Category: bad movies
The Undirectable Klaus Kinski!
I recently rewatched “Crawlspace”, the 1986 slasher classic about a derranged nazi landlord who only rents rooms to cute girls and then spies on them through heating ducts in the building. Oh yeah he also likes to torture and kill them in the attic. I remember always seeing this the cover of this movie in the video store when I was a kid and the guy’s face always freaked me out a bit. Well there was a reason for that, because the movie’s star, cult hero, Klaus Kinski was out of his damn mind!
1987’s “The Nest” Delivered!
I find some bad ass VHS tapes at the Goodwill Bins here in Portland Oregon! A ton of cheezy awesome wretched horror flicks are always coming my way. From Roger Corman’s Concorde Pictures comes “The Nest” which was one of my most recent finds and it was pretty bad in a very good way! Set in a quiet town of North Port, the citizens there encounter a serious roach problem which is only about to get worse! That’s when the cool guy Sherrif Tarbell enters the picture with suspisions that the town’s mayor is in ca-hoots with an evil genetics corporation called INTEC who’s secretly experimenting with roaches and trying to hybridize them with other animals and yeah you guessed it humans!!
Who was your Horror host?
Back in the 80’s when I was a kid living in the Fox Valley Wisconsin there was one show every weekend I was sure NOT to miss-Chiller Theater! This was an awesome show that showed some pretty terrible horror movies from the 60’s and 70’s mostly and if you were lucky maybe one from the 80’s occasionally. It was a local broadcast out of Green Bay Wisconsin and it’s host was none other than “Ned The Dead”.
I am not exactly sure why good ol’ Ned entered my mind this morning but just the thought of him brings back alot of great memories from my youth. I found some segements of him on youtube and then the memories really flushed back! Just the sound of his voice, his manic laughter and the sight of him in his broken down ticket booth was enough to put a smile on my face today. I wonder where these type of guys are now today? I heard Rumours that he’s back on TV in Wisconsin? Why doesn’t Portland have a “Chiller Theater”? That is something that needs to change! Anyway it got me thinking about other areas of the country and anyone who checks this site-who were your local Horror Hosts?!
Saturday Night fights!!
It’s Saturday night here at Universal Dork and I think everyone should watch this segment from an AMAZING movie called “Undefeatable” to get pumped up for the evening! If you’ve never seen this you are in for a treat! If you have seen it maybe you need to be reminded why it’s probably the best, most well choreographed fight scene in cinematic history. Prepare to be blown away!~ ENJOY!
Corey feldman + michael Jackson = Disaster.
It seems Corey Feldman has been back in the news again recently with the passing of his ol’ buddy and idol Michael Jackson. I’m sure everyone remembers his phase in the late 80’s when he dressed exactly like him and danced around in “Dream A Little Dream”. I must say the sight of him dancing in that scene in that movie kinda made me wanna vomit though the movie is still a bit of a guilty pleasure. Something that some people don’t really know as much about though is his singing career he tried to launch in the late 80’s and early 90’s. This really just has to be seen to be believed. Sure he had some of those MJ killer dance moves down pretty well but when you put a microphone in his hand (or even listen to his lip sync his pre-recorded song) it becomes a whole different story! So sit back and relax while Mr. Feldman takes the stage with some of the worst pop songs in history…
Dragged to hell (…well, actually, I paid to go).
So yesterday I went and watched the latest Sam Raimi film, Drag Me To Hell, staring the insanely good-looking Alison Lohman as sexy branch-manager-to-be, Christine Brown. This coupled with the equally attractive opening credits sequence of the film had me ready for that unfortunately-all-too-rare feeling of total satisfaction while leaving a cool theater on a hot day. But no. Actually this piece of shit, fell off about half-way through. Seriously, I was so stoked about it for the first half (the nosebleed being the peak of that excitement) but everything that happened after was like a steady downhill ride into…well…hell.
Tom Hanks: The Worlds First LARPER!!!
You’d never have guessed that the world’s first Live Action Role Player was Tom Hanks huh? Well it’s true in this 1981 movie Tom Hanks and friends are all amped up while playing a role playing game called “Mazes & Monsters” (sound like any other famous RPG) and decided to take it to the next level by dressing up and taking it into some dangerous caves near campus! What a great idea-I’d be totally down too! Unfortunately things go bad when Hanks starts to become utterly obsessed with the game, seeing monsters(RAD!) and thinking he’s his RPG character in real life(beleive me this is not a bad thing). Man I totally understand, It happens to me all the time!! Check out a few of these scenes from this cult classic that has been called the “Reefer Madness” of D&D!!
This scene is where they get started with this fantastic idea!
X-men Origins: Wolverine’s claws are pretty dull….
So today I decided to go check out X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I was pretty pumped I must say since I have always wanted to see Wolverine in a true gritty hack ’em slash’em onscreen adventure. Plus I have been a pretty big fan of Hugh Jackman as everybody’s fav berserker canuck! Let’s face it folks, Hugh is looking better than he ever has as this character. I’ve always had high hopes for this film since we have the perfect leading man cast as Wolverine and let’s face it it’s gotta be pretty hard to make a crappy Wolverine movie right? Well they went against all the odds and succeeded in making an ultra crap-tastic adventure!! Yes true beleivers Wolverine does indeed, well, kinda suck.
THE BEST KUNG FU MOVIE EVER.
What? You have never seen ‘The Crippled Masters’? This movie popped into my head this morning for some strange reason and it led me on a search for it on ebay. I remember seeing this amazing flick at like midnight, on Kung Fu Theater (which used to show every friday night in the 80’s when I lived in Milwaukee Wisconsin) when I was a kid and being completely blown away. I guarantee you’ve never see anything quite like this before. I owned this a few years back on vhs but somehow lost it in my move to Oregon. It’s a true rare kung fu classic. One I can only imagine is loved dearly by the likes of Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez. Go hunt this down as soon as possible and get ready to view kung fu movies in a whole new light!!
greatest horror music videos ever?!! HARD ROCK ZOMBIES!!
Here’s a rad video for a song by Paul Sabu for the god awful movie “Hard Rock Zombies” from 1985!! This craptastic movie is essentially one long ultra lame amazing music video! Supposedly, it was only meant to be about 20 minutes long and solely used as the feature movie in the 1985 movie “American Drive In”. Instead it spawned two ultra crappy movies both over an hour and a half in length! The video for it has most of the highlights so please enjoy!!
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