Hey there I’m back for a whole NEW year in 2018!! Yeeehaw!! I’m starting off with a little review from a recent batch of VHS I bought while thrifting around Portland, Oregon. In my huge stack of weird movies I’ve been burning through, was a movie called ‘Evolver’ from 1994. From the cover of this one I was more than certain this was gonna be some total bull shit show that I’d likely not be able to make it all the way through. HOWEVER I was pleasantly surprised by how much I actually dug Evolver!
Let me be clear though, this movie is totally stupid, but in the best way imaginable. It starts off with some shitty virtual reality video game being played in an arcade by our lead character, hot shot video gamer Kyle played by “teen heart throb” Ethan Embry. He’s basically on stage in the arcade and of course there’s a big crowd there cheering him on, becuz in the 90’s that’s what people did dammit! Anyway he’s a computer hacker as well and uses his skills to make himself the prize winner of a new real life robot called “Evolver” a prototype game system that plays laser tag with you in your own house. Evolver kinda looks like the baby of the robots in “Chopping Mall” as he’s only about 3 feet tall, oh yeah and he’s voiced by none other than William. H Macy! At first Evolver is easy to beat but at each new level of household combat that he’s defeated he gets better and even transforms a bit so he can be “more menacing” to his foes. Continue reading
Over the years we all have enjoyed and sometimes hated the giant “epic” multi title crossovers and mini-series that are so damn popular these days. However some of my personal favorite comic book stories are short and sweet. They often times have nothing to do with the major story arc you’re currently reading in that title and especially back in the 70’s & 80’s these self contained stories that had a beginning and end to them all in one book were sometimes more heavy hitting than any crossover could ever be. So I’ll be showcasing some of my favorites and the first one that came to mind might be my favorite of them all.
Flash back to 1986 when X-Men #205 hit the shelves. This issue is easily one of the best Wolverine stories of all time, and it’s all in just one issue. A brilliant epic crafted by Chris Claremont and Barry Windsor Smith remains one of the darkest and most brutal issues of X-men to date. Let me clarify that this was during a time when Wolverine was rarely seen in solo adventures and the character was still deeply mysterious.
The story was called “Wounded Wolf” and featured Lady Deathstrike’s first appearance as a super freaky ass cyborg as well as her three Reaver mercenary minions. It also featured Katie Powers from the mutant kid team ‘Power Pack’ who during a snow storm encounters Wolverine who’s beaten to a pulp, covered in blood and nearly naked. Soon the two of them are both on the run from Lady Deathstrike and her cyborgs who’re out for bloody revenge. It reminds of a Wolverine movie storyboard Ridley Scott might have anticipated directing in the 80’s. Continue reading
Holy Hell! I’ve got to make some time here to give some props to Hugh Jackman’s “last” run as Wolverine! I know everyone and their mom, dad & parakeet are talking about how great this movie is and yeah I agree it’s a glorious final chapter. They finally took the gloves off and let Wolverine be Wolverine. I find it funny how damn long it takes Hollywood to figure out what us comic book fanatics knew way back in the year 2000. We want our Wolverine to be a savage lil’ a-hole and you just can’t really do it with a PG-13 rating. So as you know by now obviously Logan is bloody, gritty and tonally different than any of the other movies. It’s a no BS affair, it’s personal and it has real heart. There are no giant CG robots or even a weak ass version of Sabretooth anywhere in sight. Nope Wolverine here is a cussin’, drinkin’, pissed off SOB and it’s great to finally see him the way he was more or less supposed to be all along. Sure he’s older and weaker here but hey I’ll take what I can get dammit!
Patrick Stewart as Charles Xavier is amazing and so is Dafne Keen’s X-23. They both nearly steal the thunder from Logan time and time again throughout the movie. By now you’ve likely heard it ALL and probably seen the movie. It’s great and I’ll see it again, soon. BUT, yes there is a but here and it needs to be addressed (SPOILERS AHEAD). My biggest problem with ‘Logan’ was it’s villain/villains. That’s not to say I didn’t dig Donald Pierce and his Reavers, they were forgettably fine but let’s be honest they could have been AMAZING. When I heard that they were going up against Wolverine in this final flick I was fucking thrilled. The Reavers could have and should have been a seriously scary force to be reckoned with.
Sure Donald Pierce had a dinky lil’ cybernetic hand but he could have been a lot more like his counterpart from the comics with four cybernetic limbs & superhuman strength. They failed to make him a truly deadly opponent and the rest of The Reavers should have been modeled after the legendary comic book team. Imagine the original Reavers with an even deadlier Lady Deathstrike back again looking more like comic book counterpart. It should have been Logan and co taking on serious threats more similar to ‘The Terminator’. That would have been amazing. They missed an opportunity to really bring us the psychotic cyborgs we deserved to see. They gave us a lot of throwaway soldiers for him and x-23 to mow down sure, but none of them served any other purpose than just that.
