Tagged: review
Hardcore SCOOBY DOO horror!
I checked out the much hyped indie flick “Saturday Morning Mystery” the other evening with high hopes. In case you have no idea what this new movie is all about it can be summed up pretty simply: live action Scooby Doo in an R-rated horror flick. Sounds pretty fantastic right? It’s clearly a pretty great idea but beware, these characters though clearly based on the cartoons aren’t really the comic relief you might be expecting. This is a more realistic take on the group, so don’t expect the dog, named Hamlet to be talking in this one. The rest of the characters are more true to life as well Floyd(Shaggy) smokes weed and does acid, Chadwick(Fred) & Gwen(Daphne) have wild sex and Nancy(Velma) has a crush of her own on one of the team members.
The movie starts out pretty strong, with the gang investigating a haunted house, but soon like the cartoon find that behind the curtains are just some normal yet truly sick people. They’re even reprimanded by the police for messing up their covert operation-those meddling kids!! It’s not long before the gang is running low on funding for their paranormal investigations so they decide to tackle one last case in hopes of maybe discovering something supernatural before throwing in the towel. Their last case leads them in their vintage van to an abandoned “haunted school” where there’s rumors of satanists and ghosts within it’s walls.
There’s not too much more I can or should tell you about the story. It’s got a few twists and turns and for the the most part is a pretty solid horror flick with a great premise. However I think the premise of this film is by far it’s strongest attribute. If you take away the whole “Scooby Doo” theme there honestly wouldn’t be a heck of a lot to really separate this from anything else out there. To me they could have benefited by adding a little more comedy, naivety and color to the characters and the story. There could have been more of “Scooby” or Hamlet I should say, in the story as it seemed maybe the film was played a little too real, at least for what I was hoping for.
I also hoped for the sets to be a bit more interesting, it’s have been cool to see them an truly unique and colorful haunted setting. An old haunted school should have looked and felt more like it would have in the cartoon, but perhaps it wasn’t in the budget? The settings (at the very least the inside of the school) were a bit bland for my expectations. The film takes a turn in it’s third act and gets gory and gritty and this really would have been more effective had out gang acted a little more like their cartoon counterparts. At times it brought to mind say “Night of the Demons” or “Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2” but clearly operating on a lower level. “Evil Dead meets Scooby Doo” is what Aint it Cool News called it-not quite. In the end though I think it was a decent, solid effort that doesn’t quite live up to the hype. On a more positive note, I gotta give it best movie concept of the year!
Jake Busey is Most Certainly NOT Rutger Hauer!!
It was finally time to check out a sequel for one of my fave horror movies of all time, The Hitcher! Yep, what many people don’t know is that they did indeed make a sequel for the 1986 classic. No, this ain’t a sequel to the highly un-needed 2007 remake. “The Hitcher 2: I’ve Been Waiting” came out in 2003, yeah it took me ten years to finally become curious enough in this movie to check it out. Perhaps this sudden interest came in a recent conversation about the films villain, played by none other than Jake Busey.
So some might think, a sequel for The Hitcher might just be about some random folks who pick up another crazed hitchhiker. Well what kind of sequel would that really be?! Nope! This one succeeds on one level, by bringing C. Thomas Howell, the original’s hero, Jim Halsey back! Now that’s what I like to see in a sequel, the original star power return. However cool this seems it makes you wonder how in holy hell Jim Halsey could realistically ever pick up another hitchhiker after the crazy shit that went down in the original?!!
To me, it didn’t really matter at first because it was just pretty cool seeing him onscreen 17 years later, as the same character and seeing just what the hell that character was up to. Turns out he was a cop, he flies planes and he’s a little crazy. Rightfully so! Halsey has been struggling still with those visions of the events of the original film shown in flashbacks throughout. He’s wound so tight that he decides to go on a road trip with his girlfriend, flying there in his plane and then picking up a car to drive down that same highway Rutger Hauer terrorized him on in 1986!
Sounds good thus far right? Well things get real stupid REAL quick folks. Yep it doesn’t take long before they see a man crash his motorcycle and then jump onto the side of the road……..yeah….hitchhiking!!! Now there’s no WAY Halsey would ever pick up another one of these guys right?! WRONG! His girlfriend talks him into it and there you have it, motherfuckin’ Jake Busey and his big ass teeth sitting in the back seat of the car. BAD bad news. Now what are the god damn chances that the one hitchhiker Jim Halsey sees after driving the damn car for like 15 minutes down the road would be a god damn psychotic serial killer?!! Apparently Halsey is a hitchhiking serial killer magnet! The sheer absurdity of this damn story line is almost brilliant! This movie is just so damn stupid I couldn’t turn the shit off!
Let me make this point clear as day Jake Busey is most certainly NOT Rutger Hauer!! Busey’s attempt at recreating Hauer’s intensity is laughable at best. He gives a ton of lame ass one liners every chance he gets and comes across as an incredibly irritating nitwit rather than remotely frightening. When Hauer was in the car it made you cringe, but when Busey’s in the back seat you just wanna slap the shit out of him for acting like such a nimrod.
