Tagged: jesse ventura

‘The Predator’ Movie Review: Bad Comedy & Not Much Else…

So Friday afternoon I checked out ‘The Predator’, the latest comedy from director Shane Black, the 5th installment to the movie franchise if you include those AVP films. I’d been pumped for this thing to drop as a big fan of the original, which back in 1987 was the first R-rated movie I saw in the theaters. It was also the first movie I’d ever snuck into. I can still remember my friend and I’s reaction to witnessing ‘Predator’ on the big screen after sneaking in, which itself was pretty exciting actually, it was a truly epic cinematic event I’ll never forget and one of those moments growing up that shaped my obsession of movies to current day. I love Predator and the best thing about the movie is that it STILL holds up as one of the best action/horror/scifi flicks of all time. So yeah, naturally when I’d heard Shane Black, who’d actually starred in the original film and Fred Dekker (Monster Squad, Night of the Creeps) was writing it, my hopes for a truly iconic return to form for the Predator franchise was indeed very high.

Well the verdict is in folks, and as a longtime fan, I’m sorry to say the movie blows. After seeing the trailers, I was certainly cautious going into this one, but still was quite certain if anyone was going to deliver the goddamn goods this time around it’d have be Shane Black. That however was certainly not the case. ‘The Predator’ is a full blown comedy and not a good one, in fact it was a bit awkward in the theater as their attempts at jokes fell quite flat most of the time to a rather quiet and unenthusiastic audience. I guess the best way to describe it is it’s attempting to be a Marvel movie version of the Predator. This seems to be the trend these days in these bloated blockbusters, interrupting any potentially serious moments in a movie with some sort of “witty” Marvel-esque attempt at a joke. I’ve gotta say I’m over it. Long gone is the horror/slasher, suspense of the original films instead we’ve got utterly bland characters entrenched in one truly moronic adventure.

I could care less about this movie’s characters, in fact at one point I was hoping for the Predator to destroy them all just so they’d stop cracking unfunny jokes. All of them are totally generic, even the little kid is just a total bore and probably had no place even being in a Predator movie, especially this one which I found out has some weird ass controversy surrounding it. I’m not going to give a play by play either, as so many people out there have already reviewed this stinker. I’ll get down to the real meat and potatoes here, the Predator at least looked good, that is until the bigger CGI Predator and his lame ass CG dogs shows up to take a big dump on that aspect of things as well. Let’s not even discuss how dumb the Predator dog subplot is here, it’s just not worth the time, lets just say it’s another example of The Predator’s piss poor writing. There’s also tons of “call back” joke lines thrown around here from previous movies in the franchise, apparently Shane thinks that shit is still really a big treat for the fans, as a fan I can truly say it’s not.

The movie is just one big dumb, poorly edited, poorly paced, boring mess of a movie. For the longest time I was hoping that Arnold would return in this film as Dutch from the 1987 classic. I wanted it so bad. After seeing 2018’s ‘The Predator’ I’m actually fully relieved that he declined the cameo Shane Black had offered him. This movie didn’t deserve to have Dutch to make an appearance. As far as ranking the films, this one just might be the worst of the batch, I actually would rather watch the two AVP movies before trudging through this thing again. I’d say after this it just might be time to retire the franchise for good. I’m still amazed Shane Black and Fred Dekker could drop the ball this badly, but alas they served us all a bonafide shit sandwich. Good riddance Predator, I’m sad to say it but I’m not gonna miss you…. 

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Finally Bernie Sanders & Donald Trump Debate!!

I’ve been watching pretty much all the presidential debates that I can stomach this election year but none of them are even close to being as enjoyable as James Adomian’s & Anthony Atamanuik’s incredible comedy tour of Bernie Sanders vs Donald Trump Presidential Debate which is on the road right now!

These guys nail these candidates better than Larry David or anything SNL has tried to put out there by a mile. So while I previously have watched little snippets Youtube but now Comedy Central feature a full debate by these two awesome comedians in full character! Check this out it’s pretty incredible!!

