We have two shark researchers, Craig T. Nelson and his ex-wife Kim Cattrall, as beautiful ever, along with their teenage son ready to get into some serious trouble in paradise. A rogue great white shark is killing people around the island, but this one’s ready to eat “Jaws” for breakfast. The secret weapon of what might have been a forgettable mini series if of course Stan’s mutant monster shark!
This creature is one of his best creations too and luckily it doesn’t just stay hidden until the very end. We get plenty of monster mayhem to behold and also a great performance from Giancarlo Esposito, of recent Mandalorian fame to up the ante here even more.
Even with its rather hefty run time it never drags, likely due in part to its charming cast of characters, bad Caribbean accents and of course some gooey creature craziness make this an entertaining little adventure.It’s also got decent production value, sweet cinematography, the lush setting of St. Lucia in the 90’s along with some pretty well done action and genuinely thrilling moments of horror. It’s stunning too that somehow one of Stan Winston’s coolest creatures made it into this forgotten gem. All practical fx too! I didn’t see a lick of CGI here.
If you dig his work this is simply a must watch. I did it in two sittings and after the first half I was hungry to finish the second half. This actually already has a blu ray that’s quite easy to get, I also think it’d be pretty sweet if someone trimmed it down with a lean edit to an hour and a half or so. There’s a pretty rad monster “movie” that could be crafted from the miniseries. Still tho at its current length even, it’s a fun, creepy, carribean vacation that monster flick fanatics should embark on!
I’m pretty damn excited about the upcoming horror survival flick VFW from Joe Begos, who’s already got some pretty sweet modern horror movies under his belt like ‘Almost Human’ & ‘The Mind’s Eye’. VFW shows the same promise but this time with a stellar cast, the likes of Martin Kove, Fred Williamson, Stephen Lang & Cheer’s own barstool regular George Wendt. A lazy crew of old codger war veterans have their usual evening of drinkin’ abruptly interrupted when their beloved VFW hall comes under attack by a vicious gang of punks, who’re fully jacked up on a powerful new drug called ‘the hype’.
So far this looks like a modern cult classic and it’s so cool when a newer director showcases some of the genre’s older largely forgotten heros in inventive new ways. VFW also features Bego’s regular Graham Skipper who always does a stellar job. It looks like it’s going for a John Carpenter ‘Assault on Precinct 13’ type of vibe here, except with more over the top gore and with each movie this director does, his chops improve greatly, I’ve still yet to see his 2019 release ‘Bliss” but it’s definitely on my radar as well. VFW is set for release on Feb 14th 2020, can’t wait to check this out as it’s definitely one of my most anticipated!
Damn! I recently found a rare copy of The Suckling (AKA Sewage Baby) from 1990 on vhs and it easily goes down as one of the most controversial schlock horror films of all time. This little weirdo of a movie give us a truly unsettling plot of revenge you’re likely not going to find anywhere else. So what makes this movie any different than any other horror movie? Well the dicey plot is surely going to offend a large number of folks, especially in 2017.
It goes something like this, a young couple considering having an abortion, heads off to an inner city brothel to contemplate this tough decision. Because of course that’s a great place to ponder things like this! Of course things don’t go quite as planned as the loser boyfriend who’s eagerly pressuring his girlfriend to go through with it arranges for her to meet with the head Mistress “Big Mama” to run through the details of the procedure. Well Mama has other plans as she drugs the young woman and orders one of her “employees” to help her go through with it without the woman’s consent. Totally normal stuff there huh?! Well they then proceed to flush the fetus down the toilet and we follow it’s journey as it arrives in the sewer, leading us to a pretty memorable horror movie moment. Pretty goddamn weird huh? I’ve gotta say though, nothing gets too gruesome here thus far as the movie’s clearly spent ALL of it’s money on the monster and that’s a good thing. So no real worries about being grossed out by realism.
To make matter even worse, we then see the fetus is sitting in a pile of toxic waste that’s seeping into the ground from above and quickly begins to mutate into full grown pissed off monster who’s hell bent on revenge from the the people who’ve sent him to his doom. I mean talk about a political statement huh? This one’s definitely NOT for everyone and the filmmaker likely had some strong feelings in the topic? Or maybe they just simply thought it’d be a good setup for a creature feature? Looking at it as a revenge flick, it’s actually got a pretty inventive plot no matter what side of the argument you stand on.
Things get nasty pretty quickly inside the brothel and soon the monster is trapping the people inside with a nasty membrane that begins to grow around any exits the house has. Pretty much everyone in this movie is either a moron or a total asshole, so seeing them get picked off is never all heartbreaking. We got a ton of bad acting, combined with some attempts at decent action scenes & surprisingly solid monster effects that utilize some cool animatronics along with an impressive man in suit monster. That’s the interesting thing here, the creature actually is pretty cool and stands strong alongside some of the best b-movie monsters of the 80’s & early 90’s. I’ve gotta give them props for that.
