Tagged: monster movie
SUBURBAN COMMANDO (1991) is the GREATEST Hulk Hogan Film EVER?!
Greetings to all you lilted Hulkamaniacs!! We’ve got a brand new episode of Universal Dork on YouTube up now & today we’re covering 1991 Sci-Fi action comedy family friendly-ish cult classic starring Hulk Hogan, Christopher Lloyd, The Undertaker and Shelley Duvall: muthafukin’ SUBURBAN COMMANDO!!!
We just knew that you didn’t get enough of Hulk Hogan’s sexy-ass bod with the last episode of NO HOLDS BARRED (1989) so we decided to go even deeper into Hogan’s Movie career with this awesome under appreciated buddy comedy. You get some slapstick comedy, some intergalactic space battles, mime abuse, a pretty rad looking alien monster for Hogan to fight as well as a debatable brawl with The Undertaker and so much more! Check it out right HERE:
Movie Melt Podcast: 1994’s Ridiculous Sexy Sea Monster Monster Flick-CREATURES FROM THE ABYSS!
Hey are you a fan of bizarre Italian movies filmed in Florida? How about 90’s creature features where sex crazed fish monsters chase a bunch of moronic party animals around a yacht lost at sea? Well on the latest episode of the MOVIE MELT Podcast we cover a ridiculous monster movie made the insanely genius mind of Alvaro Passeri, a practical effects wizard who also crafted the incredibly weird Christmas fantasy ‘Fantastic Games’ that I reviewed right here.
Well this one has been a fave of mine actually since the red envelope dvd days of Netflix, Creatures From The Abyss AKA Plankton is a totally bonkers flick with some of the most jaw dropping character dialogue you’re likely to see from that era anytime soon. It’s also got some crazy ass monster action and totally disgusting practical fx sequences that make this a stand out sci-fi creature feature.
So there’s tons more in this episode we discuss-lots a cool movies you just got to be checking out, especially if you’re a fan of weird stuff like the movie do a deep dive on! So check out the latest episode for a wild voyage out at sea with a crew of the biggest morons to hit the silver screen in Creatures From The Abyss! HERE IS THE EPISODE!
1993’s Kamen Rider Zo: Kicks MAJOR Monster Butt!!
If you’re like me and are totally obsessed with monsters then I’ve got a great recommendation for you! 1993’s ‘KAMEN RIDER ZO’ Is a short & sweet, bizarre little super hero adventure that packs a monstrous punch to the gut. Clocking in at around 50 minutes, it wastes no time getting to the action and wild special effects sequences that are jam-packed into this little nasty nugget.
I must admit, I’m a bit of a newbie to this character and the fairly extensive lore behind him. Kamen Rider (aka Masked Rider) was established in the early 1970s and has several different iterations through the years. One thing is certain the character is an iconic Japanese superhero and his costume is obviously top notch-This 1993 film too is the perfect intro to the character and so up my alley with all of the crazy monster villains. A bit for me like ‘Guyver 2’ if it had all the clunky exposition trimmed.
That all being said, I’d heard that this was a great place to start and maybe one of the most inventive visually, as well as over the top, action-packed and violent than any of the other installments. Naturally I was thrilled to find out that the director Keita Amemiya is the same person who did one of my all time favorite Japanese action monster movies: ‘Zeiram’ from 1991 and another fave being 1988’s Cyber Ninja.
Also the effects artist being responsible for the totally bonkers fx of another absolute Hong Kong favorite gem of mine ‘The Peacock King’. With this fast paced little adventure you’re going to get all the frenetic action sequences and all of the cool practical fx mayhem jammed packed into “Terminator” style chase film. A group of creatures are hunting down a little boy and it’s up to Kamen Rider to stop them.
That’s all you really need to know, as the version I watched had pretty subpar subtitles & was a bit difficult to follow plot wise to say the least-but who cares! The flick, which was originally planned as a feature film was massively cut down from it’s original vision. That being said it’s almost ALL eye candy and for me it made the perfect warm up for my movie nite where the main even was the glorious 1995 film ‘Godzilla vs. Destroyah’. More on that first watch for me later.
It features some impressive monsters for tour badass grasshopper themed hero to pummel on, one being a sort of “predator” style creature as well as a totally bonkers spider/human hybrid freak with some dazzling stop-motion & also a grotesque bat-man who takes flight to cause everyone major headaches. It’s drenched in style and oozing with great atmosphere as well as a genuine cyberpunk style with dashes of straight up horror.