And recently it’s been reported that Jesse “The Body” Ventura “might be” entering the Presidential ring as a Libertarian candidate! Well good thing James Adomian has already nailed his impersonation to a T as well for the election year!

 

 

The Predator Returns But Should Arnold Schwarzenegger?

Word has hit the street that The Predator will be back in a new movie called…um..well….The Predator! Yep, Shane Black who starred in the the original creature feature is set to direct this sequel and hopefully give fans what they’ve been craving for years. We’ve gotten one mediocre sequel, those ridiculous AVP movies and then Predators which pitted a band of humans against the aliens on a hunting planet. You know to be honest I kinda dug all of those movies, even the stupid AVP flicks but I’ll also be the first to say none of them come close the the awesomeness that was the first movie! One of my favorite monster movies of all time and for the record the first R-rated movie I ever snuck into. Let’s face it, the original Predator is one of the coolest monster movies ever and one of the best of the 1980’s…

So now it’s 2016, there’s again a new movie on the horizon and we all have to ask one question before proceeding: Should we get Arnold back for the next flick?!! That seems to be the question up for debate. We have the whole camp that says “no fucking way, he’s an old man why would you even think it’d be cool to see him running his old ass around fighting a Predator?” and then you have  people like me who say “of course you should get Arnold back as the legendary Dutch!” Yeah it’s not even a question, bring him back for the action. It makes sense that if there’s a problem again with those Aliens again here on earth you’re gonna get the guy who survived and killed one.

This does not mean that we need a repeat of Arnold going one on one against one of these creatures. We all know in hand to hand combat he could barely hold his own way back in 1987 so of course now he’d play perhaps a little different role. I think he’d be a perfect supporting character in a new flick, perhaps a new band of bad asses are heading out to take one down and they’re gonna need someone other than Danny Glover to help them take it out. I’m almost seeing a bit of an Expendables type thing happening here again too- get a rad team of older and younger action stars together. And well, that leaves you with Dutch, older, wiser and perhaps unwilling to help at first. It really all depends on the script but it’d be easy to write Arnie the perfect part as we all wonder whatever happened to his character anyway, at least I do!

Let’s all think for a second about it, what was the best part or one of the best parts of Star Wars: Force Awakens? Harrison Ford, hands down and in a way it was kind of his movie. Now think for a second Arnold being utilized in a new Predator flick in a similar way. Or like I had been hoping one of the original Ghostbusters starring in the rebooted new movie and training a team of new Ghostbusters to help him get the business back on the map. There’s no reason to reboot the Predator series and there’s no good reason why we shouldn’t give Arnold another chance with those ugly motherfuckers…

The Awesome Lost TV Pilot: ‘Tag Team’ with Rowdy Roddy Piper & Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura!

I recently discovered an awesome little bit of information about a tv show pilot from way back in 1991 called “Tag Team”- an awesome little pilot that for some reason never made it into a full blown series. Tag Team starred Jesse Ventura & Rowdy Roddy Piper as two tag team professional wrestlers who get black mailed into becoming cops. The show brought in the writers from Magnum PI and they aimed high for an A-Team type of show filled with comedy and plenty of action. I was recently listening to the latest “We the People” which is Jesse Ventura’s podcast, where he has Roddy Piper on as his guest and they discuss some of their greatest wrasslin’ memories together. They spend a decent amount of time talking about “Tag Team” and the troubles they ran into getting the show on the air.

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Both of these guys were favorites of mine as a kid and honestly I’m quite surprised that I haven’t heard about this show until just now. Considering that both of them star in some of my favorite movies ever like “Predator” and “They Live” and neither of these two guys appear to be slowing down one bit these days. Piper has his own podcast appropriately called “Piper’s Pit” and has a cool new HP Lovecraft inspired horror flick in the works called “Portal to Hell” which I am dying to see!

Roddy has been praised by his fans as being one of the coolest guys to meet. Ventura has been Governor of Minnesota and most recently has started his own political web series called “Off the Grid” and has been hinting at a Presidential run in 2016 to really shake things up.

