Tagged: review
VHS Verdict: ‘The Kiss’ is Full of Campy Glamorous 80’s Horror!
I pulled out a pretty sweet VHS the other night called ‘The Kiss’ and it totally delivered the goods! This cool 1988 flick is not exactly what I’d call a great movie by any means but it definitely delivers the just right amount of inventive charming cheez to please any true fan of 80’s horror. I’d say this movie also gives us a genre I’d like to coin here as “glamour horror”. The movie follows a suburban family as they cope with the sudden and mysterious death of their mother. Soon on it’s clear some serious paranormal foul play is afoot as the flick opens with a bizarre scene on a train in the Belgian Congo set back in the 1960’s and involves you guessed it “a kiss” that seems to carry with it some sort of crazy ass occult voodoo charged curse.

Well things get weird after the mom dies her gruesome death and we see her truly odd but totally glamourous cover girl sister burst onto the scene seemingly out of nowhere. The motherless daughter played by total 80’s babe Meredith Salenger, whom you may recognize as the object of affection in “Dream a Little Dream” immediately gets a bad feeling from her new Auntie played by Joanna Pacula (the classic 80’s model-babe), while her father seems to be pretty down right away with her basically moving in and THEN some!

Yeah from that point it become a bit of a erotic thriller for a moment as she seduces the Dad and starts stalking the daughter and her new cool guy boyfriend. This one really could’ve been edited down about 15 minutes to keep the story moving a little quicker but if you hang in there ’til the half way point things really start cookin’.

Yep this one gets pretty damn awesome, jam packed with ridiculous voodoo, a crazy ass demonic cat and some good solid 80’s gore. The third act of the film is where this one really delivers, the final showdown is pretty awesome and action packed. It’s a great suburban family battle against the glamour gal, a over the top ferocious puppet cat and the ridiculously awesome creature behind or should I say “inside” it all.

This is one of those cheezy gems that make me love collecting vhs tapes, the 80’s was a great era for horror and this one seems to have slipped under the radar for many-so seek this out and get ready for some campy fun that was meant to be a serious affair!
Cool Comic Debut: Paper Girls #1 Brings us an ‘Amblin’ Style 80’s Mystery!
I just finished ‘Paper Girls’ #1 by hotshot writer Brian K. Vaughan and it’s one of best debut issues I’ve read in a long time. What’s even better is at it’s $2.99 cover price it’s a double sized issue filled with a great little story just waiting to burst into a retro ‘Amblin’ style adventure set way back in 1988. Not only do we get an intriguing story here but also some great artwork by Cliff Chiang. We follow twelve year old Erin as she heads out onto the streets to do her paper route in wee hours of the A.M. after a extremely peculiar dream, involving apples, aliens, winged astronauts and classroom demons speaking what seems to be gibberish. I love the way the dream sequence is played out in the pages here, with a ton of strange symbolism, conversations that seemingly make no sense and some frightening creatures, it really feels like an actual dream which is quite nice.

The setting in the morning is the night after Halloween, so as Erin hits the streets with her sack of papers she encounters some neighborhood bullies still roaming. Luckily three other paper girls arrive on rad bmx bikes to the scene to her defense. From this point Erin decides to ride with the girls on her route and discovers that the three of them too had been jumped by some strange “people” dressed as ghosts who stole one of their walkie talkies.

I don’t want to spoil any of the story as there are some cool surprises that develop along the way. But what I will say is this has the perfect setting for a lost 80’s flick and puts some cool supernatural elements in the mix that leave you longing for issue #2. A super solid debut and just the kind of comic book story that I love even if for some reason we get a bit of prominent product placement by the way of Apple computers. Check this one out, this issue gives you more bang for your buck too as it’s twice the normal size. A great scheme to get people to drop their hard earned cash these days on a comic book!
‘The Final Girls’ Transports Us Back In Time to a 1980’s Supernatural Slasher Flick! !
Have you seen the full trailer for the upcoming horror comedy “The Final Girls”!! This one’s been on my radar for quite some time now and with Halloween around the corner I’m super pumped on some great new horror flicks! This one will be released October 9th! Tomorrow!!