The fight scenes are quite cleverly choreographed too and the action sequences filled with fine detail are a marvel to behold. The sets and locations aren’t skimped on either, it’s all so colorful to soak in & the kind of film that when it ends you might feel a bit cheated (in a good way mind you) by its swift runtime and craving more monstrous mayhem in its wake.
Bear in mind too, ‘Kamen Rider: Zo’ is not really a kids film either-though there’s not a ton of “human blood” there’s a good amount of goopy monster carnage to relish in. Oh yeah and Kamen Rider cruises around on a rad motorcycle too, usually before he’s ready to beat on some creeps and the main character who plays the masked rider’s alter ego is quite the well dressed hunk!
I give high praises to this largely forgotten little film that probably should have a proper release here in the USA, I got a sweet dvd copy from Taiwan on eBay but you can also check it out on Youtube:
J.R. Bookwalter Returns With Slimy Pandemic Fueled Horror: SIDE EFFECTS MAY VARY!
After recently reviewing J.R. Bookwalter’s awesome 90s horror/mutant action hybrid film ‘OZONE‘ I was quite excited to dig into more of his filmography! Already being a big fan of ‘THE DEAD NEXT DOOR‘ and recently purchasing (gonna check it soon!) ‘ROBOT NINJA‘ I was super curious just what this guy has been up to these days, if anything at all? Well I was quite happy to find out that he’s indeed been quite busy working hard a brand new film that he’s currently taking on the road for a tour of some incredible independent theaters across the country. J.R. however has not made a new movie in over 20 years, so obviously this new feature horror film called ‘SIDE EFFECTS MAY VARY‘ he’s recently completed called has really peaked my interest. I’m hoping for some old school horror and I think I’m going to get just that!
Judging from the trailer that just recently dropped it looks to be more of everything that I’ve originally loved from his blood soaked, fx driven earlier films. This appears to be not only a gruesome practical effects extravaganza but also like George Romero’s great films a social commentary on our current state of recent affairs across the globe. It takes place during a pandemic and it looks like our main character here has just received some sort of vaccination that to his surprise, doesn’t quite do what it claimed to & gives him some pretty gory side effects to deal with. Having just gone through the pandemic (some still claim is raging on) one thing is clear- we had a major debate going on around the world about just how safe and effective the covid 19 vaccine actually was.
I’d say there’s definitely a solid debate to be had about it all now that the smoke’s more or less cleared-as some people reported some intense side effects, which makes this one’s plot quite intriguing and for some people maybe even quite triggering. That I suppose remains to be seen, whatever the case I think the topic is prime for a horror flick!
One thing was certain at least in the real world, people were polarized on the topic and quickly turned on each other. We witnessed some unnerving behavior and many now even distrust the Government and big pharma even more than pre-pandemic. Trump’s ‘Operation Warp Speed’ teamed with massive pharma companies and immediately a debate raged about the safety of what some deemed a rushed experimental medical intervention. Whatever you might think we can all agree, it was a real shit show to say the least, kinda like this image below…
The world was turned upside down for several years by the pandemic AND the extreme polarization of people in fear of the virus and others of the vaccine. Here Bookwalter seems to be putting all of this behavior under a microscope in a slightly grotesque but comical way for an examination, delivering a completely over the top looking body altering horror film. Sign me up!
I’m totally curious to check this out and see exactly what his take on the whole situation is here, as he’s mentioned before that he’s quite distrusting of the Government in general and after everything we’ve been through-can you really blame him?! Oh yeah on a different note it also stars scream queen Brinke Stevens pictured below.
First and foremost though he’s stated that people should really just have fun with this film, as it’s ultimately really all about the gruesome spectacle of it all. I’m not sure if it brings to the table any political sentiments, I’ve heard it shows some of the absurdism from both sides of the isle as well as the media. So without further ado, if you’re a fan of this his past work and might not have been aware that he’s just recently completed a brand new flick, check out this wildly gory trailer. Hopefully ‘Side Effects May Vary’ is coming to town here in Portland! I say bring it on-stir the pot and let’s see what you got!
Also here’s a really cool interview he just did on Cereal at Midnight that goes deep into his past and covers why he’s come back to deliver the gory goods yet another time:
Holiday Horrors: ‘TWO FRONT TEETH’ An Ambitiously Stupid, Low Budget Creepy Y2K Christmas Adventure!
