Category: comedy

Thanksgiving themed B-Movie TERRORs: Watch These Forgotten Gems This Holiday!!

It’s THANKSGIVING and you most likely need some totally RAD forgotten B-movie gems to check out on the big TURKEY day and of course Black Friday, if you’re gonna avoid the crowds why not watch some cool weird-o tales of terror that ALL in valve the holiday. Well I’ve got some cool pics compiled right here in my latest U-Dork YouTube vid (Have YOU subscribed yet?!) check it out right here and let me know your favorites for the Thanksgiving season!!

SUBURBAN COMMANDO (1991) is the GREATEST Hulk Hogan Film EVER?!

Greetings to all you lilted Hulkamaniacs!! We’ve got a brand new episode of Universal Dork on YouTube up now & today we’re covering 1991 Sci-Fi action comedy family friendly-ish cult classic starring Hulk Hogan, Christopher Lloyd, The Undertaker and Shelley Duvall: muthafukin’ SUBURBAN COMMANDO!!!

We just knew  that you didn’t get enough of Hulk Hogan’s sexy-ass bod with the last episode of NO HOLDS BARRED (1989) so we decided to go even deeper into Hogan’s Movie career with this awesome under appreciated buddy comedy. You get some slapstick comedy, some intergalactic space battles, mime abuse, a pretty rad looking alien monster for Hogan to fight as well as a debatable brawl with The Undertaker and so much more! Check it out right HERE:

MOVIE MELT Podcast Returns with Sexy 80s Leprechaun Comedy ‘GETTING LUCKY’!

An 80’s teen sex comedy centered around a recovering alcoholic Leprechaun who lives in a beer bottle & grants three shoddy wishes to high school students with raging hormones?! You’d better believe it! ‘GETTING LUCKY’ from 1989 delivers the goods and is one of the weirdest wildest of the genre..Getting Lucky brings the gold from the other side of the rainbow straight to the MOVIE MELT PODCAST’S Latest Episode , this movie actually has some pretty interesting but moronic comedic timing and at least one surprisingly excellent special fx sequence unlike anything you’ve EVER seen before I can guarantee that!

 So I’ve always been a fan of those raunchy teen comedies but one with a pathetic leprechaun at it’s core helping nerd get laid is a first. So if you’re feeling like gambling and tryin’ your luck here you’re bound to find the gold on the latest episode of MOVIE MELT! We discuss so much more low brow cinema here to and recommend you the best of some of the strangest most stupid flick’s for the next movie nite. Check it out right HERE! And if you wanna check out one of the film’s BEST musical numbers before hand & dare to lose a few brain cells listen to “Hole in One” a song that should’ve been on the pop charts back in the day:

Terror at the Hong Kong MALL! 1986’s ABRACADABRA & Supernatural Retail Mayhem!

I just busted out another video on the U-Dork YouTube channel, I’m not talking about Disney Star Wars or the latest Ghostbusters movie. Nope I’m going deep into Hong Kong Cinema to cover a really cool, super obscure supernatural adventure that takes place in 1986 in a mall! Abracadabra is a ton of fun and from the director of ‘Wicked City’ so you know it’s going to be blast.

I’d say this movie filled with ghouls, ghosts and a plethora of 80s fashion and nostalgia is ripe for the picking by the boutique blu ray labels for genuine release and a brand new rabid fan following. So we  talk “mall horror” and deep dive into the wild colorful world brought to you by Hong Kong cult director Peter Mak Tai-Kit. Check this one out and sub to the new channel!

 

 

1984’s NINJA BUSTERS: Kung Fu Boneheads Go the DISTANCE!

I love a good 1980s bonehead, but what’s even better are in my opinion are two lovable dipshits sharing the screen equally! Goodie for me that I just checked out the blu ray from Garage House Pictures, who released this one a while back for the very first time to the public. Ninja Busters was shelved for decades NEVER seen before by the public, that was until the 35mm print of this film was discovered and what treat it is to behold in all of it’s idiotic glory!

