Tagged: 2016
Are You Ready For The Side Effects of ‘The Master Cleanse’?!
Here’s a cool trailer for a movie that looks and sounds like a truly unique cinematic experience. The Master Cleanse is a movie based on a spiritual retreat that goes completely bonkers as this particular cleaning of the body brings out more than some nasty toxins and some negative karma!
Yeah when you think of a master cleanse you normally think of some crazy fast where you might only drink juices for a a couple weeks or head out to a wacky woo retreat but this new flick making the rounds at SXSW shows that dedicating yourself to something like that can be a lot more menacing. Most of the movie’s plot is shrouded in secrecy but we’ve got a cool clip to tide us over until it’s released in theaters and online. The flick stars Johnny Galecki whom I associate most with ‘Roseanne’ but most today recognize from The Big Bang Theory. The movie’s getting a bit of a buzz at the moment and is supposed to have some cool ass creature fx and a generally perplexing plot calling in comparisons to early Cronenberg movies but with more of a comedic vibe. Anyway if you haven’t heard of this one check out this clip as a official trailer has not yet been released!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pilih0pbB4
Five Creature Features To Look Forward To In 2017!
Being a big fan of monster movies can be tough in this day and age where it’s not that often you see a real good one hit the theaters! Well my hopes are always high that I just might see a good one each and every year and in 2017 so far it seems the pickins are a bit slim at the moment, but heck I need me some monster movies this year! Anyway I did a little poking around and found a five upcoming movies that look somewhat promising if you’re a monster maniac like me!
BOAR:
It‘s looking here like we might have a contender in the big pig genre of monster movies. Of course at number one we have “Razorback” from 1984 which is a perfect creature feature in my opinion. Let’s give this new Australian flick a chance though the trailer looks pretty awesome!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JM7J2auioxY
BAD BLOOD: THE MOVIE:
The Predator Returns But Should Arnold Schwarzenegger?
Word has hit the street that The Predator will be back in a new movie called…um..well….The Predator! Yep, Shane Black who starred in the the original creature feature is set to direct this sequel and hopefully give fans what they’ve been craving for years. We’ve gotten one mediocre sequel, those ridiculous AVP movies and then Predators which pitted a band of humans against the aliens on a hunting planet. You know to be honest I kinda dug all of those movies, even the stupid AVP flicks but I’ll also be the first to say none of them come close the the awesomeness that was the first movie! One of my favorite monster movies of all time and for the record the first R-rated movie I ever snuck into. Let’s face it, the original Predator is one of the coolest monster movies ever and one of the best of the 1980’s…
So now it’s 2016, there’s again a new movie on the horizon and we all have to ask one question before proceeding: Should we get Arnold back for the next flick?!! That seems to be the question up for debate. We have the whole camp that says “no fucking way, he’s an old man why would you even think it’d be cool to see him running his old ass around fighting a Predator?” and then you have people like me who say “of course you should get Arnold back as the legendary Dutch!” Yeah it’s not even a question, bring him back for the action. It makes sense that if there’s a problem again with those Aliens again here on earth you’re gonna get the guy who survived and killed one.
This does not mean that we need a repeat of Arnold going one on one against one of these creatures. We all know in hand to hand combat he could barely hold his own way back in 1987 so of course now he’d play perhaps a little different role. I think he’d be a perfect supporting character in a new flick, perhaps a new band of bad asses are heading out to take one down and they’re gonna need someone other than Danny Glover to help them take it out. I’m almost seeing a bit of an Expendables type thing happening here again too- get a rad team of older and younger action stars together. And well, that leaves you with Dutch, older, wiser and perhaps unwilling to help at first. It really all depends on the script but it’d be easy to write Arnie the perfect part as we all wonder whatever happened to his character anyway, at least I do!
Let’s all think for a second about it, what was the best part or one of the best parts of Star Wars: Force Awakens? Harrison Ford, hands down and in a way it was kind of his movie. Now think for a second Arnold being utilized in a new Predator flick in a similar way. Or like I had been hoping one of the original Ghostbusters starring in the rebooted new movie and training a team of new Ghostbusters to help him get the business back on the map. There’s no reason to reboot the Predator series and there’s no good reason why we shouldn’t give Arnold another chance with those ugly motherfuckers…
Rowdy Roddy Piper’s Mini H.P. Lovecraft Adventure!
