Tagged: Horror

That Time In 1999 When Scooby-Doo & The Gang Met The Blair Witch?!!

Damn, how I love me some good ol’ classic Scooby-Doo mysteries! Well here’s something I just saw for the first time a few days ago, a genius short film from 1999 when Scooby and the gang went out searching for the Blair Witch! Yeah The The Scooby-Doo Project is a rad Halloween short film that aired during the “Scooby-doo Where are You?” marathon way back on October 31, 1999. It was presented in short segments during commercial breaks, but later the segments were re-broadcast in complete form, with a longer ending. It parodied The Blair Witch Project which had been released earlier that year and it’s an excellent hilarious little largely forgotten gem of a Scooby adventure!

It features clear nods to the iconic found footage horror movie and also some cool little throwbacks to the 60’s cartoon. This is the perfect time of year to give ‘The Scooby-Doo Project’ another watch as “Mystery Inc.” get quite a bit more than they bargained for!! Check this out!

 

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WTF: Robert Englund Returns as Freddy Krueger?!!

So it’s happening Nightmare on Elm Street fans! Robert Englund is indeed returning as the iconic character Freddy Krueger, but not quite in the way we’d all been hoping for the last 15 years. “The Goldbergs” is an ABC sitcom that apparently takes place in the 1980’s and I’m gonna admit it, I’d never heard of it before as I don’t watch “regular” TV anymore. But one of the upcoming Halloween episodes of the show will indeed feature Robert Englund in the role of Freddy Krueger once more. Here’s the synopsis:

“Despite Beverly’s wishes, Jackie’s parents allow Adam to watch A Nightmare on Elm Street and a disagreement between the families ensues. But Beverly dreams of facing off with horror icon Freddy Krueger (guest star Robert Englund), which teaches her an important lesson about her son’s relationship with Jackie. Meanwhile, Erica realizes she’s not as popular as she once was as she starts hanging out at William Penn Academy despite the fact she’s no longer a student there.”

Here’s a pic from the upcoming show:

Anyway I’m really hoping that this might inspire some sort of real legit campaign to get Rob to Return in the iconic role for another movie. He still looks totally awesome as ol’ Fred and I’m certain fans would be more than ecstatic for another movie with him in the classic role!! With the popularity of the upcoming installment of Halloween “H40” featuring Jamie Lee Curtis it seems more possible than ever that perhaps we might actually see another Nightmare on Elm Street movie with Robert. In the meantime I guess I’ll check this TV show out, just to get a glance at Englund on the sitcom! Finger blades crossed that this leads to something more!! Check this shit out!

The Goldbergs,” WEDNESDAY, OCT. 24 (8:00-8:30 p.m. EDT), on The ABC Television Network. (ABC/John Fleenor)

Comic Cover of the Week: Elvira’s House of Mystery!

Here’s a totally excellent comic book cover way back from 1986 done by the always awesome Brian Bolland, who in my opinion is easily one of the best cover artist of all time. This one’s a great portrayal of the legendary Elvira in House of Mystery #1!

With the Halloween season coming in mere days this one’s worth a second look and re-read. Cassandra Peterson still wows fans to this day with her iconic persona, she still looks as great as she ever did, perhaps she really is UNDEAD?!!

VHS Verdict: 1990’s ‘Hard To Die’ Lingerie Machine Gun Battles!

Here’s one of the most ridiculously excellent movies I’ve seen in a looooong time! The year 1990 brought us Jim “Chopping Mall” Wynorski’s high rise slasher flick Hard To Die. I was lucky enough to run into a copy of this one while out combing the thrift stores and came to find it’s actually a pretty rare little movie to discover in the wild on VHS. I was pretty sure what to expect from the box art, it was tagged as the female version of “Die Hard” but the movie is actually a sequel to ‘Sorority House Massacre 2’ and features that movies main “antagonist” (same actor) as well as one of the women from said sorority in the previous flick. It’s known also as “Sorority House Massacre 3” and “Tower of Terror” but the most perplexing thing is that it uses actual flashback scenes to explain it’s ridiculous “plot” from ‘Slumber Party Massacre’ rather than ‘Sorority House Massacre’ or even ‘Sorority House Massacre 2’. I know crazy huh? What gives?! I guess it had something to do with the director showing the movie to Roger Corman and him loving it so much that he insisted on utilizing scenes from ‘Slumber Party Massacre’, a movie he’d produced, to be tied to these fantastic Sorority House sequels. 

Anyway!! I digress, ‘Hard to Die’ is a lot more fun & frantic than I’d expected, it features a group of lingerie shop employee babes who’re going in to work the graveyard shift, doing inventory in a mysterious high rise. They run into the creepy dude ‘Orville Ketchum’ from ‘Sorority House Massacre 2’ who’s now the after hours janitor at the building and he tells them all the freaky story from ‘Slumber Party Massacre’. The ladies of course are totally creeped out by the guy but then to make matters even worse someone delivers a strange package that contains a bizarre ancient box, of course they open that shit up and it sets forth an evil spirit (done via animated hand drawn cells which I love) that rushes out into the halls of the high rise.

