Slim Pickins’ for 2012 Holiday Horror…

The season is upon us again already! My how times flies huh? Well I decided to do a quick little bit of research to find out what this Christmas brings in the way of Holiday Horror. What I found was barely worth mentioning! Nope there will be no “Rare Exports” this year at the theaters. If you haven’t seen Rare Exports you better ad it to your list, it’s easily the one of the best Holiday Horror films ever made. What we will get really is another remake on the 30th with a limited release.

‘Silent Night, Deadly Night’ has been renamed simply ‘Silent Night’. It actually looks ok, well maybe I am just saying that because of Malcom Mcdowell starring in it. Here’s the trailer to a movie I hadn’t even realized was being released.

Well that can’t be the ONLY holiday Horror flick this year can it? Nope there’s another one that when I read about sounded like a winner. ‘Christmas with the Dead’ is based upon a short story by Joe R. Landsdale who also wrote Bubba Ho-tep. However hold your excitement because this one looks like a real clunker to me….

Lastly I found one other movie with holiday themed Horror this year, it’s called ‘The Christmas Mummy’ and appears to be a no budget horror flick made in Wisconsin, my home state and played this year at the Oshkosh Horror Film Festival. I really only found this one trailer for it, but it looked like a fun little movie made by some film makers in the heart of America’s dairyland. So to throw some props out there for their creative efforts I am posting what appears to be the only trailer for this film….

My question to all of you is – did I miss something?

Did ‘INDESTRUCTIBLE HULK #1’ Satisfy My Gamma Cravings?

There’s a lot of hype surrounding Marvel NOW! titles that we are finally seeing hit the shelves. Being a big fan of The Incredible Hulk
I was curious about this new title, as honestly it’s been quite a while since I have read a new Hulk comic I really dug. So here we have it today, hot off the presses, Indestructible Hulk #1!

So first I have to admit, I am not a fan of Leinil Yu’s art. So naturally knowing he was illustrating the book wasn’t exactly an exciting thing for me. However, it’s The Hulk we speak of here so I decided to let go of any preconceived notions I may have had about disliking the art. I have to say though, I wasn’t ecstatic about what I saw, I will admit the artwork was at the very least sufficient. What I really mean is that I can live with it. So onto the story Continue reading →

Nukie Nuked My Brain!

Saturday night I had the pleasure of watching NUKIE a little known shiny turd of a film from 1988! It was jam packed with crap! It followed the story of an annoying pair of aliens who crash land on earth, one in Africa and one in America. It’s supposed to be like some sort of hybrid of E.T. and Close Encounters except just really ultra suck-tas-tic in about every way imaginable!

This movie tries pretty hard to be cutesy and have a lot to say but in reality it’s just an excuse to use and animatronic alien head for two hours! Yeah that’s pretty much all this one has got ‘going’ for it and once the semi decent Nukie puppet alien face charm wears off you’ll be wondering how the hell this pile of dung ever got funded! This movie is full of weird stereotypes as well.

Nukie our main alien character runs around the African fields with his runny nose and befriends a pair of local tribal boys. There he does weird dances for them, asks random giraffes if he’s in America, irritates locals, transforms into blue glowing orbs and hijacks a helicopter with a monkey in a diaper. Yes this movie also features a weird ass super fucking annoying talking chimp who of course wears human clothes.

When he first appeared on screen and started mouthing off his incredibly irritating dialogue I had to restrain myself from getting off the couch and throwing my friend’s television out the damn second story window! From what my Nukie-fried brain can remember there wasn’t a single reason why this chimp could or should have the ability to speak english. Perhaps just being in the presence of Nukie gave him the superhuman ability to become one of the most annoying talking animals I have ever seen on screen. Later that night I had repeated dreams about washing that chimps mouth out with a bar of poison soap! Yep he makes the movie worthwhile alone!

That’s not all though, Nukie’s twin buddy Niko hangs out at this super boring NASA base, and every time they cut to the NASA scenes the movie suddenly sounds like the opening narration to an episiode of Dragnet! Yeah and boy do they love to show the same view of the NASA building over and over and over. There though Nukie’s buddy is experimented on by super lame scientists that hang out around a super computer that essentially does nothing but spit out useless information and weird ass dance music.

The rest of the movie is kind of a blur, but Nukie and Niko finally meet up and escape and guess what? They actually take the talking chimp along with them! I mean these two aliens have got to be suffering from severe nuclear brain damage to do a thing like that? If only we could get a sequel that followed these three idiots around for another 2 hours! Beware of this films it sucks bad and MUST be watched!!!

