Ok so Deadpool 3 is apparently ALL the rage, cuz we get Hugh Jackman as Wolverine once again but in the classic, fan demanded YELLOW costume. O-M-G!! Its finally happening…well I’m not impressed people! Ok he’s got a yellow and blu kevlar suit on…ok. Where is the fucking MASK?! You know what I’m talking about, THIS:
So yeah the ‘DEADPOOL 3’ trailer looks as if it’s going to be pretty fun little time. I’m sure it’s going to be a BIG hit, that is if people don’t have what they claim is “superhero fatigue”. I think honestly the bulk of the superhero stuff that has come out in the last 4-5 years though has just been pretty terrible, it’s not “superhero fatigue” it’s just shitty filmmaking plain and simple. I’m not a huge Ryan Reynolds fan and hence not as enamored with the Deadpool films as most but I’m certain I’m going to be excited to see Jackman return to the role of Wolverine. However, where the fuck is his god damn mask?!!
He’d better not be walking’ around maskless the entire time, or this is a wasted effort here to try and bait us with his “authentic” “classic” yellow costume. And hey can we lay off the whole kevlar look already? Most of these costumes look more like military outfitting than superhero uniforms. I’m the biggest fan of his brown, tan & black suit personally. It’s a classy much less offensive to the eyes look than his blue and yellow duds. But yeah as far as the whole “he’s wearing the suit” hype I’m NOT buying it until I see a fucking mask on Jackman’s head. We’ve seen Hugh in the role long enough, we’ve seen his face enough-PUT ON THE GOD DAMN MASK! ‘Nuff said……
So just recently I rewatched The Exorcist III, which IMO is the perfect sequel to the original not to mention that its directed AND written by William Peter Blatty the creator/author of the original book. So to me the Exorcist story really ends with the 1990 sequel which should have just been the Exorcist II in my opinion. If you’ve still not seen the third installment of the movie I highly suggest picking up the blu ray that was released recently. It’s going to give you far more enjoyment than anything David Gordon Green can do with the dying franchise. Speaking of ‘ The Exorcist: Believer’, the other night I finally decided to check It out as I noticed it was streaming on Amazon Prime. I’d recently had a few people actually recommend THAT movie to me and said it was actually awesome. So I decided reluctantly to take the plunge. Unfortunately I’m gonna have to go with the popular opinion on the film: it was indeed sucked. For a franchise that they spent 400 million dollars on, giving the director of ‘Halloween Ends’ and ‘The Pineapple Express’ the keys to The Exorcist was just a major blunder.
‘Believer’ was like a bland two hour streaming show. It was serviceable, very generic and it was indeed Exorcist “content”. It was timid, slightly boring, uninspired and not the least bit shocking. We got two little possessed girls, instead of one (WOW!!!). One of them even looked like Regan. I can’t remember too much of anything about it a few days later but I can remember the shocking scenes from the original AND part III. The Exorcist: Believer is a watered down, spade and neutered version of a true sequel.
It’s yet another “who cares” version of a rocky retro horror franchise with a bad extended track record already, that’s gotten even more tired over the years. What sort of new “exorcism” story would anyone really care about? I think Linda Blair would be a good start, giving her a real role rather than a lame cameo might be the best way to go here. Keeping David Gordon Green away from the project too is a really good idea & I don’t think that anymore wants a yet another retread of the first movie.
Looking back what made The Exorcist III work so well (even though at the time it wasn’t a huge box office success) is that it had its own unique story going on and felt very removed from the first movie while still maintaining a common thread of connection from Blatty’s novel ‘Legion’. Honestly regarding The Exorcist new franchise, they completely blew it with that last movie and at this point trying to come up with some sort of “sequel” to THAT story would be one of the worst ideas possible-no one gives a shit about that story continuing. I’d say you’ve got to get Linda Blair back in the role of Regan, give her a very compelling role and then be willing to let her star in a film that pushes the boundaries in a shocking new way like the original had done when people saw it for the first time. What if for example there was a “mass possession” phenomenon occurring in the world and it was getting worse? Linda Blair could be a hero in the film OR it’s main protagonist as perhaps she’s the catalyst-becoming possessed and unchecked-what would that look like if an Exorcist didn’t get to her early on? Anyway, the only problem is with all of these committees and studio executives that know nothing about what people really want, they would likely never allow that to happen anymore. Too many bad cooks in the kitchen it seems today.
