Tagged: serial killer
VHS Verdict: Maria Ford is an ANGEL OF DESTRUCTION!
Jennifer Lawrence for some reason appears to think she’s the world’s first female action star but there’s a treasure trove of lady badasses in cinema throughout the years to behold. Specifically Maria Ford in 1994’s highly underrated & essentially forgotten ass kicker ‘Angel of Destruction’. Ford goes full Jean Claude Van Damme here and it’s a riot as she beats the holy hell out of a plethora of low IQ (no offense if you have a low IQ, I certainly have one) meatheads (If you’re a meathead though too bad) hellbent on either killing her, mansplaining her or trying to pathetically get in her drawers.
Last time I saw Maria Ford was in ‘The Unnamable 2’ a sweet “better than the original” horror sequel from 1992, where she spends most of her time completely nude. Well she continues the tradition here, as she’s in her birthday suit quite a bit and even manages to beat down a gang of home invaders while donning only her g-string. Angel of Destruction is a fast paced, fairly idiotic actioner that’s a great schlocky time from ‘New Horizons Home Video’. Maria stars as a “tuff as nails cop” who’s sister is murdered by a deranged military vet-turned serial killer, obsessed with killing mob bosses, rockstars & random women, whom he role plays with as his “brides on a wedding night” and then murders them for his twisted kicks. When Maria’s sister becomes his next victim she jumps on the killer’s trail in a whirlwind of rage and teams up with her hunky detective boyfriend to kick and blast their way to ultimate justice.
The weirdo serial killer next targets an “on the rise” female pop singer, who’s hoping her latest music video (in which she performs entirely topless?!) will make her the next Samantha Fox and put her on MTV map to super-stardom. Guess that’s an interesting strategy?
Ford takes the job as the singers personal bodyguard to protect her and her voluptuous lady lover from the skeezy serial killer AND her disgusting Harvey Weinstien-esque manager. There’s some wildly entertaining fight sequences filled with broken tables, broken bottles, busted up chairs, roundhouse kicks, bar room brawls with big dumb bone-heads to get fully immersed in.
I really dig Maria’s performance here too, she’s easily the brightest bulb in a cast made up almost entirely of morons. The plot’s a lot of legit dumb fun and of course Ford is hott as hell and fully able to be quite convincing when giving a mad beatdown to dudes three times her bodyweight. There’s a cool showdown too and Maria gets to go the distance against the big baddie for the most part all by her lonesome.
I’m very curious if she delved into anymore cool sexy full on action flicks?! If so I’m game for more sweet 90s cheez! Someone wise up and give ‘Angel of Destruction’ a fancy blu ray already-Maria is a cult ballbuster here just waiting for a bigger audience
80’s ‘The Hitcher’ Director’s Other Creepy Wild Road Flick: HIGHWAYMEN!
So I still use than damn red envelope Netflix service! Yes, it’s true, DVDs still come to my residence regularly. Yes, I may be one of the last people in the country but hey let’s be honest, the selection of DVD’s they have are far and away better than the forgettable movies & bland series they churn out onto their streaming service. Well, yesterday they delivered an interesting one to my mail box: 2003’s ‘Highwaymen’ from Robert Harmon the director of 1986’s ‘The Hitcher’, easily one of the best highway horror movies of ALL time. Well it turns out Harmon had another trick up his sleeve that he saved for the 2000’s, between his run on the Tom Selleck ‘Jesse Stone’ movies (ok that I was surprised to find out about). Hey that’s besides the point because Harmon clearly has some skills when he gets into his element of car related horror, at least I think so!
I had very, very low expectations for ‘Highwaymen’, the early 2000’s aren’t exactly my choice era for movie viewing and my discovery of his ‘Jesse Stone’ flicks didn’t exactly add to the excitement (or maybe I’m missing something? Are the Jesse Stone movies actually totally RAD?!). However from the opening of this one my interest was peaked and a weird movie that hung around in my queue for ages began to transform into somewhat of a forgotten gem before my very eyes. Jim Cavezial stars as traumatized husband who witnesses his wife murdered in broad daylight, while walking on the side of a country road from a clearly intentional hit and run. From there we skip ahead in time and it seems the same 1972 Cadillac Eldorado is back on the road and out for some more deadly “hit and run” fun, this time targeting two women driving at night on the highway. From behind the beastly car’s wheel we can see a strange man with crude prosthetic limbs aggressively shifting the gears and enjoying the roadway terror all too much.
Only one of the women survives the encounter and ends up meeting Cavezial seemingly “by chance” and the two embark on a creepy road adventure to get revenge on the maniac serial killer driver. I was pleasantly surprised by how entertaining this one was and that might be because of just how absurd this one’s plot really is and how straight it’s all played. You’re going to have to suspend your disbelief for pretty much every action sequence here, as I said it’s totally absurd but in the best ways possible.
That’s not say they’re not totally enjoyable, action packed and thrilling, Harmon’s got the chops here and jam packs some crazy ass shit into a barely 80 minute run time and it’s all beautifully filmed. There’s some epic road battles here and the psycho villain (who’d probably hung out with Rutger Hauer’s character from the Hitcher back in the 80’s), simply referred to as “Fargo” is a bizarre creation as he’s essentially merged with his vintage car to cause ultimate terror on the highway. Throw in a little ridiculous backstory and you’e got a pretty unique little highway horror flick that’s pace never lets up.
If you’re looking for a quick, action packed, car based horror thriller this one is a pretty fun one that’d be perfect to pair up as the opening act for a double feature with the 1986 cult classic ‘The Hitcher’! It’s not gotten much love over the years, probably because no one’s really heard of it or given it a chance (damn you Jesse Stone!). However as far as road based horror goes I think Highwayman is on it’s way to becoming a cult classic as it’s, at least in my opinion, in my opinion aged quite well over the last 17 years! Give it a shot!