Category: Movies

Hooray for Some New “Giant Mutated Animals Attacking” Movies!

Hey here are two cool upcoming horror flicks that look like great throwbacks to a genre that was quite popular in the vintage horror scene of yesteryear! These days we just don’t seem to get enough giant mutated animal horror movies dammit-but that’s clearly about to change with these two creature features!

First we have “Unnatural” which is a giant mutant polar bear movie. This one brings to mind one of my favorite monster movies Prophecy from 1979! Check this one out because it looks like a winner to me!

Next up we’ve got a cool ass “giant wasp” horror comedy called “Stung” on it’s way soon! This movie is boasting a ton of cool old school animatronic effects as well as some pretty sharp looking CG to bring these deadly insects to life. It also stars good ol’ trusty Lance Henriksen if that means anything at all to you anymore. This one looks like it’s going to be ton of fun! Watch for this one in August 2015.

great movie poster too!

oh yeah and here’s a pic of the mutant bear from Prophecy from 1979-now go watch it!!

Get in Shape with Linnea Quigley’s Horror Workout!!

This was news to me a few days ago, I had no idea that “Linnea Quigley’s Horror Workout” even existed! But back in 1990 the legendary scream queen best known for her appearance in Return of The Living Dead (among many others) actually put out the first horror workout video ever! Here you can see her getting the out of shape undead into some serious workouts and sweating their rotting asses off!

Expect of course that you’re going to see Linnea naked in this workout video, as that seemed to be in part what she was most famous for in the 1980’s, in fact the video starts out like a scene from “Creepozoids” with her showing off her bod in the shower. This one also gives you a full on history of the scream queen too before the creep-tastic working out happens! It also begins with a “serious” warning for those ready to give up their “Sweatin’ to the Oldies” vhs up for a moment it reads as follows:

WARNING : The activities depicted in this video are strenuous and highly physical in nature. They should not be attempted without first consulting your doctor. Since they can also become violent, you might also seek advice from a psychiatrist, clergyman, or criminal attorney. In any case, we accept no responsibility for any harm you do to yourself or to others after viewing this tape. Whatever happens, IT’S NOT OUR FAULT!

So if you’re tired of the same old workout I recommend hunting this one down on vhs or maybe on dvd as I believe it was released back in 2013 but maybe out of print again. Either way this one is most definitely not your average workout ! You can see most of this one right on Youtube!

Archangel Coming to the Big Screen in Age of Apocalypse?!

This new pic released as concept art for Bryan Singer’s X-men: Age of Apocalypse has got me pretty damn excited. It clearly shows that this “final” installment of the movie franchise will feature once again The Angel, (Warren Worthington III) making an appearance on the big screen! Unfortunately we got a pretty flimsy version of the iconic X-man in Ratner’s X-men in 2006, that’s not to say the casting wasn’t pitch perfect with Ben Foster in the role. It really featured him in a bit role as an easily forgettable part of the critically un-acclaimed movie. So now we’ve possibly got Ben Hardy being cast as that same character in the upcoming movie and really that can mean only one thing. Apocalypse and The Angel on the sliver screen together=Archangel. Check out this pic released yesterday…

So in the pic it looks like Warren is on display, caged in some sort of auditorium. People think this might be some sort of traveling carnival, or an alternate dimension but I think it’s Angel perhaps held captive by some anti-mutant group before they “clip his wings” for show. It also reminds me of  an image of Warren when his wings were taken from him viciously by The Marauders during the Mutant Massacre storyline(one of the best), however in the above concept picture it’s not clear if his wings have been impaled.

To me it was a sad day back in the 1980’s for The Angel when this happened and the loss of his wings ultimately lead to him “committing suicide” by crashing a plane he was piloting. We all know though he was far from dead and the next chapter for the character was perhaps the most compelling. Apocalypse saved him from his suicide and turned him into a blue skinned killing machine with razor sharp metal wings. No longer was Warren the blonde pretty boy, now he was a deadly character that could go one on one with the likes of Wolverine and Sabretooth. Archangel is easily one of my favorite Marvel characters of all time but over time they decided to transform him back into the his original form with the feather wings.

