Tagged: action
SUBURBAN COMMANDO (1991) is the GREATEST Hulk Hogan Film EVER?!
Greetings to all you lilted Hulkamaniacs!! We’ve got a brand new episode of Universal Dork on YouTube up now & today we’re covering 1991 Sci-Fi action comedy family friendly-ish cult classic starring Hulk Hogan, Christopher Lloyd, The Undertaker and Shelley Duvall: muthafukin’ SUBURBAN COMMANDO!!!
We just knew that you didn’t get enough of Hulk Hogan’s sexy-ass bod with the last episode of NO HOLDS BARRED (1989) so we decided to go even deeper into Hogan’s Movie career with this awesome under appreciated buddy comedy. You get some slapstick comedy, some intergalactic space battles, mime abuse, a pretty rad looking alien monster for Hogan to fight as well as a debatable brawl with The Undertaker and so much more! Check it out right HERE:
Original Ghostbuster’s Ray Parker Jr Battles Tony Todd in 1987’s ENEMY TERRITORY!
I sat down a few nights ago to give a rewatch to my recently re-acquired VHS “Enemy Territory” a rad movie back from the 1980’s (when you might have been able to really get people pumped about another Ghostbusters flick!). It’s star power being the man who made the Ghostbusters theme song a bonafide hit back in 1984- Ray Parker Jr.!! I just had to take moment on my new U-Dork Youtube channel to give it my full attention and to make the case why this flick needs a hot and fancy blu ray!
It’s a race for survival as Ray Parker Jr. kicks some serious gang ass while trying to make it from the top floor to “safety” on the streets. It’s a serious ton of 80’s fun, a true lost gem! Seek this one out and check out why I say you gotta take a trip into “enemy territory”!
1984’s NINJA BUSTERS: Kung Fu Boneheads Go the DISTANCE!
I love a good 1980s bonehead, but what’s even better are in my opinion are two lovable dipshits sharing the screen equally! Goodie for me that I just checked out the blu ray from Garage House Pictures, who released this one a while back for the very first time to the public. Ninja Busters was shelved for decades NEVER seen before by the public, that was until the 35mm print of this film was discovered and what treat it is to behold in all of it’s idiotic glory!
Yes, Ninja Busters feature two woman crazed “bosom buddies”, Bernie & Chic, who are absolutely desperate to score with the chicks and live a laid back slacker life. However when they discover that their new employer is actually running an illegal arms operation out of their warehouse they get the shit kicked out of them by their bosses henchmen. Soon they’re on the move for work and accidentally stumble upon a martial arts class in session that’s loaded with hot lady students they decide they’ve just got to enlist-but NOT to learn Kung Fu-but to try and get laid-these guys are a class act that’s for sure. These two knuckleheads learn quite quickly that their new sensei ain’t impressed with their shenanigans and neither are the ladies to say the least, they’re soon put on a Kung Fu crash course and surprisingly rise to the occasion with some hard work and training.
Soon their lives begin to change, they’re still a couple of lovable sex starved morons but their dedication to the martial arts starts to pay off with their fighting skills AND their sex lives. But between hanging with their new love interests, slices of pizza and more training they soon find themselves weaved back into the evil illegal web of their former employer, who now wants to shut them up for good, now with an army of ninjas behind him. This flicks a full on delight, it’d make for a perfect opener to a double feature with ‘Miami Connection’, Ninja Busters has that same heart and charm that make both movies so memorable. In fact even if there wasn’t ANY kung fu in the movie at all I’d be totally fine hanging out watching Bernie & Chic just bein’ best friends and striking out with the babes-these guys are comic gold.
It’s sorta like watching Jack Tripper & Larry from Three’s Company hang out for a full hour and a half but with some sweet brawls and even some breakdancing! This movie’s just all around good vibes with totally over the top characters, idiotically evil villains, hot babes, bad acting and whole lot of 80s fashion and charm to chomp on. The blu ray is out of print but a great lookin’ version of the film is up on YouTube for free to watch. Get some beers, babes and buddies together for a truly charming little action comedy that most definitely deserves a much larger cult fan base!
The MOVIE MELT Podcast Heads to 80s Hong Kong for the Ultimate Vengeance of ‘PROFILE IN ANGER’!
Check out the latest episode of MOVIE MELT where we travel again to Hong Kong this time in 1984 as we cover the over the top action revenge film PROFILE IN ANGER. This nasty little film packs a powerhouse punch & most definitely deserves a larger cult following and a whole lotta love from action movie fanatics who might have let this one slip under the radar. Hong Kong took action to the next level in ways that would make Sly & Arnold shiver inter boots! Things go completely off the rails in it’s explosive final act as we follow this twisting tale of bloody revenge in the way that only Hong Kong can deliver!
Being a huge fan of Hong Kong cult cinema, I think PROFILE IN ANGER is definitely a hidden gem that’s largely forgotten even by connoisseurs of the genre so here you’ll get the full scoop on all the juicy details that went into making this weird little flick. The episode’s also filled with more useless cinematic mayhem than your brain can humanly comprehend as well as another installment of “battle of the bands”! We also talk about some of the coolest damn movies that we think you might be missing out on again in the latest installment of Movie Melt!
‘DIE HARD’ This Christmas?! I Say Watch ‘TURBULENCE’ From 1997 Instead!!
What to watch this Christmas season?! People seem to always talk about DIE HARD as being the “go to” holiday action thriller to watch during the holidays but this year I checked out a movie that’s WAY more Christmas vibes than the Bruce Willis jam-1997’s TURBULENCE has eluded me for WAY too long. I’m not quite sure why I waited so long to see this one I guess I thought it was some stupid action movie but it’s so much more. I have seen turbulence 3 heavy metal and that was a ton of stupid fun so I guess I sort of figured that the first movie must have something interesting to offer at least? Recently I read a synopsis of the first turbulence and found out that it took place on Christmas. Of course I was immediately intrigued and had to dig deeper. So a couple nights ago I decided to go there finally & am quite pleased to say that this one delivers the shit on pretty much every damn level. Something I really wasn’t expecting was a new holiday classic. But hey, that’s exactly what I think Turbulence is for this holiday!
First off let me say that the film’s main plot was nothing like what I’d expected it to be for all of these years- Comparing ‘Turbulence’ simply to being “Die Hard on a 757” would simply be an injustice. Turbulence is just as much an action movie as it is a slasher film as it is a Christmas film! Checks all three boxes and we’ve got a winner here. The first thing I was pleased to notice is just how prominently the Christmas holiday is displayed front and center in it, yeah it bleeds holiday charm from nearly every shot in the most rewarding ways.
So if you’re a holiday fanatic looking for a reason to throw this movie on you just simply have very excuse to do rightly do so. There are Christmas trees everywhere, holiday decorations hanging from every house and then even the plane that it takes place on is SO draped in holiday decor it’s almost at times too much (if that’s even possible?!). There’s Christmas music playing, there’s ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ being shown on the plane as its featured movie- this film’s about as holiday themed as they come. It’s the story of a man who seemingly framed by the police being tied to a string of serial killings on Christmas Eve.
Ray Liotta, stars as the man taken captive by the cops and quickly transported on a nearly empty 757 jumbo jet airliner during the holidays-What could go wrong right? Even adding more to it’s charm, it also stars the love interest from ‘Dumb and Dumber’ Lauren Holly and Andy Barclay’s mother from ‘Childs Play’ Catherine hicks as flight attendants on this wild ride in the sky filled with you guessed… it some dangerous turbulence and serial killer!
So even though it REALLY delivered the heavy holiday vibes it also played out out much more like a horror film, (SPOILERS) with Ray Lotta going “full unhinged psycho” in the best way possible. It’s actually got some strong slasher elements, just set on an out of control plane on Christmas Eve.
It’s a really fun concept and there’s some pretty great atmosphere here to soak up, as well as some pretty sweet totally tense action sequences. Liotta really shines here to, hamming it up as the movie’s likely wronged “protagonist” who I thought was destined for onscreen redemption (and maybe some romance?) with a great ridiculous plot twist that suddenly shifted things into the horror thriller genre on the dime.
The huge plane is the perfect place for a square off with a psycho high up in the sky-having plenty of creepy Christmasy corridors to run and hide to during a tense game of cat and mouse. A somewhat super stupid but thrilling little roller coaster ride that’s a perfect holiday party film too. There’s not a dull moment in sight and frankly I’m not surprised this spawned a couple sequels, I’d just never realized how full throttle “Christmas” themed this one actually was and how well it crosses over into the horror aspect of things-even supplying an awesome “final girl” to take on a total maniac on a jumbo jet. I really dug ‘Turbulence’ and it was a pleasure seeing for the first time during the holiday season! This year if you’ve never seen it I’d say it’s a must if you’re looking for a relatively seldom talked about horror thriller that’s got the holiday spirit in FULL effect!!
VHS Verdict: 1987’s ‘Order of the Black Eagle’ & the Return of Typhoon the Baboon!