Yes, Ninja Busters feature two woman crazed “bosom buddies”, Bernie & Chic, who are absolutely desperate to score with the chicks and live a laid back slacker life. However when they discover that their new employer is actually running an illegal arms operation out of their warehouse they get the shit kicked out of them by their bosses henchmen. Soon they’re on the move for work and accidentally stumble upon a martial arts class in session that’s loaded with hot lady students they decide they’ve just got to enlist-but NOT to learn Kung Fu-but to try and get laid-these guys are a class act that’s for sure. These two knuckleheads learn quite quickly that their new sensei ain’t impressed with their shenanigans and neither are the ladies to say the least, they’re soon put on a Kung Fu crash course and surprisingly rise to the occasion with some hard work and training.

Soon their lives begin to change, they’re still a couple of lovable sex starved morons but their dedication to the martial arts starts to pay off with their fighting skills AND their sex lives. But between hanging with their new love interests, slices of pizza and more training they soon find themselves weaved back into the evil illegal web of their former employer, who now wants to shut them up for good, now with an army of ninjas behind him. This flicks a full on delight, it’d make for a perfect opener to a double feature with ‘Miami Connection’, Ninja Busters has that same heart and charm that make both movies so memorable. In fact even if there wasn’t ANY kung fu in the movie at all I’d be totally fine hanging out watching Bernie & Chic just bein’ best friends and striking out with the babes-these guys are comic gold.

It’s sorta like watching Jack Tripper & Larry from Three’s Company hang out for a full hour and a half but with some sweet brawls and even some breakdancing! This movie’s just all around good vibes with totally over the top characters, idiotically evil villains, hot babes, bad acting and whole lot of 80s fashion and charm to chomp on. The blu ray is out of print but a great lookin’ version of the film is up on YouTube for free to watch. Get some beers, babes and buddies together for a truly charming little action comedy that most definitely deserves a much larger cult fan base!

Movie Melt Podcast: 1994’s Ridiculous Sexy Sea Monster Monster Flick-CREATURES FROM THE ABYSS!

Hey are you a fan of bizarre Italian movies filmed in Florida? How about 90’s creature features where sex crazed fish monsters chase a bunch of moronic party animals around a yacht lost at sea? Well on the latest episode of the MOVIE MELT Podcast we cover a ridiculous monster movie made the insanely genius mind of Alvaro Passeri, a practical effects wizard who also crafted the incredibly weird Christmas fantasy ‘Fantastic Games’ that I reviewed right here.

Well this one has been a fave of mine actually since the red envelope dvd days of Netflix, Creatures From The Abyss AKA Plankton is a totally bonkers flick with some of the most jaw dropping character dialogue you’re likely to see from that era anytime soon. It’s also got some crazy ass monster action and totally disgusting practical fx sequences that make this a stand out sci-fi creature feature.

So there’s tons more in this episode we discuss-lots a cool movies you just got to be checking out, especially if you’re a fan of weird stuff like the movie do a deep dive on! So check out the latest episode for a wild voyage out at sea with a crew of the biggest morons to hit the silver screen in Creatures From The Abyss! HERE IS THE EPISODE!

EXCLUSIVE Interview: The Green Movie Lamp Conspiracy…..Uncovered?!!

We covered some of the wild conspiracy theories that have weaved their way online about the emerald green lamp in Hollywood productions. There’s been an outpouring of interest and questions about exactly what these objects mean in cinema, where they came from & why their seemingly everywhere even still today in movies and major streaming shows!

Well we have the proprietor of “The Green Lamp Conspiracy” instagram page on for a rare and exclusive interview into what he believes is the bizarre origin of an alien conspiracy in Hollywood dating back to the late 1800’s. Check out some of the bizarre theories brought to the table by “Mr. Green” and decide for yourself!

U-Dork Youtube Channel Drops FIRST Episode: 1989’s ‘NO HOLDS BARRED’ w/ Hulk Hogan!

The day has finally arrived in celebration of 15 damn YEARS of Universal Dork, I’ve decided to create an officical U-Dork YouTube channel! Oh yeeeeah, party time has begun! I’ve teamed up with one of the original blog collaborators, James Hall & our very first episode has officially dropped. Here we cover the 1989 classic wrestling/action/drama hybrid ‘NO HOLDS BARRED’ starring none other than Hulk Hogan!!

