Category: bad movies
The Official Jared Leto “Juggalo” Joker: Totally SUCKS!
I just had to take a second quick to say that I hate this Jared Leto Joker. Totally Sucks!! Maybe the worst thing ever? Totally idiotic. A Nu-Metal/Rap Metal band from the year 2000 is missing their lead singer. The lovechild of Lil Wayne, Fred Durst and Marilyn Manson and some drunk Juggalos. The real Joker has class and a cool ass purple suit. Every second I look at this stupid ass picture I get more angry….AAAARG! Please give it up Hollywood….
Ok enough about that….
Yeah we totally INSANE BRO!! ICP wit da muddafukin’ JOKA!! Muddafukin’ FAAAAYGO time Beeeyatches!!! Muddafukin’ Juggalo Jared jump around like a muddafukin’ lunatic!! Craaaazy clown ass crackas!!!!
Oh yeah and check this rad video out, it pretty much explains it ALL!!
Get in Shape with Linnea Quigley’s Horror Workout!!
This was news to me a few days ago, I had no idea that “Linnea Quigley’s Horror Workout” even existed! But back in 1990 the legendary scream queen best known for her appearance in Return of The Living Dead (among many others) actually put out the first horror workout video ever! Here you can see her getting the out of shape undead into some serious workouts and sweating their rotting asses off!
Expect of course that you’re going to see Linnea naked in this workout video, as that seemed to be in part what she was most famous for in the 1980’s, in fact the video starts out like a scene from “Creepozoids” with her showing off her bod in the shower. This one also gives you a full on history of the scream queen too before the creep-tastic working out happens! It also begins with a “serious” warning for those ready to give up their “Sweatin’ to the Oldies” vhs up for a moment it reads as follows:
WARNING : The activities depicted in this video are strenuous and highly physical in nature. They should not be attempted without first consulting your doctor. Since they can also become violent, you might also seek advice from a psychiatrist, clergyman, or criminal attorney. In any case, we accept no responsibility for any harm you do to yourself or to others after viewing this tape. Whatever happens, IT’S NOT OUR FAULT!
So if you’re tired of the same old workout I recommend hunting this one down on vhs or maybe on dvd as I believe it was released back in 2013 but maybe out of print again. Either way this one is most definitely not your average workout ! You can see most of this one right on Youtube!
VHS Verdict: Let the Highway to Hell Take You Back to the 90’s!
I recently scored this cool flick from 1991 on VHS- “Highway to Hell” is a ton of fun! This is a great, totally forgotten flick with an incredibly ridiculous plot to keep the party going. It stars Chad Lowe, you guessed it Rob Lowe’s lesser known younger brother as the teenage hero who must rescue his girlfriend Kristy “original Buffy the Vampire Slayer” Swanson from an evil demonic cop who kidnaps her. Where does he take her you may ask? The Highway to Hell duh! Check out the movie poster which for some reason Kristy Swanson decided not to be featured on?!
Chad Lowe quickly manages to get a rad old classic car from a weird ass gas station owner who just happens to know the the story of the creepy cop and the Highway to Hell-how convenient! He sends him off down the mythic highway in a scene which seriously calls to mind Marty Mcfly in the DeLorean in Back to the Future. Soon Lowe is transported to another dimension where he must venture to find his lost lover and encounter some familiar faces from the early 90’s, most notably Ben Stiller as a crazy diner cook and the sexy vixen rocker Lita Ford! Yeeeeah!
This one’s a cooky adventure filled with a ton of lovably stupid characters, cameos and early 90’s fashion. And some of the best damn hand cuffs in the history of all cinema! Add a goofy climax race scene against the demon cop arranged by Beezlebub himself and you’ve got a sure fire hit for lovers of bad cinema. Don’t take this one too seriously but do watch it with a bunch of friends and plenty of booze!
Hey Jared Leto….The Joker isn’t Fat or Muscular!! Uggh…
What the hell is up with Hollywood and The Joker?! It seems that they just don’t have any real clue on how to go about bringing The Joker to life on the big screen! This new Suicide Squad movie is giving me bad vibes and Jared Leto’s at it again trying to gain weight for yet another role. Apparently this time we may be getting a “fat” or muscular Joker, in a recent interview in Billboard he went to say this about his upcoming role as The Joker-“I’m trying to gain weight,” Leto told his interviewer, while munching on vegan tacos. “It means I have to eat every couple of hours — and I’m terrible at eating a lot.” Does he even know who The Joker is and what he looks like?
Just add some white face paint and there we have it another Joker wannabe!
I’ll go on record saying that I enjoyed Nicholson’s pudgy Joker and Heath Ledger’s normal guy Joker with a painted face and yeah I loved Cesar Romero’s look with his mustached Joker (probably the closest looking to the comic book of the mainstream) but none of those Jokers got it “right”. When I see any of them I have to say “he did a good job but he really didn’t scream classic Joker to me”. I have said it before the only one who truly nailed The Joker’s comic book look was Andrew “Boner” Koenig from the brilliant Batman “Dead End” short film.
Andrew Koenig, Growing Pain’s “Boner” nails it as The Joker!!!
