Category: bad movies

Thanksgiving themed B-Movie TERRORs: Watch These Forgotten Gems This Holiday!!

It’s THANKSGIVING and you most likely need some totally RAD forgotten B-movie gems to check out on the big TURKEY day and of course Black Friday, if you’re gonna avoid the crowds why not watch some cool weird-o tales of terror that ALL in valve the holiday. Well I’ve got some cool pics compiled right here in my latest U-Dork YouTube vid (Have YOU subscribed yet?!) check it out right here and let me know your favorites for the Thanksgiving season!!

BREATHING FIRE (1991): Ke Huy Quan vs Bolo Yeung?!!

Today I’ve got a brand new YouTube vid about one of my favorite teen action martial arts flicks of the 1990’s or maybe EVER?! Yeah BREATHING FIRE from 1991 has most definitely got ALL the right moves and feature Ke Huy Quan in one of his most outrageous roles of his career by far!

This film has somehow slipped real far under the radar despite it’s countless generic dvd releases over the decades. It also features the villainous icon BOLO Yeung doing what de does best-whooping’ people’s asses!

If you’re a fan of Temple of Doom or The Goonies or Everything Everywhere All at Once you’ve got to check this one out, we cover all things Ke Quan and go deep into the film itself! So get ready for ultimate nostalgia blast and check out our podcast dedicated to Huy and of course the movie I’m most hoping will get a release on blu ray from the likes of Vinegar Syndrome-Breathing Fire! CHECK IT OUT!

HELLBOY is Back?! Does ‘The Crooked Man’ Trailer Deliver the GOODS?!

I totally forgot that there was yet ANOTHER Hellboy film in production, after the last installment of the Neil Marshall (The Descent/Dog Soldiers) ginormous letdown film from 2019-which was so bad I couldn’t even finish it. We now today get the brand new trailer for the Hellboy: The Crooked Man and it really sort of leaves me scratching my damn head. Who though it’d be a good idea to try this YET again? We’ve got the director of ‘Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance’ (2011), both ‘Crank’ films and the pretty fun Nicholas Cage film ‘Mom and Dad’ (2017). As much as I’m a fan of the Hellboy/BPRD Mignola-verse in the comic books this new trailer (based on one of his classic comic book stories) leaves me feeling really empty. We’ve got a yet another new actor in the role that sort of at this point looks and feels to me a bit like a bad cosplayer at Comic Con IMO here…

It feels really cheap to me and just maybe that’ll make this thing a bit better? A smaller more personal story? Still it looks at least, in this new trailer to have some pretty flimsy CGI on display like the last horrendous chapter unfortunately. Plus it feels honestly generic as fuck. I’m sure this will have to be an improvement to some degree over that last load of shit, but I’m really getting a “fan film” vibe here. I’m sort of a bit perplexed, but also still holding out hope for a more authentic comic adaptation version of one of my favorites from Mignola. Part of me wanted the 3rd installment of the Del Toro franchise, which is frankly a WAY different vibe from the classic comic. Still tho, I do love those two films and find them both highly enjoyable. “The Crooked Man” here has me feeling confused, wondering who exactly this is for at this point? Nothing about it looks interesting in this teaser. Does it have the feel at least of Mignola’s vision? HELL no, it looks like a flaming turd but I’m willing to go in with bells on and hope to be proven wrong- What do you think?

 

SUBURBAN COMMANDO (1991) is the GREATEST Hulk Hogan Film EVER?!

Greetings to all you lilted Hulkamaniacs!! We’ve got a brand new episode of Universal Dork on YouTube up now & today we’re covering 1991 Sci-Fi action comedy family friendly-ish cult classic starring Hulk Hogan, Christopher Lloyd, The Undertaker and Shelley Duvall: muthafukin’ SUBURBAN COMMANDO!!!

We just knew  that you didn’t get enough of Hulk Hogan’s sexy-ass bod with the last episode of NO HOLDS BARRED (1989) so we decided to go even deeper into Hogan’s Movie career with this awesome under appreciated buddy comedy. You get some slapstick comedy, some intergalactic space battles, mime abuse, a pretty rad looking alien monster for Hogan to fight as well as a debatable brawl with The Undertaker and so much more! Check it out right HERE:

MOVIE MELT Podcast Returns with Sexy 80s Leprechaun Comedy ‘GETTING LUCKY’!

An 80’s teen sex comedy centered around a recovering alcoholic Leprechaun who lives in a beer bottle & grants three shoddy wishes to high school students with raging hormones?! You’d better believe it! ‘GETTING LUCKY’ from 1989 delivers the goods and is one of the weirdest wildest of the genre..Getting Lucky brings the gold from the other side of the rainbow straight to the MOVIE MELT PODCAST’S Latest Episode , this movie actually has some pretty interesting but moronic comedic timing and at least one surprisingly excellent special fx sequence unlike anything you’ve EVER seen before I can guarantee that!