 

We however in the past few years saw the Archangel persona return and join X-Force where he lead the team to murder the resurrected incarnation of Apocalypse as a young boy. So I can say with certainty that we are going to see Archangel on the big screen because lets face it to include Warren Worthington and Apocalypse in the same flick and not follow this story line would be a crime! Don’t screw this up Singer!!!  

VHS Verdict: Let the Highway to Hell Take You Back to the 90’s!

 

I recently scored this cool flick from 1991 on VHS- “Highway to Hell” is a ton of fun! This is a great, totally forgotten flick with an incredibly ridiculous plot to keep the party going. It stars Chad Lowe, you guessed it Rob Lowe’s lesser known younger brother as the teenage hero who must rescue his girlfriend Kristy “original Buffy the Vampire Slayer” Swanson from an evil demonic cop who kidnaps her. Where does he take her you may ask? The Highway to Hell duh! Check out the movie poster which for some reason Kristy Swanson decided not to be featured on?! 

Chad Lowe quickly manages to get a rad old classic car from a weird ass gas station owner who just happens to know the the story of the creepy cop and the Highway to Hell-how convenient! He sends him off down the mythic highway in a scene which seriously calls to mind Marty Mcfly in the DeLorean in Back to the Future. Soon Lowe is transported to another dimension where he must venture to find his lost lover and encounter some familiar faces from the early 90’s, most notably Ben Stiller as a crazy diner cook and the sexy vixen rocker Lita Ford! Yeeeeah!

This one’s a cooky adventure filled with a ton of lovably stupid characters, cameos and early 90’s fashion. And some of the best damn hand cuffs in the history of all cinema! Add a goofy climax race scene against the demon cop arranged by Beezlebub himself and you’ve got a sure fire hit for lovers of bad cinema. Don’t take this one too seriously but do watch it with a bunch of friends and plenty of booze!

 

 

Let’s Head to The Void and Help Make Some Old School Monsters!

I love that people these days are using online avenues to make cool movies. Nothing satisfies me more than knowing people are getting things done with the help of true fans. In the end it means that most often times people are really getting what they want rather than a big studio pushing its influence on directors and turning a good idea into a load of bullshit. So we’ve got to take some time out from covering the glossy, over hyped, fully bloated flicks that Marvel & DC are cranking out and give some smaller projects some hype here. One such project is called “The Void” which you can help fund directly on Indiegogo if you’re a fan of old school monster movies, the kind we used to get back in the 1980’s back when life was a little more simplistic and the movies were a bit more of an art form. It’s pretty clear just by this amazing poster for the project that these guys are on to something awesome!

 

Here’s a little more info on the pitch:

“Cult indie directors Steven Kostanski and Jeremy Gillespie (Manborg, “W Is for WISH” from ABCs of Death 2) and producer Casey Walker of Cave Painting Pictures (A Little Bit Zombie) have launched an Indiegogo campaign to get a head start on pre-production for THE VOID, an original horror film that pits a small-town police officer against all manner of otherworldly creatures in a derelict, rural hospital.

“We’re launching this campaign early in order ensure that the film’s special effects are achieved practically. It’s important to start building our film’s creatures immediately to ensure we can realize them on set and in-camera,” said Kostanski and Gillespie.”

This sounds like my kinda movie, the type I’m always hunting down, whether it be a lost 80’s flick or a new one this is the kind of stuff I want to talking about here at Universal Dork. This trailer looks like a damn fine time and the effects look quite impressive already-so imagine what could be done with a little more funding. Check this shit out and if you have a few bucks to spare throw it their way! I’ll be watching out for this one!

 

 

The New Marvel Movie Spider-man and the Great Race Debate!

So the controversy continues to grow around Spider-man and his introduction into the Marvel Universe films-now what we’re hearing is that Spider-man may not be the skinny white dude he’s been in the comic books for, well ever…We’re being tempted with him being African American instead and that he may not even be Peter Parker in this movie universe. Instead we hear he may take on the Miles Morales Ultimate universe persona of the character. So I’ve been thinking what’s the motivation behind mixing things up?

