Tagged: review
Friday the 13th Meets The Karate Kid: 1985’s The New Kids!
This last Friday night I had myself a little movie night by myself, real exciting beginning to a weekend huh? Well that’s the life of a dork sometimes I guess. But honestly it could have been a total bust as I have learned many times as I am constantly taking chances on movies trying to find the hidden gems of yesteryear. Usually I end up with some total crap ass movies-the kind that aren’t even good in a bad way, but this time little did I know I was in for a treat!
Well my double feature started out pretty good with 1994’s Brainscan, starring Edward Furlong. This one turned out to be a pretty fun little movie where Furlong orders a new state of the art interactive “video game” from Fangoria magazine and it ends up subliminally turning him into a vicious killer. It also introduces one of the lameest movie monster villains I’ve seen in quite some time, the amazingly not scary at all “Trickster”.
This jerk off is about on par with The Wishmaster if you get my drift. Still it was a decent movie despite some really shitty 1994 CG.
The next movie however was the real deal, Sean “Friday the 13th” Cunningham’s movie “The New Kids” was a real treat all the way back from 1985.
The New Hulk Series: Far From Incredible!
You all must know how disappointed I have been with the Incredible Hulk in the comics for the last few years, the Red Hulk, A-Bomb, The Incredible Hulks….Uggh! I just couldn’t stand it! So naturally I was pumped to have all of that bull shit wrapped up with the mess that was made of the Hulk over the years when I heard that Hulk was going to get a new writer and start over again at number one with Jason Aaron and Mark Silvestri on board. Now here we are at issue number four and I have got to say my attention is seriously faltering.
The concept seemed interesting enough, well sorta, Hulk and Banner have split into two different entities and are at odds with each other. Well too bad John Byrne already did this in his short but brilliant stint / story arc way back in the 80’s. But well we all know how original ideas are hard to come by now days…anyway what we have ended up with is a long haired bearded Hulk who lives in the crust of the earth with the mole men and a psychotic dick of man, Bruce Banner who lives on an the gamma Island of Doctor Moreau. Seriously borrowing a bit TOO much there from Moreau-it’s almost sickening. But hey what the hell right it’s the Hulk?
Well for some reason Banner is trying to turn into the Hulk again but it ain’t working and he’s become a mad man, sending his Doc Moreau clones after the real Hulk and pissing him off. So the Hulk decides to go after Banner once and for all…oh yeah the Hulk is intelligent again. How the hell is it determined these days if he’s a mindless monster, a child like brute or an intelligent bad ass? I have been confused for years about this all. Anyway Amanda Von Doom (no relation to Doctor Doom, apparently that’s a common last name?!) has gotten the Hulk to help her destroy Banner because her group of assassins takes down mad scientists exclusively. How convenient huh?
Now they head toward Gamma Banner Moreau island and get attacked by Hulk Sharks, Hulk bats, Hulk Tiger men ect. It’s a pretty weak story if you ask me…I almost prefer Abomb to this really. Then there’s a question of the art, I used to like Silvestri, but today his sketchy art reminds me more of slightly talented Rob Liefeld, I also don’t really dig the long haired handsome bearded “hunk” Hulk that is portrayed here-or for that matter the “old Hulk” they for some reason draw on the cover with his “foot ball player / meat head high top” bowl cut. To make matters worse they have got Whilce Portacio stepping in on issue #4 for some seriously crap-tas-tic artwork that’d make Liefield cringe in his Levi’s 501’s & Doc Martens. I think I just have to say it-the Hulk sucks again!!! How is that possible? Am I crazy Hulk fans?! Have I gone mad and this shit is actually brilliant?! I am hoping this story ends soon and a new writer and artist take it over….hey Mantlo, Stern, David, Jones, Byrne and Buscema rescue me from this ongoing Hulk Nightmare!!
Mutant Hunt’s Matt Riker Has Got All the Wrong Moves!!
