Tagged: 1984

VHS Verdict: ‘White Fire’ From 1984 is Totally WTF Bonkers!

‘White Fire’ from 1984 is one helluva bizarre movie, it’s not only filled with a ton of crazy ass action sequences but it’s also got a complete WTF plot going for it that you kinda just have to see to believe. ‘White Fire’ starts off with two siblings (Bo and Ingrid) who witness a gang of crazed soldiers sadistically murder their parents. There’s fully over the top action kicking into gear right from the very start including a bonkers attack on the kid’s dad with a flame thrower that you just gotta see to beleive. It’s one of those “rewind & watch it again” scenes as the stunt dude is completely bombarded with a flame blast with no head or face protection, and for an instant the guy is fully engulfed in flame. Anyway only the two kids manage to survive the bloodshed. Flash forward twenty years later… Bo and his beautiful sister are grown up & employed at a hi-tech diamond mineshaft operation located in the desert that looks straight out of a 1960’s sci fi flick. The inseparable pair soon stumble upon the discovery of a legendary supernaturally powered diamond, called the “White Fire.” Both are immediately pursued by a gang of evil villainous thugs who’re dead set on getting their grubby hands on the diamond  themselves. Check out this radical poster/box art for the flick:

Well once the pursuit starts, things get outta hand pretty quickly and we witness the bro and sis duo’s bizarrely epic kung fu skills & brother Bo even resorts to grabbing a chainsaw to fuck up a whole gang of goons on a dock. They’re a great team and soon we get to the real weird shit, lots of his sister Ingrid fully nude at a private swimming pool and Bo comes around afterward and rips his sisters towel off her refusing to give it back. They proceed to laugh about it while she’s completely exposed in front of her brother for far far to long. Ahhh that good old innocent brotherly love! Shit gets even weirder when his sister dies soon after while kung fu fighting a whole gang of villainous goons while still sporting her towel, that now refuses to  fall off.

Naturally Bo is super duper bummed out to find his sister has been murdered but the next day he runs into a random lady in a bar while greivin’ n’ drinkin’ whom he ends up approaching with an offer she just can’t refuse! 50 grand to get a face transplant from his dead sister and learn to imitate her! Naturally the woman goes for it, because for some reason I’m a bit confused about still, having his sister alive will help them get the diamond or some shit? Whatever, Bo naturally falls in love with the woman and when she gets the face transplant things get mega awkward!! Now she looks identical to his dead sister, but what’s he to do, he’s already madly in love with her! 

The rest of the movie’s a blast, iconic bad ass Fred Williamson shows up as a hired bounty hunter dude to raise some hell for the duo and there’s action a plenty to behold, even a dude who gets his crotch fully mangled by a table saw! There’s a surprising amount of gore here sprinkled throughout to compliment the bonkers plot that will leave you continuously scratching your head in confusion. White Fire’s got some rad locations too, most of it takes place in Turkey and it’s a treat to see the city of Istanbul in the 1980s. Directed by Jean-Marie Pallardy, who mainly directed porno flicks, ‘White Fire’ is definitely a party flick worth a watch with a gang of rowdy cinema fiends!

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The ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ Movie Reboot Needs to Go Old School!

I’ve been hearing lately that the ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ movie franchise is going to again be rebooted after the shit show of the Michael Bay era of the reptilian heroes in a half shell. So it sparked me to revisit the original 1990 movie the other night which I hadn’t seen in probably 20 years or so. I was amazed at how well that movie has aged, seeing it in theaters back in the day I’d enjoyed it but kind of dismissed it as “kid stuff” at the time as my older brother in the 1980’s collected the original indie comic series and I’d had the chance to read them as a kid. If you’re aware of the TMNT early beginnings you’ll remember that it started off as a dark, gritty & violent comic series. I was blown away back then at the sheer oddity of the characters and the equally bizarre story lines of the originals. When I decided to revisit the 1990 TMNT film I’d forgotten just how dark that original movie actually is, especially considering today’s climate of safe moviemaking. The movie is almost closer to an R-rating than it’s original rating of PG. There’s kids smoking & drinking alcohol, robbing people, the foot beating up April O’neil, Raphael beaten into a near coma by The Foot and a badly beaten and bloodied up Splinter strung to a fence. It’s actually a pretty dark and gritty movie with the addition of the comedic surfer dude Turtles to lighten things up.