So what follows really is pretty forgettable. It’s kinda the same plot as the first one, with maybe one unexpected event to keep it mildly disappointingly interesting. Hell Busey even uses the whole “finger in the french fries” schtick in this one too as each and every turn of the film ends up with some moronic dialogue with Busey somehow convincing the cops he’s just an innocent bystander. Perhaps they just thought he was mentally challenged? Oh yeah and let’s not forget they throw in the “roped to the semi” shit again too. But as with most everything this film delivers it never amounts to anything remotely interesting just to more shitty dialogue from the oh so “crazy” Busey. I’d say this one is a full on grade A suck fest and the only reason to check this out is to see C. Thomas Howell as Jim Halsey one last time. If you’re a fan of moronic sequels that fail miserably this one is a MUST see!!!
The Perfect Wolverine Movie……ALMOST!!!
I just had to give my two cents worth on this weekend’s big hit “The Wolverine” since I totally trashed, heavily here, many times, the god damn awful X-men Origins: Wolverine any chance I could get in the past! So “The Wolverine” was something I was completely ready to hate, however before the movie started I decided I would forget that last venture as hard as it could be. I’ve got to say though, once The Wolverine started rolling I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. It was clear from the first five minutes we were getting a completely different type of film. One that was ready to let Jackman finally shine as everybody’s favorite feral mutant. This was NOT a hokey dumbed down cartoon Wolverine movie, like it’s predecessor. Nope, this one was straight up Wolverine from the comic books!
Here Wolverine is done far better that any of his previous onscreen appearances. Jackman proves and practically erases those past movies except for the referencing of the third and worst X-men film of the franchise. Still though I give it props for sticking with the continuity- So no problems there. Wolverine in this one is a mean bastard, ready to kill, drink, swear and thoroughly fuck up anyone who pisses him off-FINALLY!
Jackman not only proves he loves Wolverine, but actually makes you feel something real for the character. It makes you root for the poor soul, hoping that maybe he’ll get some peace of mind for once in his life and maybe, just maybe find real love, if anything so he can stop having weird ass fantasies about a kinda creepy looking Famke Janssen every ten minutes. However weird these dream sequences were with her popping up all over the film, it still made sense as we all know Wolverine’s past obsession with Jean Grey, that made for a great love triangle in the comic books. Yet I couldn’t help but want to yell out at the screen to Logan to “get the fuck over it already dude!!!” But in a way I felt strangely sorry for the guy.
So this movie finally gets it right, almost and I’ll get to that. Continue reading
The Conjuring: A Scary Breath of Fresh Summer Air!
I checked out ‘The Conjuring’ last night, a movie I was looking forward to for quite a while amidst this season of over blown shiny rubbery looking blockbusters. My verdict? It was a helluva lot of fun and was jam packed with scares a plenty and then more scares after that! I’ve gotta say I’m really kinda liking James Wan as of late, the guy who I originally considered a hack, mainly for my loathing of movies like Saw and Death Sentence. I’ve got to admit though the guy, though not pulling out anything ultra original has pretty much mastered the Ghost Story / haunting horror genre. I was a huge fan of Insidious and this latest offering is just as good if not perhaps an even more solid haunt flick.
Based this time on the “true” story of Ed & Lorraine Warren who were demonologists back in the late 1960’s and 70’s and their most bizarre case which involved the haunting of The Perron Family in their new home in Harrisville, Rhode Island. From the get go you can tell it’s going to be one heck of a creepy ride as the films opening sequences, which involve once again a creepy ass doll (I love creepy dolls!!) foreshadow what’s yet to come later. This is a great back to basics summer horror/suspense film which doesn’t rely on explicit gore, green screens or video gamey CG to get the crowd’s blood pumping. It relies on what you don’t see(yet many times what you do!) to craft it’s chills. It had me squirming in my seat and at times wanting to cover my eyes. It’s well acted, well shot and the special effects are perfectly executed in a way that makes you feel as if you’re right there in the creepy house with the rest of the family.
It’d have been a damn near perfect viewing experience had it not been for the guy in front of us who for some reason felt like he had to narrate the scares for the whole theater, somehow feeling as if perhaps everyone in the theater had actually paid to come listen to him attempt to be a stand up comedian while a tense horror flick played alongside him. Uggh…perhaps I’ll see it again with out the annoying live commentary, however seeing it for the first time won’t ever be as good as the scares run rampant in this one and you never know exactly when the shit is yet again going to hit the fan. It certainly will make you think twice about playing hide and seek! Now however, what I really wonder is how much of this story was actually true? This film delved pretty heavily into the Catholic church and the power of religion to ward off evil spirits so hopefully the real story bares some real resemblance to what we saw onscreen and Wan wasn’t trying to convert it’s audience.
I really recommend this one if you’re looking for something different this summer. It may not be the most original idea to hit the screen but it’s easily one of the best movies out in theaters thus far this summer. Take a chance and test your nerves and if you got a loud mouth who can’t refrain from thinking he’s part of the MST3K crew make sure to creep up slowly behind his seat and scare the bejeezus out of him, then quietly tell him to shut the fuck up!
