Tagged: top ten
Idiotic Christmas Horror: Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toymaker!
Ho ho ho! The Christmas spirit is in the air again and it’s once again time to check out some crazy holiday movies! Last night I watched a pretty ridiculous one to say the least, the final installment of the ‘Silent Night Deadly Night’ franchise, part 5: ‘The Toymaker’ from 1991! Now if you’re in the mood for some totally idiotic yet entertaining holiday movie mayhem I’d say this here is definitely worth a watch this year. As with the 4th installment of the ‘Silent Night Deadly Night’ franchise, this one has got absolutely zilch to do with the original, clearly a sequel only in name and I’m quite fine with that becuz really now, how many damn movies do we need with a killer in a Santa Suit?
So “The Toymaker” goes a way different direction with a totally absurd plot directed by Martin Kitrosser & co-written by horror icon Brian Yuzna (Night of the Living Dead 3, Bride of Re-Aminator, Society), which finds a little kid whose family is “terrorized” by killer presents..ahem “toys” made by a weird ass old dude toymaker named ‘Joe Petto’ played by the one and only Mickey Rooney! How the hell they got Rooney to do this flick is a bit of a wonder. First he’s clearly got the star power here, though in 1991 he must have been in dire need of acting work and even more bizarre is that Rooney wrote a protest letter against the first Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984). Claiming the “scum” who made it should be “run out of town” for having fucked with the sacred holiday. Oddly then six years later he joined the damn franchise!! He must have just loved the damn script so much he couldn’t resist! The world may never know..
Anyway Rooney runs his own creepy toy shop in town called “Petto’s” which is probably the WORST name you could pick for a toy store, oh and he’s got his socially awkward son working the shop too and yeah…..his name is ‘Pino’. I recognized this kid actor Brian Bremer from Pumpkinhead as well as starring in Tobe Hooper’s Spontaneous Combustion & Yuzna’s ‘Society’. So are you catching on here to the brilliance of this story here yet? Well Joe Petto makes toys that kill people and his weirdo son who lives in the dank cellar helps him out and also gets yelled at a lot by Petto after he’s been drinkin’ on the job during shop hours.
The meat of the plot here revolves around Joe Petto’s evil toy’s stalking a single mom and her child for some “unknown reason” right around Christmas. We get some pretty ridiculous bullshit going on here when the toys viciously attack and we even got Screamin’ Mad George (Predator, Nightmare on Elm St. 3) doing his best with the budget on special fx duty. Killer toy army men, toy centipede larva, heck even some killer roller blades! The movie’s filled with crazy ass plot twists too, the kind that are so stupid you can’t help but find idioticlly endearing.
The Toymaker goes for the jugular with a “shocking” finale too, that kinda just has to be seen to be believed as it’s about as stupidly awesome things come. There’s plenty to enjoy here for the holiday as the story somehow operates nicely within the Christmas season. It’s likely the second best installment of the ‘Silent Night’ franchise and the perfect holiday party flick as it’s got a lean, just over 80 minute run time that moves at a nice brisk pace. If you want a full on holiday party flick this one’s got the goods, just make sure you’ve got your sense of humor intact, plenty of weed and boozy egg nog there to wash this one down with…you’ll be needing it!
Happy Halloween: The Top 10 ‘Human to Monster’ Movie Transformations!!!
Happpppy HALLOWEEN boys, ghouls and all freaks of nature!! It’s finally here that special day where all things creepy and spooky are considered the norm amongst all other average humans!! Well today we’re going the distance and going to take a look at one of my favorite topics of all time: MONSTERS!! Duh!
So today many will be transforming themselves into creepy creatures of the night and I want to compile the top ten movie “human to monster” transformations of all time!!! Let’s get on with this shit, in no particular order, it’s time to get gross people, because who doesn’t love seeing humans morph into creepy creatures especially on Halloween!!
10. The Howling (1981)
I just NEVER get sick of this awesome werewolf transformation in the Howling! It’s one of the best human to monster transitions of all time, I just love the fact that Dee Wallace watches the whole damn thing instead of getting the fuck outta dodge!! One of the best!
9. The Beast Within (1982)
Check this shit out, one of the best most bizarre transformations for sure! This time though we witness a troubled teenage transform into some sort of bug/human hybrid! Nasty for sure!! Goddamn do I love some good practical fx!!
7. Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer (2007)
What a damn fine movie, I just can’t get enuff of this one, it’s got awesome practical old school monster fx and even features Robert Englund in one of his best (maybe the best?!) post Freddy movie roles. Better yet Englund transforms into a big ass monster that look’s like Chet’s brother from “Weird Science”!!
