Universal Dork’s Picks for Cool New Movies!
Ok so we all saw Avengers: Age of Ultron, and while I was amused by it, it really to me felt like a bit of a repeat of the first movie. If there’s one thing I don’t need ANY more of is The Movie Avengers fighting giant hordes of shiny clone like CGI enemies in the third act demolishing a big city. Like not ever again. So enuff about that shit and the giant Hollywood Blockbusters, here’s a quick list of some movies I am personally looking forward too that should be hitting theaters soon!
I’m sick and tired of Zombie movies. We don’t need any more at all probably ever again for the rest of eternity. But for some reason this one is a little different than the usual fare. A virus that only effects people who’ve not gone through puberty?! Cooties looks like a great time and funny too!
This one looks like a total trip and jam packed with neat looking monsters! Basically the tale of a guy who’s dead set on mapping out Transylvania (never a good idea folks) and while doing so discovers a secret forest that holds a ton of creepy creatures! This looks like my kind of flick!
I think this one is already out in select theaters, though it hasn’t hit my city yet. Anyway I’m a big fan of survival movies and giant crazed grizzly bears! So here we get both! This one looks like it’s got the perfect blend of survival and jaws like terror in the woods! Sign me up for a camping trip in Backcountry!!
The Final Girls:
I’ve been hearing some great things about this one which looks like a total riot. It’s basically the story of a group of teens who are transported into a supernatural slasher movie from the 1980’s! This film stars one of the teen girls mother as the scream queen, so it has a bit of a Back to the Future vibe. She has to team up with her mom in a fight for her life-I hear this one has a ton of laughs and a lot of heart-Still no trailer for this one but we have a neat-o clip! check it!
I’ve been pumped about this all practical effects monster movie for the longest time! It looks like in 2015 we’ll finally get to see this one. It’s basically “The Thing” on a boat!! A kind of redemption for the lackluster Thing prequel we got in 2011-by the same team who worked on the effects that were scrapped for CGI. Can’t wait!
Frankenstein’s Army: The Coolest Horror Flick of 2013?!
Do you like cool monster movies as much as I do? If so Frankenstein’s Army looks like a total winner here in this most recent preview just released yesterday! I’m big fan of World War II horror movies and this one could shape up to be one of the best ones yet. To me this movie is looking like a great BPRD story arc filled to the brim with insane Nazi monster soldiers.
It appears that the Nazi’s have their own Doctor Frankenstein that’s constructing creatures with some pretty menacing weaponry melded to their bodies. The trailer is jam packed with action gore and some pretty outstanding fx.
I also read a pretty stellar review on BloodyDisgusting.com so this one is going to the top of my “to see list” pretty rapidly. Opening in select theaters July 26th I’m crossing my fingers this one hits a theater in Portland! Check this shit out!
Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter Trailer Finally Hits!
Ok so let me first say that I thought Abe Lincoln in reality was pretty much a total dickhead. Yeah normally when you think of him from what we “learned” in school he’s thought of as man who ended slavery. While that’s essentially true what is often not spoken of is the fact that he actually was a racist weenie.
Don’t believe it do a little quick research and you can find out how this jerk really felt about the whole situation here are a few of his words you can easily find in seconds upon searching:
“I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the white and black races [the crowd applauds] – that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people, and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the black and white races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race.”
-Abraham Lincoln, 1858
Yeah what a prick huh? Well that kinda sours a movie hitting the theaters soon for me, Abraham Lincoln:Vampire Hunter. I just watched the trailer today and it looks pretty rad! This is obviously a fictionalized Lincoln, kinda like a What If? comic. Like what if Lincoln wasn’t a racist douche and actually fought vampires?!
I love the period of the movie and the fact that Russian director Tim Bekmambetov, who’s most well known for the Night Watch & Day Watch movies that were a good time, though not quite as epic as I had hoped they’d be. Also the movie is produced by Tim Burton, not that that means anything to anyone anymore after movies like Alice in Wonderland and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.So far it looks great and at the very least it’ll be a fun one in the theater…but really do we need more fictionalized versions of Lincoln the liberator? Not really but I’ll for two hours pretend this guy wasn’t a total A-hole…..
Finally a recent Fantasy movie that didn’t suck!
Just the other evening I took a gamble on renting a new movie called “Wolf Hound”. On the cover it said “Conan the Barbarian meets Lord of The Rings” and with nothing else that looked vaguely interesting I decided to reluctantly beleive what the cover was telling me. Now I’ve taken many chances on recent fantasy movies and been let down hard! Usually they are wretched movies with bad acting, terrible costumes, horrid CG sets and even worse looking CG monsters! For instance the recent movie “Outlander” had alot of potential until the creature finally shows itself on screen and ruins the entire movie. So I had pretty low expectations of Wolf Hound.