We also chat about VHS collecting at the Goodwill Bins and a lot of useless cinematic garbage centered around 80s pro “Wrasslin”. But we also pose the deeper question…. is Hulk Hogan HOT?! Let us know what YOU think and make sure to check this one out and feel free to subscribe because we’re going to be making more videos in the near future!

 

Movie Review: J.R. Bookwalter Returns with Gooey Horror Social Satire ‘SIDE EFFECTS MAY VARY’!

Lately I’ve been checking out a bunch of J.R. Bookwalter’s movies that I somehow missed out on over the years, films like ‘Ozone‘ and ‘Robot Ninja” (which I can’t wait to review) as well as recently hooking myself up for a rewatch with the blue ray of his bonafide cult jam- ‘The Dead Next Door‘!  But most interesting is that he’s just released a brand new film after a 20 plus year hiatus. His latest ‘Side Effects May Vary‘ is currently on tour. Yes the director himself has gone on the road to exclusively show this bizarre new film in select indie theaters only, well before it streams anywhere or has any other physical release other than an exclusive VHS (I need one of these!).

However I was able to check this nasty little nugget out early and soak up all the gory goo drenched shenanigans that ensue in this weird little adventure. Basically what we’ve got here going on is a fairly simple story, flashback a couple of years to the height of the latest pandemic when everyone was getting the covid vaccine like it’s a god damn McDonald’s hamburger! We have our main character a mild-mannered middle-aged man named GLENN ROLLINS (um yeah I love that obviously) who just doesn’t wanna get the jab despite pressure from his wife as well as currently being sick as a dog at home. Meanwhile we get a glimpse into what’s going on with the newest safest, state of the art Covid-19 vaccine that’s getting ready to hit the market. It’s set to safely treat the entire population of the planet. So deep inside a secret pharmaceutical research center that’s tucked away in the countryside, we witness a test subject get injected with an unknown substance that immediately causes some, shall we say, interesting reactions to say the least. It seems this new vax does indeed have some intriguing side effects and our main dude Glenn finally gives in to the mounting pressure. Essentially to satisfy his wife by “doing the right thing”, he reluctantly agrees to the latest, safest and MOST utterly effective, state of the art, yet totally experimental covid vaccine at a doctors appointment. This thing is supposedly gonna save the world from the sickness- so what’s the goddamn fuss about already – right?


Initially the thing makes him feel like a million bucks, but soon his normal boring life begins to drastically change – first off his wife immediately finds him more attractive (woohoo!) and feels the urge to get frisky with her hubby. There’s surprisingly plenty of gratuitous nudity here in Bookwalter’s latest (remember what that was back in the 1980s?!) to behold and that’s the first sign that I was seeing something that felt ripped from the “golden era of horror” but also cleverly grounded in modern times. Yeah, let’s be honest here you just don’t really see good nudity like this anymore in current films. There I said it! It was kind of a breath of fresh air as an avid 80s horror fanatic, especially seeing Brinke Stevens playing the nosey neighbor next door watching some genuinely shocking events go down eagerly with her binoculars. Yeah the scream queen who’d spent plenty of time in her “birthday suit” was now on the opposite end of the spectrum in a completely charming little role in this film.

Including her here was a treat  – 1988’s ‘Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama’ is a fave of mine & that reminds me I NEED to see the sequel! Ok though, from this point on things do get pretty perverse, but in that old school low budget, practical effects heavy way that I’ve really missed so damn much over the years. It’s really all quite charming. Not just all the fx work on display-but the general vibe of it. This one might even make a good double feature with something like ‘Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama’. It has that same sort of playfulness and disgusting charm.

Ok, well sadly for Glenn, he does develop a few “side effects” that sort of put the kibosh on his passionate sexy time session, at least for the moment. Confused and most likely humiliated by his sexual performance or lack there of, he races out into the city while his side effects do indeed “vary” in to the next level. This leaves him to encounter a zany cast of colorful characters along the way. He’s also develops a new hobby: SPOILERS: killing people! It’s quite obvious this safe and effective vaccine might’ve caused him a few more problems than the initial covid infection-but hey at least he’s not worried about relapsing with latest current strain I suppose?

