I’d call a gigantic waste of time for all those involved and all those who’ve watched. Please Mr. Smith don’t make anymore podcast inspired movies. I am now officially not excited to see Kevin Smith’s Krampus flick…
Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool…Again….Why Am I Supposed to be Excited About This?
The big news it seems is that Ryan Reynolds will be reprising his role as Deadpool again-Yipee! Wait, why am I supposed to be excited about this again?! Oh wait, my bad he already played the character…in the most disappointing superhero flick of all time!! Yep “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” makes Brett Ratner’s X-men 3: The Last Stand look like an Academy Award winner! Yeah that Wolverine movie was THAT bad. So now we get the news that Reynolds is going to get a second chance, and I believe everyone deserves a second chance but it leads me to the question: Has Ryan Reynolds ever starred in an actual good movie ever?!
Hey Deadpool-Quit reminding me that we made that movie together ok?!!
Well he did star in R.I.P.D. which I um actually had to turn off because it was so bad. He starred in Blade: Trinity which well I think I may have actually left the theater during way back in 2004. Wait he did star already as a superhero, yeah you remember The Green Lantern from 2011? Nope me neither.
He starred in the sorta Ok-ish Amityville Horror remake, I guess. I know he was in some crappy romantic comedies one where he wore a fat suit or something. I mean is there any movie where he’s actually at least funny? I don’t mean to be a total hater here, but I was less than impressed with that crappy short Deadpool test run in which for some reason Deadpool was a totally not funny, crappy, fully CG character with Reynold’s voice-so what gives? Can someone tell me what all the fuss and excitement is all about already?!
Housebound – One of the Most Cool & Creepy Flicks of 2014!
Housebound has got to be one of my favorite movies of 2014, easily one of the best “horror” comedies I’ve seen in quite some time! This splendid little flick from New Zealand is filled with a ton of mystery, some great scares, creepy cool atmosphere and a lot of laughs. This one kinda plays out like a twisted Scooby Doo adventure. It’s a simple premise here, our troubled heroine Kylie gets caught trying to rob an ATM and is soon sentenced to home detention back to the house she grew up with her mother. And what a large creepy house it is!
It doesn’t take long before things get weird as Kylie one evening insists on using the phone, while her chatty mother tells her she’s taking an important phone call. Leading to one of my favorite moments in the movie, as Kylie heads of flustered into her bedroom she turns on the radio to a station that’s got a “Coast to Coast” style paranormal program in progress. She notices they’re taking a live phone call from a woman who sounds oddly just like her mother, claiming that the house she lives in is haunted.
From here the story gets incredibly interesting taking twists and turns galore and to give away anymore of the plot would be a crime! Housebound is a nonstop thrill ride and will have you guessing right up to the very end. It’s a crazy little adventure, with real heart at it’s core. That’s not to say it’s devoid of scares or even gore, this one has it all tightly wrapped into one helluva humorous yet creepy package. The house where much of it takes place is pretty awesome as well, filled with more than enough odd rooms, long hallways, creaking doors and mysterious closets and cabinets! It’s also got a great sequence with a Teddy Ruxpin type talking bear that’s pretty damn incredible as well as the most genius use of a cheese grater you’re likely to ever see. So I highly recommend checking this one out if you’re looking for a great Saturday night popcorn flick! A ton of fun & one of the best flicks I’ve seen all year…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NRaHVLtUFo
Was ‘Dumb and Dumber To’ Dumb Enough?!!
I am a big fan of much of Jim Carrey’s 90’s comedic roles, I love the Ace Ventura franchise, Liar Liar was brilliant and of course Dumb and Dumber is one of my favorite comedies of all time. I was thrilled to hear that a real sequel was finally going to happen for Dumb and Dumber, let’s try and forget that there was a low profile prequel back in 2003 called “Dumb and Dumberer” (great title though) which did not star Jim Carrey or Jeff Daniels and it was pretty terrible. So now we’ve got a reunion of sorts nearly 20 years later with the new movie. It’s always a tough call on whether or not they can recreate the magic of previous works, whether it be a band reforming or team of actors and directors targeting our nostalgia. 