I’m sure a ton of people out there have already seen this neat little trailer for the short film ‘Portal to Hell’ featuring the late great Roddy Piper but just in case you missed it check it out here. I really can’t wait to see the whole thing! This little trailer puts Rowdy front and center and gives him a role he should have had years ago like he did in movies like ‘They Live’ and ‘Hell Comes to Frogtown’.
The plan was for this short film to eventually lead to a feature length movie but it was never to be as Roddy sadly passed last year. Even though ‘Portal to Hell’ is only eleven minutes long I still can’t wait to see it. Piper has a few more full features scheduled to be released in supporting roles but this here looks as it really was set up to be a sort of tribute to Piper’s legacy. Putting Roddy into an almost ‘Evil Dead Ash’ type of role. It’s shown at festivals but hasn’t seen a proper release thus far. Check out the trailer and hopefully this short film will be available for us all to see soon!
Real Life Skynet: 2016’s Rise of the Robots!
These videos are making quite a stir this week as Boston Dynamics has released a new video of their top robot star “Atlas” in motion! Next to Atlas in the video you can also see a few of his creepy robot buddies are also ready for “action”.
The opening looks like a team of robot superheroes ready to hit the real world and kick some butt. From what I understand these robots are being developed for the military-let’s just hope they don’t fullfill the prophecy of Skynet! For now let’s at least enjoy the vision of some pretty incredible technology as science fiction slowly becomes reality…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qh1dNSu9ZSE
“The Boy” is a Creepy, Fun but Oddly Familiar Thriller….
Let’s face the facts folks, right now at the major theaters the pickins’ are damn slim for anything super tantalizing. So yesterday feeling the urge to go to the movies with a Fandango gift card I received for Christmas, I decided to take a chance on the latest in “freaky” doll flicks (which I always welcome with open arms) with “The Boy”. I gotta say the bar was set were pretty freaking low here and I was expecting the worse from a major Hollywood horror flick released in January. However to my delight The Boy was actually a pretty solid little thriller! For the most part…
That’s not to say it broke much in the way of new ground but still it was the perfect little matinee movie for a rainy day. This one isn’t going to give Chucky a run for his money and in all honesty it’s a completely different kind of freaky doll movie altogether. If you’re looking for a crazy killer doll flick then you’re in the wrong part of town with The Boy. Most of it’s charm really comes from the setting, which takes place in a huge old mansion in the English countryside. A woman named Greta travels there from the USA taking a nanny job watching over a life sized porcelain boy doll. Yeah at first her reaction is exactly what you might expect but the money is good enough so she agrees. Of course when “the boy’s” parents decide to go on vacation things quickly get really creepy.
Greta of course when left alone does what any of us might do in the situation, toss the freaky ass doll in it’s room, drink some damn wine and pass the hell out. However “the boy” clearly isn’t into being ignored and soon begins to seriously creep Greta the fuck out. Yep the doll pulls all kinds of weird pranks, soon she’s convinced the doll is indeed alive and is haunted by the spirit of the family’s real deceased child. So she suddenly decides to do her damn job and begin’s treating the doll like a real kid. Yon know like she agreed to in the first place! You’d think then the story might have a happy ending though right? Wrong! I forgot to mention that Greta is also on the run from her super douchebag, stalker ex boyfriend.
This makes matters worse and what happens soon leads to a few relatively unexpected twists and turns. Overall the movie was a cool little old school thriller with not a speck of bad CG anywhere. A solid ghost story and to only be spoiled for me by the fact (Now here’s a bit of a SPOILER) that I’d already seen an incredible indie movie from 2015 called “Housebound”. Yep “The Boy” borrows largely from that movie, which is a far superior movie. However if you’ve never seen Housebound “The Boy” will most certainly please anyone in search of a simple, creepy tale that’s perfect when there’s not much else on the tube.
Cool New Monster Movie Trailers!!
I had to take a few moments to post a few really cool monster-centric trailers I’ve seen recently, hands down my favorite type of movie-first up is “A Monster Calls” which kinda feels like the brother film to Pan’s Labyrinth.
Check out this trailer if you haven’t already. It’s directed by Juan Antonio Bayona who also did the wonderfully creepy flick The Orphanage, this one won’t be out until October of 2016:
And now a little change of tone with “Lumberjack Man” a crazy probably idiotic supernatural slasher flick that’s got a deranged lumberjack who carts around giant pancakes and is in hot pursuit of bible campers blood to use as pancake syrup!