Wow I have just finished watching “Mutant Hunt” a movie I have wanted to see since I was a kid! This movie was worth the wait, if you are a fan of superhumanly bad movies like I am-especially ones that are really trying hard to cool. Well 1987’s Mutant Hunt delivers the suck in a HUGE way! First off I have to mention that when I was a kid I used to see this one at the video store all the time, the cover was always one of my favorites, I’m sure there were a few people fooled into renting this back in the day expecting something as rad as The Terminator, what they got though may be just as enjoyable. Besides what more could you ask for? It’s got hot babes, Matt Riker’s steamy sex appeal, mutant cyborgs, 80’s punks and lots of kung fu!! Aounds like a winner huh?
Look this movie follows a story of an evil mastermind named Z who turns an army of cyborgs against the people of Manhattan, while holding their inventor prisoner. Supposedly he’s given them violent sexual urges, however not one cyborg does anything remotely riske throughout the entire flick! However Matt Riker, ace martial arts master / cyborg hunter surely gets his fair share of action!! Yes Matt Riker is the handsome stud who’s got some of the most awful karate moves I have ever seen! Don’t believe me check this SHIT out as he kicks cyborg ass in his tightie whitey’s!!
In fact pretty much everyone in this movie seems to be mentally challenged when it comes to hand to hand combat-believe me there’s a ton of it in here too thank god! Also it seems that the cyborgs wear black sunglasses because we all know that’s clearly a cyborg fashion trend of the 80’s and have arms that grow and stretch, um stretch very very very slowly that is. There’s a pretty rad cyborg though that’s got most of his face ripped open that’s pretty rad who hangs out for most of the movies final act, this must have been a lot of the movies budget along with the cool cover art. The movie’s cover also suggests the movie was “too gory for the silver screen” but that’s not the case here folks-it was merely too shitty for the silver screen! Clocking in at under 75 minutes this one’s bound to be a crowd pleaser and one that Mystery Science Theater 3000 would have had a blast with…
How Could it Be? I Just Now Saw “My Science Project”?!
Yes it’s true I just saw 1985’s “My Science Project” for the first time last week! What?! Maybe you have never seen it either? Well if that’s the case get your booty onto Netflix or wherever you get your movies and rent it now! If you are like me and love 80’s teen comedies packed with a bunch of cool sci-fi and dinosaurs then this is your movie! The basic premise is that Mega Gearhead Michael needs to come up with a science project so he can graduate, only problem all he does with his time is work on cars. So much that his bitchy girlfriend dumps him and he ends up hanging out with the even hotter (yet supposed to be nerdy) Ellie by default. They end up running around in an old military junk yard and stumble up a strange device which Michael decides is going to be what he passes off as his science project. He takes it home and starts messing around with it and it seems to transport things and people to other dimensions.
Madness ensues and without spoiling the whole movie I will say this, it’s got some great goofy 80’s adventure along the lines of Weird Science or the Goonies. It’s got Dennis Hopper playing the washed out hippie science teacher, crazy neanderthals and an over the top annoying side kick teenage buddy along the lines of Evil Ed from Fright Night. It’s also got cute nerd girls and lots of great 80’s electricity that I love so much. So if you’re a dork for the 80’s check out this one it’s about as perfect as they come, as long as you don’t take it too seriously…..
The Caps: A Feel Good 70’s Sitcom Set to Music…
I recently was given a complimentary copy of the new album “Have a Blast”, by Portland Oregon’s “The Caps” and it’s had me smiling ever since the first listen. These guys have been around for just a few years now releasing their second album with a new line up save James Hall the bands original drummer who recently rejoined and singer/guitarist Chris Worth. On “Have a Blast” they are back with eleven of the catchiest pop songs you’re likely to hear in 2011. Like a three way battle between Belle & Sebastian, Superchunk and The Beach Boys dashed with slightly off humor reminiscent of They Might Be Giants, The Caps manage to bring the rock while still maintaining a soft side you could be sipping champagne to while reading back issues of Mad Magazine.
The songs now, with lead vocals almost evenly split between Worth and new guitarist Andrew Grimaldo, are filled with humor you’re either going to get or quite possibly fly right over your head leaving you wondering if these guys are really taking themselves seriously. A song like “Bike City” could practically be Portland’s anthem here as one of the most bike-centric cities in America Continue reading
The Newest Worst Song EVER!