 So I’ve always been a fan of those raunchy teen comedies but one with a pathetic leprechaun at it’s core helping nerd get laid is a first. So if you’re feeling like gambling and tryin’ your luck here you’re bound to find the gold on the latest episode of MOVIE MELT! We discuss so much more low brow cinema here to and recommend you the best of some of the strangest most stupid flick’s for the next movie nite. Check it out right HERE! And if you wanna check out one of the film’s BEST musical numbers before hand & dare to lose a few brain cells listen to “Hole in One” a song that should’ve been on the pop charts back in the day:

1984’s NINJA BUSTERS: Kung Fu Boneheads Go the DISTANCE!

I love a good 1980s bonehead, but what’s even better are in my opinion are two lovable dipshits sharing the screen equally! Goodie for me that I just checked out the blu ray from Garage House Pictures, who released this one a while back for the very first time to the public. Ninja Busters was shelved for decades NEVER seen before by the public, that was until the 35mm print of this film was discovered and what treat it is to behold in all of it’s idiotic glory!

Yes, Ninja Busters feature two woman crazed “bosom buddies”, Bernie & Chic, who are absolutely desperate to score with the chicks and live a laid back slacker life. However when they discover that their new employer is actually running an illegal arms operation out of their warehouse they get the shit kicked out of them by their bosses henchmen. Soon they’re on the move for work and accidentally stumble upon a martial arts class in session that’s loaded with hot lady students they decide they’ve just got to enlist-but NOT to learn Kung Fu-but to try and get laid-these guys are a class act that’s for sure. These two knuckleheads learn quite quickly that their new sensei ain’t impressed with their shenanigans and neither are the ladies to say the least, they’re soon put on a Kung Fu crash course and surprisingly rise to the occasion with some hard work and training.

Soon their lives begin to change, they’re still a couple of lovable sex starved morons but their dedication to the martial arts starts to pay off with their fighting skills AND their sex lives. But between hanging with their new love interests, slices of pizza and more training they soon find themselves weaved back into the evil illegal web of their former employer, who now wants to shut them up for good, now with an army of ninjas behind him. This flicks a full on delight, it’d make for a perfect opener to a double feature with ‘Miami Connection’, Ninja Busters has that same heart and charm that make both movies so memorable. In fact even if there wasn’t ANY kung fu in the movie at all I’d be totally fine hanging out watching Bernie & Chic just bein’ best friends and striking out with the babes-these guys are comic gold.

It’s sorta like watching Jack Tripper & Larry from Three’s Company hang out for a full hour and a half but with some sweet brawls and even some breakdancing! This movie’s just all around good vibes with totally over the top characters, idiotically evil villains, hot babes, bad acting and whole lot of 80s fashion and charm to chomp on. The blu ray is out of print but a great lookin’ version of the film is up on YouTube for free to watch. Get some beers, babes and buddies together for a truly charming little action comedy that most definitely deserves a much larger cult fan base!

Movie Melt Podcast: 1994’s Ridiculous Sexy Sea Monster Monster Flick-CREATURES FROM THE ABYSS!

Hey are you a fan of bizarre Italian movies filmed in Florida? How about 90’s creature features where sex crazed fish monsters chase a bunch of moronic party animals around a yacht lost at sea? Well on the latest episode of the MOVIE MELT Podcast we cover a ridiculous monster movie made the insanely genius mind of Alvaro Passeri, a practical effects wizard who also crafted the incredibly weird Christmas fantasy ‘Fantastic Games’ that I reviewed right here.

Well this one has been a fave of mine actually since the red envelope dvd days of Netflix, Creatures From The Abyss AKA Plankton is a totally bonkers flick with some of the most jaw dropping character dialogue you’re likely to see from that era anytime soon. It’s also got some crazy ass monster action and totally disgusting practical fx sequences that make this a stand out sci-fi creature feature.

So there’s tons more in this episode we discuss-lots a cool movies you just got to be checking out, especially if you’re a fan of weird stuff like the movie do a deep dive on! So check out the latest episode for a wild voyage out at sea with a crew of the biggest morons to hit the silver screen in Creatures From The Abyss! HERE IS THE EPISODE!

U-Dork Youtube Channel Drops FIRST Episode: 1989’s ‘NO HOLDS BARRED’ w/ Hulk Hogan!

The day has finally arrived in celebration of 15 damn YEARS of Universal Dork, I’ve decided to create an officical U-Dork YouTube channel! Oh yeeeeah, party time has begun! I’ve teamed up with one of the original blog collaborators, James Hall & our very first episode has officially dropped. Here we cover the 1989 classic wrestling/action/drama hybrid ‘NO HOLDS BARRED’ starring none other than Hulk Hogan!!