So did Carrey, Daniels and The Farrelly brothers give us a worthy sequel? I’d have to say they gave it a decent shot, and there were some genuinely funny moments but in the end I think the movie tried a bit too hard with a much too complicated, almost carbon copy of the first, weak ass plot. This like the first in many ways, takes our two favorite aging numbskulls on yet another road trip. It places them in a completely ridiculous story that seems almost as unnecessary and dumb as the leads. I like stupid, but I love it more when Harry and Lloyd are placed in a more believable world and they interact with people who aren’t necessarily in on the joke as well. Just seeing what the two of them are up to these days would have been good enough for me without involving a ridiculous murder plot with characters that are equally as stupid, but not nearly as funny as and Harry & Lloyd. That being said there’s no shortage of the crude humor of the first and in many ways it goes even further down the truly “dumb” route. Exactly what you might expect from these two morons who appear to have aged quite a bit but remain the same mentally as they were 20 years ago. 
Now don’t get me wrong I totally think Carrey & Daniels still have the chemistry and had the plot and writing been more solid the movie would have been a real winner. It’s great seeing Carrey back at what really made him shine, ridiculously stupid characters, because no one can do it quite like him. The two of them are clearly having a great time onscreen together. That being said I feel perhaps the real problem here is maybe the Farrelly Brothers, I mean think about it, what was their last genuinely funny movie? I’d say they have three, Dumb & Dumber, Kingpin and There’s Something About Mary- were all excellent and those were also their first three movies. I hope that this spawns a third film for the real Harry and Lloyd, I’d honestly like to see these two get another shot with different directors and writers, because even though this one missed the mark their still two of my favorite movie idiots of all time. I’d say this one is worth a view but don’t expect the riot of the first flick!
Captain Kirk Gets His Groove On!! “The Enemy Within” Video Drops!
Finally! We drop the new video by nerdcore dancehall superheroes Mister Saturday & Ensly Mogul! This one takes the duo on board the USS Enterprise where they sing the intergalactic anthem “The Enemy Within”!
Check it as they literally beam aboard to observe the mayhem that ensues on this classic adventure! Evil Captain Kirk just can’t seem to get enough of that damn brandy!! Download the song for free right HERE!
1-900-MONSTER! The Best 80’s Halloween Horror Hotline!!
Dang, sometimes I reaaaallly miss the 1980’s! They were such a fun time to be a kid especially around this time of year for the Halloween season! So here’s a little totally radical blast from the past, an awesome 1980’s horror hotline 1-900-Monster!! Yep back in the 80’s we had to be super creative because we didn’t have shit like smart phones and the internet to distract us 24-7! If we wanted to spend our time obsessing over a telephone it was over shit like 1-900-Monster and it was a parents worst nightmare-because this shit was expensive-it was 2 bucks for the first minute and an additional 50 cents every minute after that! Yeah and once you got a demon on the phone you better believe you were gonna listen to what he had to say!! Check this awesome vid out and stick around for the incredible short Halloween segment that follows, ah the memories…
Cinematic Captain America: The Greatest American……..Virgin?!
I’ve been thinking about this since I saw Captain America: The Winter Soldier in theaters, it’s like a big elephant in the room at this point! We just have to address this, the movie Captain America is most definitely still a gosh darn virgin!! Am I wrong?! Nope! Movie Cap was born in 1918 so technically he’s a 96 year old virgin-It’s been three movies that this Cap portrayed by Chris Evans has been in, one being The Avengers and thus far Cap, though quite popular with the ladies since he got his muscles, has gotten ZERO action, aside from a few random smooches! Daaang!
So I think a great plot point of the next Captain America movie must be him finally losing his damn virginity already! I could see this being an incredibly funny moment being discussed by him and his fellow Avengers at a bar over a few beers and I can already imagine a ton of jokes involving Tony Stark, Banner and Thor about this. Now though the bigger question is who’s going to be his first?! Let’s face it Cap is quite the goody two shoes, so he may benefit from a more edgy lady like The Black Widow, or could go old school with Agent Carter (well that might be a bit weird), or maybe he’ll hook up with that SHIELD agent he was talking about?
The Avengers are in serious need of some options for the guy, Black Widow is hot and all but let’s face it she’d tear this momma’s boy’s heart to shreds! Or maybe Cap hasn’t come out of the closet yet?! Maybe he and Bucky will hook up?!! Either way it’s been too many decades for the guy, he’s gotta be feeling some serious sexual frustration at this point with all that super soldier serum pumping him up too, whatever the case he better make sure the big moment is worth the wait….
