Tagged: review

The Holiday Conspiracy REVEALED: TWO FRONT TEETH (2006)

Right in time for the holidays, check out the dirt on this super underrated flick from 2006 that goes WAY over the top with some WILD Xmas conspiracies-TWO FRONT TEETH! This bizarro little yuletide gem is perfect for fans of SOV, no budget schlock and is quite ambitious in everything it tries to pull off in its mysteriously stupid story! I think it’s well on its way to becoming a bonafide weirdo holiday cult classic! Have you seen this wacky, heartfelt tale of terror before?

 

 

Has Cobra Kai Become a Karate Kid PARODY?! Plus Will Hilary Swank Join the Season Six FINALE?!

I’m a huge OG Karate Kid fan all the way back from seeing it in 1984!! Here’s my thoughts as an old school fan of the beloved 80’s franchise, now, looking back at SIX seasons of Cobra Kai! PLUS my thoughts on the 1994 controversial film THE NEXT KARATE KID with Hilary Swank and how they must complete the “Miyagi-verse” by putting Julie Pierce in the FINAL episodes of the series!! What do YOU think? I’m curious what fans of the original think of the direction and tone of the series and exactly how you think it might end up!

HP Lovecraft Inspiration!! The New HELLBOY Film & the 90s NECRONOMICON!!

I’ve been in a bit HP Lovecraft land as of late, watching some pretty cool old and new stuff inspired by the iconic horror writer. As a HUGE fan of the Hellboy comic books as well as the Guillermo del Toro films, (which I do really love but never felt like a true representation go the source material) I was indeed totally skeptical of the latest film. Hellboy: The Crooked Man arrived on the scene and didn’t garner much attention, however I recently gave it a shot and surprisingly here’s my review in one of my latest YouTube vids:

 

Then I delved deep on Halloween into possibly the BEST horror anthology of the 1990s-NECRONOMICON which like the Hellboy stuff was more than inspired by Lovecraft but based on three of his stories and the result were quite impressive check that out right here:

Henry Rollins & His Action Hero Stint in WRONG TURN 2: DEAD END!

Ok so we all know Henry Rollins as the front man to one of the most popular punk rock bands of all time: BLACK FLAG. However in the 2000s he was kind of really “going for it” in some pretty cool indie horror films, today we take closer look at his seriously over the top 2007 horror/action hybrid flick: Wrong Turn 2: Dead End! This one shoulda kicked off his career as an action hero-check it OUT!!

HELLBOY is Back?! Does ‘The Crooked Man’ Trailer Deliver the GOODS?!

I totally forgot that there was yet ANOTHER Hellboy film in production, after the last installment of the Neil Marshall (The Descent/Dog Soldiers) ginormous letdown film from 2019-which was so bad I couldn’t even finish it. We now today get the brand new trailer for the Hellboy: The Crooked Man and it really sort of leaves me scratching my damn head. Who though it’d be a good idea to try this YET again? We’ve got the director of ‘Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance’ (2011), both ‘Crank’ films and the pretty fun Nicholas Cage film ‘Mom and Dad’ (2017). As much as I’m a fan of the Hellboy/BPRD Mignola-verse in the comic books this new trailer (based on one of his classic comic book stories) leaves me feeling really empty. We’ve got a yet another new actor in the role that sort of at this point looks and feels to me a bit like a bad cosplayer at Comic Con IMO here…

It feels really cheap to me and just maybe that’ll make this thing a bit better? A smaller more personal story? Still it looks at least, in this new trailer to have some pretty flimsy CGI on display like the last horrendous chapter unfortunately. Plus it feels honestly generic as fuck. I’m sure this will have to be an improvement to some degree over that last load of shit, but I’m really getting a “fan film” vibe here. I’m sort of a bit perplexed, but also still holding out hope for a more authentic comic adaptation version of one of my favorites from Mignola. Part of me wanted the 3rd installment of the Del Toro franchise, which is frankly a WAY different vibe from the classic comic. Still tho, I do love those two films and find them both highly enjoyable. “The Crooked Man” here has me feeling confused, wondering who exactly this is for at this point? Nothing about it looks interesting in this teaser. Does it have the feel at least of Mignola’s vision? HELL no, it looks like a flaming turd but I’m willing to go in with bells on and hope to be proven wrong- What do you think?

