Tagged: 1980s

Original Ghostbuster’s Ray Parker Jr Battles Tony Todd in 1987’s ENEMY TERRITORY!

I sat down a few nights ago to give a rewatch to my recently re-acquired VHS “Enemy Territory” a rad movie back from the 1980’s (when you might have been able to really get people pumped about another Ghostbusters flick!). It’s star power being the man who made the Ghostbusters theme song a bonafide hit back in 1984- Ray Parker Jr.!! I just had to take moment on my new U-Dork Youtube channel to give it my full attention and to make the case why this flick needs a hot and fancy blu ray!


It’s a race for survival as Ray Parker Jr. kicks some serious  gang ass while trying to make it from the top floor to “safety” on the streets. It’s a serious ton of 80’s fun, a true lost gem! Seek this one out and check out why I say you gotta take a trip into “enemy territory”!

Terror at the Hong Kong MALL! 1986’s ABRACADABRA & Supernatural Retail Mayhem!

I just busted out another video on the U-Dork YouTube channel, I’m not talking about Disney Star Wars or the latest Ghostbusters movie. Nope I’m going deep into Hong Kong Cinema to cover a really cool, super obscure supernatural adventure that takes place in 1986 in a mall! Abracadabra is a ton of fun and from the director of ‘Wicked City’ so you know it’s going to be blast.

I’d say this movie filled with ghouls, ghosts and a plethora of 80s fashion and nostalgia is ripe for the picking by the boutique blu ray labels for genuine release and a brand new rabid fan following. So we  talk “mall horror” and deep dive into the wild colorful world brought to you by Hong Kong cult director Peter Mak Tai-Kit. Check this one out and sub to the new channel!

 

 

Movie Review: J.R. Bookwalter Returns with Gooey Horror Social Satire ‘SIDE EFFECTS MAY VARY’!

Lately I’ve been checking out a bunch of J.R. Bookwalter’s movies that I somehow missed out on over the years, films like ‘Ozone‘ and ‘Robot Ninja” (which I can’t wait to review) as well as recently hooking myself up for a rewatch with the blue ray of his bonafide cult jam- ‘The Dead Next Door‘!  But most interesting is that he’s just released a brand new film after a 20 plus year hiatus. His latest ‘Side Effects May Vary‘ is currently on tour. Yes the director himself has gone on the road to exclusively show this bizarre new film in select indie theaters only, well before it streams anywhere or has any other physical release other than an exclusive VHS (I need one of these!).

However I was able to check this nasty little nugget out early and soak up all the gory goo drenched shenanigans that ensue in this weird little adventure. Basically what we’ve got here going on is a fairly simple story, flashback a couple of years to the height of the latest pandemic when everyone was getting the covid vaccine like it’s a god damn McDonald’s hamburger! We have our main character a mild-mannered middle-aged man named GLENN ROLLINS (um yeah I love that obviously) who just doesn’t wanna get the jab despite pressure from his wife as well as currently being sick as a dog at home. Meanwhile we get a glimpse into what’s going on with the newest safest, state of the art Covid-19 vaccine that’s getting ready to hit the market. It’s set to safely treat the entire population of the planet. So deep inside a secret pharmaceutical research center that’s tucked away in the countryside, we witness a test subject get injected with an unknown substance that immediately causes some, shall we say, interesting reactions to say the least. It seems this new vax does indeed have some intriguing side effects and our main dude Glenn finally gives in to the mounting pressure. Essentially to satisfy his wife by “doing the right thing”, he reluctantly agrees to the latest, safest and MOST utterly effective, state of the art, yet totally experimental covid vaccine at a doctors appointment. This thing is supposedly gonna save the world from the sickness- so what’s the goddamn fuss about already – right?


