This was the second year that I celebrated Christmas with a “Christmas Horror” night. Yeah I know what you’re thinking, maybe we could have watched Scrooged, Black Christmas, Silent Night Deadly Night or even Gremlins right? WRONG! I wanted something special this year and what’s more amazing than watching a chain smoking “Grizzly Adams” battle evil nazi Elves on christmas eve?!! Yeah this little jem of a movie from 1988 is simply titled “Elves” and it delivered the goods!
The premise is simple, a teenage girl figures out that she is the spawn of a sinister Nazi experiment which involves human breeding with demonic elves attempting to create a race of superhumans. Her and two of her super skanky friends decide to spend the night in a department store hoping to get laid by a group of teenage douche bags in the sporting goods section.
But instead they discover they are trapped inside with a crazy horny elf and a group of neo Nazi’s hellbent on getting this little horndog laid on Christmas eve to officially start the master race. Their only hope is Dan Hagerty(hell yeah- TV’s Grizzly Adams!) who plays a down on his luck, chain smokin’, homeless, recovering alcoholic, ex-con, ex-cop who is currently trying to hold down a job as the department store’s Santa Claus. Really now does it get any better than that?
Well first i think it would be a great tradition every Christmas to make this movie into a drinking game: take a swig every time ol’ Grizzly Adams lights up a cigarette! I guarantee by the end of the movie you will be completely beligerently drunk!! Yes Grizzly smokes as much as he can and anywhere he damn well feels like it!!
Also I am not entirely sure why this movie is called Elves when in actuality there is only one elf wreaking havoc in the entire film. I must say thought the elf is pretty rad-you only ever really see his upper body and at times his hand and sometimes his feet scampering across the floor. I am a big fan of bad rubbery looking movie monster puppets and if you’re into that as well this movie will not disappoint.
Either way I suggest next Christmas time everyone check out this movie to lively up the holiday season! This movie is only available on VHS right now so it may be a bit hard to track down. Hopefully next year everyone will be able to enjoy it on dvd.
Check out this scene as ol’ Grizzly drills this dude about the elves in front of his children at Christmas dinner!!!! Surprisingly enough Grizzly doesn’t light up a smoke in this particular guy’s house-but if you watch closely at the 1:53 mark you will see he’s got one ready-impressive!