I’ve been burning through a stack of late 80’s/90’s VHS tapes lately I scored and while there’ve been a lot of stinkers in the lot there’ve been a few I’ve been quite pleasantly surprised about! I found the first five of the ‘Children of the Corn’ movies and I’d never actually watched any of the sequels so I thought what the fuck? Well the second movie was pretty much a total bore and I’d figured they’d likely just get more dull with each installment. Boy was I wrong!
Yep! ‘Children of the Corn Part 3: Urban Harvest’ is now one of my favorite sequel horror flicks! This movie’s a ton of seriously fun horror schlock. It’s premise is awesome too, we’ve got a couple weird-ass ‘Children of the Corn’ who get adopted and move from the bloody cornfields of Nebraska to the urban streets of Chicago. Their new parents are a couple of yuppies who’re stoked to have two new amish kids of their own. But little do they know one of them has some weird ass supernatural abilities and a one track mind for planting a new crop of corn right there in the city. Things quickly get awesome as their sent off on their ‘first day’ of class at a diverse inner city school and have to fend for themselves as everyone makes fun of their weird clothes and equally odd mannerisms.
Well the new setting seems to be a good one for one of the ‘Corn kids’, soon the older of the two is dressing like he’s the coolest new dude on the block and quickly discovering he’s got a fav new interest that quickly replaces corn: girls!! This new style doesn’t sit well with the younger ‘corn obsessed’ brother and soon he goes on a mission to find a vacant lot to plant some new evil corn, hell his yuppie stepdad even tries to get in on the corn action too. He find’s his stepson’s new utterly incredibly delicious crop of corn flourishing in some shitty soil in a vacant lot between two crumbling warehouses and immediately sees dollar signs! Yeah, he eagerly talks to his new kid about selling out his new breed of corn to a big corporation so it can be eaten all over the world. Naturally the evil kid’s elated and then moves on to convince the local gang bangers and school bullies to start listening to his crazy corn sermons! Soon their all hooked on his schtick and it’s up to his older, newly hipper, formerly amish brother to put and end to his evil plan.
This one never lags, it’s pretty much non stop fun and is chock full of stupid dialogue and some seriously awesome old school horror. I was totally surprised to at how bad ass the special effects are here too, come to find out Screaming Mad George (Predator/The Abyss/Curse II: The Bite) is responsible for the onscreen awesomeness. There’s a bunch of super unique kills, living killer corn, evil scarecrows, corn zombies & even an awesome giant monster at the end!! I was certain being it was ’95 we’d likely have some shitty ass CGI in the mix but instead we get George’s incredible practical fx work. Even the giant monster is a blend of animatronics and stop motion animation and the movie never stops charming the pants off of an old school horror hound. I love these surprisingly well done sequels that are many times completely overlooked by most. The ‘Urban Harvest’ is super action packed, fun filled horror flick, the kind most these days continuously try and replicate. I like how this one appears to be totally trying to play it’s ridiculous plot totally straight, It’s a true gem that’s been lost in the corn field for far too long!! Check this shit out!!
Hey there I’m back for a whole NEW year in 2018!! Yeeehaw!! I’m starting off with a little review from a recent batch of VHS I bought while thrifting around Portland, Oregon. In my huge stack of weird movies I’ve been burning through, was a movie called ‘Evolver’ from 1994. From the cover of this one I was more than certain this was gonna be some total bull shit show that I’d likely not be able to make it all the way through. HOWEVER I was pleasantly surprised by how much I actually dug Evolver!