Initially the thing makes him feel like a million bucks, but soon his normal boring life begins to drastically change – first off his wife immediately finds him more attractive (woohoo!) and feels the urge to get frisky with her hubby. There’s surprisingly plenty of gratuitous nudity here in Bookwalter’s latest (remember what that was back in the 1980s?!) to behold and that’s the first sign that I was seeing something that felt ripped from the “golden era of horror” but also cleverly grounded in modern times. Yeah, let’s be honest here you just don’t really see good nudity like this anymore in current films. There I said it! It was kind of a breath of fresh air as an avid 80s horror fanatic, especially seeing Brinke Stevens playing the nosey neighbor next door watching some genuinely shocking events go down eagerly with her binoculars. Yeah the scream queen who’d spent plenty of time in her “birthday suit” was now on the opposite end of the spectrum in a completely charming little role in this film.

Including her here was a treat  – 1988’s ‘Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama’ is a fave of mine & that reminds me I NEED to see the sequel! Ok though, from this point on things do get pretty perverse, but in that old school low budget, practical effects heavy way that I’ve really missed so damn much over the years. It’s really all quite charming. Not just all the fx work on display-but the general vibe of it. This one might even make a good double feature with something like ‘Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama’. It has that same sort of playfulness and disgusting charm.

Ok, well sadly for Glenn, he does develop a few “side effects” that sort of put the kibosh on his passionate sexy time session, at least for the moment. Confused and most likely humiliated by his sexual performance or lack there of, he races out into the city while his side effects do indeed “vary” in to the next level. This leaves him to encounter a zany cast of colorful characters along the way. He’s also develops a new hobby: SPOILERS: killing people! It’s quite obvious this safe and effective vaccine might’ve caused him a few more problems than the initial covid infection-but hey at least he’s not worried about relapsing with latest current strain I suppose?

Luckily the cops are on the case. One of his pals Jack, a former police officer, teams up with his old boss from the force. They quickly go on the move to find this heavily vaccinated freak of nature as he ventures deep into the night. So yeah, there’s lots to enjoy here not only as a horror film but also equally a social satire that puts a lot of our human behavior during the covid-19 pandemic under the lens of the microscope. The societal pressures to conform, big pharma propaganda, public paranoia, conspiracy theories & general trust in our Gov’t institutions are all addressed. But not in any sort of weird polarizing way. Instead Bookwalter lets the audience forget about the real world stresses of it all & just shows the whole damn thing play out in an entirely entertaining, absurd fashion. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a courageous effort of dark satirical commentary but it’s also really just a wild little old school splatter flick at heart. The kind of movie Romero might’ve even crafted if he’d still been alive today.

It also pleasantly breaks the usual tropes in sweet yet subtle manner, one of my favorites being the ex-cop character Jack and his boss Chief Tom Danvers. Their rather unique past on the force together, erupting with emotions tied to an intense night off the job at a holiday party is an interesting character study.  I love the way their interactions were handled in response to this unforgettable event at least for one of them. That being said as much as I enjoyed the film-the way it was shot looked maybe a little too crisp. Bare in mind I just recently watched Ozone & Robot Ninja, two bonafide 80’s & 90’s horror classics IMO. So coming into this one the look of it all was a bit shocking coming directly off his older work.

I love the grimy look of ‘shot on video’ stuff and the beauty of shooting a movie like ‘Robot Ninja’ on film. I know, it’s 2024, so to actually shoot on film is expensive and probably pretty annoying BUT Bookwalter fans I know personally really do crave the look of his earlier work. A small criticism, but if ‘Side Effects May Vary’ had been shot in a similar manner I think it’ve been that much more impactful to longtime fans of his productions.

At the end of the day though it’s most definitely a gory little horror character study for the modern times that really pushes the envelope, takes risks and dresses it all up in a bloody, slimy mess of old school oozing practical FX very reminiscent of Bookwalter’s cult classics. An absurd cautionary tale for the polarized pandemic era that we’re hopefully on the other side of-if you dig his earlier flicks check this out with a live audience – likely coming to the big screen in a city near YOU!


 

 

The MOVIE MELT Podcast Heads to 80s Hong Kong for the Ultimate Vengeance of ‘PROFILE IN ANGER’!