Don’t Make Me ANGRY!! Mister Saturday HULKS out!

HULK SMASH! Yesterday I released my second music video!

Yes, the rumors are true. I am a part time Nerdcore reggae rapper called Mister Saturday. I have done dozens of songs about things I love like Star Trek, Three’s Company, Dungeons & Dragons, Godzilla, 1980’s action flicks, Land of the Lost and most recently The Incredible Hulk!

So naturally I just had to pay some homage to the big green guy as he’s my favorite superhero of all time, so I did a song about & video about turning into a Hulk myself and how the average day could be a lot more risky when you’ve got a short fuse and the potential to turn green! So please check it out-hopefully it will put a big green smile on your face!

H

R.I.P. Hostess: Classic Twinkie Moments!!.

Could it be true? The Twinkie is gone forever?! No more Ho Ho’s?! No more Ding Dongs?! Or those fruit pies? Or those Cup Cakes? Well truth be told I never ate many Twinkies or Hostess stuff in general when I was a kid, I really wanted to but Mom was always warning me that they were way too bad for me to consume! I was more of a Little Debbie kinda guy. That probably wasn’t much better really. I did however seriously love the Marvel Twinkie mini comics they’d put into the regular issues!

Anyway today we hear the news that Twinkies may be gone for good (which I highly doubt) I can’t say I am too sad but somewhere people are probably really upset! So here’s a few vintage Twinkie commercials in honor of one of the strangest most unhealthy kids snacks of all time!


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Screw The Transformers and Check Out Karate Robo Zaborgar!

Who doesn’t love a transforming robot?! Have you ever met anyone who didn’t? I never have but I have met plenty of people who hate the Michael Bay Transformers movies! Leave it to Bay to screw up a simple lovable concept with the greatest of ease. So I am here to say fuck Michael Bay and his stupid Labeouf Transformers. Please people don’t try and defend the franchise because you heard Mark Wahlberg is going to star in the next one because guess what? It’s gonna SUCK big time regardless!

So instead, all of you people who like transforming robots and a helluva lot of fun, need to check out Karate Robo Zaborgar! It’s a super fun movie that won’t let you down the way Bay does. Instead fans of say The Shogun Warriors, Godzilla and those 1970’s and early 80’s Japanese robot cartoons will eat this one up! Director Noboru Iguchi who’s also responsible for films like Machine Girl and Robo Geisha brings the weird and wacky in this feature film about a man and his Transforming Robot “brother” which is basically split into two one hour episodes. The movies run time is really the only problem it had, it’s not at all boring but maybe just a tad long. For some reason it seems a lot of Asian cinema I’ve watched recently has a bit too long a run time. Maybe it’s just me though?

However the movie is jammed packed with ridiculous villains, monsters, ultra cute women (watch out for the dragon breasts!!!) kung fu fighting and one weird ass love story. I had a great time with this one, it brought to mind Jet Jaguar, Ultraman and The Power Rangers only with one weird ass situation after another. So if you are in the mood for a great unusual treat, grab some beers and your best buddies and behold this gem!

Brian Posehn Couldn’t Even Make Deadpool Funny!

I just got done reading the new Marvel Now! Deadpool issue number one. This issue was co-written by Brian Posehn, a move Marvel has made to truly show you just how “hilarious” Deadpool is as a character. Though the issue was a decent fun read I expected a lot more in the comedy department having Posehn attached to this. The thing is I really do like Deadpool! He’s got cool powers, the Weapon X connection, a rad costume however this guy just isn’t funny. I have never read an issue where Deadpool is actually funny.

More so I would say he’s one of those guys that think’s he’s a genius comic genius when in actuality you just want him to keep his trap shut! I know you know someone like this, they never quit either they just keep cracking “quirky” jokes that no one laughs at with the ferocity of the Energizer Bunny.

So that’s the guy Deadpool is to me. The annoying friend who doesn’t know when to quit. He’s not funny. He’s just irritating. For some reason I don’t think that’s the guy Marvel thinks Deadpool is though. Hell they even got the brilliant Posehn on his side and he still just comes across like a stale donut. Besides that fact that I just had to put out there, the new issue was a fun read overall with nice artwork by Tony Moore. It follows a story of ex Presidents of the USA who are brought back to life as evil zombie versions of themselves, plotting to take over the country. Naturally S.H.I.E.L.D. hires Deadpool to take them down. I will be around for issue number two just for my love of Posehn and Moore, however we’ll see if the laughs improve over time.

