Tagged: Jean Claude Van Damme
MOVIE MELT: The Best Worst 90s Irish Kung Fu Cinematic Bonanza!
U-Dork teams up again with the Movie Melt podcast to cover 1997’s moronicly bad ass Irish martial arts flick: Fatal Deviation!
Oh Yeah! We lost some serious brain cells here as a 19 year old Van Damme obsessed filmmaker puts himself in the lead role to constantly lose his temper and kick trailer park gangster ass!
Yes another vanity project that would make Tommy Wiseau jealous jam packed with patheticly enjoyable “acting”, mindnumbing ^plot” twists and some impressive indie ass kickin’ kung fu! Take a listen here for a ton of debatably useless cinematic info to get your mind off the stresses of the damn daily grind! Fatal Deviation is a movie that will surely bring a smile to your face if you’re feeling blue! Check out the new episode right HERE!
New Mister Saturday: Dangerous Nerdcore Dancehall!
Here’s the new track from my alter-ego Mister Saturday! What? You still don’t know who Mister Saturday is?! Only the most popular intergalactic nerdcore reggae rapper of all time! Ok, well maybe the only nerdcore reggae rapper in the universe but whatever! Anyway there’s a bunch of new tracks I am putting online soon, with mega serious topics like Herbie the Robot, Star Trek’s “Trouble with Tribbles”, getting lost in The Land of the Lost, Dungeons & Dragons and this latest track called “Lyrical Weapon”.
This track is an homage to my fave 70’s & 80’s action heroes! This track features the lyrics as well so you too can learn how to turn your voice into a deadly weapon! Check it out pleez – and if you follow or subscribe to my blog spread the word It’d be greatly appreciated!
The Expendables 3 Wish List!
So everyone is making their “Expendables 3” wish list in hopes that the third installment will be even bigger, louder and more ridiculous than the first two. So naturally Universal Dork has got to chime in with a little wish list as well! There are already rumors about Nicholas Cage (whoopdeedoo…) joining the cast and Harrison Ford & Clint Eastwood being approached. Now that’s all fine and dandy, but for some reason Ford and Eastwood just don’t strike me as the type of actors to jump into a huge ensemble cast. Sure Danny Trejo, Carl Weathers and Kurt Russel would all be great and I know they top the majority of of the lists out there so I am am choosing a few that may have been forgotten but would be equally as awesome as any mentioned. So here’s seven actors I think should get back into the gym and start training for numereo tres!
1. Jesse Ventura: Jesse “The Body” Ventura is one of my favorite people in the world. I loved the guy as a kid and today I love him for his political views. It’s been rumored that he may run for president in 2016 and if so he’ll definitely get my vote, so in the meantime I think Jesse needs to get his ass back into making movies, at least for this one.
He starred alongside Arnold in Predator where his iconic line “I ain’t got time to bleed” was immortalized and again in The Running Man. He later appeared in Demolition Man with Sly so why the hell not get Ventura back to kick some ass in the next installment-he could make a great villain and when he’s finally killed in the finale Arnold could tell him “You’ve got time…….to bleed!”. Hell I should write Arnold’s future one liners!
2. Bolo Yeung: This guy was rumored to be in the second film as a major villain, when I heard that I thought it was a genius idea but somehow it remained purely a rumor. Well if there has ever been an iconic action villain it’s him!
Know for his gigantic pecs and his killer moves Bolo has faced off against the likes of Bruce Lee and Van Damme for cryin’ out loud! This time let’s have him and Van Damme on the same team! Bolo still has the moves & it’s time to give him one last hurrah as the series best villain yet!
3. Grace Jones: Yeah the film needs some female presence and Grace Jones is one of the wildest women on the planet!
She’s like seven feet tall, starred with Arnie in Conan the Destroyer, 007: A View to a Kill and could easily play a part of the Good Guys or villains in the flick. Yeah she’s that much of a bad ass-she could go toe to toe with Sly and it’d be believable. It’s time for the film to feature some ladies and she’d be perfect!
4. Mr T: Seriously Mr. T!! He made my list for the second film but from what I’ve heard T won’t do any violent movies anymore. But he does kick ass for…Snickers?
Well it’s time for him to get back on board with what he does best-kicking peoples asses to the moon and back! Part of The A-Team, Clubber Lang in Rocky III, Partners to Hulk Hogan in the WWF, Mr. T needs to get his head out of his ass and fast because his resume has got The Expendables 3 written all over it. Imagine the fans reaction to Mr. T? It’d be insane…
5. Iko Uwais: Yeah I see the problem we’ve got too many old ass dudes running around doing the ass kicking. I get that. That’s why you grab the best up and coming action stars before they hit it huge here in the USA! If you don’t know who this guy is then you are in for a treat because The Raid: Redemption makes The Expendables look like Kindergarten Cop!
Seriously Iko kicks soooo much butt it’s almost incomprehensible! Even his first movie Merantu was awesome. This Indonesian action star is a master of Silat, a truly incredible form of martial arts. He’d round out some of the old blood in the next movie quite nicely and when in action would raise the bar on the movie’s hand to hand combat sequences.