Here’s the synopsis:

Somebody Take Me to “Marvel Universe Live”!
Maybe I’m out of the loop here but I recently discovered this whole Marvel Universe Live! thing by accident on Youtube! Anyway this is like a dream come true for the 10 year old me…..and… the current day me too it seems!

Well Marvel is all the rage these days with all of the movies still drawing absurd amounts of money so this here I guess isn’t that much of a surprise I suppose. The whole Marvel Universe Live is like Ice Capades but jam packed with Marvel Comics characters both popular and rather obscure-minus the ice skates. This has become a touring show and this trailer was was recently released check this shit:
Looks pretty fly huh? Well check out this live footage of The Hulk looking pretty awesome & doing some serious battle! Now THIS is fun:
The whole thing follows a story loosely inspired by the movies but we get a bunch of villains as well as a more classic look of costumes ripped from the classic comic books!
Wow they finally nailed a live action Green Goblin?! WTF?
Anyway call me crazy but this looks like damn good albeit totally ridiculously stupid time, so check your local listings because Marvel Universe Live is on tour now! It look s like it costs around 25 bucks. It hits my city, Portland, Oregon March 3-6th at the Moda Center!
WTF?! Did M. Night Shyamalan Just Make the Best Horror Flick of 2015?!
Well, well, well, I must admit I didn’t see this coming! Yeah I’m a bit perplexed myself at just how much I liked M. Night Shyamalan’s new movie “The Visit”!! I am going to go as far to say it’s quite possibly the best horror movie I’ve seen thus far in 2015. Some major contenders were “It Follows”, “The Babadook” and “We Are Still Here” but I’d certainly put The Visit up against any of those. I alway knew Night had it in him somewhere to make a full on horror movie and this time around he certainly went the distance. This is easily the darkest of any film he’s ever done and it proves that he shines on a smaller stage, with a smaller budget. Night should stay far as far away from the summer blockbuster territory as he possibly can. I also think he’s invented a new style of horror flick “Senior Citizen Terror”!!

The Visit is not only a return to form, but it’s also a transformation for the film maker. It show’s in a way that he’s grown up a bit and has become a bit more of a risk taker. He’s willing to scare the shit out of you this time around, pulling no punches like he did previously. I’ve always suspected if he let loose he’d be able to craft something really genuinely scary. You know how most of his movies reach the final act and they get kinda….family friendly? Well this one goes to some dark places and then some. In fact there are some scenes in this movie that you will NEVER be able to erase from your memory. A bold statement for any horror flick but it seems M. Knight was done fucking around this time. The guy has had a quite a string of clunkers under his belt recently and it goes to prove a point, never underestimate a guy who’s down on his luck with nothing really left to lose.

The Visit really shines in it’s simple plot. Two kids go to visit their grandparents which they’ve never met because of a falling out that their mother had with them when she was much younger. So really it’s a bit of a story of trying to forgive and forget the past and hopefully move on. And really, we all can relate to being a little kid staying with grandparents, no matter how sweet they were they always seem a bit odd especially through the eyes of a child. Of course the plot thickens when Granny and Gramps do start acting a bit odd during the daytime really fucking weird when the sun goes down!

This movie has got some great acting as well and the movie’s real stars are definitely the young boy played by Ed Oxenbould and his grandmother played by Deanna Dunagan. The Visit surprisingly also is one of the few modern horror flicks that really puts children in serious fucking danger, which is something you rarely see in this day and age. So kudos to Shyamalan for having the guts to go the distance here. It’s really best if you know as little as possible about this one as it’s packed with surprises and yes….a damn good twist!