 

I’m a big fan of Ventura and his no B.S. political views would be a breath of fresh air, so I’m hoping he runs as Universal Dork will be behind him if he does. Either way the whole lost pilot of Tag Team can be seen right here on Youtube! Check this out it’s a ton of fun~!

 

BIG Action Hero News: The Expendables Recruit……….Kelsey Grammer?!

Hmmmm…this is NOT exciting news no matter what the entertainment news sources are trying to tell you!! Yeah Yahoo News, Ain’t it Cool ect are really trying to get us all pumped up into being stoked on the fact that Kelsey Grammer is playing a bad ass mercenary in the next installment of The Expendables. Seriously this less than mediocre news in the casting of this next film, but wait, Grammer did play the Beast in the worst installment of the X-men films!

Kelsey-Grammar

Now just too be clear I really did like him as The Beast, I just thought the movie was a crap shoot. If they really wanted a mercenary that’d impress us 80’s action fans they had a hell of a lot more choices than Grammer! Here’s a few for Hollywood to think about off the top of my head- Mr. T, Roddy Piper, Carl Weathers, Jesse Ventura, Michael Dudikoff, Hulk Hogan, Christopher Lambert, Bill Duke…but seriously Kelsey?! Not impressive when guys like these two still exist!!

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Now while his role in the film might be the most bad ass shit we’re ever gonna see this kind of news bums me out a bit when I think of all the other possibilities of legit 80’s action stars around his age who could have added to the fun and nostalgia that this series promises. I was hoping for a real genre shifting plot this time around like they had promised but it seems like this one might be more standard Expendables fare. This is also a disappointment when it’s now looking like Jackie, Milla Jovovich and Nicholas Cage WON’T be appearing in this film after all. This was not a good way to try and make it up to us. Sly and the boys you could have done more for the true action fans!!

Jackie who cares if there are too many actors!!!! GET OVER IT DUDE!!

The Conspiracy: Creepy Creepy Rich People Attack!

I’ve been reading a lot of info lately on Bohemian Grove, the two week long retreat in Monte Rio California set up exclusively for the richest most powerful men in the world. It’s guests include people like George Bush, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Richard Nixon and many more politicians and corporate icons. What do they do there?

The-Conspiracy

Apparently they discuss business and political deals, talk about the “Little Men” which are people like me and most likely you and the rest of the general populace, drink, run around naked, do drugs and enjoy some strange rituals like the “Cremation of Care”. Sounds crazy huh? Well it’s true and it’s been going on for a long time. It’s gathered so much attention through the years that Occupy San Francisco has been showing up to protest their secret meetings.

bohemian-grove

Love him or hate him, In 2000 Alex Jones infiltrated the compound and exposed first hand the “Cremation” ritual with a camera he smuggled in. It was a bit of “big news” that year, and even if you think Jones is full of shit, no one can deny that his video is pretty damn captivating. Check out what happens when Jones confronts David Gergen  political advisor to four Presidents Clinton, Nixon, Ford  and Reagan. It’s a pretty chilling reaction, but it’s toward the end of his interview just as Gergen starts to get a little too comfy…

So Bohemian Grove sounds like something right out of a crazy horror movie huh? Well there’s a cool looking flick coming out soon called “The Conspiracy” that looks truly creepy. What if some people like Alex Jones while infiltrating a place like Bohemian Grove were discovered by it’s guests? Well it seems this movie, a mockumentary, gives us a chilling possibility of what that might look like. The clip on Dread Central kinda freaked me out, check it out as this movies already got stellar reviews. Now I’m not a huge Conspiracy theorist, but I must say a lot of this stuff really intrigues me and I do believe there’s some truth to much of these ideas. The funny thing is people are becoming much more interested about what these high powered fat cats are doing behind closed doors. People want to know what they’ve got planned for the masses as even of late the protests at the Bilderberg meetings. So this flick is going to be right up my alley let’s just hope it’s not too close to the truth!!!

 

 

The Expendables 3 Wish List!