6. Roddy Piper: Roddy is a no brainer for the third film! He needs to be in the third film. He’s loud, cocky and rowdy! He also starred in “They Live” and “Hell Comes to Frogtown” to name a few.
He’d be perfect as hero or villain and he adds the perfect nostalgia of the 1980’s to the next installment. Plus let’s not forget he also tangled with Mr.T back in the WWF. Hint Hint….Rematch anyone?
7. Ice-T: Yes! Ice was a great action star in the early 1990’s. “New Jack City”, “Ricochet”, Trespass and my personal favorite “Surviving The Game” where he kicked so much ass in that movie alone he deserves to star in the third installment.
Ice has been out of the game for a while, taking more timid roles in recent years. Well Ice it’s time to get back on the saddle again. He’d most likely make a better villain than part of the team but one thing is certain it’s time for Ice to get back on the big screen. So let’s hope he gets on board…
Chuck Norris Brings Us The Expendables 2…..For Kids?!!
What the HELL?! I was pumped about The Expendables 2 – I really enjoyed the first one and I really loved most of all that it was a throwwback to movies like Commando, Cobra and Delta Force of the 80’s. However I felt there was still something missing from the first installment-that’s where the hope for a perfect throwback action film was invested in the sequel. The sequel which now adds Ah-nold and Bruce Willis in larger roles also boasts the addition of Jean Claude Van damme and Chuck Norris to it’s ranks. It all sounded absolutley perfect until today when it was announced that the movie would be getting a PG-13 rating!!! What the hell!?? Who’s responsible for this B.S. move you ask?!
Well none other than Chuck Norris!!! Supposedly he signed on to the movie only if it would be “kid friendly”. He is opposed apparently to any foul language or cursing that could offend children. Well I don’t need to hear everyone cursing every five seconds, that’s not what worries me-it honestly the gore level that concerns me-I mean did you all see the last Rambo movie?! Now that was one crazy comically gory action movie-Sly delivered the goods. The Expendables was pretty damn over the top too-but with this movie Sly promised it’d be the comically violent, over the top, dumb, one liner action flick everyone was hoping for from the start. Unfortunately Norris had to go and get all Walker Texas Ranger on us all with The Expendables 2….hmmm… well now actually that could end up being pretty damn fun. We’ll see I guess but one thing I never thought was that the sequel was going to go soft on us…In the end this could be more what The Expendables 2 end up playing out as!
Top 5 Action Stars for The Expendables 2!
So it’s been confirmed that The Expendables 2 is a go and now what everyone is wondering is who is going to be added to this list of action stars for the second time around? Well all you out there in Hollywood take a seat and listen up-here’s who you gotta put in the next movie! Now I’m only adding people from the 80’s to this list-if you take my advice you’ll definately give the people what they were really hoping for out of the first one-big dumb one liners, lots of real explosions and a lot of fun! I have also just recently heard that Bolo Yeung may possibly be appearing in the sequel-and I have to say if so we’re on the right track here-brilliant!!
1. Chuck Norris – Ok so maybe Chuck is a little old as he just turned 71-but who the hell cares! I am sure he could still throw down a little bit right? Or maybe he could be an evil mastermind or an old wise good guy? I really don’t care just get Walker’s ass in this movie now! Lets not forget how much of a bad ass good ol’ Chuck is!
2. Michael Dudikoff – Ok did all you guys forget about American Ninja? Avenging Force? Dudikoff was the master action star of the 80’s who’s often forgotten! This guys kicked so much serious ass in the 80’s he deserves another shot in the big leagues-he’s only 56 yeah only 56-that’s almost 10 years younger than Sly!
Barbarians! Barbarians! Barbarians!
I was just reminded of a wretchedly epic movie from the 80’s this week called “The Barbarians” from fellow part-time dork Eljamez. I haven’t seen this movie since I was a kid and to be honest don’t remember much of it at all. I can remember seeing the vhs cover to this movie at the video store when I was a kid and then finally seeing it over at a friend’s house as we were all about Conan The Barbarian.
At the time we probably thought this movie was the raddest shit EVER. Today however I’d probably enjoy it in a much different light as you will be able to tell by the preview, it ain’t exactly an academy award nominee! However you will notice Optimus Prime is narrating! RAD!
Jean-Claude Van Damme like you’ve never seen him before…
Last night i checked out the new Jean-Claude Van Damme movie entitled “JCVD” and it was a very interesting watch to say the least. I am not even sure what inspired him to make a movie like this. What i will say is that Mr. Van Damme actually CAN act! This is no Bloodsport, Cyborg or Double Team (or whatever other direct to Dvd action flick he’s got out this month). In this movie which in French with subtitles, he plays himself. The washed up action hero looking for his next c-movie role, competing with Steven Segal for them and battling for custody of his child. A tired and aging Van Damme is hero in his home city of Brussels and famed for bringing “John Woo” to the USA. He reluctantly takes pictures with fans on the street and at the same time deals with his daughter being ashamed of his hokey acting career. This movie is very much what i really would picture his real life to be like. Then things take a twist as he enters a bank to have money wired to his lawyer for his child custody case.
Universal Dork 