Check out the latest episode of MOVIE MELT where we travel again to Hong Kong this time in 1984 as we cover the over the top action revenge film PROFILE IN ANGER. This nasty little film packs a powerhouse punch & most definitely deserves a larger cult following and a whole lotta love from action movie fanatics who might have let this one slip under the radar. Hong Kong took action to the next level in ways that would make Sly & Arnold shiver inter boots! Things go completely off the rails in it’s explosive final act as we follow this twisting tale of bloody revenge in the way that only Hong Kong can deliver!

Being a huge fan of Hong Kong cult cinema, I think PROFILE IN ANGER is definitely a hidden gem that’s largely forgotten even by connoisseurs of the genre so here you’ll get the full scoop on all the juicy details that went into making this weird little flick. The episode’s also filled with more useless cinematic mayhem than your brain can humanly comprehend as well as another installment of “battle of the bands”! We also talk about some of the coolest damn movies that we think you might be missing out on again in the latest installment of  Movie Melt!

Wait WHAT?! The 15 Year Anniversary of UNIVERSAL DORK?!!

How can it be?! This month officially marks 15 YEARS of Universal Dork! Way back in 2009 this little blog began and today it’s still kickin’ somehow. It sorta really blows my mind & I’ve been wondering if it’s maybe time to try some new avenues for this here? Go next level DORK?!

For a couple years I’ve been really debating the idea of doing a podcast or maybe even a Youtube channel? With keeping the blog going for anyone to read, I’ve been told over the years people apparently “don’t read much anymore” and going into some sort of “short video style” clips for movie reviews etc might be a fun thing to try? I appreciate everyone who’s checked this page out over the past decade and 1/2 and still cares enough at this point about what I might think about pop culture- both new and old in these wild n’ crazy times!

I also know how a hard it is these days especially to build an audience with soooo much content out there flooding the net. Would anyone really care what U-Dork has got to say on Youtube in 2024?! I dunno but whatever the case I still love writing here about things I THINK deserve more attention and over the years it’s so damn fun to see people still checking out old posts from well over a decade!

I realize a lot of my views here come from people stumbling upon a movie or something by accident, I’ve never really tried to monetize here or go nutzo hyping my shit up but after 15 years I think I might throw up a few options to support this endeavor-anyway thanks to all my friends and people who’ve check out U-Dork!

I still have so much fun writing about things I love right here and also talking’ some trash when I feel it’s deserved. Whatever the case I’m going to keep on having fun here and keep this shit going-but trying a few new things seems like an exciting endeavor!! Thanks everyone for reading and sticking with this little blog for all these years!! In the mean time I did start a Universal Dork Youtube page and my first video is the trailer for my upcoming teen horror flick from 1989 coming SOON to stream and on VHS!!! Check it out if you haven’t already!

Comic Book Cover of the Week: New Years Brings…JUDGE DEATH!

40 years ago in January this amazing cover hit the stands, Judge Dredd #3 is a heavy hitter and features the always brilliant artwork of Brian “The Killing Joke” Bolland! This guy never disappoints and I’d say he’s EASILY crafted some of the sweetest covers of all time.

Judge Death also is obviously such a cool looking villain and he’s never looked more freakin’ evil than right here. It’s one of my favorites and hopefully someday we get a film that captures the Judge and his nemesis in the vein of these classic adventures. This issue is so cool that you get EVEN more of Judge Death on the back cover as well-here’s to 2024!


 

 

 

 

Holiday Horrors: ‘TWO FRONT TEETH’ An Ambitiously Stupid, Low Budget Creepy Y2K Christmas Adventure!

