Category: Movies
Universal Dork : The Song!
So I could go on on on and on about all the multi million dollar movies out there and hype them up even more, or talk mad shit on them til the cows come home-but really do they need anymore people promoting their shit for them? I think not. Instead though I am going to hype up my new song I wrote with Ensly Mogul my spacehall nerdcore partner in crime. In fact he was an original contributor here on Universal Dork and from time to time used to post here. I have been releasing nerdcore dance hall for years and just recently started up writing new jams and rehearsing with Mogul for live shows.
Anyway we just recently put the finishing touches on this one, which is a nerdcore mix of hip hop, reggae spacehall bursting with dork rhymes galore. This is the second track we’ve released and it will be part of our upcoming full length album – dorks unite and please help us spread the word and let us know what you think so far!
The Evolution of the CG Hulk….
Yesterday there was a brand spankin’ new image of The Hulk released to the public for the upcoming Avengers movie. I must admit it’s the best most realistic looking one yet but to really be certain it’s perfect we’ll have to see this once again entirely computer generated character in the flesh or um…pixels or whatever it is on screen moving around with living breathing real human beings. Lets face it the last two Hulks were pretty piss poor and personally I rather see Lou Ferrigno back with the ripped jeans and green paint than more of this poorly done cg. However this still shot of the Hulk does look pretty dang nice and I am willing to keep an open optimistic mind about ol’ Jade Jaws until I see it for real. Lets though take a look at all three of these cg fakers and see if the new image actually holds up…
First the Ang Lee CG “dumb jock football player” Hulk…
Verdict: Wow this one looks even worse than I remember! What is that live action Shrek doing onscreen with Jennifer Connelly?! Did George Lucas do this cg version of The Hulk on his lunch break?! This one has GOT to be one of the worst cg charcters of all time!!
Second we have the Ed Norton “totally ripped” Hulk…
The verdict: This one actually looked pretty good….as long as there weren’t any real human beings on screen with him! This one at least got the look and spirit of The Hulk correct. Plus he wasn’t twenty five feet tall like the “Jolly Green Giant” Hulk that Ang Lee gave us. Still this version of The Hulk was to me quite a disappontment.
Lastly we’ve got a newly released shot of the “Joss Whedon can do no wrong” Hulk…
Verdict: This one is hands down the most realistic looking one yet but that don’t mean squat til we see him standing next to Robert Downey Jr. I am willing to bet this one could win the prize, but if it doesn’t well three strikes and you’re out CG Hulk!! With that said we still have the Guillermo De Toro Hulk to look forward to and I am sure that one will deliver the goods…
The Mysterious “Moonrise Kingdom”…
Wes Anderson has made some great films over the years and it’s always a treat to see what he’s has got cooking next. You either love him or hate him, there’s usually no in between. I have to say I usually really enjoy his movies-though some more than others you really have to admit they aren’t your usual Hollywood shlock.
So it goes with his latest movie “Moonrise Kingdom” has some of his familiar faces (Bill Murray, Jason Schwartzman) and new faces Like Edward Norton and Bruce Willis. The trailer looks quite intriguing, mysterious and most likely another hit for Anderson. You got to love the last scene of the trailer with Bill Murray. It opens in May and I will definitely be there….
Set in the 1960s, a pair of young lovers (Kara Hayward, Jared Gilman) flee their New England island town, prompting a local search party led by the Sheriff (Bruce Willis) and the girl’s parents (Bill Murray, Frances McDormand) to fan out to find them.
1970’s Raquel Welch Space Boogie….sigh…
Here’s just a reminder that Raquel Welch was a geeks dream come true way back in the 1960’s and 1970’s obviously for roles in movies like One Million Years B.C. and Fantastic Voyage was one of my all time faves as a kid!
Well anyway check her out as she leads a couple stylin’ alien dudes with her sci fi space lady dance ensemble!
Pretty rad space age fashion back from this 1970 clip I am sure Captain Kirk went crazy for her-get down!!
Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter Trailer Finally Hits!
Ok so let me first say that I thought Abe Lincoln in reality was pretty much a total dickhead. Yeah normally when you think of him from what we “learned” in school he’s thought of as man who ended slavery. While that’s essentially true what is often not spoken of is the fact that he actually was a racist weenie.
Don’t believe it do a little quick research and you can find out how this jerk really felt about the whole situation here are a few of his words you can easily find in seconds upon searching:
“I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the white and black races [the crowd applauds] – that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people, and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the black and white races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race.”
-Abraham Lincoln, 1858
Yeah what a prick huh? Well that kinda sours a movie hitting the theaters soon for me, Abraham Lincoln:Vampire Hunter. I just watched the trailer today and it looks pretty rad! This is obviously a fictionalized Lincoln, kinda like a What If? comic. Like what if Lincoln wasn’t a racist douche and actually fought vampires?!
I love the period of the movie and the fact that Russian director Tim Bekmambetov, who’s most well known for the Night Watch & Day Watch movies that were a good time, though not quite as epic as I had hoped they’d be. Also the movie is produced by Tim Burton, not that that means anything to anyone anymore after movies like Alice in Wonderland and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.So far it looks great and at the very least it’ll be a fun one in the theater…but really do we need more fictionalized versions of Lincoln the liberator? Not really but I’ll for two hours pretend this guy wasn’t a total A-hole…..
The New Spider-Man Trailer-What Do You Think?!
So yeah everyone is obviously talking about the new Amazing Spider-man trailer, by now I have watched it several times and I honestly think it looks alright! Now that’s not to say I am thrilled by this flick, I have to come clean here I am actually pretty damn sick of big budget Hollywood comic book movies. They are downright disposable and really don’t have a lot of staying power. I mean that by saying when seeing them a second time the initial thrill has worn off and these big budget plastic films are kind of a bore actually. They are pumped full of rubbery looking cg and safe predictable story lines.