I have to ask you all am I crazy? Is Deadpool actually funny? Am I missing something? Is my sense of humor cracked? If he has ever been funny what issues showcase his comedic brilliance?

Is Mark Hamill Just Too Damn OLD for Star Wars Episode VII?!

Sorry folks I had computer problems for the whole last week and wasn’t able to effectively blog unless blogging from a smart phone sounds fun? Anyway I kinda missed reporting my thoughts on the whole Star Wars future trilogy / Disney fiasco. So first let me say I think it’s a great thing that we finally got Star Wars away from Lucas. Sorry George! I also think this will mean BETTER films for the franchise. The prequels can’t be erased from our minds sadly but maybe we can tarnish off the shit that has been coating Star Wars and get something truly amazing that the fans will lose their god damn minds over. I have a feeling that is exactly what we’ll get. In fact I think a great director will be chosen and like J.J. Abrams did for Star Trek this director will do similars wonders for Star Wars.

So today I want to address the fact that we are getting major speculation that Episode Seven will feature possibly Luke Skywalker, Leia and Han Solo. They won’t be casting new actors, they will be including Hamill, Fisher and Ford. I’ve already heard people bitching about this idea, calling them too old to carry a movie. Quite possibly this really could be the case. I however think that with a few younger cast members the movie could be rounded out perfectly and capture the nostalgia for longtime fans and younger fans alike. My real focus here though is on Luke Skywalker. I feel Episode Seven must feature Hamill as Luke, much like the way the last Star Trek movie featured Nimoy as Spock. However I’d like to see Luke as a major player in the movie rather than a cameo, maybe not first billed but a great supporting part played. So let’s cut the small talk and get to the point is he too old for the role?

That’s what I hear people saying, however one thing that has been a constant theme in Star Wars is one simple fact. A Jedi is dangerous, but and OLD Jedi is the most lethal and deadly of them all. Obi-Wan, Yoda, Vader, Dooku? Need I go on?

So this makes perfect sense to me to have Mark Hamill return as an older Jedi. I mean I almost wish Hamill was even older for the role. I imagine him training someone in the Jedi Ways and having to fight along side his student/students against whatever threat is chosen for the next film. I’d also agree that Hamill would have to take this role very seriously, I mean he better be running on the damn treadmill as I type this. All we need is him to get back into shape, he can look old as shit but he’s got to look like he can still kick some major butt with a lightsaber. I also think it could possibly end up being the most bad ass Skywalker role yet if done tastefully. I think it’s a must, it would tie the films together and make a lot of sense. Now Harrison Ford & Carrie Fisher? I’m not so certain about. What I do know is these movies cannot possibly be worse than the prequels, so whatever we get will seem like a god damn Academy Award winner next to the last few films. One thing to seriously consider is who else could return form the past for these movies? Bring ’em on Disney!

He’s BACK: Arnold Returns to the Big Screen as King CONAN!

Word on the street today is that Arnold finally used some of his barbaric wisdom and decided to return to the screen as one of his best roles of well…all time. Deadline reports that he’s indeed reprising his role as Conan the Barbarian. I blogged here that it was the one role that would truly make sense for him at his age in his career. The first film ended with an older King Conan sitting on his throne in a pondering position remember? Well it seems that he’s going to put on the crown for another adventure! I am a big fan of the first two films…yeah I even like the second one-so what?! So to me this is exciting news!

Also I might add that just one night ago I finally decided to give the new reboot of Conan a watch. Yeah it totally blew, but honestly not quite quite as bad as I was expecting. It was however just plain bad and not quite painfully bad. Momoa was though was a pretty god awful Conan and I can see why it was panned so hard by critics. So it’s nice to know I can erase it from my mind! Now Arnold will really need to hit the Gym because we all know we can’t have a flabby ass Conan!

The movie will be called The Legend of Conan and this is what Deadline reported from the films producer: “The original ended with Arnold on the throne as a seasoned warrior, and this is the take of the film we will make,” Malmberg siad. “It’s that Nordic Viking mythic guy who has played the role of king, warrior, soldier and mercenary, and who has bedded more women than anyone, nearing the last cycle of his life. He knows he’ll be going to Valhalla, and wants to go out with a good battle.”