 

The EXORCIST Franchise: What’s The Next Move & Does Anyone Care?

So just recently I rewatched The Exorcist III, which IMO is the perfect sequel to the original not to mention that its directed AND written by William Peter Blatty the creator/author of the original book. So to me the Exorcist story really ends with the 1990 sequel which should have just been the Exorcist II in my opinion. If you’ve still not seen the third installment of the movie I highly suggest picking up the blu ray that was released recently. It’s going to give you far more enjoyment than anything David Gordon Green can do with the dying franchise. Speaking of ‘ The Exorcist: Believer’, the other night I finally decided to check It out as I noticed it was streaming on Amazon Prime. I’d recently had a few people actually recommend THAT movie to me and said it was actually awesome. So I decided reluctantly to take the plunge. Unfortunately I’m gonna have to go with the popular opinion on the film: it was indeed sucked. For a franchise that they spent 400 million dollars on, giving the director of ‘Halloween Ends’ and ‘The Pineapple Express’ the keys to The Exorcist was just a major blunder.

‘Believer’ was like a bland two hour streaming show. It was serviceable, very generic and it was indeed Exorcist “content”. It was timid, slightly boring, uninspired and not the least bit shocking. We got two little possessed  girls, instead of one (WOW!!!). One of them even looked like Regan. I can’t remember too much of anything about it a few days later but I can remember the shocking scenes from the original AND part III. The Exorcist: Believer is a watered down, spade and neutered version of a true sequel.

It’s yet another “who cares” version of a rocky retro horror franchise with a bad extended track record already, that’s gotten even more tired over the years. What sort of new “exorcism” story would anyone  really care about? I think Linda Blair would be a good start, giving her a real role rather than a lame cameo might be the best way to go here. Keeping David Gordon Green away from the project too is a really good idea & I don’t think that anymore wants a yet another retread of the first movie. 

Looking back what made The Exorcist III work so well (even though at the time it wasn’t a huge box office success) is that it had its own unique story going on and felt very removed from the first movie while still maintaining a common thread of connection from Blatty’s novel ‘Legion’.  Honestly regarding The Exorcist new franchise, they completely blew it with that last movie and at this point trying to come up with some sort of “sequel” to THAT story would be one of the worst ideas possible-no one gives a shit about that story continuing. I’d say you’ve got to get Linda Blair back in the role of Regan, give her a very compelling role and then be willing to let her star in a film that pushes the boundaries in a shocking new way like the original had done when people saw it for the first time. What if for example there was a “mass possession” phenomenon occurring in the world and it was getting worse? Linda Blair could be a hero in the film OR it’s main protagonist as perhaps she’s the catalyst-becoming possessed and unchecked-what would that look like if an Exorcist didn’t get to her early on? Anyway, the only problem is with all of these committees and studio executives that know nothing about what people really want, they would likely never allow that to happen anymore. Too many bad cooks in the kitchen it seems today.

Something with the wildly controversial content of the first film would never be allowed to be made in a major studio these days. So unless the next installment of The Exorcist franchise is ready to go the ultimate distance and shock audiences with a fresh new vision involving original star Linda Blair, then I’d say they should really just shelve this thing for another decade. ‘Believer’ was obviously NEVER going to be anywhere close to the original or Exorcist III & I don’t think they’ve got what it takes to make a sequel on the level of  Friedkin/Blatty’s original material. I say let the Exorcist DIE but $400,000,000 obviously says we’ll be getting more of this bull shit whether we like it or not….

Original Ghostbuster’s Ray Parker Jr Battles Tony Todd in 1987’s ENEMY TERRITORY!

I sat down a few nights ago to give a rewatch to my recently re-acquired VHS “Enemy Territory” a rad movie back from the 1980’s (when you might have been able to really get people pumped about another Ghostbusters flick!). It’s star power being the man who made the Ghostbusters theme song a bonafide hit back in 1984- Ray Parker Jr.!! I just had to take moment on my new U-Dork Youtube channel to give it my full attention and to make the case why this flick needs a hot and fancy blu ray!