I’m trying to track down some weird cinematic Christmas gold this year by finally checking out some films that I’ve sort of avoided for years. Hearing that they’re a complete waste of precious holiday time or just resorting again to my “go to selections” that I often find myself a bit tired of when I pop on the tube as of late. So took a chance on a film that’s been on my radar for years when I spotted it at Portland, Oregon’s most prized video store, Movie Madness. TWO FRONT TEETH, released 2006 (but looks more like it was shot in the 90s?) is a shot on video (digital?) Christmas themed horror film that looks like a heap of cheap trash, is full of bad acting, lots of jokes that don’t work and yet there’s something about it I kinda love! This one was also made before everyone and their mother were pumping out Christmas themed horror films by the dozens every year. So it still stands out as an interesting  largely hidden holiday oddity.

There’s quite a bit to dislike about the film if you’re gonna be really picky, mainly at how badly shot it is-it’s pretty ugly looking with lots of bad lighting, unimpressive sets and terribly bland locations. For instance, the opening scene take place on Christmas Eve in what looks like a cheap manufactured home that’s at the very least got an abundance of holiday decor on display. That’s what sort of saves this one-pretty much every scene is jam packed FULL of Christmas, so as bland as a lot of the sets do look they really give it their all to put the holiday on display. Sometimes obviously overdoing it-but considering the main characters names are Gabe Snow & Noelle it’s quite clear that was the intention here. Pretty much EVERYTHING is Christmas related, but somehow at it’s core has a somewhat “engaging” story that’s part horror, part comedy, part road adventure and even somewhat of a “romantic” drama. It’s a true oddity with a fair amount of heart & passion at it’s core that’s trying damn hard to push a narrative that’s far more ambitious than its budget actually allows. That’s not say though there’s not a lot to be quite impressed with here though somehow.

The plot is a wild one, It’s Christmas Eve and we meet Gabe Snow, a cowardly tabloid writer who’s emotionally traumatized by the holiday for unknown reasons, is investigating a Yuletide conspiracy for a paper called the X-Mas files. Gabe believes that a commercial airplane was brought down on Christmas Eve by a flying reindeer and is determined to bring the truth to the general public. He’s also in the midst of a nasty divorce as his foul mouthed, quite unlikable wife Noelle is banging one of her coworkers that festive evening at their home. But that’s the least of Gabe’s worries. Wicked vampire elves, descend upon his home and nearly murder his wife. This forces him and his wife to head out onto the open road to escape the threat and to find the only one who can seemingly help them, a “Creighton Duke” style bounty hunter who’s got the scoop on the deadly holiday conspiracy.

So as you can see the plot is quite absurd, but not played only just for cheap laughs-though there are plenty of those thrown around. Some of the comedy works and some of it does come off a bit too ham-fisted, again like the writers here think they’re really comedically clever. That being said the bulk of the film is actually played pretty straight for the most part and I think it works in it’s favor, despite most of the time looking like total shit. But being used to watching stuff that most would classify as total shit, I found that to be barely a problem. There’s some interesting backstories thrown in that pack some emotional weight as well that I give props for making attempts at real character development.

The movie never really slows down, at around 74 minutes it’s pretty lean and some of the fx here especially with the vampire elves look surprisingly pretty damn solid. They’re clad in black leather, have real creepy makeup fx with huge fleshy ears & some of their attack sequences are pretty well done too. Plus the “Creighton Cowboy” character is pretty fun addition as well and they definitely try and produce some solid action with him and his “toy guns”.

That’s not all though there are also three ninja nuns that show up as well as a pretty creepy vampire Santa named “Clausferatu” (an instance where the writers think that’s like super “clever”). The whole thing is pretty idiotic, but still shows an ambitious plot execution that you can feel is filled with passion and despite the odds is a lot of fun.

The kind of movie where you sort of begin to root for the cast and crew to deliver the goods within the confines of the budget. I kept thinking that this film if given to the right director and writer to tweak the somewhat too on the nose, cringey “holiday themed comedy” shit down a bit could have been an instant cult Xmas classic, if this exact same film had been shot on video in the 80’s people would likely today would regard it as a holiday horror genre must see. However given it’s release in 2006(an era not fully appreciated yet by most) it’s likely going to take a few more years before people catch on to just how unique this stupid little yuletide adventure really is. I for one will most definitely be giving this another watch next year! Two Front Teeth was a definite holiday treat I think that is currently aging quite nicely…

 

U-Dork MUST See Holiday Viewing: 1985’s ‘MONSTER’S IN MY ROOM’ w/ Seth Green?!

