Universal Dork

The Most Unsuccessful Blog on the 'Net Since 2009!

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  • Deadbeat at Dawn: Bad Movie Bliss!

    Sometimes I just leave my queue on Netflix run it’s course, I still have a Dvd account by the way, meaning that I have like two hundred movies in waiting. Often I forget to move stuff around and I get those weird wild card flicks gracing my dvd player. Sometimes when bored I’ll load up my queue with a bunch of weird shit I have never heard of. Often upon viewing these I end up much a much more elightened movie buff while other times the movies suck so bad I don’t last fifteen minutes. However this week I hit the jackpot! “Deadbeat at Dawn” is easily one the most memorable “bad” movies I’ve seen in quite some time.

    DEADBEAT_AT_DAWN

    Filmed in 86′ and released in ’88 Deadbeat at Dawn was written & directed by Jim Van Bebber who also stars as the films main Character, anti-hero “Goose”. Bebber also did all the special effects and performs all of his own stunts, one of which Van Beeber jumps off a city bridge! This guy pretty much did anything it took to make this film as action packed with such a small budget. Nunchucks, ninja stars, gang fights, drugs, booze this one has got it all. It will make you think twice before joining a street gang that’s for sure! Goose however decides it’s time to quit the gang so that him and his girlfriend can start a legit life together. However when his girl is brutally murdered by gang members with golf clubs, he hits rock bottom and wants nothing more than to avenge her death, and boy does he get the damn job done!!

    Deadbeat_at_Dawn_8

    It’s been quite a while since I have seen a movie with an ending that kicked so much ass. It’s jam packed with so much hyperactive action it’s hard to keep your breath. Seriously, the last 30 minutes, which Bebber apparently filmed first to try and generate interest in this film from the industry back in ’86, is some of the most ridiculously awesome cinema I’ve seen in years. That’s not to say the film isn’t a bit on the nasty side as there’s not really one likable character in it. Nope, pretty much everyone is a mean spirited prick even the lead character Goose. Even when Goose is trying to be “nice” he still comes across as a total fucktard. We really only see glimmers of a good guy toward the films finale, what can you expect from a self proclaimed “Deadbeat” huh? Well all that aside it’s pretty inspiring filmaking by a guy who wanted to make a film you wouldn’t forget, I know I won’t forget this one anytime soon…

  • Comic Book Cover of the Week: Daredevil Tightens The Noose…

    Daredevil to me has always been Marvel’s answer to Batman. He’s a vigilante searching the streets at night for whatever scum may be lurking in the shadows. He’s also had some pretty dark story lines over the years and this particular comic book cover drawn by John Romita Jr. is about as dark as it gets. This particular issue follows Matt Murdock during his “nomadic” spree where he wanders around the city after burning his belongings. He stays in a small bed and breakfast and helps a married couple in need sever their ties with their criminal family. During this period we get a very dark Daredevil indeed. This cover is a fave of mine…

    daredevil

  • The Top 10 Superheroes You Wanna Party With!

    It’s now the new year YAY! 2015. Everyone has now felt the heavy hangover that comes along with New Years once again. Everyone attended parties and got wild and crazy! So lately I’ve been thinking about my favorite superheroes and if I were throw a party, just which of them I’d invite. It’s an interesting idea figuring out who’d get an invitation and as much as I love The Incredible Hulk he’s the last guy you want at the party. First off Banner would be a total bore, that is unless he got pissed off, then you’d have real trouble on your hands! Plus imagine The Hulk wasted, it’d be nearly impossible to have a conversation with his already limited vocabulary! People like Captain America and Superman can stay home too, drink milk and nibble on cookies because the last thing you need at a party are a coupla’ goody two-shoes!

    carol drunk

    So just who the hell are the best of the best to party down with? Well use my guide next year and make sure these superhumans are on the A-list! They’re certain to provide plenty of entertainment to any party! So let’s get started!

    Number 10. Iron Man
    Who the hell doesn’t want a rich playboy at their party? Hell, Tony Stark is one of the most famous alcoholics in comic book history! He also could fund the entire thing himself for you, and bring al of his hot ladyfriends along with him to really liven things up. The only problem could be that Tony may not know when to quit and could end up lingering at your house far into the afternoon of the next day. You’d have to be careful because he’d most likely be the guy who’d have you back partying in the A.M. leaving you with a heavy week long hangover to recover from. Bottom line Stark just don’t know when to quit!

    Demon%20in%20a%20Bottle%202

    Also just make sure he’s not depressed, he’s known to be quite an annoying drunk when he’s down and out. Invite with caution!

    Number 9. The Sandman
    What? You didn’t know ol’ Sandy was a party animal? You betcha, though he’s a bit of a rogue he’s a great guy to invite to the party! He’ll come equipped with a bunch of interesting stories and he’s always willing to bring the beer! Little known fact the Sandman is a drinking bud of Ben Grimm and has even visited Grimm in the hospital….with a bunch of beer! Sandman is a good guy to know but a bit of a wild card, he’ll be a lot of fun but you may have to keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn’t steal your cash from outta your wallet while you’re taking a leak!