Something with the wildly controversial content of the first film would never be allowed to be made in a major studio these days. So unless the next installment of The Exorcist franchise is ready to go the ultimate distance and shock audiences with a fresh new vision involving original star Linda Blair, then I’d say they should really just shelve this thing for another decade. ‘Believer’ was obviously NEVER going to be anywhere close to the original or Exorcist III & I don’t think they’ve got what it takes to make a sequel on the level of Friedkin/Blatty’s original material. I say let the Exorcist DIE but $400,000,000 obviously says we’ll be getting more of this bull shit whether we like it or not….
I sat down a few nights ago to give a rewatch to my recently re-acquired VHS “Enemy Territory” a rad movie back from the 1980’s (when you might have been able to really get people pumped about another Ghostbusters flick!). It’s star power being the man who made the Ghostbusters theme song a bonafide hit back in 1984- Ray Parker Jr.!! I just had to take moment on my new U-Dork Youtube channel to give it my full attention and to make the case why this flick needs a hot and fancy blu ray!
It’s a race for survival as Ray Parker Jr. kicks some serious gang ass while trying to make it from the top floor to “safety” on the streets. It’s a serious ton of 80’s fun, a true lost gem! Seek this one out and check out why I say you gotta take a trip into “enemy territory”!
Hey I’m probably the only one here who was a fan of one of Marvel Comic’s weirdest heroes: Brother Voodoo! I’m not quite sure if this hero is even a thing today, I’m sure he’s considered a racial stereotype, but I’ve always viewed him as the black Doctor Strange & always thought he was a great offbeat character more centered in the Marvel’s horror stories. More likely to be seen with Man-Thing than say Captain America, so I’ve always seen a lot of potential for him to be a break out star, especially now when the internet is so focused on identity and race. They could bypass The whole alias of Brother Voodoo as he’s got a pretty great real name, Jericho Drumm.
Here’s a cool vintage Brother Voodoo cover, the first one is a more modern makeover from Bruce Timm and the second is the original. If I was still a fan of the current Marvel stuff or the MCU (which I gave up on totally) I’d say he’s got true potential in 2024!! OG cover from John Romita way back from 1973!
An 80’s teen sex comedy centered around a recovering alcoholic Leprechaun who lives in a beer bottle & grants three shoddy wishes to high school students with raging hormones?! You’d better believe it! ‘GETTING LUCKY’ from 1989 delivers the goods and is one of the weirdest wildest of the genre..Getting Lucky brings the gold from the other side of the rainbow straight to the MOVIE MELT PODCAST’S Latest Episode , this movie actually has some pretty interesting but moronic comedic timing and at least one surprisingly excellent special fx sequence unlike anything you’ve EVER seen before I can guarantee that!
So I’ve always been a fan of those raunchy teen comedies but one with a pathetic leprechaun at it’s core helping nerd get laid is a first. So if you’re feeling like gambling and tryin’ your luck here you’re bound to find the gold on the latest episode of MOVIE MELT! We discuss so much more low brow cinema here to and recommend you the best of some of the strangest most stupid flick’s for the next movie nite. Check it out right HERE! And if you wanna check out one of the film’s BEST musical numbers before hand & dare to lose a few brain cells listen to “Hole in One” a song that should’ve been on the pop charts back in the day:
I just busted out another video on the U-Dork YouTube channel, I’m not talking about Disney Star Wars or the latest Ghostbusters movie. Nope I’m going deep into Hong Kong Cinema to cover a really cool, super obscure supernatural adventure that takes place in 1986 in a mall! Abracadabra is a ton of fun and from the director of ‘Wicked City’ so you know it’s going to be blast.
I’d say this movie filled with ghouls, ghosts and a plethora of 80s fashion and nostalgia is ripe for the picking by the boutique blu ray labels for genuine release and a brand new rabid fan following. So we talk “mall horror” and deep dive into the wild colorful world brought to you by Hong Kong cult director Peter Mak Tai-Kit. Check this one out and sub to the new channel!
I love a good 1980s bonehead, but what’s even better are in my opinion are two lovable dipshits sharing the screen equally! Goodie for me that I just checked out the blu ray from Garage House Pictures, who released this one a while back for the very first time to the public. Ninja Busters was shelved for decades NEVER seen before by the public, that was until the 35mm print of this film was discovered and what treat it is to behold in all of it’s idiotic glory!