What’s up with Hollywood? Why would Leto need to put on the pounds to play The Joker? Hearing this news make me pretty disappointed. The Joker is the most iconic comic book villain of all time, so why can’t they give us the classic Joker already? I often wonder why these movies have to tweak a machine that is clearly not broken! Give us a comic book Joker, no face scars, not fat or muscular, just a rail thin freak of man who’s completely bat shit crazy! Maybe Leto should have played the Penguin?! This, Hollywood, is what the Joker looks like…
And if you somehow missed Batman: Dead End check it!
Tusk: One of the Worst Movies of 2014? For sure!!
I finally got around to checking out Kevin Smith’s horror podcast inspired movie “Tusk”. I have been looking forward to seeing it for a while now, but unfortunately this one doesn’t live up to the hype. Nope, what we have here is Kevin Smith’s “wacky” idea of a movie inspired by one of his “wacky” podcast episodes. I guess I really wonder why he’d waste the time to make such a shitty movie? Did the idea really sound that awesome on his podcast? I know it’s supposed to be like the Kevin Smith version of Human Centipede but this movie really didn’t need to be made. It was boring, it’s plot was generic, it’s characters were not likable in the least and it wasn’t funny or for that matter scary. Hell Johnny Depp couldn’t even save this one, in fact Depp’s character made the movie even worse!! Spoilers Ahead be WARNED!
So we have a hotshot podcaster played by Justin Long and his wisecracking nerd hipster buddy Haley Joel Osment who are supposed internet celebrities with their “clever” named website “The Not See Party”. Get it?!! Duh…They interview strange people and post viral videos that star these odd people basically making fools of themselves. So justin Long’s character goes on a trip to Canada and ends up randomly meeting an odd old man from a flyer he finds hanging on a wall in a dive bar. He goes to the creepy home of the man and listens to him blabber on about his unbelievable (stupid) stories at sea and his totally idiotic story of a walrus saving his life on a desert island. Then Justin Long realizes his tea has been drugged and passes out. This is where things are supposed to get “intense” when we realize the old man is obsessed with that walrus that saved his dumb life! Yep like Human Centipede he decides to transform Long into a big ol’ walrus. Shocking right? Hardly!
Johnny Depp wouldn’t attach his name to this movie even though he stars in it…hmm…I wonder why?!
On top of that we get some kinda lame side story with a “Kevin Smith-y” type love triangle going on that I honestly could’t care less about as all the characters in the movie are pretty uninteresting & annoying. Then we get an another pointless, irritating character showing up, Johnny Depp in heavy make up flashing some truly cringeworthy acting. The rest of the flick is just one big dumb pile of crap. We get an uneven story with bunch of idiotic scenes of Justin Long “arping” around in a big walrus suit, eating fish, and fighting his captor in a walrus battle. All of this shit is supposed to be clever and funny but it’s really just well…boring. I feel like I lost some brain cells watching this one and the surprise ending is just as dumb as you might expect. It tries hard to make some witty sense of this big stupid pile of horse shit of a film.
I have a love/hate relationship with Kevin Smith he has made a few ok films but for the most part I just don’t think he’s all that funny. This was most definitely his worst movie, which I’d call a gigantic waste of time for all those involved and all those who’ve watched. Please Mr. Smith don’t make anymore podcast inspired movies. I am now officially not excited to see Kevin Smith’s Krampus flick…
2015: Year of The Movie Krampus?!
It seems my Christmas dreams will be coming true next year as there are now several Krampus movies planned for release around the 2015 holiday season! It’s about time too, as I’ve been saying for years that someone needs to make an awesome Christmas horror movie about the bad boy yuletide creature! Krampus is a dark version Saint Nick, a horned demonic creature, according to German folklore he seeks out the bad children, puts them in his sack and beats them with a bundle of branches. Sounds terrifying right?!
Well up til this day we have gotten some scary versions of Santa Claus (Sint, Rare Exports, Santa’s Slay) some creepy slashers dressed up like Saint Nick ( Silent Night Deadly Night, Christmas Evil, Tales from The Crypt: And all Through the House) but we have NEVER seen the Krampus in all of his glory on the big or small screen. This baffles me and for some time I had developed my own version of a Krampus movie that I think would be brilliant.
I guess I could mention in 2013 there was a Krampus movie that was well….not so impressive. “Krampus: The Christmas Devil” was technically the first Krampus flick, but just one that well has slipped under nearly everyone’s radar. You can watch the whole thing on youtube if you’re feeling the challenge!
There was also another lackluster attempt to bring Krampus to life in this short “Night of the Krampus”
I guess while I’m at it I could also mention Krampus was on the Grimm tv series and he looked pretty cool:
However in 2015 it seems that Krampus will be the star of Christmas as there are now two major Krampus flicks on the way(and I’m sure we’ll see some smaller studios trying to get in on the Krampus action too)! The first one being Kevin Smith’s “Anti-Claus” which is rumored to be a anthology starring Tusk’s Justin Long & Haley Joel Osment. I’m excited to see this one as I really think Kevin Smith did good work on Red State and I still need to check out Tusk.