I watched Order of the Black Eagle, a VHS that I was pretty pumped to see that’s currently stuck in “video only” limbo and is the sequel to 1986’s ‘Unmasking The Idol’. That one got a sweet Vinegar Syndrome blu ray release-that you just got to pick up if you’re looking for a total 80’s action banger. I was lucky enough to see the first installment here on the big screen in Portland, OR at the iconic Cinematic Theater with in a packed theater and boy was it a crowd pleaser! The star of the show is really the main character’s (a 007 style secret agent named “Duncan Jax”) animal sidekick, a Baboon named Typhoon, who’s got his own damn Letterboxd actor page! The lil guy kicks a LOT of ass in the first film. This of course is while he wears a tuxedo, does martial arts moves and flips people the bird whenever he gets the opportunity!
I HIGHLY recommend picking up that on blu ray-so I was naturally super stoked to find that the movie had a sequel from 1987! Made just a year later, so peeps must have been just as pumped as I was about this nifty little fully over the top adventure romp. Yes- Even more shenanigans from Duncan Jax AND of COURSE Typhoon the baboon. Sign me up! I’m a total sucker for 1980s adventure films jam packed with all the thing that make the era such a unique time for action filled with real explosions and crazy commandos.
Well I found it on VHS and threw up the projector and gave ‘Order of the Black Eagle’ an eager viewing. The rundown goes something like this: On a remote island, inside of a strange castle a gang of ambitious Neo nazi’s have an outrageous plan to revive Hitler from the dead. It’s up to Jax and his rag tag gang of super spies to infiltrate this evil clan and make sure Hitler stays dead forever! Now that’s some incentive huh?! He’s the ultimate evil looking a little waxy while still in suspended animation.
Well along the way we do get quite an adventure, full of explosions, lots of guns, jungles, babes, hunks, evil masterminds and over the top bastard henchmen. It’s pretty fun little dumb pulpy romp that unfortunately is a bit light on Typhoon the baboon and with his role significantly diminished in the second installment the film unfortunately begins to devolve into a generic rich white playboy secret agent man who simply doesn’t have the charm (or the script) of the real James Bond. Luckily he’s joined by a gang of gun crazy numb nuts the likes of this guy right here:
Typhoon was likely the main reason why ‘Unmasking the Idol’ felt SO special-no matter how many explosions you throw at us. Sure it’s still fun to see Hitler’s resurrection get foiled and Jax’s team of tough guys/gals (who barely get any character development) go to town on a huge nazi militia BUT what we really all came to actually see was the damn BABOON! And when he does appear the vibe obviously changes quickly as his charisma level is pretty much through the roof.
So what exactly was Typhoon doing most of the time here? Well even though he wasn’t on screen nearly as much as the last film-he still go plenty moments to flip people off (which never seems to get old) and also his big “highlight” comes when he jumps in a miniature primate sized tank(as seen in the above pic) and blows up a dozen Neo-nazis. So it’s still got a few entertaining chops under it’s sleeve but this time around most of the action involves Jax and his new band of misfit commandos-which is still a lot of fun to behold but still manages to be a bit bland at least in comparison to the first installment.
This also falls a bit into the “Indiana Jones rip-off” sub genre more this time, with lots of island jungle chases, river boating and shoddy cheap-o adventuring inside a castle temple that looks like it’s made out of cardboard. Count me in for anything from the era that strives to give us some “Indy action flavor”, It feels like I’m cutting this film down but it really does make for a fun midnight flick and I personally think Vinegar Syndrome should have released both films in a 2-pack.
This is in serious need of a new transfer as well as a some intense sound editing, the VHS version of the film’s dialogue is severely buried in the background noises and loud score. Overall ‘Order of the Black Eagle’ is a bit of a subpar sequel to a near perfect first installment-obviously it need more of Typhoon the baboon but had THIS been a stand-alone film I think it still would be deserving of a small but dedicated cult following. If you haven’t seen ‘Unmasking the Idol’ though you’re in for a real treat, just keep in mind that the sequel doesn’t really improve on much and it’s clear why a third film never materialized…
MOVIE MELT Podcast: “Squatchtober” Returns With LITTLE BIGFOOT 2!!
Halloween is all the rage, but what the F#$K about “Squatchtober”?! Well it’s back whether you like it or not-so is LITTLE BIGFOOT! Some people might not have wanted a Little Bigfoot sequel-but you got one anyway and here on Movie Melt we go DEEP into the sequel! If you are a giant fan of the PM Entertainment franchise you are in such luck. All the info and unique trivia you ever wanted to know about ‘Little Bigfoot 2’ is awaiting you right HERE on the latest episode!
