Category: Horror Whore
Mr. Campell you still got it baby!
So do you like Bruce Campell? No, do you REALLY like Bruce Campell? If the answer to this question is yes then you will LOVE “My Name is Bruce”. I was lucky enough to catch this film sunday evening right here in a tiny little indie theater here in Portland, OR. The plot is simple. Some teenagers (who just happen to be big Evil Dead fans sporting Bubba Ho-Tep shirts) are out horsing around in the cemetary one foggy evening trying to get laid. They accidentally set free from it’s tomb a Chinese monster “Guan di” who who’s dead set on decaptitating everyone in site and protecting bean curd. What’s the solution to the problem? Why kidnapping Bruce Campell and bringing him to town to defeat the evil monstrosity of course!
3-D Bloody RULES!!!
Yesterday i went to see the brand spankin’ new remake of “My Bloody Valentine” in 3-D and i must say it was worth every penny. i must admit though i have never actually seen the original version of the movie-but i do intend to. The plot is pretty simple, coal miner Harry Warden is trapped in a tragic mining accident and ends up being the only survivor winding up in a coma as a result of it. A year later he awakens on Valentine’s Day and slaughters 2 dozen people as he makes his escape from the hospital only to be “killed” by two local police officers. Fast forward 10 years and the killer is supposedly back in the small town of Harmony (where this all took place originally), dressed as a masked miner, armed with a pick axe and ready to do some damage.
Oh yeah, the only thing that really sucked about this movie was all the flying glass that i had to pull out of my skin afterwards…
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Grizzly Adams vs. The Christmas Nazi Elves!!
This was the second year that I celebrated Christmas with a “Christmas Horror” night. Yeah I know what you’re thinking, maybe we could have watched Scrooged, Black Christmas, Silent Night Deadly Night or even Gremlins right? WRONG! I wanted something special this year and what’s more amazing than watching a chain smoking “Grizzly Adams” battle evil nazi Elves on christmas eve?!! Yeah this little jem of a movie from 1988 is simply titled “Elves” and it delivered the goods!
The premise is simple, a teenage girl figures out that she is the spawn of a sinister Nazi experiment which involves human breeding with demonic elves attempting to create a race of superhumans. Her and two of her super skanky friends decide to spend the night in a department store hoping to get laid by a group of teenage douche bags in the sporting goods section.
But instead they discover they are trapped inside with a crazy horny elf and a group of neo Nazi’s hellbent on getting this little horndog laid on Christmas eve to officially start the master race. Their only hope is Dan Hagerty(hell yeah- TV’s Grizzly Adams!) who plays a down on his luck, chain smokin’, homeless, recovering alcoholic, ex-con, ex-cop who is currently trying to hold down a job as the department store’s Santa Claus. Really now does it get any better than that? Continue reading
Universal Dork 