Yep, the movie’s whole budget likely went into the monster effects & the funniest thing about it all is that on the back of the vhs they say this “THE SUCKLING has been compared to Alien for its claustrophobic intensity and Die Hard for its non-stop action.” Sounds kinda like the best movie ever huh? Well I’m not quite sure who decided to compare it to those because inventive as it all is it really never quite hits the mark of either of those films. Instead though what you get is an enjoyable offensive schlocky monster movie that’s exceeds just with the pure outrageousness of it storyline. This one is definitely not for everyone but if you’re a fan of odd-ball vintage cinema you’re likely to wanna track this little flick down and be fully ready to go full on mystery Science Theater 3000 on it!
Have I ever mentioned how much I love monster movies? Well being a huge fan of the creature feature I thought I’d showcase one of my personal favorites. Prophecy from 1979 is a damn good movie that still holds up quite well even in 2016. It’s a monster movie with a message, don’t pollute the rivers cuz if you do you just might end up with a wildly mutated pissed off monster grizzly bear in your forests! Yeah John Frankenheimer does a wonderful job bringing this twister creature feature to life and the box/ poster art is one of my favorites check it:
It really doesn’t get too much better than this as far as awesome cover art goes and also having a movie that’s actually as cool as it’s poster art in this era can at time be a difficult task. As a kid this cover always stuck with me from way back in the video store days. If you haven’t seen this one then make sure this Halloween you track it down, you won’t be disappointed!
This last weekend I checked out the latest installment of The Expendables, it was just like the first two, a damn good time in the theater. Simple premise and action packed to the brim, like the many action movies of the 1980’s. I remain a bigger fan of the second movie among the three but I’d be down for another chapter, but will anyone else line up for one? I noticed the theater was nearly empty, though I did see the movie in a smaller town up in the north woods of Wisconsin. Still I had this feeling that perhaps the movie was destined to flop. Flop it did, but they are blaming this failure on a leaked version of the movie that hit online some time ago.
Part of me wonders though if the formula is as charming as it once was? Sure part 3 was a fun time, but it was also a bit of a replay of the first two, with the exception of some of the younger Expendables added to the cast. I also seem to think that Mel Gibson, though he did a good job as the villain, may in part be responsible for the film flopping. Every time he appeared on screen all I could do is cringe. It seems that no one is ready for Gibson to step into the spotlight after all of his bullshit over the years, even if he ends up getting his ass kicked by Stallone in the end.
So is this the end of the mighty Expendables? I think it very well could be. I really can’t see being too incredibly excited about the same old same old again in yet another movie. What really needs to happen here if the franchise does by chance continue on is a genre switch. It should be jam packed with action, but we really need to see something interesting happening with the plot if this is going to generate any excitement at all again. This was on the table for the third flick when they were tossing around new plot lines, they had one in particular which raised a lot of eyebrows. It involved the Expendables going up against some sort of creature or mutated super soldier. A sort of Predator-esque style sci-fi monster movie starring our favorite 80’s bad asses. I was thrilled at the possibility!
Stallone has owned the film rights to the novel “Hunter” by James Byron Huggins for about 10 years now and never managed to make a film. I say it’s time to get the team together to fight some creatures which is exactly what “Hunter” is all about. I think it’s time to trim down the fat of the team for the next flick, and what better way than getting rid of some of the Expendables by way of a mutant monster picking them off! Keep the crowd pleasers, like Stallone, Statham, Lungren and Arnold, add a couple new guys like Jackie Chan, Pierce Brosnan, Roddy Piper & Hulk Hogan.
Here’s the official synopsis of “Hunter” can’t you picture this as the 4th installment?
“Nathaniel Hunter (or Barney Ross) could track anyone, or anything, on Earth. Now the military desperately needs him for a mission that his ultra sensitive instincts tell him he should refuse. A beast is loose somewhere north of the Arctic Circle. It has already decimated a secret research facility and annihilated a squad of elite military guards. And the raging creature is headed south toward civilization, ready to wreak bloody devastation. It is a job Hunter cannot turn down, but he soon discovers that his prey is terror incarnate, a half-human abomination created by a renegade agency through a series of outlawed genetic experiments. It has man’s cunning, a predator’s savageness, and a prehistoric power that has transcended the ages. And even if Hunter survives its unrelenting hunger for human blood, he will still have to confront the grim reality that it may have grown immortal.”
Keep the plot simple but give us something different and exciting. It is the perfect recipe for an ensemble action movie. If there is is any hope for the old guys it’s going to come in the shape of something new thats melds a different genre to the formula…..make it happen Stallone!!