But it gets even better, it was just announced that Michael Dougherty will be directing his own Krampus movie as well for Legendary Pictures. If you remember Dougherty was responsible for the amazing Trick ‘r Treat back in 2007 one of my favorite modern horror flicks. I’ve a feeling that he’ll be giving Kevin Smith some serious “krampetition” for the best Krampus flick ever! So it seems well have more than enough of the Christmas demon next year-here’s hoping for a true cult flick to watch every year after on the holidays! I think it’ll be important for at least one of the film makers to try and refrain too much from the comedy, let’s face it if done right the Krampus could be truly terrifying. I simply cannot wait to see what they come up with.
Here’s a little more Krampus for you, check out this awesomely freaky video of the Krampusnacht, a traditional Krampus type parade/celebration yearly in parts of Europe. These guys go all out with some truly terrifying Krampus costumes, imagine what a studio with a budget could come up with!
And of course here’s more on the origins of the Krampus folklore!
Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool…Again….Why Am I Supposed to be Excited About This?
The big news it seems is that Ryan Reynolds will be reprising his role as Deadpool again-Yipee! Wait, why am I supposed to be excited about this again?! Oh wait, my bad he already played the character…in the most disappointing superhero flick of all time!! Yep “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” makes Brett Ratner’s X-men 3: The Last Stand look like an Academy Award winner! Yeah that Wolverine movie was THAT bad. So now we get the news that Reynolds is going to get a second chance, and I believe everyone deserves a second chance but it leads me to the question: Has Ryan Reynolds ever starred in an actual good movie ever?!
Hey Deadpool-Quit reminding me that we made that movie together ok?!!
Well he did star in R.I.P.D. which I um actually had to turn off because it was so bad. He starred in Blade: Trinity which well I think I may have actually left the theater during way back in 2004. Wait he did star already as a superhero, yeah you remember The Green Lantern from 2011? Nope me neither.
He starred in the sorta Ok-ish Amityville Horror remake, I guess. I know he was in some crappy romantic comedies one where he wore a fat suit or something. I mean is there any movie where he’s actually at least funny? I don’t mean to be a total hater here, but I was less than impressed with that crappy short Deadpool test run in which for some reason Deadpool was a totally not funny, crappy, fully CG character with Reynold’s voice-so what gives? Can someone tell me what all the fuss and excitement is all about already?!
Stan Winston Fans Rejoice for ‘A Gnome Named Gnorm’?!
I love Stan Winston, he made soooo many amazing movie monsters come to life with his genius special effects wizardry! From the Predator, to the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park to the incredible Pumpkinhead! Yes Pumpkinhead is one of my fave monster movies of the 1980’s hands down, and it was also directed by good ol’ Stan! Now let it be known that he really didn’t direct much, The Terminator 2 mini-film for the Universal Studios theme park and the Michael Jackson movie/video “Ghosts” in 1997 I thought was it for him. But I just found out today that he did indeed direct another full length feature film besides Pumpkinhead, so naturally I was pumped to check out his follow-up he did back in 1990! Well it just so happens to be a flick titled “A Gnome Named Norm” starring Anthony Michael Hall and a horny ass Gnome who’s lookin’ too impress the ladies!
Check out the trailer:
Well, now isn’t that something?! It looks like perhaps Winston was the inspiration behind flicks like “Munchie”?
Not quite what I was expecting after motherfuckin’ Pumpkinhead, but hey I gotta say that ‘A Gnome Named Gnorm’ looks like a damn good time!! So this one will go on my list of must watch movies-however this one I may need to view with a gang of friends and a few too many drinks!
You can watch the full feature on youtube too! This movie also went by the name ‘Upworld’, it’s crazy to find movies like this that somehow slipped under the radar!
Forgotten Halloween Specials: ALF Creator’s Puppetfest “The Crown of Bogg”!
Ever have a memory of a TV show as a kid that as an adult you couldn’t remember what it was called or for that matter if the thing even really existed? Well today I want to spotlight one of those very lost/found memories in way of an old Halloween special waaay back from 1981 called “The Crown of Bogg”!! What makes this one special you might wonder?
Well being a big fan of puppets (I mean who isn’t right?) this one was made by none other than Paul Fusco, the damn creator of ALF!!! Well this one aired long before Alf was gobbling up cats on nationwide tv it’s nonetheless just as charming and weird! This one might bring to mind classics like The Fraggles with it’s strange muppet style, wacky songs and humor. With a character names like “King Mildew” you know this one is worth a watch if you’re looking for a odd long lost Halloween special to tune into before you watch some more well known classics!! Check it!! Damn how I do love Youtube!!
Honestly, That Godzilla Movie Wasn’t That Good….
I had to share this awesome “Honest Trailer” from the most recent American Godzilla flick. I’ve been thinking about it a little bit here and there and the more Ido the more I realize that the movie just kinda well…sucked! I don’t wanna be a hater on the Hollywood Blockbuster version of Godzilla, well, yeah I kinda do, I really could care less if they make a sequel. So instead of me ranting about it I figured I’d just post this amazing Honest Trailer that really hits the nail on the head in every way. check it out and admit to yourself the truth, that last Godzilla movie did indeed kinda suck…
Universal Dork 