‘Little Bigfoot 2: The Journey Home’ follows the exploits of a single parent family on a camping trip, yeah three kids and one helluva annoying dad who thinks he’s the most amusing guy on the planet head out into the woods where they run into a weird small man in an animatronic Bigfoot costume that sorta Romas around d the woods with a blank lifeless look on his face, wait, no that’s the star of the show-Little Bigfoot himself! Apparently he’s lost his family to an evil landowner, who wants to put the creatures in a circus, Little Bigfoot is homesick and severely depressed (coulda fooled me-he seems pretty emotionless about the whole affair actually) and his only hope is this little gang of kids to help him get home to his crew and avoid the evil men out to get him!
Yes! We cover all the bases here and even have a wild n’ crazy Bigfoot themed “battle of the bands” to really get you in the mood for some Sasquatch action! We also cover some movies we’ve been watching on our own time that we think you need to check out and soooo much more cinematic brain candy to make your mind melt like a Halloween Hershey’s bar! Check out the latest episode of MOVIE MELT RIGHT HERE!!!
MOVIE MELT Podcast: Sensei Kreese is the Real HERO and also the ‘JUDGE & JURY’!!
First & foremost, I am one of the BIGGEST ‘Karate Kid’ fans on the PLANET! Hence that means I’m a HUGE damn fan of Martin Kove AKA Sensei Kreese-so imagine discovering that Kove starred in a weird action/horror hybrid flick called ‘JUDGE & JURY’ from 1996 was quite exciting for my lizard brain! Better yet Martin Kove isn’t the villain, nope he’s the god-damn hero finally and it’s a also plays on the horror trope of “evil death row inmate who can’t be killed in the electric chair and comes back for vengeance with supernatural powers” -YES! Look at this crap-tastic VHS cover too- is it really any wonder why it’s not a well know film?!
This falls into the whole “Shocker/Horror Show/Prison” genre but with almost a “Lifetime channel” film vibe mixed with huge explosions, car chases and supernatural shenanigans a’plenty. Well now all of you Cobra Kai fanatics can get the full scoop on this odd little forgotten 90’s gem that IMO deserves a lot more love and attention (not to mention a sweet long overdue blu ray) on the newest episode of MOVIE MELT! We cover all the details of this bizarre film, talk plenty about Martin Kove’s career & also for some reason get stuck in a wild hamster wheel of discussing the hottest, sexiest primate on the damn planet: SHABANI!! Have you heard about this handsome model-esque real life gorilla model? HOTT as HELL!
Ok well there’s also a “battle of the bands” and soooo much more ridiculous cinematic brain numbing nonsense you likely need to fill your head with- we discuss RIGHT HERE! Check this shit out….And Martin Kove if you’re listening (I know you often read the blog still) pleeeez call the Movie Melt hotline to let us know what you think about our intense feels about JUDGE & JURY!! Even if you’re not Mr. Kove call us at this number (724) 246-4669 we promise no one will answer!!! Listen to MOVIE MELT RIGHT HERE!
VHS Verdict: Corey Feldman Joins Cobra Kai in ‘A DANGEROUS PLACE’?!
As a HUGE fan of the Karate Kid I was perplexed on just how this PM Entertainment film from 1994 had evaded me for ALL these years? I only found out about ‘A Dangerous Place’ when Corey Feldman posted an article on Twitter claiming this was one of his best acting roles. So obviously I needed to check this out ASAP! I was not disappointed and if you’re also a fan of The Karate Kid and love the rip-off movies this one will deliver the god-damn goods!
Essentially what we have going on here is a much darker version of The Karate Kid, Cory Feldman plays a wildly over the top vicious “Johnny Lawrence type” teenager who heads ‘The Scorpions’. They are as you can probably guess, a “Cobra Kai” like martial arts gang who’re headed by a Sensei very similar to John Kreese. He’s a full on whack job and so are his students…
This however, isn’t beat by beat clone of The Karate Kid, though clearly inspired it’s far darker and toxally action packed in that classic “PM” vibe. Filled with murder, crime sprees, car chases and even a very slight “supernatural” element, ‘A Dangerous Place’ goes the distance and even has a few twists and turns along the way. But this guy here is real star, a teen truly ready for some damn vengeance!
It’s got some great ass kickin’ martial arts segments as well as a hefty dose of heart and teen drama that really keeps the story pumpin’ along. The film’s main star Ted Jan Roberts has really got all the right moves too, obviously fully proficient in the martial arts, the 14 year old upon first sight, seems like he might be a human punching bag at school.