I’m trying to track down some weird cinematic Christmas gold this year by finally checking out some films that I’ve sort of avoided for years. Hearing that they’re a complete waste of precious holiday time or just resorting again to my “go to selections” that I often find myself a bit tired of when I pop on the tube as of late. So took a chance on a film that’s been on my radar for years when I spotted it at Portland, Oregon’s most prized video store, Movie Madness. TWO FRONT TEETH, released 2006 (but looks more like it was shot in the 90s?) is a shot on video (digital?) Christmas themed horror film that looks like a heap of cheap trash, is full of bad acting, lots of jokes that don’t work and yet there’s something about it I kinda love! This one was also made before everyone and their mother were pumping out Christmas themed horror films by the dozens every year. So it still stands out as an interesting largely hidden holiday oddity.
There’s quite a bit to dislike about the film if you’re gonna be really picky, mainly at how badly shot it is-it’s pretty ugly looking with lots of bad lighting, unimpressive sets and terribly bland locations. For instance, the opening scene take place on Christmas Eve in what looks like a cheap manufactured home that’s at the very least got an abundance of holiday decor on display. That’s what sort of saves this one-pretty much every scene is jam packed FULL of Christmas, so as bland as a lot of the sets do look they really give it their all to put the holiday on display. Sometimes obviously overdoing it-but considering the main characters names are Gabe Snow & Noelle it’s quite clear that was the intention here. Pretty much EVERYTHING is Christmas related, but somehow at it’s core has a somewhat “engaging” story that’s part horror, part comedy, part road adventure and even somewhat of a “romantic” drama. It’s a true oddity with a fair amount of heart & passion at it’s core that’s trying damn hard to push a narrative that’s far more ambitious than its budget actually allows. That’s not say though there’s not a lot to be quite impressed with here though somehow.
The plot is a wild one, It’s Christmas Eve and we meet Gabe Snow, a cowardly tabloid writer who’s emotionally traumatized by the holiday for unknown reasons, is investigating a Yuletide conspiracy for a paper called the X-Mas files. Gabe believes that a commercial airplane was brought down on Christmas Eve by a flying reindeer and is determined to bring the truth to the general public. He’s also in the midst of a nasty divorce as his foul mouthed, quite unlikable wife Noelle is banging one of her coworkers that festive evening at their home. But that’s the least of Gabe’s worries. Wicked vampire elves, descend upon his home and nearly murder his wife. This forces him and his wife to head out onto the open road to escape the threat and to find the only one who can seemingly help them, a “Creighton Duke” style bounty hunter who’s got the scoop on the deadly holiday conspiracy.
So as you can see the plot is quite absurd, but not played only just for cheap laughs-though there are plenty of those thrown around. Some of the comedy works and some of it does come off a bit too ham-fisted, again like the writers here think they’re really comedically clever. That being said the bulk of the film is actually played pretty straight for the most part and I think it works in it’s favor, despite most of the time looking like total shit. But being used to watching stuff that most would classify as total shit, I found that to be barely a problem. There’s some interesting backstories thrown in that pack some emotional weight as well that I give props for making attempts at real character development.
The movie never really slows down, at around 74 minutes it’s pretty lean and some of the fx here especially with the vampire elves look surprisingly pretty damn solid. They’re clad in black leather, have real creepy makeup fx with huge fleshy ears & some of their attack sequences are pretty well done too. Plus the “Creighton Cowboy” character is pretty fun addition as well and they definitely try and produce some solid action with him and his “toy guns”.
That’s not all though there are also three ninja nuns that show up as well as a pretty creepy vampire Santa named “Clausferatu” (an instance where the writers think that’s like super “clever”). The whole thing is pretty idiotic, but still shows an ambitious plot execution that you can feel is filled with passion and despite the odds is a lot of fun.
The kind of movie where you sort of begin to root for the cast and crew to deliver the goods within the confines of the budget. I kept thinking that this film if given to the right director and writer to tweak the somewhat too on the nose, cringey “holiday themed comedy” shit down a bit could have been an instant cult Xmas classic, if this exact same film had been shot on video in the 80’s people would likely today would regard it as a holiday horror genre must see. However given it’s release in 2006(an era not fully appreciated yet by most) it’s likely going to take a few more years before people catch on to just how unique this stupid little yuletide adventure really is. I for one will most definitely be giving this another watch next year! Two Front Teeth was a definite holiday treat I think that is currently aging quite nicely…
MOVIE MELT Podcast Goes Back to Hong Kong for the Wild Sexy 90s Horror of the ‘WIZARD’S CURSE’!!