Last my only real complaint at all is the found footage route Night decided to go with this. I’ll admit I wasn’t thrilled about the idea going into it all. Seeming at first a little late to the party perhaps, he really does utilize this medium quite well to tell the story. He does it so well with no creepy score that this feels pretty damn realistic when all is said and done. He also blends some great comedy throughout somehow that works leap and bounds better than any movie he’s tried to pull this in before. So final thought, I’d say it’s safe to say M. Night Shyamalan is back. Scarier, bolder and riskier than ever before and I hope this time he’s realized he’s at his best when trying to scare the shit out of us.
This Christmas Will Be a Full On Battle of the Krampuses!!
Finally we’ve gotten the official trailer for Michael Dougherty’s upcoming Christmas horror flick simple titled “Krampus” and it looks amazing!!! I’m so stoked for this film this Christmas I’d put it directly behind ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ as the movie I’ve been most excited for in 2015. Dougherty’s the guy responsible for the incredible 2007 Halloween themed movie ‘Trick R Treat’. If you’ve seen that then you know he’s got the skills to give us an incredible holiday horror movie!

Yep I’ve waited it seems my whole life for a proper Krampus horror movie, let’s face it, it’s completely absurd that it’s somehow taken this long to get one. If you’ve yet to see this trailer check it out right now:
But wait! Dougherty’s ‘Krampus’ flick has an opponent this year in the form another movie which features Krampus as one of it’s main antagonists, ‘A Christmas Horror Story’ is also slated for release this year! Not only does this movie feature Krampus, but also features William Shatner and a horde of evil zombie elves who attack Santa Claus! This one also seems to feature, by a split second in the trailer a battle between Santa and muthfukin’ Krampus!! Ahhhh!
This year we’ve got some good ones to look forward to that’s for sure. So I’m a bit torn thus far on which one will be the “definitive” Krampus flick. My gut tells me Dougherty’s is going to be the clear victor as I’m digging the look so far of Krampus in his movie as huge hulking frightening monster while in ‘A Christmas Horror Story’ he looks totally fierce but more of a man beast bodybuilder dude. I’ve also heard Kevin Smith had a Krampus movie in the works (but maybe he decided to jump ship as the competition got fierce) and also that Jim Henson studios were developing one called “Happy Krampus”. My guess is we won’t be seeing these until next year. So what do you think? Which of the two Krampus movies do YOU think will emerge victorious in this year’s battle of the Krampuses?!!
Get Gay and Have a Laugh With ‘The Benefits of Gusbandry’!
This last Friday I attended the Portland Film Festival late night short film block and saw a ton of great lil’ flicks! One of my favorites of the batch was “The Benefits of Gusbandry” which made it’s premiere that very night. This short film is actually part of a much bigger series that launched today online several places. What you might ask exactly is gusbandry? Short and simple, combine two words “gay + husband” and voila and you got a gusband, but in this unique case it’s much more than that. I don’t wanna give away too much of first episode’s plot, so I’ll leave it at that for the moment.

The first episode though was shot right here in Portland, Oregon, directed and written by fellow Portlander Alicia Rose. She’s been responsible for some of the coolest music videos of the last decade for the likes of Bob Mould, MC Frontalot & The Corin Tucker Band to name a few. This project however will have a longer life of its own as we’ll get eight episodes – one each month and hopefully more to follow in a second season. You’ll not only get an awesome tour of typical Portland life in the series but it seems you’ll get it jam packed with some great offbeat comedy with a heart of gold. Check this cool new debut episode which is sure to teach us a few valuable lessons about getting older and trying to find your “Mr. Right” in a these confusing modern times…
Coming Soon: An Even Longer R-Rated Cut of The Bloated Hobbit Flick? No Thank You!!
Oh man so today I heard we’re going to get an R-Rated version of the super bloated Peter jackson Hobbit films? This means really that “The Battle of the Five Armies” will have an extended R-Rated cut. This will likely feature a ton more outrageous CG, B.S. subplots and hey maybe if we’re lucky some really intense scenes of highly exaggerated digital computerized blood splatter!!