    MTIO96_Sandman

    Number 8. The Badger
    Yep this guy will most definitely make your party interesting and he’s from my home state of Wisconsin to boot. Badger is quite an interesting character who just so happens to love partying! Being from the land of cheese he’s quite able and willing to down as much beer as you can put in front of him but he also has multiple personalities, lives with a Wizard named “Ham” and has an odd habit of calling everyone “Larry”. He also can speak to animals so if you have any pets you can be rest assured that they’ll have a great time as well! He’s probably the only superhero who’s played tug a war with Spuds MacKenzie for a beer. The only problem is he’s completely bat shit crazy-wait is that a problem?

    badger drunk

    Number 7. She-Hulk
    Hell yeah we need some female energy at the party for sure and why the heck shouldn’t it be She-Hulk? She’s super funny, a total babe and incredibly flirtatious! You know she’s gonna show up to the party dressed to impress too!

    she-hulk_the_thing_beer_drinking

    Plus she can drink any party bro under the table but watch out cuz she’s been known to hit on guys pretty hard too after drinking a bit too much, just check out how she threw herself on The Thing! Dang this would not fly in 2018!


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  • Amazing Animated Short Shorts! The Hulk Runs Out of Toilet Paper!

    I just discovered three of the most kick ass animated short films yesterday, I liked them so much that I had to share them here. Now don’t get me wrong I love the new Pixar type animation, I really do, but I still have a soft spot for the old school type animated cartoons. You know the ones that look like they were hand drawn. Well I seemed to have hit the jackpot with these three little cartoons!

    David Stodonly has animated at Dreamworks for about ten years now and done films like “Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, Kung Fu Panda 2 & How to Train Your Dragon” to name a few. Here in these shorts he’s decided to animate some crazy great shorts old school style by drawing by hand and his style and fluid movement reminds me of one of my faves, Don Bluth. Check these out and demand he create more!
    The first one is right up my alley as it’s about a little everyday occurance that turns Banner into The Hulk!

    The Hunger Games…which is quite Bizarre!

    Finally a completely awesome Harry Potter cartoon..

  • Older Movies With Bad CGI! I Call for a Special Effects Do Over!

    Ever watch a movie a great movie with terrible CG? Of course you have! I’m not sure about you but they really tend to bother me. Movies that are so good but the CG skills just weren’t up to par and just leave you with an empty feeling inside. There’s tons of movies that fit into this category and as I recently rewatched “The Frighteners”, one of Peter Jackson’s best films, I had an idea. What if Weta were to redo the CG effects in that film? What if they released it as say the ‘Ultimate Edition” or whatever lame new name they could come up with. Imagine how much better that movie would hold up today if the CG was tweaked?

    I think a LOT of movies in the 1990’s and even in to the 2000’s sufferered from a case of “not quite ready” CG. Some of those movies were pretty damn good too. Let’s take a movie like “The Mist” which is one of my faves, however the CG in the movie is laughable and when it hit’s the screen I cringe every time. But what if they had a few people touch it up? Or redo it all together? Imagine The Mist with better effects. Would there be an outcry from fans? Would people say “how dare they” like when Lucas added all of his extra bullshit to the original Star Wars trilogy? Or do people hold their terrible CG effects sacred like us old Horror buffs do with the practical old school effects of the 70’s and 80’s? An interesting question I’d like to know the answer to I think.

    Hell Lucas could even do over the CG in episodes 1-3! I wouldn’t even make a peep! In fact since he likes adding shit constantly to his old films I say we start a campaign to get him to ad respectable CG to all of those films! Honestly that CG was some of the worst shit I have ever seen. So what do all of you think? Do you stand by the terrible computer generated effects of the earlier years? Do you hold them sacred? Close to your heart? Or would you like to see maybe just how they should have could look today? I mean nothing would have to be re-shot they could simply erase the old. I could be onto something? Or perhaps just crazy…

  • Comic Book cover of the Week! A Classic Monster Brawl From Bernie Wrightson!

    Bernie Wrightson is easily one of the BEST artists ever in the world of comic books and fantasy. If you want a monster drawn right in an eerie landscape he’s the man for the job. Which is why he most likely drew this weeks cover of the week.

    The Incredible Hulk #197 has got the Hulk facing off against another of Marvel’s classic green behemoths Man-Thing! This issue back from 1976, when comics where only a quarter (gasp!) features these two brutes going toe to toe, of course though the evil Collector has something to do with with this deathmatch! Wrightson was well know for Swamp Thing so it’s a treat to see him pencil the mighty Man-Thing and the Hulk. Wrightson would later return for the classic Hulk & Thing team up graphic novel from 1987 “The Big Change” another awesome monster filled story…

  • This Christmas The Krampus Gets More Than He Bargained For!