I just had a revelation: One of my long lost favorite episodes of ‘Tales from the Darkside’ is actually a Christmas themed horror story! Yeah, the legendary 1980s horror tv series created by icon George Romero is easily one of the best of all time, like any anthology series there are some misses among it’s three seasons but when they hit they’re some of the best. Originally planned as a ‘Creepshow’ sequel tv series, but renamed ‘Tales from the Darkside’ due to rights issues. Many of these episodes are just as good or better than what we got in the first two installments of the original two ‘Creepshow’ movies. So now that we’re back in the holiday season I’ve began some deep diving into forgotten xmas themed horror once again! 

I hadn’t seen the 1985 episode ‘Monsters In My Room’ from the second season likely since the 80’s, however I never really forgot it. I just recently got the second season collection of the show on DVD and realized that Seth Green was the star of the episode AND that it also takes place on Christmas! A favorite of mine and a holiday horror treat I could appreciate all over again. The series already has two great Christmas themed episodes-and if you combined all three of these with a holiday wraparound it’s be akin to a real
“Creepshow Holiday anthology” flick-eons better than their 2020 special ‘Shapeshifters Anonymous’. The episodes you need to check out, if you’re looking for real 80’s Xmas horror are ‘The Yattering & Jack’, ‘Seasons of Belief’ & this episode ‘Monsters In My Room’.

We get a super creepy little tale that takes place at Christmas time were Seth Green is terrorized by creatures who live in his room and “come out to play” during the holiday. To make matters worse Seth’s  new stepdad “Biff” is a total dick and is obsessed with “making a man” out of little Seth Green on Christmas Eve. When the monsters materialize in the form of an ogre, a huge saw blade, a tentacled monster beneath his bed and a wild wicked witch he naturally goes to his parents to let them know what he’s seen. But of course NO one believes him-especially not Biff who thinks he’s being a coward.

Things take a dark twist though as the “tuff guy sailor” Biff gets wasted one night and enters Seth’s room, singing him old school sailor anthems-one of the things that always seemed to stick with me was his ridiculous drunken singing where he performs: “what do you do with a yellow belly sailor? Shave his belly with a rusty razor” like a total buffoon. I love this episode, I think it’s one of the quintessential of the series, it’s got the holiday vibes all over it and a gang of super cool looking monsters, as well as some really well executed genuinely creepy sequences. Plus little kid Seth Green is awesome here and around this same time appeared in the ‘Amazing Stories’ episode ‘The Sitter’ a total gem of the series and horror themed as well.

So yeah check out THIS episode this year and if you by chance haven’t seen the other two Christmas themed ‘Tales from the Darkside’ episodes you’ve got to watch all three in ONE sitting, like a long lost 80’s Holiday “Creepshow” anthology film-a true trio of Xmas terror! 

Watch the whole thing on Dailymotion!

VHS Verdict: 1987’s ‘Order of the Black Eagle’ & the Return of Typhoon the Baboon!

I watched Order of the Black Eagle, a VHS that I was pretty pumped to see that’s currently stuck in “video only” limbo and is the sequel to 1986’s ‘Unmasking The Idol’. That one got a sweet Vinegar Syndrome blu ray release-that you just got to pick up if you’re looking for a total 80’s action banger. I was lucky enough to see the first installment here on the big screen in Portland, OR at the iconic Cinematic Theater with in a packed theater and boy was it a crowd pleaser! The star of the show is really the main character’s (a 007 style secret agent named “Duncan Jax”) animal sidekick, a Baboon named Typhoon, who’s got his own damn Letterboxd actor page! The lil guy kicks a LOT of ass in the first film. This of course is while he wears a tuxedo, does martial arts moves and flips people the bird whenever he gets the opportunity!

