I’ve never been a gigantic fan of Kevin Smith, but I’ll admit I did like his two Clerks movies (yeah both of them). I’ll also admit I was totally surprised that he made an excellent thriller, Red State. Yep those were all good movies, but as a whole I’m really not a big fan of much else he’s done. With that being said, after he made Red State I was fully convinced he just might have found his niche by way of horror movies and was pretty excited to check out ‘Tusk’. That movie, in my opinion, was truly a painful watch. It just plain sucked in every way. It was a wasted attempt at making what could have been a unique horror movie.
Tusk was a complete 180 from ‘Red State’ that had me a bit confused about what I thought was his new found talent dabbling in the horror genre. Well things got even worse last night when I decided to give his latest movie “Yoga Hosers” a shot on Netflix. It’s streaming there if you’re looking to waste your time & lose a few brain cells while you’re at it. ‘Yoga Hosers’ is the second installment of his “True North” horror trilogy and was meant to be an homage to movies like Critters & Gremlins. The end result is far from coming anywhere close to the magic of those movies. I can honestly say Yoga Hosers is easily one of the worst movies I’ve seen in quite some time. It’s so bad I had to stop it 3/4 of the way through. I just couldn’t take how much it sucked (and I LOVE bad movies) but there’s just nothing worse than a totally bad comedy. It’s not ammusing watching jokes fail over and over and over.
Smith seems to think he’s totally dialed in to the pre-teen / millennial comedy too but during the experience you see a cast of characters who’re just extensions of his dated sense of humor. His daughter, along with Johnny Depp and his daughter star in this wretched horror comedy that get’s more irritating with every passing minute. We’re given a horde of flat repetitive Canadian “humor”, bad cg, idiotic senseless plot and some incredibly stupid “monsters” for the main characters to face off against. Through all of this you can picture Kevin Smith behind the scenes secretly thinking he’s somehow created the next cult horror comedy classic. Far from it. This is some of the worst attempts at comedy I’ve seen in ages and it led me to the question: should Kevin Smith call it a day?
My first thought was a solid yes but after thinking about his last two movies and just how much they sucked it got me thinking the exact opposite. I mean Red State was a really good movie and seeing that Kevin Smith does indeed have one more film left in this trilogy called “Moose Jaws” I’m actually thinking that he could really change direction here and give us something truly memorable. I only say this because Smith has gotten a LOT of shit from critics and fans on how fucking bad Yoga Hosers turned out to be. It seems a bit of a long shot since most of the cast from Yoga Hosers will be again returning for the next movie. ‘Moose Jaws’ is said to be an homage to Jaws but with a giant pissed off moose. I say let’s give it one more try Kevin, shift the tone of Moose Jaws and give us something intense and scary. Hold off on the humor and make these terrible characters from the last two movies iconic. I’ll give you one more try Mr. Smith but after this trilogy it just might be time to call it a day. For good….
Here’s one of my favorite covers and 80’s creature features- Razorback! Yeah Razorback is a classic monster movie, like Jaws in the outback. It’s filmed beautifully and it’s the king of the big pig movies. I’ve always really loved the ominous cover art and unlike a lot of 80’s movies their cover art can be eons better than the actual movie. Well that simply ain’t the case here, Razorback delivers on all four cylinders. Great monster effects and a stunning Australian backdrop make this one king of the pigs. The beautifully painted cover was done by Aussie artist Brian Clinton, released in 1985 this one still holds up today and clearly so does it’s cover art!
Ok so we all saw Avengers: Age of Ultron, and while I was amused by it, it really to me felt like a bit of a repeat of the first movie. If there’s one thing I don’t need ANY more of is The Movie Avengers fighting giant hordes of shiny clone like CGI enemies in the third act demolishing a big city. Like not ever again. So enuff about that shit and the giant Hollywood Blockbusters, here’s a quick list of some movies I am personally looking forward too that should be hitting theaters soon!
I’m sick and tired of Zombie movies. We don’t need any more at all probably ever again for the rest of eternity. But for some reason this one is a little different than the usual fare. A virus that only effects people who’ve not gone through puberty?! Cooties looks like a great time and funny too!
This one looks like a total trip and jam packed with neat looking monsters! Basically the tale of a guy who’s dead set on mapping out Transylvania (never a good idea folks) and while doing so discovers a secret forest that holds a ton of creepy creatures! This looks like my kind of flick!
I think this one is already out in select theaters, though it hasn’t hit my city yet. Anyway I’m a big fan of survival movies and giant crazed grizzly bears! So here we get both! This one looks like it’s got the perfect blend of survival and jaws like terror in the woods! Sign me up for a camping trip in Backcountry!!
The Final Girls:
I’ve been hearing some great things about this one which looks like a total riot. It’s basically the story of a group of teens who are transported into a supernatural slasher movie from the 1980’s! This film stars one of the teen girls mother as the scream queen, so it has a bit of a Back to the Future vibe. She has to team up with her mom in a fight for her life-I hear this one has a ton of laughs and a lot of heart-Still no trailer for this one but we have a neat-o clip! check it!