    Here’s a little picture drawn by yours truly, an idea I hope to someday illustrate to comic book form. This one is called “A Creature Was Stirring” and it’s based on the idea of the legendary Krampus who comes to collect naughty kids on Christmas eve, following Santa’s orders. Things have run smoothly through time for the Krampus as he every year makes his rounds to the homes of mischievous kids all over the world. This particular year however he has run into some problems as he’s met his match in a child who’s not only ready for the Krampus but may be the death of him! Happy Holidays everyone-maybe by next Christmas it’ll be a real book!

    Krampus Comic Book

  • Saruman Delivers Some Power Metal for X-mas!!

    Damn Christopher Lee is a bad ass. He’s played so many great roles in so many great movies and what some people don’t know is that he also makes metal albums! Yeah believe it. He has two out now I believe and his latest efforst is a power metal Christmas album! So everyone out there complaining about lame Christmas songs can shut the fuck up and blast this record as Lee gives us his brilliant take on classic Holiday songs gone metal-check this shit out!

  • The Expendables 3 Plot Ideas With Jackie Chan!

    Hearing that Jackie Chan is going to joining third installment of The Expendables is great news for any action fan! He’s the perfect addition to the team assuming he’s a good guy and not a villain which I don’t think would be a wise casting idea. i also see this as a chance at maybe some better comedic moments. The second flick was pretty hit or miss in the comedy department, it tried awfully hard but Arnold was a bit stiff in his delivery although his presence was very well welcomed. I hope he returns for the third movie in an even bigger role and by that time maybe he’ll have his chops back to form. So adding Chan is a big deal and it makes me wonder who else will be entering the fold?

    So the news of Chan joining is great but what about all these recent plot rumors? First we heard that the next movie was going to switch genres…we all assumed that didn’t mean it’d be a rom com co starring Julia Roberts. It’s been hinted at that the movie would be taking a more sci-fi theme which I think would be great. It’s even been rumored that Sly may finally use the “Hunter” book storyline that he has the rights to. Which would mean the team would be hunting down a gentically mutated mercenary gone on a sadistic killing spree. To me this would be the plot I’d like to see, done perhaps better than the 1982 Chuck Norris flick of similar plot “Silent Rage”!

    It’s also been hinted at by Sly that new blood would be taking over as the third installment would see the old vets retiring and passing the torch to new younger guys who rely on tech like drones and computers to kick the bad guys asses. To me that sounds….lame. Finish the trilogy with a bang. Bring in Segal, Arnold, Mr. T, Ford, Bolo Yeung, The Rock or new guys like Iko Uwais or Tony Jaa. He also said a third possibility would be some females entering the fold. That sounds wonderful bring on Linda Hamilton, Michelle Rodriguez, Brigitte Nielson or yeah Grace Jones!! I have my hopes set high on a sci fi twist, it’d be perfect for the crew….what do you think would be the best for the final chapter?

  • Nightwatch: Marvel’s Biggest Unsuccessful “Spawn” Rip-Off! Or is He?

    I actually only recently discovered the obscure Marvel character called “Nightwatch”, who’s most comedically undeniably a rip off of Spawn! His first appearance was Web Of Spider-man #99 from 1993 and to be honest back in 1993 I wasn’t all that taken with most Marvel titles except maybe Claremont and Jim Lee’s X-men reboot. So it’s no wonder I missed out on this guy. The stories & artwork during this period of comic book history is less than flattering, I’m no big fan of Erik Larsen, Wilce Portacio and the gang to be honest. Well the artwork in “Web” during that times was done by Alex Saviuk and it’s pretty god damn awful. So let’s move on…who the Hell was Nightwatch? Was he really a rip off? First check out his picture…

    Ok so we can agree that perhaps he looks an awful LOT like Spawn! But who came first officially? Well it was indeed Spawn who came first in May of 1992. There has been rumors that Mcfarlane actually created “Nightwatch” before he left Marvel and that Spawn is actually a rip-off of his own character. After searching around the web I honestly couldn’t find the info anywhere on who officially created the character. Could it be true? Could Nightwatch be the legit orginal bad-ass that was created first before the success of Spawn? Well it got me thinking aside from his appearance what other similarities do they share?

    Number one they were both African American. Two they both died, Doctor Kevin Trench (Nightwatch) witnessed his own murder, a future version of himself killed by terrorists, where he discovered the living suit which he acquired off of his own dead body. Spawn was also murdered by a mercenary. Three, they both had living shape shifting capes. So yeah pretty much the same thing. The interesting thing is that Trench is supposedly in a time loop unable to stop himself from discovering his older self. So it’s entirely possible we could see Nightwatch return someday. Perhaps then we can ask him who his creator was? Oh Marvel in the early 1990’s how I love to hate you…