Tagged: creature feature
VHS Verdict: ‘The Unholy’ Brings Those Pesky 80’s Demons to Church!
Here we have a rather rare VHS I ran across recently while doing some major thrift store shopping up in the north woods of Wisconsin! The Unholy is a pretty neat-o piece of 1980’s demon church cheeze! This is the kind of movie I really enjoy stumbling across.

The Unholy was released in 1988 and tells the story of a Father Michael (Ben Cross) who’s appointed to a church in New Orleans where two priests where murdered two years before. The movie’s pretty dang fun over all, giving you a ton weird ass 80’s goth night club types who perform violent looking mock rituals while the priest investigates the scenes in the New Orleans cult underground. If you’re intrigued by the over the top fashion and nightlife of the 1980’s you’ll dig this.

Of course Father Michael’s going to be ‘tempted’ by some rather ‘unholy’ racy, 80’s style, sexy situations by this demonic force running amuck. Yep this powerful sexy demon goes by the name “Desederious” and spends most of the time trying to seduce Father to the side of the Devil. Too bad Father Michael, despite being a priest doesn’t believe in demons or the Devil!

Ok now this is some scary shit.
Well it doesn’t take long before his mind is changed once weird shit begins occurring around the church! This one does drag a bit during the middle with a bit too much jibber jabber going on that quite honestly I could give two shits about. I mean c’mon let’s get on with this shit and have a demon battle already! Well thankfully the third act of this movie is pretty satisfying as a fan of 80’s monster movies this one gets pretty good once Desederious shows her true form and Father Michael loses his sex drive pretty damn quickly!

Yep we get some pretty fun little pesky mini demon minions running around and Desederious looks pretty ridiculously awesome in her true demon form running around on all fours. I mean if I saw that fucking weird ass thing appear in a dark alley I’d most definitely run for the hills while peeing my pants!

‘The Unholy’ has a pretty decent cast, we even see Ned Beatty show up here, we get some fun as hell classic special effects and sweet 80’s fashion. if you can get through about 25 minutes of rather boring dialogue in the middle the third and final act will surely deliver the goods!! Seek this one out if you can and if you’re a true fan of C-movie 80’s horror!
Universal Dork’s Picks for Cool New Movies!
Ok so we all saw Avengers: Age of Ultron, and while I was amused by it, it really to me felt like a bit of a repeat of the first movie. If there’s one thing I don’t need ANY more of is The Movie Avengers fighting giant hordes of shiny clone like CGI enemies in the third act demolishing a big city. Like not ever again. So enuff about that shit and the giant Hollywood Blockbusters, here’s a quick list of some movies I am personally looking forward too that should be hitting theaters soon!

Cooties:
I’m sick and tired of Zombie movies. We don’t need any more at all probably ever again for the rest of eternity. But for some reason this one is a little different than the usual fare. A virus that only effects people who’ve not gone through puberty?! Cooties looks like a great time and funny too!
Forbidden Empire:
This one looks like a total trip and jam packed with neat looking monsters! Basically the tale of a guy who’s dead set on mapping out Transylvania (never a good idea folks) and while doing so discovers a secret forest that holds a ton of creepy creatures! This looks like my kind of flick!
Backcountry:
I think this one is already out in select theaters, though it hasn’t hit my city yet. Anyway I’m a big fan of survival movies and giant crazed grizzly bears! So here we get both! This one looks like it’s got the perfect blend of survival and jaws like terror in the woods! Sign me up for a camping trip in Backcountry!!
The Final Girls:
I’ve been hearing some great things about this one which looks like a total riot. It’s basically the story of a group of teens who are transported into a supernatural slasher movie from the 1980’s! This film stars one of the teen girls mother as the scream queen, so it has a bit of a Back to the Future vibe. She has to team up with her mom in a fight for her life-I hear this one has a ton of laughs and a lot of heart-Still no trailer for this one but we have a neat-o clip! check it!
Harbinger Down:
I’ve been pumped about this all practical effects monster movie for the longest time! It looks like in 2015 we’ll finally get to see this one. It’s basically “The Thing” on a boat!! A kind of redemption for the lackluster Thing prequel we got in 2011-by the same team who worked on the effects that were scrapped for CGI. Can’t wait!
Let’s Head to The Void and Help Make Some Old School Monsters!
I love that people these days are using online avenues to make cool movies. Nothing satisfies me more than knowing people are getting things done with the help of true fans. In the end it means that most often times people are really getting what they want rather than a big studio pushing its influence on directors and turning a good idea into a load of bullshit. So we’ve got to take some time out from covering the glossy, over hyped, fully bloated flicks that Marvel & DC are cranking out and give some smaller projects some hype here. One such project is called “The Void” which you can help fund directly on Indiegogo if you’re a fan of old school monster movies, the kind we used to get back in the 1980’s back when life was a little more simplistic and the movies were a bit more of an art form. It’s pretty clear just by this amazing poster for the project that these guys are on to something awesome!