6. The Curse 2: The Bite (1989)
Damn I love this flick, it’s a sequel only in name to the ‘Will Wheaton’ movie “The Curse” from a couple years before. It’s a fun movie with some superb extra special fx and a finale that’s worth the wait of the often meandering story. If you’ve never seen this one maybe skip watching this here and just seek out the full movie, this sequence is most of it’s awesome finale…
5. Tales From The Dark Side: The Movie (1990)
The finale story to ‘Tales from the Dark Side: The Movie’ anthology is super awesome and features a totally memorable monster movie transformation! I still feel bad for the dude who didn’t keep his promise, things were just going so damn well in their relationship! Oh well no amount of counseling could have fixed this deep inner relationship issue! It had to come out at some point!
4. The Company of Wolves (1984)
This rad and totally bizarre, sometimes forgotten gem of a werewolf movie, has several awesome transformations in it. However this one is my favorite. The snout out of the mouth is an awesome totally disgusting effect that still awes me every time. I’ve got to re-watch this one again SOON! This freaked me the fuck out as a kid…
3. The Thing (1982)
Here’s a classic! The Norris transformation sequence in The Thing is one of the best most iconic moments in monster movie history! Like it needs any real introduction-here it is again in all it’s gory glory!
2. Black Sheep (2006)
I love this horror comedy and Weta Workshop did an incredible job giving us a totally memorable transformation sequence! The movie is filled with awesome practical fx work and I love the whole “weresheep angle”, if you’ve never seen this indie gem you better check it out asap-it delivers the goods and then some!!
1.An American Werewolf in London (1981)
Considered by most to be the greatest man to monster movie transformation of all time obviously this one needed to be on the list, so here it is one last time for any of you who’ve been living in a damn cave for the majority of your life! Ohhh the pain of it all!!!
Still haven’t had enuff? Me neither-here’s a few more I totally dig!!
Oh and Luke Skywalker as he transforms into a bug in the shitty “Guyver”…still damn cool tho!
Oh and Drew Barrymore’s crazy transformation in the underrated “Doppleganger”!!
God bless Youtube, Here’s a cool one from The Spookies from 1986~!
Cool one from Waxwork II: Lost in Time!
A great one from the criminally underrated 1987 monster extravaganza ‘The Kindred’!!
….and of course this WHOLE damn movie!!
Best of VHS Box Art: Prophecy!!
Have I ever mentioned how much I love monster movies? Well being a huge fan of the creature feature I thought I’d showcase one of my personal favorites. Prophecy from 1979 is a damn good movie that still holds up quite well even in 2016. It’s a monster movie with a message, don’t pollute the rivers cuz if you do you just might end up with a wildly mutated pissed off monster grizzly bear in your forests! Yeah John Frankenheimer does a wonderful job bringing this twister creature feature to life and the box/ poster art is one of my favorites check it:
It really doesn’t get too much better than this as far as awesome cover art goes and also having a movie that’s actually as cool as it’s poster art in this era can at time be a difficult task. As a kid this cover always stuck with me from way back in the video store days. If you haven’t seen this one then make sure this Halloween you track it down, you won’t be disappointed!
The Top 10 “Stranded On An Island” Movies….Part 2!!
So my first entry I did on the top ten “stranded on an island” movies has easily been my most popular post here at Universal Dork, sooooo naturally I am giving a sequel to it right here, today! I simply love the idea of being castaway to a remote island, far away from the bustle of everyday life. There’s something about this idea that has always captivated audiences and it remains to be a situation I often think about every damn time I get on an airplane. So let’s not waste any time and get right to one of the most romantic, exciting and frightening movie topics of all time. It’s time to take a look at the other movies that deserve to be on this epic list!
10. Swept Away, 2002
Yeah this list is going to have some cheezy ass movies on it and this one here is a guilty please to start it off. It’s also likely the most well known of the bunch. Of course this movie was a box office mega bomb and totally panned by the critics.
However if you’re looking for a fun time on a stranded island with the legendary icon Madonna then look no further!
9. The Last Flight of Noah’s Ark, 1980
Here’s an interesting Disney movie with Silver Spoons star Ricky Schroder – Bonus right there folks! It seems that Disney was all in on the whole desert island theme as this was just one of quite a few that follow a similar storyline.
While this movie isn’t bound to blow your mind it’s got a pretty cool premise of flipping a B-29 bomber over on it’s back and sailing it to civilization! Continue reading
The Best of VHS Box Art: From Beyond!!