It’s a race for survival as Ray Parker Jr. kicks some serious  gang ass while trying to make it from the top floor to “safety” on the streets. It’s a serious ton of 80’s fun, a true lost gem! Seek this one out and check out why I say you gotta take a trip into “enemy territory”!

Movie Melt Podcast: 1994’s Ridiculous Sexy Sea Monster Monster Flick-CREATURES FROM THE ABYSS!

Hey are you a fan of bizarre Italian movies filmed in Florida? How about 90’s creature features where sex crazed fish monsters chase a bunch of moronic party animals around a yacht lost at sea? Well on the latest episode of the MOVIE MELT Podcast we cover a ridiculous monster movie made the insanely genius mind of Alvaro Passeri, a practical effects wizard who also crafted the incredibly weird Christmas fantasy ‘Fantastic Games’ that I reviewed right here.

Well this one has been a fave of mine actually since the red envelope dvd days of Netflix, Creatures From The Abyss AKA Plankton is a totally bonkers flick with some of the most jaw dropping character dialogue you’re likely to see from that era anytime soon. It’s also got some crazy ass monster action and totally disgusting practical fx sequences that make this a stand out sci-fi creature feature.

So there’s tons more in this episode we discuss-lots a cool movies you just got to be checking out, especially if you’re a fan of weird stuff like the movie do a deep dive on! So check out the latest episode for a wild voyage out at sea with a crew of the biggest morons to hit the silver screen in Creatures From The Abyss! HERE IS THE EPISODE!

‘HERE FOR BLOOD’ Movie Review: Amateur Wrestler vs Amateur Evil Cult!

I rented ‘HERE FOR BLOOD‘ the other night,  a brand new horror action comedy that has quite an original concept: wannabe pro wrestler vs amateur evil cult, a home invasion battle to the death! Finding a fun and original horror film these days is getting more difficult but this one was a pleasant surprise.

A new film from Daniel Turres (Fresh Meat, Terry’s Car Gets Stolen) goes into what I would like to say is 90s “Full Moon” territory! Add in a dash of Dee Snider from Twisted Sister and you’ve got yourself a pretty wild and crazy fast-paced little comedy on your hands-check out my review on the new U-Dork YouTube channel: 

 

THE PRIMEVILS: Charles Band REVIVES the Lost 90’s Stop-Motion Creature Feature!

I’ve been thinking lately about the way movies used to be made, full of cool special fx that weren’t an obscene bloated smorgasbord of shiny mind numbing digital fluff. I miss me some hands on practical work like stop motion animation and God dammit I think Charles Band (Full Moon/Empire) is reviving that genre of movie making with the upcoming release of THE PRIMEVILS!! Check out the magic on screen here in this latest trailer:

Newly revived from a project that’s apparently had its roots in the late 1970s but officially beginning production back in 1994, it was sadly left incomplete after director and fx wizard David Allen became ill and passed away in 1999. 

Allen was a connoisseur and master of stop motion and practical effects, working on many projects in the Charles Band Full Moon/Empire Films universe. Apparently serious work was picked back up in 2018 by one of Allen’s protégés Chris Endicott and the movie has now been completed, finishing the storyline and adding new effects to complete the original footage to make a cohesive film that honors the vision of Allen’s original idea. The stop-motion fx work here is beautiful and this whole project looks to really be something truly special at least so far visually.

I wasn’t sure what to make of this trailer (except that it looked fucking rad) when I saw it for the first time a few days ago. I actually wondered if maybe someone had really brought back to this modern world of bloated digital effects a totally brand new movie packed with new old school stop-motion animation.  I guess that essentially what its is, but even better yet we get a glimpse back to a lost 90s movie and something that looks like a breath of fresh air in 2024. I had to mention this incredible looking movie here and I just can’t wait to see it on the big screen hopefully sometime in 2024. Fingers crossed this one is as fun and fresh as the trailer makes it look! Here’s another cool clip: