‘White Fire’ from 1984 is one helluva bizarre movie, it’s not only filled with a ton of crazy ass action sequences but it’s also got a complete WTF plot going for it that you kinda just have to see to believe. ‘White Fire’ starts off with two siblings (Bo and Ingrid) who witness a gang of crazed soldiers sadistically murder their parents. There’s fully over the top action kicking into gear right from the very start including a bonkers attack on the kid’s dad with a flame thrower that you just gotta see to beleive. It’s one of those “rewind & watch it again” scenes as the stunt dude is completely bombarded with a flame blast with no head or face protection, and for an instant the guy is fully engulfed in flame. Anyway only the two kids manage to survive the bloodshed. Flash forward twenty years later… Bo and his beautiful sister are grown up & employed at a hi-tech diamond mineshaft operation located in the desert that looks straight out of a 1960’s sci fi flick. The inseparable pair soon stumble upon the discovery of a legendary supernaturally powered diamond, called the “White Fire.” Both are immediately pursued by a gang of evil villainous thugs who’re dead set on getting their grubby hands on the diamond themselves. Check out this radical poster/box art for the flick:
Well once the pursuit starts, things get outta hand pretty quickly and we witness the bro and sis duo’s bizarrely epic kung fu skills & brother Bo even resorts to grabbing a chainsaw to fuck up a whole gang of goons on a dock. They’re a great team and soon we get to the real weird shit, lots of his sister Ingrid fully nude at a private swimming pool and Bo comes around afterward and rips his sisters towel off her refusing to give it back. They proceed to laugh about it while she’s completely exposed in front of her brother for far far to long. Ahhh that good old innocent brotherly love! Shit gets even weirder when his sister dies soon after while kung fu fighting a whole gang of villainous goons while still sporting her towel, that now refuses to fall off.
Naturally Bo is super duper bummed out to find his sister has been murdered but the next day he runs into a random lady in a bar while greivin’ n’ drinkin’ whom he ends up approaching with an offer she just can’t refuse! 50 grand to get a face transplant from his dead sister and learn to imitate her! Naturally the woman goes for it, because for some reason I’m a bit confused about still, having his sister alive will help them get the diamond or some shit? Whatever, Bo naturally falls in love with the woman and when she gets the face transplant things get mega awkward!! Now she looks identical to his dead sister, but what’s he to do, he’s already madly in love with her!
The rest of the movie’s a blast, iconic bad ass Fred Williamson shows up as a hired bounty hunter dude to raise some hell for the duo and there’s action a plenty to behold, even a dude who gets his crotch fully mangled by a table saw! There’s a surprising amount of gore here sprinkled throughout to compliment the bonkers plot that will leave you continuously scratching your head in confusion. White Fire’s got some rad locations too, most of it takes place in Turkey and it’s a treat to see the city of Istanbul in the 1980s. Directed by Jean-Marie Pallardy, who mainly directed porno flicks, ‘White Fire’ is definitely a party flick worth a watch with a gang of rowdy cinema fiends!
Well it’s that time of the year yet again and boy does time sure fly huh?! Yep another damn Christmas is comin’ and of course it’s the prime time to watch a plethora of holiday movies. One genre the “Christmas themed” horror movie, is easily one of my favorites. I’ve gotta say though it’s been a few years since I’ve actually seen anything that truly knocked my socks off ho-ho-holiday horror-wise that is.
2015 brought one of my favorites of all time, “Krampus”, which I’m sure to watch again this year and then just five years earlier another true classic “Rare Exports” dropped. So now it’s nearing the end of 2018, let’s take a quick look at what’s stirring about this year and see if there are any possible gems to watch between now and Christmas time!!
All The Creatures Were Stirring
So I watched this one last night, hoping it was going to become another holiday horror classic, sadly this just wasn’t the case. This Christmas anthology has it’s few moments but overall it’s a largely forgettable yuletide dud. It features six short Christmas themed segments, the best being one called “Dash and Away” which is kinda like a holiday themed short with a sort of Tales From The Crypt “Demon Knight” type of thingy going on. The rest features a lackluster take on a modern day Scrooge, a secret Santa office party going for a Saw type vibe, some pissed off killer reindeer which should have been awesome and the plot of others I’ve already forgotten. Also no sight of snow anywhere within these unspooky tales. If you’re really desperate this isn’t the worst thing you could watch but it’s surely no “Gremlins”. If you’re looking for a Christmas anthology check out ‘A Christmas Horror Story’ from 2015, that ones a much more ambitiously bonkers Holiday horror flick.
Anna and The Apocalypse
Here’s one lots of people are kinda ranting about lately, it’s a Christmas Zombie musical. I’m planning on checking this one out, but honestly I’m not a big fan of musicals and I’ve been steering clear of zombie movies for a while now as the whole craze at this point is just too played out for me these days. But hey I’m gonna give it a try soon regardless, why not?! here’s the synopsis: “A zombie apocalypse threatens the sleepy little town of Little Haven – at Christmas – forcing Anna and her friends to fight, slash and sing their way to survival, facing the undead in a desperate race to reach their loved ones. But they soon discover that no one is safe in this new world, and with civilization falling apart around them, the only people they can truly rely on are each other.”
Yeah well here’s another one that in theory sounds like it might be a pretty sweet holiday horror, but then you watch the trailer and, well….I’ll probably pass. It looks like someone with a low budget was giving it an honest shot but the trailer does little to inspire me to seek this one out for a watch. Here’s the synopsis tho in case you’re feelin’ it with this one: “A group of college students attending a Christmas party at a sorority house that has a sinister past are all stalked by a bloodthirsty killer disguised as Mrs. Claus.’
Nope this isn’t a re-release of the 1989 classic schlock horror movie starring Dan Haggerty. This appears to be some sort of sequel to a movie called “Elf” not the awesome Will Ferrell one either, but another supremely lackluster one from maybe a year ago. Here’s the synopsis: “When a group of friends discover ancient elves locked in a cursed chest, they unknowingly unleash their wrath on the world.” Again, no snow in sight! If you’re going to make a crappy X-mas movie at least get some damn snow! Instead I recommend the Dan Haggerty flick of the same name-that one is awesomely idiotic!
Here’s yet another “killer in Santa costume” horror flick, this time all the way from Norway. To tell you the truth I’m pretty burned out on the whole “killer santa” thing, there’s great movies out there that were made in the 1980’s that do it best. But if you just can’t seem to get enuff of the genre then maybe Christmas Blood will be a must see for you! Here’s the synopsis: ” A murderer gets caught after terrorizing and killing people during Christmas night for past 13 years in Norway. After being in solitary for almost 6 years, psychopath escapes couple days before Christmas night. Police tracks next target of the psychopath to be in small village in the northernmost part of Norway. Group of friends are having reunion in the same village and unexpectedly end up being in part of Santa’s plan.” Hey at least this one takes place somewhere with snow! That being said if you’re looking for in my opinion the BEST killer Santa movie you must track down “Deadly Games” aka “Dial Code Santa” from 1989. It’s a rare french horror film that’s finally getting some attention here in the states this year, a mix of Rambo, Silent Night Deadly Night & Home alone!
I’m actually kinda excited to check out Pooka which is part of Hulu’s anthology series “Into the Dark”, It’s been referred to as Twilight Zone-ish type of horror outing and the whole concept sounds pretty interesting, I’m gonna check this one out for sure this Christmas, here’s the sysnopsis: “A struggling actor gets a holiday season job as a Christmas character in a plush suit to promote the hottest toy of the year, Pooka; he slowly develops two personalities – one when he’s in the suit and one that’s outside it.” It’s concept certainly beats another new “killer in a Santa costume” flick.
So that seems about it this year, are there any missing that I need to see or mention? Let me know!
So the news just dropped that the Netflix Iron Fist series has officially been axed. I can’t say I’m sad about the news, but what I can say I’m sad about’s how badly they dropped the ball on what should have been a live action series that set a new bar for hyperactive kung fu mayhem. Not only did the series NOT deliver the impressive kung fu choreography I’d hoped for, but it was actually some of the most uninspired melee combat I’ve seen put to screen in quite some damn time. As I’ve said before, this show had the potential to feature Danny Rand as one of the best superhuman combatants (Let’s not forget about Shang Chi too) the world has ever seen. Rand should’ve been doing crazy ass stunts, breaking bones left n’ right and flexing his Iron Fist power on the bad guys like it was nobody’s goddamn business!
Instead we got a seriously weak ass plot, an annoying, whiny version of the character and some pretty pathetic action sequences. We never even got Iron Fist in his actual costume either, which in the end is a good thing cuz I don’t wanna watch some craptastic kung fu being performed by a dude wearing the classic IF duds. Add in some utterly forgettable villains and the supporting character of Colleen Wing being more bad ass and like-able than the series’ lead and you’ve got a major problem that finally caught up to leading to it’s ultimate demise. It actually blows my mind that some of these comic book adaptations can have such a hard time coming up with something fans would dig, Iron Fist should have been an easy sell. Somehow out of touch people in the industry always seem to think they know better than the fans? What gives with that these days?!
Anyway the good thing about the show being cancelled is that we don’t have to endure the torture of watching an epic character like Iron Fist being drug through the mud any more. Though it was a true utter failure, this actually frees things up somewhat for the superhero. Though it’s likely that we won’t see another season of the character, as reported we’ll maybe see Danny Rand making cameos in other Marvel Netflix shows, I think that it might eventually lead to a new Iron Fist altogether. Look how fast other properties get the reboot treatment-Spider-man, Fantastic Four, Hulk and most recently Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker. So why not Danny Rand?!
A reboot in this case, in the form of a movie would be exactly what I’d love to come to fruition, one that takes an entirely new approach. I’d love to see Iron Fist portrayed by someone who’s got the real skills and choreographed by someone who’s ready to knock kung fu fan’s socks off. I’d posted before how the Iron Fist action sequences should have been something more like Tony Jaa’s stunning performance in “The Protector”, for one second imagine Tony had a cool Iron Fist costume on in this scene:
So Yeah I’m glad Iron Fist is over for now, bummed they fucked it up so bad, but hey eventually someone who knows how to make excellent kung fu action on screen AND provide a compelling story for the character WILL indeed come along to give Rand some redemption, at least for now we can hope for that. Now at least I don’t have to sit through another 10 hours of mediocre / subpar Netflix “superhero” programming…..
I’ve recently discovered a cool project going on right now that’s producing a brand new cut of the The Last Jedi, a film that’s aggressively divided the Star Wars fan base into two camps. People either love it or hate it seems. I’m honestly not a fan of The Last Jedi, I really tried my best to like it, I really wanted to as I thoroughly enjoyed ‘The Force Awakens’ despite it being a bit on the derivative side of the galaxy. Well without wasting any more time ripping on Rian Johnson’s movie, there’s a movie editor out there who’s decided to tackle The Last Jedi giving it a full on makeover.
Yeah I know there’s a lot of people out there that try stuff like this, but Ivan Ortega has some real experience editing movies and tv shows under his belt. It appears with his new Youtube channel that he himself was pretty disappointed with the movie and decided to use his skills to entirely re-edit the movie changing many of it’s major plot points, trimming out the fat and even attempting to add in entirely new scenes altogether.
At first I had my doubts about the execution of these things and wondered about how cheesy it might end up, but after watching a few of his videos about the progress he’s already made on the project, I’m really now quite intrigued with seeing his version of the movie. You wanted a real Luke Skywalker/Kylo Ren lightsaber duel? You didn’t like the Cantobite casino planet sub plot? Perhaps you were disappointed in the way Admiral Ackbar was killed off screen like it was no big deal? Totally bummed they killed of Luke? Hey maybe you thought Holdo was acting a little off when she could’ve revealed that she had a real plan to Poe? Well then I think you’re gonna wanna check this out.
This new cut just might piece things together in a much more cohesive way and even give many fans a better vision of just what could have been for the last of the Skywalker saga. If you’ve had a hard time digesting ‘The Last Jedi’ you should really check this out, it looks like a ton of fun and so far I think this new edit just might end up pleasing a lot of disgruntled Star Wars fans. The movie will utilize deleted scenes as well that might’ve given the original a bit more heart & emotion plus give the fans of the old characters a bit more satisfaction, rather than “killing the past” this version is looking to add some balance to the old vs new character narrative. Check it out!!
The full scoop:
Dang it, it’s now official ‘Ash Vs. Evil Dead’ has been cancelled by Starz. I’m gonna admit, I’m pretty bummed out about this news as for decades I’d always hoped for Bruce Campbell to return to the iconic role of Ash Williams which he brilliantly portrayed in the Evil Dead & Army of Darkness films from the 80’s and early 90’s. When it was announced the series was a go in 2015 I was beyond thrilled. I’m fully up to date on season 3 and to this point I’m still a big fan of the series. I think it’s been a mighty fun gory and gooey ride and was fully looking forward to seeing where season 4 might take us. It seemed the show from the start had quite a big buzz and lots of Evil Dead fans were there to check it out the mayhem. Over time however, the viewership shrunk and of course it also ended up being one of the most pirated shows on the internet. At the end of the day we’ve gotta wonder what the hell went wrong here ultimately?
Aside from people pirating the show and being a bunch of cheap skate Evil Dead fans I’d say there’s a couple issues at hand that might have led to it’s demise (the show being on Starz honestly was a problem from the start-because who the hell has Starz to begin with?). The good was we had Bruce back wisecracking his way in and out of every episode. We had a ton of old school 80’s inspired gore galore & it seemed that perhaps was all that fans needed to keep interested in the series. But perhaps that’s not quite the case? If I look at it critically, even though I adore the show and really didn’t expect much more than what we got there’s a few things I think may have hindered it’s success. I’m not sure first of all that the story presented throughout the three seasons was really interesting enough to keep most on board for THREE full seasons. At a half hour each in length that’s a lot of slapstick horror for most people & one season may have been just enough? Not for me.. Continue reading
I’d been curious for a while what was going to happen to everybody’s least favorite Netflix dud superhero series ‘Iron Fist’. Well turns out we’re going to get a sequel to one of the most boring superhero adventures I’ve ever seen! Yeah, Iron Fist season one was truly a challenge to sit through, how the hell they were able to make a superhuman kung fu master with a glowing fist a bore is beyond me. So they’re gonna give this shit another whirl and the fact that they haven’t given up on it all together leads me to believe that they just MUST have some sort of redemption coming for our spoiled lil’ slightly annoying millionaire Danny Rand. Filming is set to begin soon and we’ve even got a new Iron Fist Season 2 promo pic!
I’ll check out the first episode when it hits BUT if things don’t get awesome within the span of that single episode I’m out!! There’s not much revealed thus far except that it’s rumored the incredibly lame “Steel Serpent” will return (whoopdeedoo) and that also the other villain will be a character called Tanya Parker, who’ll become a female assassin character from the pages of Marvel comics. In order for Iron Fist to capture anyone’s attention anymore on Netflix a few things need to happen.
FIRST, As I mentioned earlier the first episode of season two has got to be fucking amazing. Period. If it starts off with some boring ass plot with Danny “Bland” Rand involved in some corporate BS at Rand Enterprises that no one gives a damn about it’s over. They need to start off with a big bang in episode one doing something we haven’t seen before in any of the Marvel Netflix stuff and they need to do it damn quick! No more boring ass shit like this please:
SECOND, the action better be off the rails this time around! I really couldn’t believe just how terrible the martial arts were executed in the first season. For a show who’s main character is a superhuman martial arts prodigy we got some serious boring ass, terribly executed, bland action sequences. This show needs to set the superhuman kung fu dial to eleven and bring us the most insane action sequences we’ve seen on the small screen. They should be taking notes on past movies from the likes of Sammo Hung, Jackie Chan & Tony Jaa, they need to watch ‘The Raid’ the night before filming. Seriously, it’s time to go the distance with Netflix Marvel, they’ve got the budget, so bring in a real kung fu choreographer and amp up the kung fu to crazy new heights. That alone will bring in the fans. A true spectacle is what this show needs badly. Check out this clip and seriously imagine Danny Rand doing some shit like this:
THIRD, I have a truly wild ‘n crazy idea Marvel…..PUT IRON FIST IN HIS DAMN COSTUME! Geezus, Marvel has got a lot to learn, when doing a show about a superhero, don’t be afraid to feature said superhero and his villains in their damn costumes from the comic book! What an idea huh?!!! Danny Rand was pretty damn boring in season one, make the dude a bit more compelling in season two and on top of that, I have an idea what might make him even more interesting-his fucking costume!!! The character will become so much more than some boring rich spoiled white dude if you give him his superhero duds. Even just adding the mask to his look generates a ton of excitement, imagine for a moment a new Netflix Batman series, but in it, Batman doesn’t wear a costume, it’s just Bruce Wayne running around town beating up bad guys in a Lexus he calls “The Batmobile”….are people gonna dig that?
LASTLY, tell a better story, the first season was fucking painful. Waaaay to long. Cut his show down to six or eight episodes tops. Give us a short, sweet action packed kung fu adventure. No more board room meetings and plots involving his lames ass corporation. Go to interesting places, leave the city behind even, I’m kinda tired of the setting of all these shows in New York, It’s getting sorta played out at this point. Let’s see some fantastical shit go down, as his character allows for things to go off the rails a bit more than say Jessica Jones, Cage & Daredevil. This shit isn’t rocket science, watch a couple rad kung flicks to see what will make this show work!!!
What do you think would make Iron Fist an interesting show? Am I way off base here or what? At this point I think I’d rather watch this Iron Fist fan film! Way better kung fu action-seriously.
I’ve been soooo pumped for ‘Cult of Chucky’ ever since the stunning after credits scene of the awesome previous installment ‘Curse of Chucky’ back in 2013. So this week I wasted no time when it was released streaming on Netflix tuesday, the question was it worth the wait for all of us Chucky-fans?!
Overall I’m gonna say it was a pretty compelling sequel, but it for me didn’t quite live up to the full on battle royale I was hoping for between Andy Barclay (yeah the actor kid, Alex Vincent, from the first two movies returns!!) and ol’ Chuck. Once I got past that aspect of the movie, the fact of the matter is that it brings some great new twists and turns to now ongoing epic story of the legendary killer Good Guy doll. I guess in my head I pictured Andy being more of the main focus of this one, finally settling the score once and for all. From the movie’s strong start we get an awesome glimpse into Andy’s world now and how he’s become somewhat of a gun toting, weapon wielding badass (still claiming though he’s all for gun control). I love the opening sequence and it alone has some great surprises that will get your heart a pumpin’.
The majority of the rest of the movie follows ‘Nica’, Charles Lee Ray’s daughter (Fiona Dourif) as she’s imprisoned in a mental institution, brainwashed, believing Chucky isn’t real and in fact she’s the one responsible for the murderous rampage of the last film. Along the way we meet some interesting characters in the psyche ward and of course Jennifer Tilly, who looks totally amazing still somehow by the way, returns to start some major mischief herself! This one’s full of crazy surprises, plot twists and some ultra impressive gory moments. It’s also got it’s fair share of comedy, some of it landing and some it not so much. Chucky looks pretty awesome too and this time around they’ve steered away from using any CG to enhance his movement or face. There are a few dodgy scenes of CG I could have done without and to be quite honest I wasn’t a big fan of the “way too shiny” look of the insane asylum but hey maybe that’s how these places actually look in 2017?
Without spoiling anything I can say there are some great scenes involving Andy and it’s really great have him back for old fans of the franchise, I mean who’d have ever thought we’d see the original actor back again in the role?! I also really love the ending of this movie, at least the new insane development it brings to the table, what the HELL happens next? We’re left with a great cliffhanger, part of me was a bit surprised when the movie ended, it seemed like the finale was really ramping up and then boom it was over, to me a bit too soon. Overall though ‘Cult of Chucky’ shows how a horror franchise can continue on without being given a flimsy forgettable Hollywood remake. It adds a bizarre new chapter to the Child’s Play story with fresh new ideas and surprises a’ plenty-what did you think?!
OH yeah, the Netflix version doesn’t for some reason feature the after credits sequence that’s on the DVD – seek it out if you’re a big fan of the movies, it’s another great scene and return of a classic character from the franchise!!