Let me be clear though, this movie is totally stupid, but in the best way imaginable. It starts off with some shitty virtual reality video game being played in an arcade by our lead character, hot shot video gamer Kyle played by “teen heart throb” Ethan Embry. He’s basically on stage in the arcade and of course there’s a big crowd there cheering him on, becuz in the 90’s that’s what people did dammit! Anyway he’s a computer hacker as well and uses his skills to make himself the prize winner of a new real life robot called “Evolver” a prototype game system that plays laser tag with you in your own house. Evolver kinda looks like the baby of the robots in “Chopping Mall” as he’s only about 3 feet tall, oh yeah and he’s voiced by none other than William. H Macy! At first Evolver is easy to beat but at each new level of household combat that he’s defeated he gets better and even transforms a bit so he can be “more menacing” to his foes. Continue reading
I finally hooked myself up with a copy of ‘Mosquito’ from 1994 and was quite pleased to find it was worth the effort tracking down. I’d been curious about this movie for a long time, I actually have owned a ‘region 2’ dvd for years but never could get it to play on any player. So recently I found a proper American copy of the movie, which boasts a couple interesting people in major roles. Ron Asheton (R.I.P.), legendary guitarist for The Stooges as a heroic but bumbling park ranger & Gunnar Hansen (R.I.P.), the original Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre as a tuff guy military dude. What a random combo huh? That alone was enough to peak my interest.
Being that this movie was released in 1994 I was always a bit skeptical on whether this one would rely on some horrendously shoddy amateur CGI for it’s pesky monster insects. Boy was I wrong, Mosquito ended up being a comically inspiring practical effects creature feature that could have easily been released in 1984. It feels like it’s an 80’s flick in every way imaginable. We get some nifty fx here done by way of puppetry, animatronics, cartoons and full on stop motion animation. Talk about utiltilizing all aspects of the fx spectrum, Mosquito goes the distance or at least tries it’s hardest with the budget it had. That’s not to say the special effects are amazing, quite the contrary, however the movie has some serious charm for the effort it goes to try an make this as epic as possible. This is clearly because the film’s director Gary Jones has been an fx who’s worked on films like Evil Dead II & Army of Darkness. There’s also cool RV crash and a real exploding house too. So yeah they were trying to cover their bases here on the action.
The plot is your basic ‘ufo crashes near a small town and pesky monsters attack the locals’ and that’s a good thing because it’s trying it’s best to be on par with movies like Critters or The Blob. It’s pretty heavy on comedy but at the same time really tries it’s damnedest to be fully bad ass. I really dig Gunnar Hansen in this movie too, he’s a total asset and they make sure to give you exactly what you want from him. A wise choice to give Gunnar his trusty signature chainsaw to do battle with the blood sucking beasts. There’s a line where he comes busting out with his chainsaw and says something like “Man, I haven’t handled one of these babies in 20 years”.
As Hansen never reprised his Leatherface role in a sequel you might be able to say perhaps the man behind the mask made good and helped fight off some killer mosquitos 20 years later! Hey maybe this is cannon in the Texas Chainsaw universe?! The further adventures of Leatherface…Anyway This is a super fun, totally cheezy 90’s monster movie if you are looking for a good party movie ‘Mosquito’ delivers the goods and then some!
I have to admit until today I’d never heard before of the legendary Great Garloo! Well now I come to find out he was the grooviest monster of the 1960’s! Yep this big green monster toy looked like cross between The Incredible Hulk and Fred Flintstone.
Sounds like a great guy to me personally and he was there to obey your every command as long as you had the batteries to keep him at bay. This here vintage commercial from 1961 shows just how bad ass he really was:
Um how awesome was that commercial?!
But wait there’s more…Let’s revisit another forgotten monster from 1990’s: Gorzak! First off I’m not sure who’s got a better name between the two, but damn Gorzak is one cool 90’s dude. Like the Great Garloo, Gorzak also obeys your commands and up until today I’d never heard of this guy either!