Here’s on of my fave covers from the 1980’s era New Mutants. Issue number 19 from 1984 always stuck in my head clearly because of the incredible skills of Mr. Bill Sienkiewicz! Seriously, this guy’s artwork is some of the most unforgettable in comic book history. The comic master of the abstract, you always know you’re getting something special when his name’s attached. Back in the mid 1980’s he did some incredible artwork for The New Mutants, most of which was very dark, jagged and gritty. It further set the tone of the mutant based books in the 80’s as just that. Something a little more hard edged than the regular superhero books. This is one of my faves from that era of the New Mutants but believe me all of his cover artwork for the title is breathtaking. He’s a true comic book legend in every way….
People just love Cronenberg! However many people who love him today for movies like Eastern Promises & A History of Violence have long forgotten his amazing horror films like The Fly and his best in my opinion “The Brood”. If you have never seen this incredibly creepy movie from 1979 you are missing out big time. It’s also best that you know as little as possible about the plot as it will confuse you right up until the truly shocking finale. It’s been described as a horror version of Kramer vs. Kramer and I’d have to say that’s a neat way to look at this one.
It’s follows the story of a man who’s wife is receiving a strange theatrical therapy to help her with mental and emotional problems she’s experiencing. However when the husband finds bruises and cuts on their daughter he begins to suspect his mentally imbalanced wife may be to blame.
To make matters worse a brood of horrifying mutant children begin creeping around inside their house and soon people end up dead. This one is a Cronenberg masterpeice that should not be missed or seen again this Halloween! A true horror classic!!
The year was 1988 and it was time to finally bring the family house cat to the forefront of modern TERROR!!!! Yeah watching “Uninvited” for the first time was quite a treat. This is one that will most definitely be making the cut for Bad Movie Night!
The story is simple a shady laboratory is doing some strange experimenting on a cute little orange house cat and have determined that this little fur ball has a weird tumor growing inside of him. However these numb nut doctors accidentally let him escape, it doesn’t take much as the cat strolls out of the lab pretty leisurely while the security team is frantically on it’s trail. This is when we all first get a glimpse of the “univited” early on, this darling little cat has some crazed devil rat cat living inside it’s body. Whenever this cat gets pissed off it crawls out of it’s mouth and gives an ass kicking to anyone who steps in it’s damn way!
Pretty fucking rad huh? Well when you see this little pathetic monster who looks like he’s been swimming in Crisco cooking grease all day you may think otherwise. Every he graces the screen though I guarantee you’ll have a big fat fucking smile on your face. Anyway this cat, who’s constantly meowing without his mouth opening, ends up hopping aboard a yacht owned by a dirty money hungry gangster and a bunch of wise ass hot shot college kids. The year is 1988, that sure is clear in this flick, you get an ultra second rate music score that sounds like it was written by Boy George’s stepbrother’s cousin, impromptu dance parties, skanky 80’s babes who invite strange random dudes on a weekend sea cruise after only meeting them for literally sixty seconds. This sets the stage for an ocean boat ride of sheer idiotic terror!
We’ve got a boatload full of irritating eighties jerk offs and a cute cuddly kitty, who always looks like a completely different cat every time he shows up, with a belly full of evil ready to go ballistic anytime it gets mildly annoyed. Greydon Clark, wrote this movie must have had some serious feline issues as it’s hard to believe this concept was stretched into a full feature length film.
Still when you see the Crisco drenched devil rat cat crawling in and out of the puppet house cat’s mouth again and again it makes this shiny terd of a movie a worthwhile treat. Next time I view it I’ll make sure it’s with a room full of friends and a LOT o’ booze. Don’t miss it as it’s out on a double feature dvd now with another movie called Mutant from 1984 originally called Night Shadows, which I can only hope is as rad as Uninvited….
I will admit, yes, I do love horror movies! However not the kind that could actually happen to us in real life or torture porn like “Saw” or “Hostel” in the least bit. No when I say I like horror movies what I’m really saying is I love monster movies! Ever since I was a little kid I have been obsessed with monsters-and still even as an adult (in age at least) I will still admit that I am still obsessed with monsters! The problem is today is that a good monster movie is really hard to come by-and most these days are stuffed to the brim with wretched looking CG. There have been a few exceptions like “Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer”, “Splinter” and “Feast”. However in 2011 I feel it’s important to remind people like myself about some of the lesser known gems that must been seen for the first time or re watched in the monster genre.
Today’s gem is 1979’s monster movie bonanza “Prophecy”! If you call yourself a monster fanatic and you never seen this I’ll come over this evening while you’re sleeping an egg your house! Continue reading
Ok well I just had to share this little bit of incredible info with everyone out there! I have figured out exactly where Lady Gaga comes from! Some people think that she’s from outer space and is an alien-CRAZY huh? No actually right on target! First off I have to say if any of you out there think Lady Gaga’s new album cover for “Born This Way” is original you all need to wake the hell up!
It’s totally clear what the hell has happened here ! If you are unaware of the 1981 Bally pinball game Centaur then you know where this is headed… Continue reading