Quite the contrary, he and his older brother take karate classes together, whose good spirited sensei played by Mako who you might immediately recognize as’ The Wizard’ in Conan the Barbarian. There’s a couple other familiar faces but one of the the real treats happens to be Corey Feldman’s totally over the top character ‘Taylor’ who’s like Johnny Lawrence if he was even more of a teen degenerate.
Taylor robs steals VCRs & motorcycles, often getting into high speed chases on the regular with the cops. He heads a group of teenage criminals who spend their time fighting in high stakes bare knuckle one on one beach fights. Corey’s perfect as the big baddie here and still of course showcases his traditional “Michael Jackson” fashion style, but here more so in “The Way You Make Me Feel” era of the king of pop.
This was a real treat to see for the first time just now, I was expecting a much more “by the books” Karate Kid retelling which would have been just fine, but ‘A Dangerous Place’ really is a much darker movie with real life threatening stakes. Some of it really caught me off guard and it definitely earns it’s R-Rating.
There are explosions, guns and yeah even a small karate exhibition match that shares some similarities to the classic movie. But if there’s anything that resembles the 1984 classic then those elements go way more over the top. Corey’s character Taylor for instance carries a gun, beats up elderly people after he breaks into their homes and SPOILER might even murder people. Corey shines too in the role, an even bigger more dangerous threat to everyone become in contact with. Luckily Ted Jan Roberts, though barely a teenager, more than rises to the occasion somehow to take on people twice his size. I’m quite curious about that actor now, especially his 1995 film ‘The Power Within’ with William Zabka?! Sign me up!
‘A Dangerous Place’ is a wild R-Rated teen adventure with Corey yet AGAIN playing a high school kid (hey he’s still younger here than Ralph Macchio was in the original Karate Kid), it’s one of my favorite forgotten gems and new discoveries-I hope someone gives this a sweet blu ray ASAP and catapults it to cult status-it need more love!
For the time being the dvd and VHS version of this movie fetch a pretty penny online…
VHS Verdict: John Stamos Gets Sexy With an Apple in NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE!
After all these years I never knew that Full Houses’ John Stamos was actually an underrated 1980’s action star?! The proof is in the pudding with 1986’s incredible over the top action extravaganza ‘Never Too Young To Die’. This is one of those rare movies that really left me perplexed, just how it slipped through the cracks all these years? But that makes it even more fun to view for the very first time in modern times!
So not only does this movie feature John Stamos and all of his hunky glory but also features the mega hot pop star Vanity AND hard rockin’ tongue flingin’ Gene Simmons of KISS as one of the most bizarre cinematic villains. Aside from an incredible cast of colorful characters we also get a heavy dose of wild 80’s explosive action sequences as well as a pretty unforgettable sex scene that just needs to be seen to be believed. Yeah the steamy sex scene is one of the best I’ve ever seen put to film and easily one of the funniest, involving Vanity at her hottest, Stamos at his most ridiculously stubborn and an…….apple?!
Whoever came up with the whole sequence deserves an award and just in general this movie is an absolute blast that deserves a bigger cult audience. After a highly skilled secret agent is murdered, his son, who’s a hotshot high-school gymnast, teams up with his father’s super sexy female partner to stop a psychopathic trans-cult leader who had him murdered.
Gene Simmons tears it up in the role as the vicious villain who plans a major terrorist attack on the country’s water supply. Equipped with a killer middle finger nail, his signature gross tongue and some truly over the top outfits, Simmons fully commits to the role too. He steals the show as big baddie “Velvet Von Ragnor” and even performs a “cool” little musical number in the process. I forgot he played the villain a couple other times in the 80’s, the Tom Selleck sci-fi actioner ‘Runaways’ and again in the Rutger Hauer killer thriller ‘Wanted Dead or Alive’.
‘Never to Young To Die’ is easily his wildest role and who’d have ever thought we’d see Stamos and Simmons square off in an 80’s flick?! Also included in a minor role is Robert “Freddy Kruger” Englund who was a pleasant surprise to the cast. I’d say one of the film’s highlights are the villains in general-Simmons’ cult of evil post apocalyptic punks are a pure joy to behold.
They’re so damn over the top in fashion and attitude, making the movie’s mayhem that much more awesome with every little outrageous twist and turn. Stamos also shines using his “skills” as a gymnast as a “Gymkata light” style teenage action hero who teams up with his wacky roommate, a hi-IQ inventor of weird weapons to take on the villains. Then of course there’s Vanity in maybe my favorite movie role, a bad ass assassin who Stamos has a major boner for. Filled with everything that’s totally awesome about the 1980’s ‘Too Young To Die’ is a major winner in every way. Thankfully Shout Factory put out a super sweet blu ray that’s a must for retro action fans of the era!
Universal Dork 