Movie Melt is back and this time I’ve chosen the movie showcased on the latest episode, 1992’s WIZARD’S CURSE! This totally bonkers horror, sex comedy, martial arts hybrid flick is one of my absolute favorites & features the legendary late great ass kickin’ monster hunter Lam Ching Ying aka “Mr. Vampire” in perhaps his most over the top adventure of his filmography. You might have read my review on this one right here on U-dork a few years back. Well it was time to try and get this film a bigger following in the USA and Movie Melt is the BEST spot to make my case for this oddity.
A pair of “on the run” criminal lovers rumored to be practitioners of dark magic are hunted down by local police lead by a taoist demon hunter (Lam Ching Ying). Using his own unique supernatural abilities he aids the cops in killing them but alas, a local crazy cult leader with a creepy ass sewer dungeon lair steals their corpses, resurrects them into one shared physical body, granting them superhuman powers, a wild sex drive & leaving them thirsting for human brains. Creating the ultimate monster-the “TERRIFIC VAMPIRE”. Oh and by the way the Terrific Vampire has a glowing 20 foot long penis that is uses to bludgeon people to death-it’s quite a sight! Check this shit out:
Anyway we go deep into the film’s bizarre plot point, fx, the director and also talk about cool films you just might wanna check out. Oh of course we feature a “battle of the bands” segment that will turn your brain into Swiss cheese too!! Here’s a film that the blu ray companies like Vinegar Syndrome need to take note of-The Wizard’s Curse is unlike anything you’ve likely seen before. CHECK OUT THE MAYHEM RIGHT HERE!!!
Oh and here’s full film for moment up on Youtube it far to sassy to be shown here on Universal Dork as you can see:
Afraid of CGI Grey Aliens? If So ‘NO ONE WILL SAVE YOU’ Delivers the GOODS!
HULU finally brings me a grey alien home invasion horror film I’ve asking for-‘No One Will Save You’ delivers a simple premise with some fairly well executed drama but also manages to take the terrifying silent “greys” of movies like ‘Communion’ & ‘Fire in the Sky’ and turns them into loud rubbery CGI lunatics. Yeah these modern UFO films or all films in general now tbh) just can’t resist going digital and at times these creatures end up feeling more “Roger Rabbit” than ‘Close Encounters of the Third Kind’. I’ve been saying it for years someone should make a home invasion film with “the greys”, I’d always found them quite terrifying and it’d be really a unique premise to see them pursue a human in a secluded home.
Well this movie grants me my wish but makes a mistake, one that just can’t be avoided today it seems-heavy reliance on shoddy looking CGI fx. Last year we saw a practical effects alien attack film in ‘Kids vs Aliens’, which used practical fx but dropped the ball in the approach, like this, showing the aliens far too much in plain sight. Maybe I’m the only one here, but to me being chased down by CGI creatures just doesn’t strike terror in my heart. I need to feel that there is a real threat there onscreen WITH the actual actors-it really needs to feel convincing. The aliens in ‘Fire in the Sky’ are pure perfection, I can only imagine them invading a home, but for some reason Hollywood just doesn’t have either the skill or patience to film real monster effects anymore. That all being said ‘No One Will Save You’ is still somewhat entertaining and filled with a few twists and turns. There’s several styles of aliens too that enter the mix-two of them particularly look awkwardly cartoonish and some of the chase/fight sequences get a bit too ridiculous and cartoonishly rambunctious at times. But, there is a neat little story here at play despite all of my visual gripes that make this worth a look.
There’s a GREAT setting for all of this to take place, a beautiful little home tucked away in the countryside and it really doesn’t take long for the Aliens to arrive and get “nasty”. Kaitlyn Dever does a good job in the lead with almost no spoken dialogue and does her best trying to look scared shitless by CGI creatures. It’s definitely not the best alien invasion film I’ve seen before and works better honestly as drama than a “horror” film. There’s some decent attempts at deep character development/motivation as a young woman lives in seclusion by choice and we go on a journey to put together exactly why she’s struggling so much with every day life. The film by the end takes some turns I didn’t see really see coming-mostly in the film’s last final couple minutes. It’s got a message that’s worth some discussion and likely could be interpreted in several ways.