Soon a sadistic killer begins picking people off one by one. About that time as well is when a small fire triggers the sprinkler system and the hot babes “regular” clothes (which are pretty damn skimpy as it is) get all wet. What to do about that you may ask? Well…get changed into the brand new line of dry lingerie they’re taking inventory on of course! But wait, you can’t do that unless you take a long hot shower right?! So yeah all the women take their turns in the soapy shower before spending the rest of the movie running away from an evil killer in lingerie and high heels.

I don’t wanna spoil that much more of this one, but there’s so much idiotic dialogue & downright moronic decisions made to enjoy here that you’ll wanna have plenty of booze and your best friends around to witness the spectacle of it all. There’s also a bit of a “shocking” twist ending as well and some unforgettable truly over the top action sequences to bath in. Like the title of this post says these ladies take no shit especially when they come across a collection of machine guns in the third act. Yeah lots of running around like Bruce Willis shooting shit up while in lingerie & high heels. This one is nonstop lunacy, people these days try and fail miserably to replicate movies like this, track this one down if you’re looking for a truly unique party flick-it delivers the damn goods and then some!! 

‘The Predator’ Movie Review: Bad Comedy & Not Much Else…

So Friday afternoon I checked out ‘The Predator’, the latest comedy from director Shane Black, the 5th installment to the movie franchise if you include those AVP films. I’d been pumped for this thing to drop as a big fan of the original, which back in 1987 was the first R-rated movie I saw in the theaters. It was also the first movie I’d ever snuck into. I can still remember my friend and I’s reaction to witnessing ‘Predator’ on the big screen after sneaking in, which itself was pretty exciting actually, it was a truly epic cinematic event I’ll never forget and one of those moments growing up that shaped my obsession of movies to current day. I love Predator and the best thing about the movie is that it STILL holds up as one of the best action/horror/scifi flicks of all time. So yeah, naturally when I’d heard Shane Black, who’d actually starred in the original film and Fred Dekker (Monster Squad, Night of the Creeps) was writing it, my hopes for a truly iconic return to form for the Predator franchise was indeed very high.

Well the verdict is in folks, and as a longtime fan, I’m sorry to say the movie blows. After seeing the trailers, I was certainly cautious going into this one, but still was quite certain if anyone was going to deliver the goddamn goods this time around it’d have be Shane Black. That however was certainly not the case. ‘The Predator’ is a full blown comedy and not a good one, in fact it was a bit awkward in the theater as their attempts at jokes fell quite flat most of the time to a rather quiet and unenthusiastic audience. I guess the best way to describe it is it’s attempting to be a Marvel movie version of the Predator. This seems to be the trend these days in these bloated blockbusters, interrupting any potentially serious moments in a movie with some sort of “witty” Marvel-esque attempt at a joke. I’ve gotta say I’m over it. Long gone is the horror/slasher, suspense of the original films instead we’ve got utterly bland characters entrenched in one truly moronic adventure.

I could care less about this movie’s characters, in fact at one point I was hoping for the Predator to destroy them all just so they’d stop cracking unfunny jokes. All of them are totally generic, even the little kid is just a total bore and probably had no place even being in a Predator movie, especially this one which I found out has some weird ass controversy surrounding it. I’m not going to give a play by play either, as so many people out there have already reviewed this stinker. I’ll get down to the real meat and potatoes here, the Predator at least looked good, that is until the bigger CGI Predator and his lame ass CG dogs shows up to take a big dump on that aspect of things as well. Let’s not even discuss how dumb the Predator dog subplot is here, it’s just not worth the time, lets just say it’s another example of The Predator’s piss poor writing. There’s also tons of “call back” joke lines thrown around here from previous movies in the franchise, apparently Shane thinks that shit is still really a big treat for the fans, as a fan I can truly say it’s not.

The movie is just one big dumb, poorly edited, poorly paced, boring mess of a movie. For the longest time I was hoping that Arnold would return in this film as Dutch from the 1987 classic. I wanted it so bad. After seeing 2018’s ‘The Predator’ I’m actually fully relieved that he declined the cameo Shane Black had offered him. This movie didn’t deserve to have Dutch to make an appearance. As far as ranking the films, this one just might be the worst of the batch, I actually would rather watch the two AVP movies before trudging through this thing again. I’d say after this it just might be time to retire the franchise for good. I’m still amazed Shane Black and Fred Dekker could drop the ball this badly, but alas they served us all a bonafide shit sandwich. Good riddance Predator, I’m sad to say it but I’m not gonna miss you…. 

VHS Verdict: A Wild Ride On The ‘Night Train to Terror’!