So currently we’ve got these new “TMNT” flicks, a big bloated Michael Bay produced, soul-less mess of CGI, uninspired storytelling and poor character development. The current franchise just hasn’t been connecting with fans the way they’d hoped, mainly with the amount of money that the films have made. Now they’ve got plans for a brand new reboot and it’s never been more clear just what this franchise needs to do: go old school. 

So first off let’s address the obvious big issue, imo the latest Michael Bay era CGI Turtles look terrible. They’re massive 8 foot tall green hulking humanoid turtles with creepy ass faces and not in a good way. Compare the newest incarnations with the very original designs. They couldn’t be more opposite. Even the Turtles of the 1990 movie do essentially look pretty much like what you’d hope for, sure they’ve been made much cuter but they stay fairly true to the original vision. So let’s face the facts, the original designs of the 80’s weren’t broken so why try and modernize them by making them the opposite of what they were intended to look like? Bring back the smaller classic versions of these characters, go simpler with their general design. It’s a lot easier to digest and most definitely not rocket science folks. 

Next I’d say you could go the similar route that many movies are taking by making the next movie a direct sequel to the original or at least setting the movie in the late 80s’ or early 90’s, it’s clear people love that era of film today (Stranger Things, IT anyone?). That being said bring back the suits!! Put real actors in real costumes with modern day animatronics the Turtles could look absoluterly mind blowing. The 1990 movie Turtles STILL look great and that was with a micro budget of 13.5 million dollars for the whole damn film. What they could do now would be incredible, we all want to believe that the TMNT are actually living breathing creatures and the latest movies sadly look like fakey cgi rendered cartoon characters inserted into the “real world”.

Lets get real here and let’s keep the budget low, we don’t need a TMNT movie to be on the scale of an Avengers film, we need a smaller more personal, more heartfelt movie with high stakes like the original. Next let’s get some real martial arts, real choreography and some real stunts again. One thing that blew me away revisting the 1990 movie was the actual real on screen martial arts that were displayed, it was pretty amazing actually and I’d love to see something in that vein in a brand new Turtles movie. It’d be like nothing out there in the mainstream that’s for sure. Lastly I’d love to see a darker more serious storyline, of course an “R-rated Turtles” movie would be my first choice, one that evokes the original comics would be absolutely insane. However, I know that’ll never happen so I think at the very least going as dark as the original movie would be more than good enough. Let’s see the Turtles roaming the city streets at night, jumping from rooftop to rooftop and roaming the dank sewers. Bring on the amazing real life set pieces, puppets and crazy creatures once again, I think fans would go bonkers for a throwback style TMNT. However I doubt Hollywood has the courage to try something as unique and inspired as the original movie. What do you think?!  

Comic Cover of the Week: Classic ‘Sienkiewicz’ Star Wars!

Here’s an incredible classic Star Wars cover way back from 1984 that’s one of my favorites of the retro Marvel series. One quick look and it’s evident why it’s so damn epic, Bill Sienkiewicz and Cynthia Martin were responsible for issue #92’s unforgettable confrontation. In all the divisiveness amongst fans in the current landscape of Star Wars it’s nice to go back to an era where fans for the most part loved just the movies! This cover is making me seriously considering revisiting those classic comic book adventures!

Daniel LaRusso’s Gonna Fight..AGAIN! Official ‘Karate Kid’ Series Trailer is Totally Rad!!

Wow, I’m super duper stoked about the ‘Cobra Kai’ Youtube Red Series trailer that dropped recently! I still can’t believe that there’s a legit sequel to one of my favorite 80’s movies of all time on the way. No Jackie Chan or Jaden Smith this time folks, we’re talkin’ Ralph Macchio as “Danielson” and William Zabka as the notorious 80’s mega-D-bag-bully ‘Johnny Lawrence’ back in their iconic roles.