We also chat about VHS collecting at the Goodwill Bins and a lot of useless cinematic garbage centered around 80s pro “Wrasslin”. But we also pose the deeper question…. is Hulk Hogan HOT?! Let us know what YOU think and make sure to check this one out and feel free to subscribe because we’re going to be making more videos in the near future!

 

VHS VERDICT: 1989’s ‘KILLER’ is one HELL of a Wild Low Budget Thrill ride!!

I love it when I see a movie from the 80s that somehow fell through the cracks for me, especially one that delivers the gory goods as hard as 1989’s ‘KILLER!‘ from Tony Elwood!  I got a chance to check out the Electro Video/Lunchmeat VHS facilitated and boy was it a wild damn ride. Essentially more of a thriller than a “slasher” with a very slight “supernatural” edge, ‘Killer!’ is leaps and bounds better than so many similar genre movies with 50 times the budget. That’s what makes this film so damn charming and deserving of a much broader audience with fans of horror cult cinema. ‘Killer’ certainly doesn’t reinvent the wheel but everything it does, it does so well while retaining that 1980s nostalgia of regional films like J.R. Bookwalter’s ‘The Dead Next Door’ or Leif Jonker’s ‘Darkness: The Vampire Version’.

We get the simple story of a killer (Duke Ernsberger) on the loose in a small rural North Carolina community who’s completely deranged and determined to mutilate anyone who stands in his way of his vicious killing spree. Most of the success of it and how it plays out weighs heavily on the shoulders of the villain played quite convincingly by Ernsberger. He brings an intense, disturbing, believable ferocity to the screen that you normally don’t see in films with a budget this minuscule ($8,000). This guy slashes, shoots, rips and beats people down in grim and intense ways and gives no fucks doing so. The practical effects on display here are wickedly bloody & actually pretty believable which really adds to the movie’s punch as it moves at a brisk tense pace and by the third act erupts into total high stakes mayhem.

Somehow this weird little indie film reaches rises to genuinely terrifying levels of horror in its third act when “SPOILERS”: the killer reveals himself as not only a cannibal but delivers one of the most terrifying monologs I’ve maybe ever heard from a horror movie antagonist. The scene is more disturbing than any of the gory deaths that precede it, with only dialogue. It’s incredible how well cleverly constructed writing like this can massively change the vibe of a horror film, transforming into an entirely different beast altogether. The killer plays ‘Russian roulette’ in front of his (soon to be dinner) victim he’s held captive, revealing that no matter how many times he pulls the trigger it will NEVER fire the bullet into his skull. But you might expect this to be some crazy parlor trick, he uses the same gun to suddenly deliver a stunning shot at his captives hopeful rescuers who’re making an attempt to foil his horrific plans.

In the film’s finale it’s anyones guess who’s gonna live or die. As terrifying as this man is, it’s amusing actually how susceptible to pain he is as he wines and squeal while taking a damn beating. Not quite the Michael Meyers type, which is refreshing but leaves the viewer pondering if he’s indeed being guided by evil supernatural forces or merely a delusional defeatable human on a lucky rampage. I give high praises to KILLER and was pretty blown away with it’s effective horror, mystery and action on display. It’s gotten a blu ray release from Terror Vision-so if this sounds like fun to you check it OUT!

 

The Movie Melt Podcast DEEP Dives into Troma’s Y2K New Age Action Sci-Fi Drama ‘ALIEN BLOOD’!

Well here we are full force into 2024 the New Year has arrived and ‘Movie Melt‘ decided to jump right into one of Troma’s most puzzling and underseen flicks: ALIEN BLOOD!! Yes-Lloyd Kaufman decided to give every one a real treat way back in 1999-a quarter century ago-damn does time FLY! Instead of a zany, slightly offensive, mind numbing horror comedy he give us a new age alien tinged dramatic sci-fi action flick filled with a soothing soundtrack fit for an epic yoga session , guns, vampires, martial arts and a story that really arguably doesn’t make a lick of damn sense!

Alien Blood is a weird one that has one of the strangest plotlines that’ll likely leave you scratching your head in disbelief (or possibly agony) and all of this takes place on the eve of the millennium-you remember when the end of the world was at our door & Y2K worries we HIGH! An after you watch this one you’ll feel like you are too. Terrible looking CGI grey aliens will haunt your dreams and the plot will make you feel like you’re either a complete & total moron or just watched the most incoherent film of ALL time?! Well we try to make sense of this shit show and we HOPE you’ll tag along for the ride too!

We also do a moronic “battle of the bands” competition and talk also talk all sorts of shit about films we think are worth watching and soooo much more cinematic junk to fill your brain full of!

Come join us for this special New Year jamboree episode that’ll take you back to simpler times when we all thought the Y2K would end the damn world as we KNOW IT! Listen to the latest episode of the MOVIE MELT podcast RIGHT HERE!!!

Oh and here’s a clip if you’re at all interested in soothing your melting brain with some telekinesis!