It’s pretty decent streaming content but nothing that’s anywhere near as effective or memorable as Communion, Fire in the Sky or even Dark Skies from 2013. I was pretty excited for my grey alien fix but I feel film now just isn’t capable of going the distance-I’m not even sure many of these modern directors could execute a film like E.T. these days without relying largely on digital fx. I think they could have given us some terrifying creatures using animatronics, like a lanky marionette and used CG to remove wires, strings and puppeteers. Also keeping a creature like a grey in the shadows is when they feel most terrifying-instead this film has them running and jumping all over the place in plain sight. Their design is far too digital to showcase so prominently. Instead the less is more approach makes them much more mysterious and terrifying. This pic from Fire in the Sky is a good example:
The craft of executing a real shot on real film feels like a true thing of the past. This one’s worth a watch, I don’t expect too much anyways from an original film for HULU. I say check it out if you’re looking for some classic alien action and if you’re REAAAALLLY scared of CGI monsters this movie will NOT disappoint.
VHS Verdict: 80’s ‘Flesheaters from Outer Space’ Invade New Jersey!
Some ‘shot on video’ horror flicks can be a real challenge to get through in my opinion. I always give an “A for effort” but let’s face it, shooting a feature film on a camcorder in the late 1980s doesn’t always equal a real memorable viewing experience. However I can firmly say that if you’re in the mood for some highly ambitious, enjoyable trash that ‘Flesheaters From Outer Space’ all the way back from 1989 surely delivers the damn goods!
It’s actually got quite an ambitious little plot going on for something made on a shoe string budget. Somehow director, Warren F. Disbrow, manages to for the most part pull it off while slipping in some heavy metal Jersey hunks and babes as well as gore a ‘plenty along the way. As you can probably imagine the New Jersey area in this Nifty little horror film is a delight to visit and of course features a carnivorous space alien on the loose causing havoc major around around every seedy corner in town. The film goes in a lot of strange directions particularly having a hard time settling on one particular plot narrative to follow. It features a hunky heavy metal band, a woman with psychic powers, a “John Rambo” type drifter as well as an offshoot serial killer storyline trying to interweave into it as well. But all that aside this is really a movie to turn your brain off too becuz ‘Flesheaters from Outer Space’ also really manages to cram in some pretty gory and gooey C-grade monster affects as well for horror hounds to chomp on. Yeah there’s plenty of the red stuff flowing freely here, and a whole motley cadre of numbskulls for this hungry alien creature to munch on.
But it’s not all just horror here, there’s plenty of boobs, butts (men and women), wild 1980s parties, teenage drama and even some unexpected romance as well as a couple musical numbers by a pretty “impressive” glam rock band that’s slightly over stays it’s welcome in the best ways possible. I guess in a way it has a sort of “low-rent x files” type of thing going on as well, at around 90 minutes though it sure does oddly begin to feel it’s run time being much longer than it actually is. However I can’t say in this case it’s a particularly bad thing because this movie never gets boring-it’s is a pretty excellent party flick to enjoy with your friends and a couple of beers. That’s most definitely the best way to view this one. I think it’s likely because the movie goes in so many stupid directions that you feel like you’re getting an overload of ridiculous subplots and without spoiling it all it has one of those relatively abrupt but satisfying endings.
There’s also some pretty cool little twists that you probably will never see coming-I mean it’s no Alfred Hitchcock but it really tries to deliver you the goods and I’ve always got to appreciate the ambition the director had for his shot on video vision. Apparently they filmed a sequel for this in 1998 called ‘Invasion for Flesh and Blood’.
I’m gonna have to seek that out for sure and see if the lighting strikes twice. I see that Troma released this on a double feature disc-but back in the day it was released on video by In the meantime I’m looking forward to checking out the sequel. If you’re looking for something stupid to watch with friends on a Saturday night then this one’s sure to scratch your “so bad it’s good” movie itch. It’s really got it all and you can’t help but find the charm in a movie that really tries it’s best to go for the gold….Oh and there’s no trailer for this one online but there is for the sequel:
Monster “Home Appliance Horror” from 1980s Japan: BATTLE HEATER!
