‘The Johnsons’ is a damn weird ass Dutch horror flick from 1992 that I’ve been curious about for years. Well to my surprise, while out combing the thrift shops, I came across this one on VHS and could’t wait to see what it was really all about. ‘The Johnsons’ first off has a really weird name for a horror movie, it sounds like it might be some sort of 80’s comedy, but alas, this one’s truly an oddity with it’s bizarre plot that I’m fairly certain might offend a some folks especially in the year 2018. It’s also got a reputation as one of the best Dutch horror films of all time. That being said, it should be noted that Holland hasn’t exactly pumped out a lot of horror movies through the years. So the competition ain’t exactly all that fierce!
The Johnson’s has one crazy story to tell, that’s for certain, we’ve basically got a 14 year old girl who was conceived from a test tube and her seven completely bald, weird ass brothers who break out of an insane asylum (where they’ve lived most their lives after they killed 16 kids when they were seven years old ) to hunt her down while out on a camping trip. Their intention isn’t to kill her but to supposedly impregnate her so she’ll give birth to some weird demonic fetus who’s destined to fully fuck up the Earth. Got that? Yeah it’s quite an odd premise but it’s actually a pretty damn interesting, well executed little tale and the imagery involving her mute bald psycho killer brothers when they’re children is actually worth the price of admission alone. The scenes of the kids smearing blood on the walls and sticking razor blades between their teeth (& that boink, boink, boink sound he makes with it) are quite chilling. It’s also cool to see a horror movie in the early 90’s with it’s main characters being a black professor who’s trying to solve the mystery along with a mother and daughter duo trying to escape the bad siblings. Continue reading
I heard recently that John Carpenter is co-writing an official sequel comic book series to his classic “Big Trouble in Little China” called “Old Man Jack”. It’s set in 2020 and follows the further adventures of the now 60 year old Jack Burton as he once again does battle with evil forces looking to conquer the Earth. Coming this September, this new series from Boom! Studios is getting the internet talking about getting Carpenter to adapt the comic to the big screen by long time fans. Sounds like a god damn bonafide slam dunk huh?!
Well not so fast movie maniacs! What a lot of people have forgotten is that 20th Century Fox has been threatening all of us fans of the original movie with a remake starring Duane “The Rock” Johnson as the new Jack Burton. Now don’t get me wrong, I actually like The Rock, but when it comes to the choice of a sequel to ‘Big Trouble’ with Kurt Russell at the very least written by Carpenter, it’s a no brainer. At the very least, give us the damn sequel first!! You can always reboot that shit later. I’d hope at this point Hollywood gets the very simple fact that people want sequels (done with integrity mind you) for their favorite movies rather than another throw away, cookie cutter, “here today gone tomorrow” remakes of a cult classic they keep servin’ us up. It should be proof enough with sequels to Star Wars, Blade Runner & tv shows like Ash vs Evil Dead that prove people don’t really want a full on remake. They want the story to continue. The solution to the problem at hand is simple, just add Duane Johnson to the damn cast of the sequel, have him team up with Kurt Russell! DUH! Continue reading
The world always needs more of Rowdy Roddy Piper! Duh! Who doesn’t love ‘They Live’ or ‘Hell Comes to Frogtown’ or classic WWF Wrestling?! Well if you don’t then there’s probably something seriously wrong with your brain or you just don’t like having fun. So I’m thrilled to hear that Piper is currently involved with a project via Indiegogo called “Portal to Hell” which is an indie horror film which pits Piper against Cthulhu and his minions!
Here’s what they had to say about it thus far:
“Director Vivieno Caldinelli and writer Matt Watts are embarking on a short film called PORTAL TO HELL, with hopes of expanding it into a feature. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper will star, and the producing team includes Todd Brown of THE ABCs OF DEATH and THE RAID and Andrew Rosen of TODD & THE BOOK OF PURE EVIL, with MANBORG’s Steven Kostanski on board to create the FX.
The synopsis: “Jack [Piper] is a simple man with simple needs. Mostly he just needs to be left alone to read his book. It’s a good book and he likes it…or, at least, he would if the tenants of the building he manages weren’t so damn needy. And it’s not just blown fuses and clogged toilets… No, when the building power goes out, the culprit is a pair of Cthulhu-worshiping tenants opening a portal to the demon city of R’lyeh in the basement. Does this count as building maintenance? Is battling the supernatural part of Jack’s job description? Maybe not, but if Jack can’t close the portal, the entire building and—let’s face it—the whole world is screwed.”
Sounds like something to get behind to me! I’ve always hoped Carpenter would get Piper back for a They Live sequel, however that’s a pipe dream I guess (no pun intended). This though sounds just as good and has cult classic written all over it. I think Piper has that same appeal as someone like Bruce Campbell and honestly I’m a bit surprised he hasn’t been called upon sooner for projects like this one. It’s about time we get him back in the spotlight, he a cool guy, with a lot of interesting things to say and hell he even lives in oregon (where I do). So help spread the word and support this project at their Indiegogo page ! It’s a known fact – the world is always a better place with moreRowdy Roddy Piper!
I had to throw some props out there today for a rad flick that seems to get no love from anyone, “Virus” is a totally bad ass B-movie from 1999 and everyone needs to get down with it already! Chances are you’ve never seen this movie, but I recently watched it again the other night and it’s like ten times more awesome than I originally remembered it to be! The movie was actually hoping to be a big Hollywood hit, but it suffered at the box office and got totally panned by the critics. Apparently we were watching two different movies?!
Virus might be Jamie Lee Curtis’ best movie ever, however she claims it’s her worst and that she’s actually really embarrassed about appearing in it at all. I say totally WRONG Jamie! This is John Bruno’s only feature length movie he’s directed, otherwise he’s only done a handful of Star Trek: Voyager episodes and a Terminator 2 short film with James Cameron that was used at the T2: 3-D attraction at Universal Studios. Yeah I saw this one in person and it was a helluva good time!
To me though VIRUS which is based on a Dark Horse comic of the same title is jam packed with stupid awesome action and a ton of cool ass robotic monsters! I was seriously surprised to find out after watching it that it was actually not made in the late 80’s as the special effects are largely practical and the small amounts of CGI are done pretty damn flawlessly. It goes to prove once again that practical and CG used together can have some magnificent results!
The story is pretty simple and borrows heavily from Alien, attempting at making Curtis the new Ripley. If you’re looking for substance you’re not going to find it here but if you’re looking for some gory gun blazing fun on a mysterious abandoned ship in the middle of the ocean then you’re in for a treat. Also this flick’s got a Baldwin brother and Donald Sutherland lending some of their least inspired acting chops. But actually I don’t know, does William Baldwin have any acting chops to begin with?!
Bottom line here, this movie is rad. I could watch movies like this one all damn day long. It’s a ton of fun and once it gets going you’ll wonder why the hell it’s missing a cult following. So I’m gonna start the cult here today and hopefully make Jamie Lee Curtis eat her words on this one….