I HIGHLY recommend picking up that on blu ray-so I was naturally super stoked to find that the movie had a sequel from 1987! Made just a year later, so peeps must have been just as pumped as I was about this nifty little fully over the top adventure romp. Yes- Even more shenanigans from Duncan Jax AND of COURSE Typhoon the baboon. Sign me up! I’m a total sucker for 1980s adventure films jam packed with all the thing that make the era such a unique time for action filled with real explosions and crazy commandos.

Well I found it on VHS and threw up the projector and gave ‘Order of the Black Eagle’ an eager viewing. The rundown goes something like this: On a remote island, inside of a strange castle a gang of ambitious Neo nazi’s have an outrageous plan to revive Hitler from the dead. It’s up to Jax and his rag tag gang of super spies to infiltrate this evil clan and make sure Hitler stays dead forever! Now that’s some incentive huh?! He’s the ultimate evil looking a little waxy while still in suspended animation.

Well along the way we do get quite an adventure, full of explosions, lots of guns, jungles, babes, hunks, evil masterminds and over the top bastard henchmen. It’s pretty fun little dumb pulpy romp that unfortunately is a bit light on Typhoon the baboon and with his role significantly diminished in the second installment the film unfortunately begins to devolve into a generic rich white playboy secret agent man who simply doesn’t have the charm (or the script) of the real James Bond. Luckily he’s joined by a gang of gun crazy numb nuts the likes of this guy right here:

Typhoon was likely the main reason why ‘Unmasking the Idol’ felt SO special-no matter how many explosions you throw at us. Sure it’s still fun to see Hitler’s resurrection get foiled and Jax’s team of tough guys/gals (who barely get any character development) go to town on a huge nazi militia BUT what we really all came to actually see was the damn BABOON! And when he does appear the vibe obviously changes quickly as his charisma level is pretty much through the roof.

So what exactly was Typhoon doing most of the time here? Well even though he wasn’t on screen nearly as much as the last film-he still go plenty moments to flip people off (which never seems to get old) and also his big “highlight” comes when he jumps in a miniature primate sized tank(as seen in the above pic) and blows up a dozen Neo-nazis. So it’s still got a few entertaining chops under it’s sleeve but this time around most of the action involves Jax and his new band of misfit commandos-which is still a lot of fun to behold but still manages to be a bit bland at least in comparison to the first installment.

This also falls a bit into the “Indiana Jones rip-off” sub genre more this time, with lots of island jungle chases, river boating and shoddy cheap-o adventuring inside a castle temple that looks like it’s made out of cardboard. Count me in for anything from the era that strives to give us some “Indy action flavor”, It feels like I’m cutting this film down but it really does make for a fun midnight flick and I personally think Vinegar Syndrome should have released both films in a 2-pack.

This is in serious need of a new transfer as well as a some intense sound editing, the VHS version of the film’s dialogue is severely buried in the background noises and loud score. Overall ‘Order of the Black Eagle’ is a bit of a subpar sequel to a near perfect first installment-obviously it need more of Typhoon the baboon but had THIS been a stand-alone film I think it still would be deserving of a small but dedicated cult following. If you haven’t seen ‘Unmasking the Idol’ though you’re in for a real treat, just keep in mind that the sequel doesn’t really improve on much and it’s clear why a third film never materialized…

 

Comic Cover of the week: Web of Spider-man #8!

Back in the day ‘Web of Spider-Man’ was one of my favorites of the webheads many titles at the time. Particularly because I found that this series had some of his best comic book covers and Of course I was a giant fan of the wildly controversial black Spider-man costume. Looking back at it it’s aged like fine wine And it always looked super bad ass on covers with overly simplistic design proving again that less is sometimes indeed more. Covers like this make me really miss the comic books of the 1980s, artist Geof Isherwood created an iconic cover from an amazing era….