There’s been some weirdo horror films out there that feature home appliances that go crazy-movies like ‘The Refrigerator’, ‘Death Bed’ and ‘Pulse’ to name a few but I’ve never seen anything quite like the Japanese creature feature BATTLE HEATER from 1989….
I’d never heard a peep about this until about a week ago, but this little slice of late 80s oddball cinema is essentially a monster movie, with some pretty clever comedy, punk rock and a cast of memorable eccentric characters that keep the party raging until it’s crazy finale. Right from the opening it’s clear you’re in for something quite special, the movie’s title appears onscreen as some sort of UFO/meteorite crashing to the ground and knocking a bad ass samurai style “Ghostbuster” straight into space.
That’s just the start as the story then follows two kooky electronics repairmen who grab a possessed “kotatsu”, a low wooden table frame, underneath is a heat source, built into the table itself. Yes, the table is an evil force to be reckoned with (a possessed appliance!) and one of the repairmen takes it home with him to his super stylin’, spooky apartment complex. The setting is most definitely one of my favorite things about this one, without the creature aspect the building itself looks like one giant haunted maze-with some really interesting decor in it’s lobby and dark hallways that really add to the film’s general uncanny tone.
Here things begin to go off the rails as our hero’s neighbors are all quite mysterious characters in their own right. On one side of his apartment he’s got a murderous couple, who’re trying dispose of the body parts of one of their most recent kills and on the other a wild rockabilly punk rock band with a serious attitude problem to contend with. Slowly this “possessed” heater begins to develop a mind of his own and a serious appetite. It begins to resemble something straight out of 1982’s ‘The Thing’ as it develops tentacles and slimy jaws of death and begins to venture out into the apartment building to feast on unsuspecting victims. The practical fx here are really quite well done and by the finale it’s a gooey visual feast on the eyes. The whole thing is quite as ambitious as it ludicrous.
I really like this era of film, the late 80’s have just the right touch (great monster effects devoid of CGI) and seeing this bizzaro horror comedy’s wild plot unfold onscreen is a real treat. It isn’t all a total farce either, though there’s a few obvious call backs to classic horror films, ‘Battle Heater’ has some great memorable and equally likable characters, even some romance and a madcap plot that’s truly unlike anything I’ve seen before.
As a HUGE fan of monster movies I’d say this is easily one of my favorite recent discoveries-it hits all the right beats for me with enough quirky charm, 80s Japanese fashion, manic energy and a final act that ramps up the craziness in the most unexpected and glorious ways. Things take some pretty ridiculous twists and turns as the table heater grows in size and our bumbling electronics repairmen have to rise to the occasion to survive the monster as well as their creepy neighbors.
The whole thing looks beautiful too, filmed with impressive spooky foggy atmosphere, great creepy detailed sets and some sweet Japanese punk numbers to liven things things up. It’s a straight up horror comedy but also has some stakes as well a few frightening sequences- director George lida has crafted some other unique horror films of note, the likes of Cyclops (1987), Spiral (1998) & Another Heaven (2000). ‘Battle Heater’ however really delivers the spectacle in that classic late 80’s vibe and makes me so damn curious about just what other gems from Japan are still awaiting for me to discover? In the meantime I highly recommend this largely forgotten piece of truly 1980s horror. I got the copy pictured above from Far East Flix-most definitely a fun website to browse!
YTK Horrors: Juggalos from Hell Conjure DEMONS AT THE DOOR!
Moronic demons vs. Moronic humans! Who will win this epic battle you might wonder? Well if you check out 2004’s ‘Demons at the Door’ you’re gonna find out that answer real quickly while also likely lowering your IQ level from severe brain damage by simply observing this incredibly WTF movie. That’s not to say it’s not a damn good time though- It’s just gotta be seen to be believed. I was lucky to watch it for an impressive bad movie nite-paired it up with an equally trashy ridiculous heavy metal infused thriller from 2001 we reviewed here a while back called ‘Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal‘. Highly recommend the duo for a real night of mental cinematic destruction!
‘Demons at the Door’ is really a product of this time filmed in 2001 and later released in 2004, you can see all of the influences worn pretty openly on its sleeves. Director Roy Knyrim, an effects artist who worked on movies like the Abyss, Toxic Avenger II, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3, Auntie Lee’s Meat Pies- really goes the distance here. With the gooey practical effects in full force but also paired with some of the shittiest, pathetic visual special effects I’ve seen maybe….ever? Somehow though it adds to the general charm of the movie making it easily one of the most mind numbing pieces of enjoyable trash I’ve seen in quite some time. That’s a compliment too-this one’s bad to the damn BONE but perfect for a midnight movie.