I recently checked out a pretty sweet little horror anthology from 1985 called ‘Night Train to Terror’ on VHS and it did indeed deliver the goods, especially in that oh so ridiculously sweet 80’s way. It’s not always easy to find a decent horror anthology but this one had a certain charm about it especially with it’s rather ambitious special fx & visuals that really made it such a damn good time.

The movie certainly kicks off with a total bang as we’re thrust into a full blown dance party on a train, with crazy 80’s fashion, a super cheezed out band rockin’ performing a totally “rad” third rate pop song. Now that’s a train I want to reserve a seat on! Anyway, soon we realize that God and Satan are also on a train that’s flying through outer space and trying to determine who will live on the party train as it’s going to crash. This is where we see the frightening tales of evil materialize on screen as it sets the stage for the stories involving some of the more questionable passengers.

So what we’ve got here are a few cool tales of terror, what’s really interesting is these stories here are all apparently edited versions of different horror films: Death Wish Club, Cataclysm and an unfinished movie project with Richard Moll (of Night Court fame) called Scream Your Head Off. Yeah and if you’re for some reason a big Richard Moll fan you’ll be pleased to know he stars in two of the segments! Also while we’re on the hot topic of Richard Moll flicks, you’ve got to check out ‘The Dungeonmaster’ from 1984, which is easily one of the most ridiculously fun horror/Sci fi flicks of the 80s. So back to the Night Train, it would seem one reason why these segments work so well is that they’ve likely trimmed out all of the excess fat from these movies and got to get straight to the damn point. So many obscure 80’s horror flicks would be bonafide cult classics if they’d trim 20 or so minutes from their run times. That’s a fact!

Yep, Night Train has got a lot to offer in it’s spooky entries, but don’t expect shit to make a heckuva lot of sense. The stories are actually kinda confusing, probably because they’ve been majorly butchered to pieces. That being said, there’s some cool shit going on, there’s one about a dude who drugs women, then kills them only to collect their organs. There’s a ton of nudity and some gore and of course Richard Moll shows up. The next segment’s about a freaky ass death club, whose members are obsessed with near death experiences, not the “out of body” stuff but like putting themselves into elaborate death traps to see if they can survive it. This one’s also pretty damn confusing, but there’s some cool ass traps and a rad killer insect that they let out of a bottle to fly around them at a dinner table..oh yeah and then some killer big hungry monster bugs! Lastly the third one was fucking fantastic, It had some weird ass Nazi guy who never ages, you guessed it…more Richard Moll, monsters a plenty and a totally excellent stop-motion animation creature sequence.  This one’s story is super confusing as well, or maybe i’m just stupid, but it doesn’t really matter because it’s all 80’s gory goodness. I’d say just drink some booze and smoke a joint before watching, as it’s not there to wow anyone with a well crafted story that’s for sure!

So check this one out if you’re in the mood for a sweet 1980’s horror party flick, it delivers on all levels and you really don’t have to pay much attention to what’s going on, just sit back and enjoy the goofy ambition of it all…

Should John Carpenter Direct The ‘Big Trouble in Little China’ SEQUEL Movie?!

I’ve just read some interesting news that the currently upcoming ‘Big Trouble in Little China’ movie which was rumored for a long time to be a remake of the classic John Carpenter flick is actually a damn sequel! That’s some VERY interesting news indeed. Especially since so many were under the impression that Duane “The Rock” Johnson might be recast as the legendary cult hero Jack Burton. It turns out that’s not the case at all, this is what Collider had to report about all things ‘Little China’:

“There’s a lot of things going on with ‘Big Trouble in Little China’. We are in the process of developing that, and let me tell you, the idea is not to actually remake Big Trouble in Little China,” producer Hiram Garcia tells the site. “You can’t remake a classic like that, so what we’re planning to do is we’re going to continue the story. We’re going to continue the universe of Big Trouble in Little China. Everything that happened in the original exists and is standalone and I think there’s only one person that could ever play Jack Burton, so Dwayne would never try and play that character. So we are just having a lot of fun. We’re actually in a really great space with the story that we’ve cracked. But yeah, no remake. It is a continuation, and we are deep into development on that as well, and I think you’ll start hearing some things about that probably soon.”

So this sounds like it just might be a step in the right direction, however, there’s two big ass elephants in the room. The first of course is will Kurt Russell then return as ‘Jack Burton’? That actually sounds like a damn ridiculous question, because no shit Russell SHOULD return!! Why the hell not? The guy has proven time and time again recently that he’s indeed still got it as a total bad ass. Bone Tomahawk anyone?! The guy still looks awesome as well and the article explains that it could be a tricky one to film as Duane Johnson’s movie schedule is pretty tight these days filming movies like Disney’s ‘Jungle Cruise’ and some Fast & Furious spin off movie. It strikes me as pretty funny because my question here is why the fuck do we need to wait for Duane Johnson for BTILC2, just cast Kurt Russell and let’s get this shit moving! There’s gonna be some blowback IF they don’t put Russell in the movie and that’s a damn fact folks. Continue reading