I’ve been pumped about this all practical effects monster movie for the longest time! It looks like in 2015 we’ll finally get to see this one. It’s basically “The Thing” on a boat!! A kind of redemption for the lackluster Thing prequel we got in 2011-by the same team who worked on the effects that were scrapped for CGI. Can’t wait!
I love Bigfoot and the idea that somewhere out there in the woods there just might be an elusive creature roaming the woods that we truly don’t understand thrills me. Anytime I see a new Bigfoot story in the news I hope and pray that it’s one that finally proves to the world that this creature truly exists. Until that day comes that there’s definitive proof I’ll just have live this Sasquatch fantasy through grainy youtube vids and hearsay from “expert squatch hunters”. Now though at least we’ve gotten a great Bigfoot horror flick that finally makes Sasquatch scary thanks to Blair With Project director Eduardo Sanchez! His latest film ‘Exists’ which is out on several platforms like Googleplay, Itunes, VOD is one helluva nerve bending terror ride in the woods!
I’ve been looking forward to this one for a while as Sanchez has proven he’s got the chops time and time again in the directors chair. Unfortunately the down side of this flick (at least for me) is that he decides to go the “found footage” route. Yeah he may be considered the king of this genre because of ‘Blair Witch’ but I’ve gotta be honest, I’m fucking bored to death of this medium of film making. When I accepted that fact and sucked it up I truly began to see how effective of a horror flick he has delivered! There’s been quite a few flicks that have tried this over the last few years, The Lost Coast Tapes, Willow Creek, Bigfoot Country, The Woodsman to name a few. If you’re gonna see just one, see it from the master because ‘Exists’ will make you squirm in your seat and piss your britches!
Exists suffers and excels at the same time with a very simple premise: a group of twenty somethings head out for a weekend in the woods at the family cabin (sound familiar?) and on the way in they hit something with their truck. The film starts out with a great sequence here as one of the guys just happens to be obsessed with filming a Youtube video that goes viral. So of course this guy’s always filming, you know like ALL the time. But because we get a simple premise we also get a nonstop balls out ongoing confrontation with motherfuckin’ Bigfoot! That’s the good and that’s really all this film is trying to give us. Really what we have here is the ‘Jaws’ of Bigfoot flicks and that’s perfectly fine with me.
If these creatures are truly territorial then I imagine this here is exactly what it’d be like to fight for your life against one in woods. The incredibly creepy sounds the monster makes also seem to be pretty in line with some of the audio recordings by Bigfoot researchers, making me think Sanchez did his homework before doing this flick. There are so many terrifying sequences here, like the bike chase and the cabin break in scene (to name a couple) that got my heart racing to levels they haven’t risen too this last year!
What’s really great is Sanchez unlike the rest of found footage Bigfoot flicks doesn’t hide the monster, in fact you get a good look at him several times especially in the last five minutes or so. Sasquatch looks great too as he hired Peter Jackson’s Weta Workshop to design the look of the creature, I still though think Harry from Harry and the Hendersons is the best squatch put to the big screen (sorry Eduardo!). I think this one would’ve been ten times better had Sanchez skipped the “found footage” and just given us a straight up “movie”. But still definitley check this movie out it’s a ton of terrifying fun and will most likely please the hardcore Bigfoot fanatics as well!!
What’s there to be afraid of in a little lake out in the woods? Beavers? Muskies? Snapping Turtles maybe? Well “Beneath”, which was just released on dvd this last week brings some horror to the little fresh water lakes of the United States! I really enjoyed this little creature feature directed by Larry Fessenden, it’s got a lot more going on that just a vicious fish. The story revolves around a group of recent high school graduates as they head off for a night to camp and party down on some land one of their families have access to. It seems from the start there’s more than meets the eye a foot as it’s clear one of the teenagers has some sort of knowledge that the lake they are headed to has something beneath the surface that’s to be feared.
So we end up with six teens in a rowboat headed across the a small lake in the middle of the woods. The trip across turns into a fight for survival, not only from a vicious man sized fresh water fish but also against each other. That’s where the film gets really interesting, after their boat is damaged and begins sinking it seems it’s everyone for themselves. I enjoyed this also because it’s setting reminded me a lot of places where I grew up in Wisconsin in the north woods and would spend summers. This ones got a few nice twists and turns too and makes you question just how you might deal with something similar.
The monster was also well done, with no CG, which helped make this little film feel all that much more real. The fish actually looked like something that might even possibly exist in some small lake in the middle of nowhere. Like some kinda freak giant catfish or something. Using digital effects here may have really ruined the mood and realism of the situation. The fish actually moves and acts like a real fish, it’s not lightning fast it’s just a giant fresh water fish! So props to Fessenden for keeping it old school while also keeping the atmosphere nice and creepy. Something he’s a master of. So check this out, it may not be the next Jaws, but it feels all too real in the same way!
I have been waiting sometime for the Alex Aja’s remake of Piranha and now the trailer has finally officially hit! One reason why I have been so pumped is because it seems Mr. Aja has made some pretty excellent horror films in his short career. The first being “High Tension” which was pretty awesome, The Hills Have Eyes remake which was also great and the not so fantastic Mirrors starring Kiefer Sutherland. Hey two out of three ain’t bad!
Anyway I know that 3-D movies now a days are a dime a dozen these days Continue reading