Here’s a little more info on the pitch:
“Cult indie directors Steven Kostanski and Jeremy Gillespie (Manborg, “W Is for WISH” from ABCs of Death 2) and producer Casey Walker of Cave Painting Pictures (A Little Bit Zombie) have launched an Indiegogo campaign to get a head start on pre-production for THE VOID, an original horror film that pits a small-town police officer against all manner of otherworldly creatures in a derelict, rural hospital.
“We’re launching this campaign early in order ensure that the film’s special effects are achieved practically. It’s important to start building our film’s creatures immediately to ensure we can realize them on set and in-camera,” said Kostanski and Gillespie.”
This sounds like my kinda movie, the type I’m always hunting down, whether it be a lost 80’s flick or a new one this is the kind of stuff I want to talking about here at Universal Dork. This trailer looks like a damn fine time and the effects look quite impressive already-so imagine what could be done with a little more funding. Check this shit out and if you have a few bucks to spare throw it their way! I’ll be watching out for this one!
What if Monsters Really Do Exist?!! Adam Green’s Ready to Make You Believe!
What if monsters really did exist? What if they were all around us all of the time but we just couldn’t see them?! Well here’s a rad monster movie that answers those very questions called “Digging Up The Marrow”. This one’s brought to us by modern horror master Adam Green who’s already scared the shit out of us with his awesome old school throwback “Hatchet” films and the super ski lift suspense shocker “Frozen”!

This one is a mockumentary about Green and his film crew as they get contacted by a strange man who claims he can prove to them that monsters are indeed real. This one looks like my kind of movie, filled with a fun plot filled with twists and of course creepy ass looking monsters. At first glance this one reminds me a little bit of the Norwegian flick “Trollhunter” which I thoroughly enjoyed. So sign me up I can’t wait for Green to prove to me that things that go bump in the night are indeed a reality!! Look for this one on Feb. 20th 2015!!
And more about the movie from the director….
The CRITTERS are Back from the Eighties?!!
It seems the Critters back! There’s rumors going around that Warner Bros is getting ready to revive the 1980’s classic flick with a reboot or sorts. Well we all know that this new version of critters will most likely be nothing like the original movies, but a fan took matters into his own hands and came up with this awesome short film, Critters: Bounty Hunter.

This is pretty rad and it feels just like the 80’s Critters franchise we have grown to love over the years. Jordan Downey put this cool little six minute film together and if Warner wants to get the spirit of the original they should really be taking notes on this sweet little short! This is the type of Critters that we want. I’m starting to feel like the fan made movies are better than what Hollywood is coming up with these days- Check this shit out!
Help Rowdy Roddy Piper Open The ‘Portal to HELL’!!!
The world always needs more of Rowdy Roddy Piper! Duh! Who doesn’t love ‘They Live’ or ‘Hell Comes to Frogtown’ or classic WWF Wrestling?! Well if you don’t then there’s probably something seriously wrong with your brain or you just don’t like having fun. So I’m thrilled to hear that Piper is currently involved with a project via Indiegogo called “Portal to Hell” which is an indie horror film which pits Piper against Cthulhu and his minions!

Here’s what they had to say about it thus far:
“Director Vivieno Caldinelli and writer Matt Watts are embarking on a short film called PORTAL TO HELL, with hopes of expanding it into a feature. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper will star, and the producing team includes Todd Brown of THE ABCs OF DEATH and THE RAID and Andrew Rosen of TODD & THE BOOK OF PURE EVIL, with MANBORG’s Steven Kostanski on board to create the FX.
The synopsis: “Jack [Piper] is a simple man with simple needs. Mostly he just needs to be left alone to read his book. It’s a good book and he likes it…or, at least, he would if the tenants of the building he manages weren’t so damn needy. And it’s not just blown fuses and clogged toilets… No, when the building power goes out, the culprit is a pair of Cthulhu-worshiping tenants opening a portal to the demon city of R’lyeh in the basement. Does this count as building maintenance? Is battling the supernatural part of Jack’s job description? Maybe not, but if Jack can’t close the portal, the entire building and—let’s face it—the whole world is screwed.”