I knew after seeing his 2006 film ‘Cemetery Gates‘ (starring none other than Reggie Banister of ‘Phantasm’ fame) I knew I just had to give another movie of his a shot and I’m certainly glad I did. I found this weirdo monster movie on an ultra cheapo bargain bin DVD collection I’d had for a while of ten Z-grade horror films called ‘Urban Chillz’ and connected the dots. Now I’ve got to be honest, I’m quite curious about what other ridiculous gems might also be lurking on that 2 disc collection?
The premise: a group of military archeologist bone-heads in the deserts of the Middle East become trapped inside their lab after an incredibly idiotic encounter with an extremist (obviously post 911 paranoia) triggers a gate from hell to open outside, leaving, you guessed it demons at the damn door! The demons are after some ancient amulet or something and really amped up on hurling the crassest insults at anyone they come into contact with. Unfortunately for them they’re not the brightest bulbs in the depths of Hell.
From this opening “action” scene it’s quite clear you’re in for some really absurdly executed fight sequences as well as full on numb-nut characters. Both the humans and demon alike are the ultimate low IQ adversaries and for the most trying to play it all pretty straight aside from some clearly dated one liners-equally spouted by both parties. The demons at one point declare they’ve “fucked the Blair Witch” so we know they’re real clever guys and up on the current trends of the time.
The cast is made up of quite a motley crew, a couple of meathead ripped commandos, a hot badass archeologist along with her super smart doctor dad and an angel who looks like Lou Ferrigno’s brother who dresses in leather S&M gear. They square off with these seriously dicey demons and their truly foul mouths. These demons try their damndest to get under the crew’s skin in the vein of Linda Blair in The Exorcist except 1000 times more annoying and unconvincing. These demons are racist, sexist, homophobic and also complete dipshits that are in desperate need a good ass kicking’ in the worst way.
They’re created by way of some pretty impressive (yet stupid looking rubber suits/puppetry) old school practical effects and there’s a lot on display here to enjoy for creature fanatics. They’re big, gross and full of green slime that’s just waiting to ooze and spurt geysers of blood. One of the demons is even portrayed by Richard Elfman and is one of the most annoying movie monsters put to film-you’ll seriously wanna bust his chops as soon as his mouth starts a flappin’.
Spoiler alert-there’s plenty of demon ball busting to bring down the house and the whole affair is quite a spectacle to behold. With a quick run time of just over 80 minutes it’s a short and sweet little creature feature/demon romp that’s also got quite the soundtrack-it’s jam packed with Insane Clown Posse tunes, spilling with “Juggalo juice” some might even say! Apparently the director also directed an ICP video as well as their 2006 horror anthology film ‘Chronicles of the Dark Carnival’.
Lastly I’ve just gotta report that the final act of this film is one of the biggest WTF finales I’ve ever seen-you WILL lose brain cells after viewing it-and I’m NOT trying to be funny. I think you’ve just got to see it for yourself to really believe it. I’m now a bit of a Roy Knyrim fan and just got to track down his other films in hopes they’re as entertaining as Demon’s at the Door and Cemetery Gates-it’s quite a tall order indeed. This one is destined to be a cult favorite, the whole thing is currently on Youtube or you can track down that weird ass Urban Chills dvd! Be ready for some of the worst CGI ever put to film and one of the most idiotically entertaining horror movies of the early 2000s…..someone clean this up for a sweet blu ray pleeez!
Here’s a funny IMDB review, it features one of the actors who played a demon in the film check out his insight: “Forgive Me, for I knew not what I did. Yup, thats me under tons of rubber and goo. Shot on one long day in North Hollywood in front of a green screen, I played, the Demon, at The door. Thats my Blair Witch line, uttered with as much emotion as I could, fed to Me by the director himself. Under that 10 pound rubber mask, I huffed and I puffed and howled, because the contact lenses of the original make up design were unwearable. I got paid nothing, so I’m still proud of what was done. You get what Your paid for here. I did a favor for a friend and never heard from said friend again. Hope He’s O.K. What a shock to see it at a Highland Park Blockbuster several years later, actually release on the unsuspecting public. Sheeeesh!!!”
Universal Dork 