This one looks like a good stupid time and is out now all over the interwebz:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1S9yqqb1Q0
Next is a movie called “The Hallow” which has a family out in their cabin in the woods of Ireland facing off with pissed off fairy tale like creatures.
The trailer looks pretty awesome filled with some incredible visuals and super creepy creatures- Sign me up! This one is already released here this month in the USA and can be rented online all over.
Last we’ve got “Howl” a cool ass looking werewolf movie set on a train! The trailer looks awesome and Paul Hyett who did all the special effects in the Neil Marshall movies The Descent and Dog Soldiers is responsible for what you see here in Howl!
It also features Shauna Macdonald who starred as the lead in The Descent & Sean Pertwee from Dog Soldiers in this one-gotta love a great werewolf flick I hope this one tops that list…No release date yet here for the USA.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHm8t9fCxeY
This Christmas Will Be a Full On Battle of the Krampuses!!
Finally we’ve gotten the official trailer for Michael Dougherty’s upcoming Christmas horror flick simple titled “Krampus” and it looks amazing!!! I’m so stoked for this film this Christmas I’d put it directly behind ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ as the movie I’ve been most excited for in 2015. Dougherty’s the guy responsible for the incredible 2007 Halloween themed movie ‘Trick R Treat’. If you’ve seen that then you know he’s got the skills to give us an incredible holiday horror movie!
Yep I’ve waited it seems my whole life for a proper Krampus horror movie, let’s face it, it’s completely absurd that it’s somehow taken this long to get one. If you’ve yet to see this trailer check it out right now:
But wait! Dougherty’s ‘Krampus’ flick has an opponent this year in the form another movie which features Krampus as one of it’s main antagonists, ‘A Christmas Horror Story’ is also slated for release this year! Not only does this movie feature Krampus, but also features William Shatner and a horde of evil zombie elves who attack Santa Claus! This one also seems to feature, by a split second in the trailer a battle between Santa and muthfukin’ Krampus!! Ahhhh!
This year we’ve got some good ones to look forward to that’s for sure. So I’m a bit torn thus far on which one will be the “definitive” Krampus flick. My gut tells me Dougherty’s is going to be the clear victor as I’m digging the look so far of Krampus in his movie as huge hulking frightening monster while in ‘A Christmas Horror Story’ he looks totally fierce but more of a man beast bodybuilder dude. I’ve also heard Kevin Smith had a Krampus movie in the works (but maybe he decided to jump ship as the competition got fierce) and also that Jim Henson studios were developing one called “Happy Krampus”. My guess is we won’t be seeing these until next year. So what do you think? Which of the two Krampus movies do YOU think will emerge victorious in this year’s battle of the Krampuses?!!
OMG! Have You Seen the Boring “New” Jeremy Renner Hawkeye Costume?!!
I’ve seen the big hype all over lately about Jeremy Renner’s “new” Hawkeye costume for the upcoming Civil War movie and you know what….so WHAT of if?! If they really wanted to impress us comic book fans they could have done waaaay better than that! When I first saw the headlines I was actually really really excited! In my mind I was fully ready to see this:
Or This:
but in reality something like this most likely:
But instead it was..yawn..this…
Ok so now that picture above isn’t really bad at all, it’s just really nothing new. In fact Isn’t that pretty much what he’s been wearing in every other movie? So everyone please calm down about Hawkeye’s new costume, it’s really nothing to get your undies in a bundle over, at least if you’re a long time fan of the comic book character. Peace!!
The Official Jared Leto “Juggalo” Joker: Totally SUCKS!
I just had to take a second quick to say that I hate this Jared Leto Joker. Totally Sucks!! Maybe the worst thing ever? Totally idiotic. A Nu-Metal/Rap Metal band from the year 2000 is missing their lead singer. The lovechild of Lil Wayne, Fred Durst and Marilyn Manson and some drunk Juggalos. The real Joker has class and a cool ass purple suit. Every second I look at this stupid ass picture I get more angry….AAAARG! Please give it up Hollywood….
Ok enough about that….
Yeah we totally INSANE BRO!! ICP wit da muddafukin’ JOKA!! Muddafukin’ FAAAAYGO time Beeeyatches!!! Muddafukin’ Juggalo Jared jump around like a muddafukin’ lunatic!! Craaaazy clown ass crackas!!!!
Oh yeah and check this rad video out, it pretty much explains it ALL!!
Universal Dork 