So if you’re a fan of old toys like me (and as a kid AND as an adult today I’m still crazy about monsters) it’s got me combingT Ebay looking to possibly track down these two guys to do my bidding in 2016! 😉 So check out this old Gorzak commercial from 1994:
Well, well, well, so William Shatner came out in the news this week stating that he’d be open to playing an aged Captain Kirk in an upcoming Star Trek film. Now we all know that Kirk supposedly bit the dust in ‘Star Trek: Generations’ back in 1994 in the most un-epic way possible. Yep he fell basically off a rock. Well maybe, just maybe, they need to give Shatner’s version of Kirk some redemption and let’s face it there’s plenty of ways he could come back or be found alive somehwere, somehow- I mean it’s Star Trek for cryin’ out loud!
I think if Shatner is down for it there’s no question let’s get him in one last movie before it’s too late. Better yet, how about the next movie follows not a reincarnated older Kirk, or a Kirk “Prime” character but perhaps just a leap in the future for Chris Pines Kirk? Now people may immediately say no one is gonna watch a new Star Trek movie without Chris Pine and Crew and I’d have to simply remind them that we’re talking another Trek flick with…..um….William Shatner! He’s everything that IS legendary about Star Trek. The people will come trust me. The 1995 Book series Star Trek: The Ashes of Eden had featured his character brought back to life in the Next Generation era. How great would that be to see that crew on the big screen again?
Here’s what Bill had to say about it all:
“I would play an old Captain Kirk, absolutely. You would have [to have] an interesting character, not a cameo, like ‘Here I am, aren’t I interesting?’ It’s the ongoing world, it’s the world within science-fiction. Yes, you age within the universe. Time goes on, but time bends, as well. There’s so many things you could do.”
He went on to state “How would they handle it, in science-fiction terms?” Shatner said on a podcast, which is produced by The Hollywood Reporter. “I’m older, I’m heavier, I’m — all the problems of age. So what did Captain Kirk do? Die and age? Doesn’t sound science-fictiony enough. Or maybe you make him really old. I don’t know. It seems to have beggared Abrams’ imagination.”
Let me also clarify this here as well, the upcoming “Star Trek Beyond”, helmed by The Fast & Furious’ Justin Lin looks like an atrocious insult to any longtime fan of Star Trek. The trailer is an embarrassment to the franchise name. It bears no resemblance to anything Star Trek related. It’s simply dumbed down Star Trek for the ADD generation. I’m hesitantly willing to give it a chance as it just might be the ploy of Hollywood to make the series ultra hip, totally sexy and overly action packed in the trailer. It’s like a lame ass Xtreme Star Trek Red Bull commercial.
But what the fuck do I know…Star Trek Beyond could be end up being “like the best thing ever, man”. But one thing I do know for certain is that something is seriously missing from today’s version of Star Trek. Star Trek used to set trends, not fall prey to conforming to the trends. We used to get cool cerebral sci fi tales with the action sprinkled in just the right places. I think getting Shatner involved just might be what the franchise needs to bring some of that old magic back and set the course of the Enterprise in a different direction that all of us Star Trek fans can appreciate….
Am I the only one that remembers those Marvel Comics Swimsuit issues?! Yeah, these were as weird as they sounded it was basically Marvel’s version of Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issues except with all your favorite characters posing for sexy shots! These were put out by Marvel Annually from 1990 to 1995 and often had funny articles and fake advertisements. It was a strange idea but I’m gonna be honest there were quite a few characters I was kinda pumped to see posing 😉 These are definitely worth hunting down, they’re super funny and ultimately amusing. Anyway here’s a some pictures from those very issues as we look back to those Superhero bikini days!! Yeeeeeah!!
What the hell is up with this here? The Punisher met Archie way back in 1994? Yeah it’s true, this one shot 48 page epic featured The Punisher hunting down a drug dealer named “Red” whose hiding in Riverdale! Frank Castle goes undercover at Archie’s school as a Gym class teacher and mistakes Archie for the similarly looking villain. What a feat of comic book genius! Hunt this one down folks because this was long before Archie met KISS or came out in support of gay marriage! I don’t care what people say Archie was always a cutting edge dude! I’d rather see the Punisher team up with Archie rather than Eminem any damn day….