I love From Beyond! It’s one of Stuart “Reanimator” Gordon’s best movies in my opinion. It’s super fun tale based on the classic H.P. Lovecraft story of the same name. There’s a ton of awesome special fx and monsters a’ plenty in this weird ass horror classic. Well this kick ass movie also has one heckuva cover to go along with it showcasing the villain of the movie as he’s transforming into on of the best 80’s movie monsters of all time. The premise of the story is genius as we explore the mysterious pineal gland and quickly discover that just because you see empty space all around you it doesn’t mean it’s not filled with some truly nasty entities. I’ve always loved this cover, it’s a perfect representation of what made the vhs box art of the 1980’s so damn memorable! I think it may be time to dust off my copy of this one!
Comic Cover of the Week: Swamp Things That Go Bump In The Night!
Bernie Wrightson is the king of the macabre and Swamp Thing was the perfect comic book for him to display his talent of drawing all things that go bump in the night. If you have a monster that needs drawing Bernie is most definitely your man for the job! Here’s an incredible full cover featuring the Swamp Thing going head on with some dark creatures of the night way back in 1977. This is really a perfect example of why Bernie is one of the greatest comic book illustrators ever.
Hopefully cinematic DC will take notes here when they begin ‘Dark Universe” with Doug Liman attached to direct. While most of the details are being kept under wraps, the plot revolves around a darker Justice League team that consists of John Constantine, Swamp Thing, Deadman, Zatanna and Etrigan the Demon. Hopefully DC won’t mess this up too. I won’t hold my breath but I’ve got to say I’m terribly disappointed that Guillermo del Toro is no longer attached to direct. But I mean really, how bad could they mess it up?! Hmmm…..
Comic Cover of the Week: The Gargoyle By Bernie Wrightson Can’t Be Beat!
When it comes to outstanding comic book covers by truly incredible artists The Gargoyle #1 is one of the best! A relatively obscure Marvel character got his own limited series in 1985 and was also a member of The Defenders around this time as well. Who better than to get to draw this monstrous superhero? Bernie Wrightson laid it onto paper like a true champ and gave us one of the best covers of his career! All four covers for this series are actually pretty incredible but this one takes the cake…
The Scoop Behind the Greatest Spider-Man Fan Film of All Time!
Fan films are all the rage these days especially with the popularity of Youtube making it possible for anyone to get their content out there. Well back in 1992 a movie was made that’s just over 45 minutes long that many call the greatest fan film of all time: The Green Goblin’s Last Stand. The movie was made by mega fan Dan Poole who recreated the legendary Spider-Man story “The Night Gwen Stacy Died”.
He financed the film for around 400 bucks and did all the stunt work himself at times swinging above buildings on a rope with no safety net. Now That’s dedication! Also this fan film has a pretty creepy rendition of the Green Goblin, the absurd looking costume only adds the insanity of the character. However I’ve never been a fan of any of the big screen renditions of the Goblin. Anyway I discovered this cool making of video on Youtube that gives the full scoop on this now cult comic book flick. Pretty awesome stuff and considering it was 1992 it makes it all that much more badass! Check it out!
Here’s the full movie just in case you’ve never seen it! It’s a ton of fun and totally D.I.Y.!!
Battle of the Insults: Skeletor vs. Donald Trump vs. Cobra Commander!!
When it comes to insulting & ridiculing people no one can do it better than Republican frontrunner Donald Trump and Masters of the Universe’s own ultimate asshole Skeletor!
Both are highly amusing yet incredibly idiotic, pop culture villains who will take any given chance to hurl an insult at their naysayers! So let’s pit these two jackasses against each other in a battle of insults to see just who’s got the most ridiculous cheap shots. Both of these guys have a lot in common in especially in the way they take pride in ridiculing anyone and everyone who gets in their way!
Check this out as first up we have Skeletor!
…..and of course Mr. Big Mouth himself The Donald!!
This is just Part 1 so if you want some more Trump at his finest check out part two!
Oh and I think Cobra Commander could join these two for the fun as well! If only Trump could pick one of these guys as his running mate now that’d be entertainment!!
Lando Calrissian Schools You on What’s “Never COOL”?!! You Bet!
Last night I had the pleasure of attending the Portland Film Festival’s late night short film series! It was jam packed with great flicks from all over the place and was filled with blossoming talents! One of my favorite portions of the night was seeing the first short film called “Never Cool” which is just under two minutes in length and a total riot! Take a minute to check this one out as Billy Dee Williams narrates and lets you know the top things in life that you will NEVER look cool doing! It’s something we can all relate too!! Hilarious…
Universal Dork 