Yes, Ninja Busters feature two woman crazed “bosom buddies”, Bernie & Chic, who are absolutely desperate to score with the chicks and live a laid back slacker life. However when they discover that their new employer is actually running an illegal arms operation out of their warehouse they get the shit kicked out of them by their bosses henchmen. Soon they’re on the move for work and accidentally stumble upon a martial arts class in session that’s loaded with hot lady students they decide they’ve just got to enlist-but NOT to learn Kung Fu-but to try and get laid-these guys are a class act that’s for sure. These two knuckleheads learn quite quickly that their new sensei ain’t impressed with their shenanigans and neither are the ladies to say the least, they’re soon put on a Kung Fu crash course and surprisingly rise to the occasion with some hard work and training.
Soon their lives begin to change, they’re still a couple of lovable sex starved morons but their dedication to the martial arts starts to pay off with their fighting skills AND their sex lives. But between hanging with their new love interests, slices of pizza and more training they soon find themselves weaved back into the evil illegal web of their former employer, who now wants to shut them up for good, now with an army of ninjas behind him. This flicks a full on delight, it’d make for a perfect opener to a double feature with ‘Miami Connection’, Ninja Busters has that same heart and charm that make both movies so memorable. In fact even if there wasn’t ANY kung fu in the movie at all I’d be totally fine hanging out watching Bernie & Chic just bein’ best friends and striking out with the babes-these guys are comic gold.
It’s sorta like watching Jack Tripper & Larry from Three’s Company hang out for a full hour and a half but with some sweet brawls and even some breakdancing! This movie’s just all around good vibes with totally over the top characters, idiotically evil villains, hot babes, bad acting and whole lot of 80s fashion and charm to chomp on. The blu ray is out of print but a great lookin’ version of the film is up on YouTube for free to watch. Get some beers, babes and buddies together for a truly charming little action comedy that most definitely deserves a much larger cult fan base!
Hey are you a fan of bizarre Italian movies filmed in Florida? How about 90’s creature features where sex crazed fish monsters chase a bunch of moronic party animals around a yacht lost at sea? Well on the latest episode of the MOVIE MELT Podcast we cover a ridiculous monster movie made the insanely genius mind of Alvaro Passeri, a practical effects wizard who also crafted the incredibly weird Christmas fantasy ‘Fantastic Games’ that I reviewed right here.
Well this one has been a fave of mine actually since the red envelope dvd days of Netflix, Creatures From The Abyss AKA Plankton is a totally bonkers flick with some of the most jaw dropping character dialogue you’re likely to see from that era anytime soon. It’s also got some crazy ass monster action and totally disgusting practical fx sequences that make this a stand out sci-fi creature feature.
So there’s tons more in this episode we discuss-lots a cool movies you just got to be checking out, especially if you’re a fan of weird stuff like the movie do a deep dive on! So check out the latest episode for a wild voyage out at sea with a crew of the biggest morons to hit the silver screen in Creatures From The Abyss! HERE IS THE EPISODE!
I rented ‘HERE FOR BLOOD‘ the other night, a brand new horror action comedy that has quite an original concept: wannabe pro wrestler vs amateur evil cult, a home invasion battle to the death! Finding a fun and original horror film these days is getting more difficult but this one was a pleasant surprise.
A new film from Daniel Turres (Fresh Meat, Terry’s Car Gets Stolen) goes into what I would like to say is 90s “Full Moon” territory! Add in a dash of Dee Snider from Twisted Sister and you’ve got yourself a pretty wild and crazy fast-paced little comedy on your hands-check out my review on the new U-Dork YouTube channel:
We covered some of the wild conspiracy theories that have weaved their way online about the emerald green lamp in Hollywood productions. There’s been an outpouring of interest and questions about exactly what these objects mean in cinema, where they came from & why their seemingly everywhere even still today in movies and major streaming shows!
Well we have the proprietor of “The Green Lamp Conspiracy” instagram page on for a rare and exclusive interview into what he believes is the bizarre origin of an alien conspiracy in Hollywood dating back to the late 1800’s. Check out some of the bizarre theories brought to the table by “Mr. Green” and decide for yourself!
Universal Dork 