I had serious doubts about this but now seeing this new teaser trailer for the series I’m seriously pumped to see what these guys are up to in 2018. It appears as if their rivalry will be revved back into high gear as Johnny starts up the Cobra Kai dojo with the same f’d up ideals as Sensei had back in the 80’s “Strike first, strike hard, no mercy sir”!!!

It appears as if perhaps Daniel might have to train someone himself this time to go up against the Cobra Kai and it even appears as if Daniel & Johnny may actually face off in mortal combat once more as well? Will Martin “Sensei” Kove come back? How about a surprise appearance by Elisabeth “Ali with an I” Shue?!! You never know….I’m a bit bummed this series will be appearing on Youtube Red, but whatever, I’ll check it out! The trailer looks great and I’m eagerly awaiting a full trailer for the series which will be released sometime this year. This series could go a lot of places and hopefully will give us more of what made the original movie so beloved amongst fans. Start Practicing that crane kick, we’ll see if that hold up in 2018!

 

More Recent Real Life Monster Sightings!?!

Real life monsters are something I wish we heard more about every damn day! Yeah there’s nothing quite like a good mysterious cryptid video surfacing. The only problem is that most of these, especially these days, can be easily faked digitally or of course with blurry cell phone footage to appear like something straight out of the X-Files. But not so fast folks!

Let’s take a look at some interesting videos quick of some supposed “real life  monsters” caught on film within the last year or so. The first one is a totally legit video, of a giant boar, dubbed “pigzilla” that’s got the internet in a frenzy today. I’m a huge fan of the 1984 Aussie flick “Razorback” (pictured in the photo above) and this monstrous pig in the video proves to be a real life version of the 80’s creature in the flesh!  

Moving on….What the hell is this?! This cool video features a seemingly big sea creature floating through the waters of the Gulf of Mexico recently. I’d hate to see this thing swimming beside me while snorkeling, some think it’s some sort of cephalopod, whatever it is it’s crazy to know things like this exist in the waters of planet Earth, real life aliens…  Continue reading

Comic Book Cover of the Week: The HULK Goes Berserk?!

I can’t begin to tell you just how much I love this particular comic book cover and how much as a child I loved this particular issue of ‘What If?’!! It really make sense as we get one of the greatest comic book artists ever responsible for this masterpiece, Bill Sienkiewicz doing an unforgettable rendition of the jade giant on issue #45. ‘What If?’ was an incredibly fun comic book back in the classic Marvel days and this issue from 1984 was one as a kid I carried with me everywhere. This one retells the classic origin story but in this reality Banner fails to save Rick Jones from the gamma blast and while Rick doesn’t die the Army ends up killing him-Sending the Hulk into a crazy rage. The Hulk freaks out and takes down the Fantastic Four and Iron Man killing several them in the process. It’s a great, surprisingly violent issue and in the end The Hulk’s rage costs him his own life. Anyway this cover will always remain one of my faves, Sienkiewicz never fails when doing comic book covers, with the pencil and ink in his hands you always knew you were going to get something truly special!

Comic Book Cover of the Week! Bill Sienkiewicz & The New Mutants!

Here’s on of my fave covers from the 1980’s era New Mutants. Issue number 19  from 1984 always stuck in my head clearly because of the incredible skills of Mr. Bill Sienkiewicz! Seriously, this guy’s artwork is some of the most unforgettable in comic book history. The comic master of the abstract, you always know you’re getting something special when his name’s attached. Back in the mid 1980’s he did some incredible artwork for The New Mutants, most of which was very dark, jagged and gritty. It further set the tone of the mutant based books in the 80’s as just that. Something a little more hard edged than the regular superhero books. This is one of my faves from that era of the New Mutants but believe me all of his cover artwork for the title is breathtaking. He’s a true comic book legend in every way….

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