“Uggh…I can’t focus on a word Fury is saying with this raging boner I’ve had since we made out in that mall earlier!!”
VHS Score: Richard Grieco Totally Ditches Summer School for Big Time Adventure!
I’ve been picking up a ton of VHS while out on the town doing while doing vintage shopping for my business here in Portland Oregon, that means that I’m watching a ton of awesome old flicks that have been somehow lost in the shuffle for years, at least for me! So the other night I decided to put on an interesting looking one called “If Looks Could Kill” way back from 1991, starring none other than fan fave from 21 Jumpstreet (the original series yo!) Richard “Booker” Grieco! Ol’ Grieco was destined for stardom when he exploded onto Jumpstreet & briefly rivaled Johnny Depp as the series heart throb. So Grieco quickly got some offers to make some movies-some bad and some good in a bad way. This particular film is pretty awesome, directed by William Dear hot off the success of the brilliant “Harry and The Hendersons”.
What we get here is a great obnoxious teen comedy (which I’m a big fan of, well, since I myself was a teen!) with a heavy dose of James Bond & equal parts Indiana Jones! What’s not to love there?! Dear clearly had a budget for this box office flop and it shows as it rarely skimps on cool set pieces and rather impressive action sequences. The flick was panned by critics, but like me, Roger Ebert got it and awarded the film 3 out of 4 stars. The plot’s simple, Grieco is a high school student flunking out of his french class while too busy boozin’ it up and slackin’ off. Now before I continue I have to ad that Grieco is clearly no teenager, nope- he’s got a serious dark ass five o’clock shadow the entire movie and the body of an olympic athlete, truth be told that in 1991 he was nearly 2y years old, though to me he looks more like 37!
Anyway because he flunks French he’s forced to…get this….go France for summer school!! Boo hoo what a life huh? Fail and get a free trip to France? Yeah right!! So that’s where things get crazy, as he’s quickly mistaken for a secret agent bearing the same name as his and begins an adventure of his own! Mistaken identity never felt so good. He’s almost tempted to reveal that he’s simply a high school student until the British Gov’t gives him a Ferrari to roll around in, so then at that point he decides it’s totally like worth playing along! Duh!
This begins a zany chain of events that involves Grieco playing his teenage luck with deadly sexy secret agent ladies, explosive chewing gum, wall walkin’ suction cup LA Gear sneakers, killer scorpions and a dastardly villain with a robotic Terminator style hand. It’s pure camp gold and a entertains with quite an impressive finale with Grieco trapped in an Indiana Jones style deadly villain castle hide out! So if you’re looking for a fun flick to watch with friends and a few beers check this one out-it should have made ol’ Grieco a star like Depp! Oh well!!
The Incredible Hulk’s Sexual Frustration!
I had to share this rad little clip from College Humor being a huge Hulk fan i totally dug this one-Great little comedy on Bruce Banner’s frustrating sex life!! Check it out!!!
‘Stitches’ Gives Freddy Krueger a Run for His Money!
I finally checked out Stitches which I’ve been waiting some time to see as it finally arrived on Netflix watch instantly. If you’re a fan of old horror icons like Freddy Krueger or Leprechaun then this movie will NOT disappoint! This cool little Irish horror comedy has got a pretty awesome little plot, based on a bit of a cliche. Clown goes to kids party, mean kids ridicule clown, clown dies by way of something one of the kids does.
Well though that seemed a little like previously trodded horror plot, the movie goes deeper into the evil clown mythos. It turns out that in this movie clowns get together in creepy dungeon like places and practice supernatural rituals. Which is one of the reason “Stitches” the clown comes back toget his revenge on this group of kids that are nowa bunch of jerk-off teenagers!
The vibe of the flick kinda gave me that Freddy feel, as Stitches is a full on wise cracker and comes up with the most inventive ways to get his revenge on with these kids. You’ll see him use a bunch of supernatural clown gadgets and you’ll see some pretty impressive special fx here as well. The movie is also pretty damn funny, picture if the kids in American Pie were hunted by a crazed undead clown at one of their wild ass parties-that’s pretty much how this one plays out. I was pretty surprised at how much I enjoyed this one. It’s got a nice simple premise and it’s a perfect party flick, beer, weed and cocktails are a must for viewing! Check it on Watch Instantly on Netflix! I’m hoping for a sequel!
Universal Dork 