Well first it seems to me that the Marvel Universe films are lacking some awesome black characters. I personally don’t think they need to make any changes to Spider-man. In fact I just want to see Marvel take the character and do it right, showing Sony how to do Spidey the Marvel way. And can we PLEASE get a true representation of the damn Green Goblin already? Pleeeez?!!  I do think it’d be great to get some more characters in the mix of different races focused on-so don’t change Spider-man just give us some cool existing characters of the Marvel universe. Let’s see now, we already have Black Panther in the works, we’re getting Luke Cage and possibly the Falcon donning the Captain America duds after the upcoming third movie. If they really want to bring a little more besides a bunch of white dude superheroes bouncing around all over the place here are just a few ideas:

It’s time to bring back Blade-Give Snipes his role back! He doesn’t always need to fighting Vampires either!

A Brother Voodoo movie would be fucking awesome. Case closed. Better than Doctor Strange.

 

Bring the Bill Foster Goliath into the Avengers! They already fucked up the Hank Pym character, so have Foster take the role again!

 

Yeah a Deathlok movie would be pretty damn awesome…nuff said!

 

Bring Jim Rhodes in to take over for Tony Stark as he did way back in the 80’s. He was Iron man for well over two years!

 

Can we please get a hyper-action superhuman kung fu extravaganza with some Shang Chi on the big screen already?!!

I think it’s a big mistake to put Miles Morales in place of Peter Parker at least at first. Spider-man isn’t broken(besides in the Sony movies), he doesn’t need to be changed. If he is well so be it, maybe it’ll be an awesome movie regardless I’ll be there to check it out either way. But the fact of the matter is that I’m a comic book fan, I want to see Parker, the original Spider-man. I hope to see him first don the suit, then when his time is up feel free to put Miles into the role of the legendary webslinger. In the mean time let’s choose some great superheroes to come to life who deserve a shot, ones that us comic fans spent years following.. what do you think?!  

Hey Jared Leto….The Joker isn’t Fat or Muscular!! Uggh…

What the hell is up with Hollywood and The Joker?! It seems that they just don’t have any real clue on how to go about bringing The Joker to life on the big screen! This new Suicide Squad movie is giving me bad vibes and Jared Leto’s at it again trying to gain weight for yet another role. Apparently this time we may be getting a “fat” or muscular Joker, in a recent interview in Billboard he went to say this about his upcoming role as The Joker-“I’m trying to gain weight,” Leto told his interviewer, while munching on vegan tacos. “It means I have to eat every couple of hours — and I’m terrible at eating a lot.” Does he even know who The Joker is and what he looks like?

Just add some white face paint and there we have it another Joker wannabe!

I’ll go on record saying that I enjoyed Nicholson’s pudgy Joker and Heath Ledger’s normal guy Joker with a painted face and yeah I loved Cesar Romero’s look with his mustached Joker (probably the closest looking to the comic book of the mainstream) but none of those Jokers got it “right”. When I see any of them I have to say “he did a good job but he really didn’t scream classic Joker to me”. I have said it before the only one who truly nailed The Joker’s comic book look was  Andrew “Boner” Koenig from the brilliant Batman “Dead End” short film.

Andrew Koenig, Growing Pain’s “Boner” nails it as The Joker!!!

What’s up with Hollywood? Why would Leto need to put on the pounds to play The Joker? Hearing this news make me pretty disappointed. The Joker is the most iconic comic book villain of all time, so why can’t they give us the classic Joker already? I often wonder why these movies have to tweak a machine that is clearly not broken! Give us a comic book Joker, no face scars, not fat or muscular, just a rail thin freak of man who’s completely bat shit crazy! Maybe Leto should have played the Penguin?! This, Hollywood, is what the Joker looks like…

 

 

 

 

 

 

And if you somehow missed Batman: Dead End check it!

What if Monsters Really Do Exist?!! Adam Green’s Ready to Make You Believe!

What if monsters really did exist? What if they were all around us all of the time but we just couldn’t see them?! Well here’s a rad monster movie that answers those very questions called “Digging Up The Marrow”.  This one’s brought to us by modern horror master Adam Green who’s already scared the shit out of us with his awesome old school throwback “Hatchet” films and the super ski lift suspense shocker “Frozen”!