So yeah the new Spider-man trailer looks slightly better that what I was expecting, if looks leaps better than Raimi’s shlock that’s for sure. I still don’t like the costume, you know the one Peter Parker made from a bunch of deflated basketballs? The Lizard looks ok so far, from what I can tell he’s either largely CG or entirely which doesn’t excite me the least. In fact most of the action sequences I have seen so far look like a video game. Garfield looks pretty good as Parker and it seems the story should at least be good upon first viewing. Oh yeah and kudos to them giving him his self invented web shooters!
I have to say though I would have loved for Marvel to bring a new super hero to life, perhaps Moon Knight, Doctor Strange, The Black Panther or Iron Fist even. Just personally kinda still not over the last three Spidey movies fully. So here we go again already, I will definitely be seeing this in the theaters but honestly I’m not totally stoked on the idea.
I am excited for The Avengers movie, mostly because of Whedon’s involvement, hoping that perhaps he brings us the memorable movie I have always dreamnt of. Lastly I really would like to see some smaller scale superhero movies made, something gritty and more real world feeling. Not real world as in realistic but rather something that doesn’t feel like a bunch of people in front of a green screen the entire movie. Something inventive, with feeling that really transplants you into the pages of a comic book…
Casey Jones / TMNT Movie!
Not sure if this is totally old news to all of you TMNT fans out there but it’s news to me, I just recently saw this awesome trailer for the fan made (Polaris & Hilarion Banks) Casey Jones movie! It looks pretty awesome actually and supposedly there is a whole film which I assume is a short film out there online for anyone to view for free. I went to the official website but I couldn’t get it to download. I will check it again later and see if I have better luck the second time. Supposedly it has Robbie Rist the original voice of Michaelangelo from the movies reprising his role and for anyone who doesn’t know he was also Cousin Oliver on the Brady Bunch!
Anyway I haven’t been able to find too much more info about this film but it looks great. I also heard finally that Michael Bay is rebooting the TMNT franchise?! Uggh please nooooo! That hack will yet ruin another one of my childhood favorites with his wretched CG ridden summer slop-buster mentality!
If we get a new Turtles film it had better be dark and gritty like the original series! In the meantime I’ll take this fan made version over any pile of steaming shit Bay tries to serve me!
Friday the 13th Meets The Karate Kid: 1985’s The New Kids!
This last Friday night I had myself a little movie night by myself, real exciting beginning to a weekend huh? Well that’s the life of a dork sometimes I guess. But honestly it could have been a total bust as I have learned many times as I am constantly taking chances on movies trying to find the hidden gems of yesteryear. Usually I end up with some total crap ass movies-the kind that aren’t even good in a bad way, but this time little did I know I was in for a treat!
Well my double feature started out pretty good with 1994’s Brainscan, starring Edward Furlong. This one turned out to be a pretty fun little movie where Furlong orders a new state of the art interactive “video game” from Fangoria magazine and it ends up subliminally turning him into a vicious killer. It also introduces one of the lameest movie monster villains I’ve seen in quite some time, the amazingly not scary at all “Trickster”.
This jerk off is about on par with The Wishmaster if you get my drift. Still it was a decent movie despite some really shitty 1994 CG.
The next movie however was the real deal, Sean “Friday the 13th” Cunningham’s movie “The New Kids” was a real treat all the way back from 1985.
Chuck Norris Brings Us The Expendables 2…..For Kids?!!
What the HELL?! I was pumped about The Expendables 2 – I really enjoyed the first one and I really loved most of all that it was a throwwback to movies like Commando, Cobra and Delta Force of the 80’s. However I felt there was still something missing from the first installment-that’s where the hope for a perfect throwback action film was invested in the sequel. The sequel which now adds Ah-nold and Bruce Willis in larger roles also boasts the addition of Jean Claude Van damme and Chuck Norris to it’s ranks. It all sounded absolutley perfect until today when it was announced that the movie would be getting a PG-13 rating!!! What the hell!?? Who’s responsible for this B.S. move you ask?!
Well none other than Chuck Norris!!! Supposedly he signed on to the movie only if it would be “kid friendly”. He is opposed apparently to any foul language or cursing that could offend children. Well I don’t need to hear everyone cursing every five seconds, that’s not what worries me-it honestly the gore level that concerns me-I mean did you all see the last Rambo movie?! Now that was one crazy comically gory action movie-Sly delivered the goods. The Expendables was pretty damn over the top too-but with this movie Sly promised it’d be the comically violent, over the top, dumb, one liner action flick everyone was hoping for from the start. Unfortunately Norris had to go and get all Walker Texas Ranger on us all with The Expendables 2….hmmm… well now actually that could end up being pretty damn fun. We’ll see I guess but one thing I never thought was that the sequel was going to go soft on us…In the end this could be more what The Expendables 2 end up playing out as!
The Green Goblin Could Have Been Rad!! Shame on Raimi!
Everyone remembers how truly crap-tas-tic Sam Raimi’s Green Goblin was in the 2002 Spider-man movie right? Remember he was essentially a green Mighty Morphin Power Ranger. Let’s put it this way-if you were actually a fan of The Green Goblin, one of the greatest comic book villains EVER, you weren’t keen on his Goblin. Well as it turned out he got a second chance at bringing us the Goblin we all wanted in the wretched Spider-man 3, what did we get? James Franco on a flying snowboard!
Well people here we get a new look at what Raimi was considering for the look of the Green Goblin, this design was done by ADI and Sam is actually directing the actor in this clip. I don’t know about you but to me this IS the Green Goblin-however to Sam I guess he liked the Power Ranger idea-then again this is the guy who made Spider-man 3 so this isn’t surprising….
Universal Dork 