Sounds like something to get behind to me! I’ve always hoped Carpenter would get Piper back for a They Live sequel, however that’s a pipe dream I guess (no pun intended). This though sounds just as good and has cult classic written all over it. I think Piper has that same appeal as someone like Bruce Campbell and honestly I’m a bit surprised he hasn’t been called upon sooner for projects like this one. It’s about time we get him back in the spotlight, he a cool guy, with a lot of interesting things to say and hell he even lives in oregon (where I do). So help spread the word and support this project at their Indiegogo page ! It’s a known fact – the world is always a better place with moreRowdy Roddy Piper!
‘Late Phases’ Promises Old School Werewolves!!!
Great werewolf movies are pretty damn hard to come by these days but it looks like we finally have a winner coming our way soon! ‘Late Phases’ looks like a full on no BS old school werewolf movie just the way they were meant to be. The last truly great werewolf flick I saw was the incredible Dog Soldiers, which I can say without a doubt is one of the best werewolf movies of all time. The wait may be over though as Late Phases already looks like it’s got the genre by the horns, boasting incredible practical effects with a downright freaky ass looking werewolf!
The movie was written by Eric Stolz who also penned the impressive monster flick “Under the Bed” a couple years ago and directed by Adrian Garcia Bogliano who directed the creepy ass “Here Comes the Devil”. I am excited to see if this one can bring back the genre to the classic feel of movies like The Howling & An American Werewolf in London. The synopsis goes something like this:
“Crescent Bay is not the ideal place to spend one’s golden years, especially since the once-idyllic retirement community has been beset by a series of deadly animal attacks from the ominous forest surrounding it. When grizzled war veteran Ambrose McKinley (Nick Damici) is forced into moving there by his yuppie son Will (Ethan Embry), the residents immediately take offense to Ambrose’s abrasive personality. But that take-no-prisoners attitude may be just what Ambrose needs to survive as it becomes clear that the attacks are being caused by creatures that are neither animal nor man, and that the tight-knit community of Crescent Bay is hiding something truly sinister in its midst…”

Count me in! It’s been too long, I can’t stand anymore handsome CG werewolves!! Look for this one in limited theaters November 21st!
Blood Glacier: An Old School Style Creature Feature!
I’ve been looking forward to “Blood Glacier” now for quite a while, anything that boasts similarities to John Carpenter’s “The Thing” is always on the top of my lists of flicks I’ve just gotta see. This neat little Austrian film is a pretty fun, gory, watch and really feels like it could’ve been made in the 80’s. It’s plot has the same type of vibe as ‘The Thing’ as we have a small band of researchers up in the mountains doing research on the effects of global warming and how it’s affecting wildlife. It doesn’t take long to figure out that something sinister is lurking around the mountain sides here, especially when they discover a giant glacier that’s oozing a strange red liquid from within. Soon the team discover that weird mutant hybrid animals are wandering close to their station and what’s worse is that they’re hungry and pissed off! Yipee!!

This movie has some great characters, in fact the main characters are what really make this one shine.Plus one grumpy older female bad ass scientist even shout’s out one of my favorite movie lines I’ve heard in a long time- “stop eating that banana while you’re crying!!” I had to watch that part a few times! Best ever. I was thinking the same thing right when she screamed that one out! I loved the atmosphere of it all too, a serious sense of dread lingers throughout and the creatures are also pretty inventively savage. I wouldn’t put them on the same level as “The Thing” but for almost entirely practical effects this one made the most of it’s smaller budget.

Much of the monster action here is most effective by what you don’t see and the sounds heard these mutants create while on the attack. I was hoping to be dazzled by the practical effects just a tad more and really could have seen a bit more CG being used to the films benefit? I rarely say that and I guess they kept the vision pretty well focused and consistent, I was just hoping to get a better full view of some of these monstrosities. This one does play like a cool lost 1980’s creature feature and i say that in the best way. You get some cool hybrid creatures, mutated mountain goats, killer mosquitos, mutant hawls and weird insect fox hybrids and one gory ass operation sequence! This one makes me even more pumped to see “Harbinger Down” which is another upcoming Monster movie also boasting no CGI by special effects wizard Alec Gillis and crew. In the mean time check out Blood Glacier, you can watch it on Netflix streaming to get your monster on!
Here’s a little glimpse into some of the monster making:
Will The Expendables Finally Head to the Retirement Home?!
This last weekend I checked out the latest installment of The Expendables, it was just like the first two, a damn good time in the theater. Simple premise and action packed to the brim, like the many action movies of the 1980’s. I remain a bigger fan of the second movie among the three but I’d be down for another chapter, but will anyone else line up for one? I noticed the theater was nearly empty, though I did see the movie in a smaller town up in the north woods of Wisconsin. Still I had this feeling that perhaps the movie was destined to flop. Flop it did, but they are blaming this failure on a leaked version of the movie that hit online some time ago.