Luckily the cops are on the case. One of his pals Jack, a former police officer, teams up with his old boss from the force. They quickly go on the move to find this heavily vaccinated freak of nature as he ventures deep into the night. So yeah, there’s lots to enjoy here not only as a horror film but also equally a social satire that puts a lot of our human behavior during the covid-19 pandemic under the lens of the microscope. The societal pressures to conform, big pharma propaganda, public paranoia, conspiracy theories & general trust in our Gov’t institutions are all addressed. But not in any sort of weird polarizing way. Instead Bookwalter lets the audience forget about the real world stresses of it all & just shows the whole damn thing play out in an entirely entertaining, absurd fashion. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still a courageous effort of dark satirical commentary but it’s also really just a wild little old school splatter flick at heart. The kind of movie Romero might’ve even crafted if he’d still been alive today.

It also pleasantly breaks the usual tropes in sweet yet subtle manner, one of my favorites being the ex-cop character Jack and his boss Chief Tom Danvers. Their rather unique past on the force together, erupting with emotions tied to an intense night off the job at a holiday party is an interesting character study.  I love the way their interactions were handled in response to this unforgettable event at least for one of them. That being said as much as I enjoyed the film-the way it was shot looked maybe a little too crisp. Bare in mind I just recently watched Ozone & Robot Ninja, two bonafide 80’s & 90’s horror classics IMO. So coming into this one the look of it all was a bit shocking coming directly off his older work.

I love the grimy look of ‘shot on video’ stuff and the beauty of shooting a movie like ‘Robot Ninja’ on film. I know, it’s 2024, so to actually shoot on film is expensive and probably pretty annoying BUT Bookwalter fans I know personally really do crave the look of his earlier work. A small criticism, but if ‘Side Effects May Vary’ had been shot in a similar manner I think it’ve been that much more impactful to longtime fans of his productions.

At the end of the day though it’s most definitely a gory little horror character study for the modern times that really pushes the envelope, takes risks and dresses it all up in a bloody, slimy mess of old school oozing practical FX very reminiscent of Bookwalter’s cult classics. An absurd cautionary tale for the polarized pandemic era that we’re hopefully on the other side of-if you dig his earlier flicks check this out with a live audience – likely coming to the big screen in a city near YOU!


 

 

The Movie Melt Podcast DEEP Dives into Troma’s Y2K New Age Action Sci-Fi Drama ‘ALIEN BLOOD’!

Well here we are full force into 2024 the New Year has arrived and ‘Movie Melt‘ decided to jump right into one of Troma’s most puzzling and underseen flicks: ALIEN BLOOD!! Yes-Lloyd Kaufman decided to give every one a real treat way back in 1999-a quarter century ago-damn does time FLY! Instead of a zany, slightly offensive, mind numbing horror comedy he give us a new age alien tinged dramatic sci-fi action flick filled with a soothing soundtrack fit for an epic yoga session , guns, vampires, martial arts and a story that really arguably doesn’t make a lick of damn sense!

Alien Blood is a weird one that has one of the strangest plotlines that’ll likely leave you scratching your head in disbelief (or possibly agony) and all of this takes place on the eve of the millennium-you remember when the end of the world was at our door & Y2K worries we HIGH! An after you watch this one you’ll feel like you are too. Terrible looking CGI grey aliens will haunt your dreams and the plot will make you feel like you’re either a complete & total moron or just watched the most incoherent film of ALL time?! Well we try to make sense of this shit show and we HOPE you’ll tag along for the ride too!

We also do a moronic “battle of the bands” competition and talk also talk all sorts of shit about films we think are worth watching and soooo much more cinematic junk to fill your brain full of!

Come join us for this special New Year jamboree episode that’ll take you back to simpler times when we all thought the Y2K would end the damn world as we KNOW IT! Listen to the latest episode of the MOVIE MELT podcast RIGHT HERE!!!

Oh and here’s a clip if you’re at all interested in soothing your melting brain with some telekinesis!