So everyone is making their “Expendables 3” wish list in hopes that the third installment will be even bigger, louder and more ridiculous than the first two. So naturally Universal Dork has got to chime in with a little wish list as well! There are already rumors about Nicholas Cage (whoopdeedoo…) joining the cast and Harrison Ford & Clint Eastwood being approached. Now that’s all fine and dandy, but for some reason Ford and Eastwood just don’t strike me as the type of actors to jump into a huge ensemble cast. Sure Danny Trejo, Carl Weathers and Kurt Russel would all be great and I know they top the majority of of the lists out there so I am am choosing a few that may have been forgotten but would be equally as awesome as any mentioned. So here’s seven actors I think should get back into the gym and start training for numereo tres!

1. Jesse Ventura: Jesse “The Body” Ventura is one of my favorite people in the world. I loved the guy as a kid and today I love him for his political views. It’s been rumored that he may run for president in 2016 and if so he’ll definitely get my vote, so in the meantime I think Jesse needs to get his ass back into making movies, at least for this one.

He starred alongside Arnold in Predator where his iconic line “I ain’t got time to bleed” was immortalized and again in The Running Man. He later appeared in Demolition Man with Sly so why the hell not get Ventura back to kick some ass in the next installment-he could make a great villain and when he’s finally killed in the finale Arnold could tell him “You’ve got time…….to bleed!”. Hell I should write Arnold’s future one liners!

2. Bolo Yeung: This guy was rumored to be in the second film as a major villain, when I heard that I thought it was a genius idea but somehow it remained purely a rumor. Well if there has ever been an iconic action villain it’s him!

Know for his gigantic pecs and his killer moves Bolo has faced off against the likes of Bruce Lee and Van Damme for cryin’ out loud! This time let’s have him and Van Damme on the same team! Bolo still has the moves & it’s time to give him one last hurrah as the series best villain yet!

3. Grace Jones: Yeah the film needs some female presence and Grace Jones is one of the wildest women on the planet!

She’s like seven feet tall, starred with Arnie in Conan the Destroyer, 007: A View to a Kill and could easily play a part of the Good Guys or villains in the flick. Yeah she’s that much of a bad ass-she could go toe to toe with Sly and it’d be believable. It’s time for the film to feature some ladies and she’d be perfect!

4. Mr T: Seriously Mr. T!! He made my list for the second film but from what I’ve heard T won’t do any violent movies anymore. But he does kick ass for…Snickers?

Well it’s time for him to get back on board with what he does best-kicking peoples asses to the moon and back! Part of The A-Team, Clubber Lang in Rocky III, Partners to Hulk Hogan in the WWF, Mr. T needs to get his head out of his ass and fast because his resume has got The Expendables 3 written all over it. Imagine the fans reaction to Mr. T? It’d be insane…

5. Iko Uwais: Yeah I see the problem we’ve got too many old ass dudes running around doing the ass kicking. I get that. That’s why you grab the best up and coming action stars before they hit it huge here in the USA! If you don’t know who this guy is then you are in for a treat because The Raid: Redemption makes The Expendables look like Kindergarten Cop!

Seriously Iko kicks soooo much butt it’s almost incomprehensible! Even his first movie Merantu was awesome. This Indonesian action star is a master of Silat, a truly incredible form of martial arts. He’d round out some of the old blood in the next movie quite nicely and when in action would raise the bar on the movie’s hand to hand combat sequences.

6. Roddy Piper: Roddy is a no brainer for the third film! He needs to be in the third film. He’s loud, cocky and rowdy! He also starred in “They Live” and “Hell Comes to Frogtown” to name a few.

He’d be perfect as hero or villain and he adds the perfect nostalgia of the 1980’s to the next installment. Plus let’s not forget he also tangled with Mr.T back in the WWF. Hint Hint….Rematch anyone?

7. Ice-T: Yes! Ice was a great action star in the early 1990’s. “New Jack City”, “Ricochet”, Trespass and my personal favorite “Surviving The Game” where he kicked so much ass in that movie alone he deserves to star in the third installment.

Ice has been out of the game for a while, taking more timid roles in recent years. Well Ice it’s time to get back on the saddle again. He’d most likely make a better villain than part of the team but one thing is certain it’s time for Ice to get back on the big screen. So let’s hope he gets on board…