This one is a mockumentary about Green and his film crew as they get contacted by a strange man who claims he can prove to them that monsters are indeed real. This one looks like my kind of movie, filled with a fun plot filled with twists and of course creepy ass looking monsters. At first glance this one reminds me a little bit of the Norwegian flick “Trollhunter” which I thoroughly enjoyed. So sign me up I can’t wait for Green to prove to me that things that go bump in the night are indeed a reality!! Look for this one on Feb. 20th 2015!!

And more about the movie from the director….

Salma Hayek vs. The Yakuza! Watch Your back ‘Kill Bill’!

Here’s a crazy ass looking flick I’m pretty pumped to check out from Joe Lynch (Knights of Badassdom) set to be released Feb. 27th! It looks to me like Salma Hayek could be the new Uma Thurman as this one looks like it’s gonna give Kill Bill a run for it’s money in total crazy over the top action!

“Everly” is a thriller centered on a woman who faces down a cast of colorful bloodthirsty assassins sent by her ex, a deadly mob boss, while holed up alone in her apartment building. Yep it’s Salma Hayek vs. The Yakuza and so far this one is looking like a Tarantino wet dream! Check this out if you haven’t already!

 

‘EXISTS’ is a Movie That Finally Makes Bigfoot Terrifying!!!

I love Bigfoot and the idea that somewhere out there in the woods there just might be an elusive creature roaming the woods that we truly don’t understand thrills me. Anytime I see a new Bigfoot story in the news I hope and pray that it’s one that finally proves to the world that this creature truly exists. Until that day comes that there’s definitive proof I’ll just have live this Sasquatch fantasy through grainy youtube vids and hearsay from “expert squatch hunters”. Now though at least we’ve gotten a great Bigfoot horror flick that finally makes Sasquatch scary thanks to Blair With Project director Eduardo Sanchez! His latest film ‘Exists’ which is out on several platforms like Googleplay, Itunes, VOD is one helluva nerve bending terror ride in the woods!

I’ve been looking forward to this one for a while as Sanchez has proven he’s got the chops time and time again in the directors chair. Unfortunately the down side of this flick (at least for me) is that he decides to go the “found footage” route. Yeah he may be considered the king of this genre because of ‘Blair Witch’ but I’ve gotta be honest, I’m fucking bored to death of this medium of film making. When I accepted that fact and sucked it up I truly began to see how effective of a horror flick he has delivered! There’s been quite a few flicks that have tried this over the last few years, The Lost Coast Tapes, Willow Creek, Bigfoot Country, The Woodsman to name a few. If you’re gonna see just one, see it from the master because ‘Exists’ will make you squirm in your seat and piss your britches!  

Exists suffers and excels at the same time with a very simple premise: a group of twenty somethings head out for a weekend in the woods at the family cabin (sound familiar?) and on the way in they hit something with their truck. The film starts out with a great sequence here as one of the guys just happens to be obsessed with filming a Youtube video that goes viral. So of course this guy’s always filming, you know like ALL the time. But because we get a simple premise we also get a nonstop balls out ongoing confrontation with motherfuckin’ Bigfoot! That’s the good and that’s really all this film is trying to give us. Really what we have here is the ‘Jaws’ of Bigfoot flicks and that’s perfectly fine with me.

If these creatures are truly territorial then I imagine this here is exactly what it’d be like to fight for your life against one in woods. The incredibly creepy sounds the monster makes also seem to be pretty in line with some of the audio recordings by Bigfoot researchers, making me think Sanchez did his homework before doing this flick. There are so many terrifying sequences here, like the bike chase and the cabin break in scene (to name a couple) that got my heart racing to levels they haven’t risen too this last year!

What’s really great is Sanchez unlike the rest of found footage Bigfoot flicks doesn’t hide the monster, in fact you get a good look at him several times especially in the last five minutes or so. Sasquatch looks great too as he hired Peter Jackson’s Weta Workshop to design the look of the creature, I still though think Harry from Harry and the Hendersons is the best squatch put to the big screen (sorry Eduardo!). I think this one would’ve been ten times better had Sanchez skipped the “found footage” and just given us a straight up “movie”. But still definitley check this movie out it’s a ton of terrifying fun and will most likely please the hardcore Bigfoot fanatics as well!!