The real threat here was X-24, a villain that to me felt as about exciting as “Deadpool” from X-men Origins: Wolverine. I was really disappointed to see a Hugh Jackman ‘clone’ as the big bad muscle of the movie. That was a serious mis-step in my opinion. I only say this because we could have gotten any number of amazing Wolverine villains in his place. Imagine for a second that their secret weapon was Omega Red?! Or Cyber? Daken? Razorfist? Heck even a bigger badder version of Sabretooth would have been welcome.
My point being we really didn’t need any of them, we already had Donald Pierce and The Reavers. They could have supplied us with all sorts of frightening cybernetic mayhem. Instead they went the overused “fight your clone / fight yourself” route. Ahhh well what can I say, I am a picky comic book bastard. It just irritates me that they got so close to me having to just shut the fuck up and admit perfection. At least they finally got ol’ Wolvie right. It took them seventeen years to figure it all out and I’m damn glad they did. This is clearly a groundbreaking movie that’ll change the way comic book movies are made from this point on. Don’t get me wrong I give ‘Logan’ a solid A-, but in the future though let’s give the same care to the villains as we do to the heroes cuz a hero’s only as good as his villain! Oh yeah one more thing I highly doubt this is the last time we’ll see Mr. Jackman in the role of Logan, this movie is a box office smash and we all know money talks…why stop now anyway when you finally figured it all out?!!
I’ve been a bit torn lately on the the upcoming third Wolverine movie which is slated to also be Hugh Jackman’s last appearance as the legendary mutant. Why? Well ever since we got word of this final flick being based upon the popular ‘Old Man Logan’ series it’s been a major issue that the story wouldn’t be able to use the key characters from the comics due to issues with studio property rights. I think they should wait another five or so years to do Old Man Logan, when Hugh IS actually older. I’ve also stated before that a totally original story would be pretty awesome for the third movie as they seem to almost always slaughter any story they rip from the comic books. I mean how can you do Old Man Logan without the fucking Incredible Hulk?!! Well now there’s word that this third movie will feature some classic villains which have me back on board for Wolverine 3.
Yeah Old Man Logan is rumored to feature “The Reavers” who just happen to be some of my favorite bad guys from the X-men comic books. A futuristic road trip Mad Max style Wolverine movie with these blood thirsty cyborgs on their trail sounds fantastic to me! My only concern is that they’re also supposedly going to try and bring back Liev Shreiber as Sabretooth….uggh. Continue reading
So today we got the news that Hugh Jackman and James Mangold will be back for another solo Wolverine adventure. I say this is good news overall as “The Wolverine” was actually pretty decent until it’s out of place cartoony finale. It was a solid PG-13 attempt at telling a classic yet highly altered Wolverine movie comic book adaptation taken from the legendary Chris Claremont / Frank Miller limited series from 1982. They almost pulled it off too, until in the film’s final act when Mangold suddenly remembered he was making a Hollywood blockbuster and shoved a giant robot version of The Silver Samurai down our throats….uggh…Hollywood can really be the pits sometimes.
So anyway I’ve put together five classic Wolverine stories from the comic books that should be contenders for the next movie. At this point it’s common knowledge they’ll butcher some part of the story, but hey a guy can dream right? So listen up all you Hollywood numbskulls cause here at Universal Dork you’ll get my guidance toward making a movie that Wolverine flick fans deserve. Before I start the list though let me set up a few rules for the next flick.
First make this damn installment “Rated R”! The fans have spoken, we want some blood and guts in the next film. I wanna see him slice some people’s arms off, cut people in half ect ect. There’s no way a guy with adamantium claws wouldn’t cause a complete bloodbath while in battle. So give us some realism this time. Second let’s keep the story and visuals consistent if it’s gonna be cartoony then keep the whole flick that way, don’t insert some cartoon bullshit into an otherwise serious storyline. Keep with the tone of the movie. Lastly lets keep it character driven, keep it personal and let’s not get too many other characters or mutants in the mix, the last film was good in this way. Wolverine wasn’t saving the world, he was on a personal mission. These stories are where he works best, as a loner, when he’s out in the real world, drinkin’ at the bar and some serious shit goes down. Ok now onto my plot suggestions:
#5. Old Man Logan- This was quite an interesting modern Wolverine storyline and since Jackman is getting a bit older this might be a great one to make into a movie. However there could be some problems as The Hulk and Hawkeye are owned now by Disney. Perhaps they could settle on something that’d make it possible for these characters to cross over? Or Maybe this movie could be filmed in 10 years from now when Jackman is truly age appropriate for the story line. A futuristic Wolverine story with Jeremy Renner as Hawkeye would be pretty awesome and of course seeing Logan take on The Hulk would be quite a treat as well!!
#4. Kitty Pryde and Wolverine: Movie based on the 1984 mini-series could be a great sequel to “The Wolverine” as it takes Logan and Kitty Pryde who would of course be played by Ellen Page, who’s already stated she wants to make a solo film of her character from the movies, on an adventure together. So what better way to do this than add Jackman into the mix and kill two birds with one stone? Continue reading