By now we all know that the three Hobbit movies were pretty much a bunch of steaming dragon shit. A cash grab rather than Jackson actually making a good movie. It also solidified my opinion on Jackson and my excitement for another Peter Jackson movie is at this point nonexistent. To think too that he was once one of my favorite film makers. It’s strange how fame and money can change someone’s film making abilities isn’t it?

Well if this news make you even more depressed about the Hobbit films then I suggest (if you haven’t already) check out Tolkien Editor where you can get the scoop on “The Tolkien Edit” of the flick. This cool blogger goes on to say “So, over the weekend, I decided to condense all three installments (An Unexpected Journey, The Desolation of Smaug and The Battle of the Five Armies) into a single 4-hour feature that more closely resembled Tolkien’s original novel. Well, okay, it’s closer to 4.5 hours, but those are some long-ass credits! This new version was achieved through a series of major and minor cuts”

Sounds like a much needed change to the Hobbit movies. I really wonder if this new edit might actually work as the movie we should have gotten all along? I’m pumped to check this out as I can see a good movie somewhere in Jackson’s fat bloated mess of trilogy. I’ll give it a shot!!
Here’s the edited version of the barrel ride sequence, the bloated beyond belief original theatrical sequence gave me a major headache in the theater and still continues to piss me off to this day…but this here puts a smile on my face-check it..
Pulse Pounders: Lost Sequels To Charles Band’s Classic Horror Flicks!
I know there’s a select group of people who probably actually care about the films of Charles Band, but to me he’s a legendary dude in the scheme of cheezy horror flicks of the 80’s! So I’m thrilled myself, just to find out about this lost movie called “Pulse Pounders” which was filmed way back in 1987 and has never really seen the light of day! This flick is an anthology, consisting of three tales of “terror” one being an adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft’s The Evil Clergyman starring Jeffrey Combs, the next being a sequel to the movie “Trancers” and the last being a sequel to one of my favorite ridiculously awesome movies of the 80’s The Dungeonmaster which stars Richard Moll & W.A.S.P…….yeah the metal band!

Now the first two segments were actually already released, the Lovecraft tale was released on dvd in 2012 (I have not seen it yet) and the Trancers one was released in 2013. However the segment I’m most excited for has yet to see the light of day, perhaps saving the best for last?

Anyway if you have not seen The Dungeonmaster I highly recommend hunting that down and watching it with plenty of booze and a good group of friends. It’s the perfect party flick. Don’t believe me check this out:
So the movie is planned to be released in it’s entirety on the Full Moon Streaming site, as far as I know it hasn’t been featured there yet but this news which may be old news to some of you has got me quite excited! It’s a rare treat when you find out that a movie that’s been shelved for over two decades gets a real release. In this case a movie I never even knew existed. Supposedly the company set to release the movie folded back in the late 80’s. So hopefully this will be worth the wait!
Iron Maiden RETURNS & Eddie Goes to an Evil 80’s Arcade in Their New Video!!
Iron Maiden is the best metal band of all time and they’re back with a new album ready to drop! “Book of Souls” will be out on September 4th of this year and I’m totally pumped for it! I’m even more pumped to see them live again as they’re easily one of the best live bands out there despite the band forming way back in 1975. These guys have more spastic energy than most bands in their twenties and blend a good amount of amazing theatrics into their live shows. So now Maiden returns, a band not guilty as selling out or changing their sound like bands like Metallica remain guilty of doing. Nope Maiden has kept their sound true for the most part their entire career.

They’ve got a brand new song called ‘Speed of Light’ that just so happens to haveT cool new video to go along with it. This one’s a classic style Iron Maiden power metal anthem! They’ve still got the metal magic so check this one out as their mascot ‘Eddie’ decides to hit the arcade and literally ends up being sucked inside of the video games!! I’m so pumped on this!!