Part of me wonders though if the formula is as charming as it once was? Sure part 3 was a fun time, but it was also a bit of a replay of the first two, with the exception of some of the younger Expendables added to the cast. I also seem to think that Mel Gibson, though he did a good job as the villain, may in part be responsible for the film flopping. Every time he appeared on screen all I could do is cringe. It seems that no one is ready for Gibson to step into the spotlight after all of his bullshit over the years, even if he ends up getting his ass kicked by Stallone in the end.
So is this the end of the mighty Expendables? I think it very well could be. I really can’t see being too incredibly excited about the same old same old again in yet another movie. What really needs to happen here if the franchise does by chance continue on is a genre switch. It should be jam packed with action, but we really need to see something interesting happening with the plot if this is going to generate any excitement at all again. This was on the table for the third flick when they were tossing around new plot lines, they had one in particular which raised a lot of eyebrows. It involved the Expendables going up against some sort of creature or mutated super soldier. A sort of Predator-esque style sci-fi monster movie starring our favorite 80’s bad asses. I was thrilled at the possibility!

Stallone has owned the film rights to the novel “Hunter” by James Byron Huggins for about 10 years now and never managed to make a film. I say it’s time to get the team together to fight some creatures which is exactly what “Hunter” is all about. I think it’s time to trim down the fat of the team for the next flick, and what better way than getting rid of some of the Expendables by way of a mutant monster picking them off! Keep the crowd pleasers, like Stallone, Statham, Lungren and Arnold, add a couple new guys like Jackie Chan, Pierce Brosnan, Roddy Piper & Hulk Hogan.
Here’s the official synopsis of “Hunter” can’t you picture this as the 4th installment?
“Nathaniel Hunter (or Barney Ross) could track anyone, or anything, on Earth. Now the military desperately needs him for a mission that his ultra sensitive instincts tell him he should refuse. A beast is loose somewhere north of the Arctic Circle. It has already decimated a secret research facility and annihilated a squad of elite military guards. And the raging creature is headed south toward civilization, ready to wreak bloody devastation. It is a job Hunter cannot turn down, but he soon discovers that his prey is terror incarnate, a half-human abomination created by a renegade agency through a series of outlawed genetic experiments. It has man’s cunning, a predator’s savageness, and a prehistoric power that has transcended the ages. And even if Hunter survives its unrelenting hunger for human blood, he will still have to confront the grim reality that it may have grown immortal.”

Keep the plot simple but give us something different and exciting. It is the perfect recipe for an ensemble action movie. If there is is any hope for the old guys it’s going to come in the shape of something new thats melds a different genre to the formula…..make it happen Stallone!!
Maxx FX: If the Ken Doll was a Bad-Ass FX Artist from the 1980’s!!
A lot of people may have forgotten about Maxx FX from the eighties, or most likely never heard of the guy at all- and what a shame that is! Maxx Fx was the guy that Barbie would have ditched Ken for if she wasn’t a total lame-o back in 1989! Unfortunately Maxx had a short lifespan, and the special fx action figure / doll only had one official costume, that of horror icon Freddy Krueger!

But if you’re a little confused let me put it this way the Maxx FX doll came with the clothing, the mask and accessories to transform him into Freddy. This awesome idea was not supposed to stop with Freddy, it was supposed to continue on with many more movie monsters, unfortunately Matchbox put the kibosh on the action figure early on.

As the awesome Maxx Fx website states Maxx Fx was a make up artist and a crimefighter and could become anyone he wanted! I highly suggest getting the whole story and taking a look at what could have been with the entire toyline, it was a brilliant idea and Matchbox totally dropped the ball!! In the meantime enjoy this cool ass Maxx FX commercial from 1989! Eat it KEN! And Barbie you BLEW it!!
This one too!