It’s been days since I have heard the sneak peek snippet from the upcoming Lou Reed / Metallica collaboration album titled LULU. I have gotta say WOW….WOW..this could be one of the WORST songs of all time!!! Seriously I would put this track called “The View” up against pretty much any of the most wretched songs out there and I am certain without a doubt that it would win over and over again! This song makes Rebecca Black’s song “Friday” sound like it should be nominated for a Grammy award!! It’s quite an accomplishment to come up with music this harmful to the ears and brain. Now there is a 90 second clip out there to hear-it doesn’t get any better folks but it is one of the most funny things I have heard in a while-they can’t be serious?
Horny Urban Aliens Attack!
It’s been a couple weeks since I have posted anything here, I feel like a slacker but sometimes there’s just not anything interesting enough to geek out about! Seriously it can be tough thinking of cool shit to write about every day! However yesterday I had the pleasure of viewing an excellent sci-fi flick on the big screen-Attack the Block is a movie that you need to see in the theater as it easily defeats this summers blockbusters by a long shot.
If you haven’t heard already this one is produced by the Shaun of the Dead guys and it shows throughout the entire movie, right down to Nick Frost’s role as a slacker pot dealer middle man Continue reading
Camp Hell…Starring Jesse Eisenberg…Kinda…
I am pretty open to watching nearly any horror movie good or bad and I had relatively low expectations for the newly released on DVD film “Camp Hell”. It had some promising elements in it as it took place at a Christian summer camp and supposedly involved demons showing up to wreck havoc on the kids. However that was not quite the case here with this one which also boasted to be based on true events. But first things first, the movies cover has a gigantic picture of Jesse Eisenberg’s (The Social Network, Zombieland) head on the cover and solely his name above the movie’s title. Meaning this one was jam packed with fan favorite Eisenberg……WRONG!!! That’s actually the most funny thing about this movie-he actually only appears in this movie for roughly two god damn minutes! I mean check out this cover below-you can’t possibly get his head any larger on the damn movie cover!
So if you’re a fan of ol’ Jesse you won’t be getting your fix here! But anyway the movie revolves around a boy who’s wacko Christian extremist parents send him off to a wacko Christian extremist camp where the priests there think comic books, rock music, wackin’ off and making out with girls will send you straight to the hot fire pits of Hell! Continue reading
The Trailer For “The Thing” Prequel Finally Arrives!!
Finally the brand spankin’ new trailer for the prequel to probably my favorite sci-f i / horror movie ever has arrived! The Thing (strangely named the same) will be arriving in theaters in October and from the looks of this new trailer it’s definitely on the right track! I have been a bit worried about it since I first heard of it being made as the 1982 Carpenter version is probably the best creature feature of all time using incredible puppetry and animatronics to make The Thing come alive.
Still today it’s effects are untouchable and I’m wondering how much of this new prequel will be straight cg? Only time will tell if this movie will truly have the inventive feel of the ’82 versions monster. The good news here is that from this trailer here you can see it so far fits nicely with the time period and vibe of Carpenter’s version-I’ve got my fingers crossed but we’ll just all just have to wait and see….
The 8 Other Movies “Super 8” Owes it’s Success to…
So I’m here to tell tell you a few things today, as you guessed “Super 8” is the movie to see this summer, I loved it. Secondly it’s very obvious that JJ Abrams was a fan of The Goonies and E.T. and was trying his best (he succeeded) in replicating the nostalgic vibe of those movies for the big screen this year. He gave us that feeling we all have missed for so many years in our summer movies. But most of all it was a formula that had been used many times throughout the 80’s not only in E.T. and The Goonies but many more that have been all but forgotten.
It was a formula that seemed to put kids on dangerous adventures, most often supernatural ones, usually in small towns or the suburbs and most often trying to prove to their parents some crazy story to be true with often times unlucky results. These stories were filled with wonder and most of all they were so undeniably fun to watch that to see a movie like “Super 8” or even Joe Dante’s latest movie “The Hole” in this day and age is a breath of fresh air. So here today in response to Super 8 I’d like to honor 8 more movies Abrams was likely heavily influenced by when he made his latest
1. The Gate (1986) To say JJ wasn’t influenced by this movie when making Super 8 would be a crime!! Continue reading
Universal Dork 