And here are a couple clips of the real Ed and Lorraine Warren!
‘Curse of Chucky’ Trailer Arrives but What Kind of Chucky are We Getting?
Chucky is back! But is that a good thing? After two ridiculous Chucky flicks can anyone take the little guy seriously anymore? Watch the new trailer to find out! What do you think-does Chucky still have the chops?
Under the Bed: New Old School Monster Mayhem!
I’ve been out doing a ton of cool summer stuff lately and decided to take a break from the blogging for a couple weeks, kind of summer break. It’s tough to find cool shit to write about everyday that’s not just regurgitating stories from Ain’t it Cool or Bleeding Cool and sometimes I feel like adding even more hype to huge Hollywood blockbusters is an uninteresting, uninspired waste of time. I mean what’s Hollywood done for me lately?! So I was waiting until something cool that’s a little more under the radar got me pumped to do a blog again. Well it came in the form of bad ass little flick called “Under the Bed”!
This cool little monster movie is brought to you by director Steven C. Miller who brought us Automaton Transfusion, The excellent Aggression Scale and more recently the Silent Night, Deadly Night remake. I honestly have been looking forward to Under the Bed for a while now and thankfully it delivered the goods. The movie is described as a ‘suburban nightmare’ which rings true, however I see it as a more Dante-esque style “kids in danger” monster movie. It’s basically a tale of two brothers who go to battle with a vicious creature who lives under their bed.
Older brother Neil, comes back to live with his father, his new wife and his younger brother Paulie. After a two year leave of absence trying to deal with the death of his mother and his previous battle with the monster he returns to his small hometown where everyone thinks he’s bat shit crazy and his father is on the verge of a mental breakdown himself. He soon learns that his younger brother Paulie has also been terrorized by the same evil force for the last two years.
The movie takes it’s time to get to the real action, but the movie doesn’t lose steam at any point. It’s well shot, well acted and pretty dang creepy. Once the boys decide to make their stand the movie changes direction drastically and the films third and final act suddenly delivers a heavy dose of unexpected gore-which was a welcome surprise! The monster also looks great and the film is pretty much devoid of CG which gives it a much more organic old school feel which I personally love.
Once the creature appears the film jumps into hyper drive, without giving away too much it seems to have hatched from films like Poltergeist, The Gate & Insidious while still bringing something fresh and new to the suburban horror genre. I will definitely be looking for this on dvd when it’s released and I’m quite sure it will be one of my fave horror films of 2013. Right now you can see it VOD, so if you’re tired of the usual overblown, glittery, hype stuff summer blockbusters maybe it’s time to get back to the basics with a good old fashioned creature feature….
VIRUS: The Most Underrated SCI-FI Monster Movie of the 1990’s!
I had to throw some props out there today for a rad flick that seems to get no love from anyone, “Virus” is a totally bad ass B-movie from 1999 and everyone needs to get down with it already! Chances are you’ve never seen this movie, but I recently watched it again the other night and it’s like ten times more awesome than I originally remembered it to be! The movie was actually hoping to be a big Hollywood hit, but it suffered at the box office and got totally panned by the critics. Apparently we were watching two different movies?!
Virus might be Jamie Lee Curtis’ best movie ever, however she claims it’s her worst and that she’s actually really embarrassed about appearing in it at all. I say totally WRONG Jamie! This is John Bruno’s only feature length movie he’s directed, otherwise he’s only done a handful of Star Trek: Voyager episodes and a Terminator 2 short film with James Cameron that was used at the T2: 3-D attraction at Universal Studios. Yeah I saw this one in person and it was a helluva good time!
To me though VIRUS which is based on a Dark Horse comic of the same title is jam packed with stupid awesome action and a ton of cool ass robotic monsters! I was seriously surprised to find out after watching it that it was actually not made in the late 80’s as the special effects are largely practical and the small amounts of CGI are done pretty damn flawlessly. It goes to prove once again that practical and CG used together can have some magnificent results!
The story is pretty simple and borrows heavily from Alien, attempting at making Curtis the new Ripley. If you’re looking for substance you’re not going to find it here but if you’re looking for some gory gun blazing fun on a mysterious abandoned ship in the middle of the ocean then you’re in for a treat. Also this flick’s got a Baldwin brother and Donald Sutherland lending some of their least inspired acting chops. But actually I don’t know, does William Baldwin have any acting chops to begin with?!
Bottom line here, this movie is rad. I could watch movies like this one all damn day long. It’s a ton of fun and once it gets going you’ll wonder why the hell it’s missing a cult following. So I’m gonna start the cult here today and hopefully make Jamie Lee Curtis eat her words on this one….
This Is The End: The Best Potty Humor Flick of All Time?
I saw “This Is The End” this weekend and I’m gonna have to say it’s the best Potty / Dick humor movie ever made. Yeah, This is the End delivers a mass amount of dick jokes and pee pee humor galore, so much that by the end of the movie you wonder perhaps if Rogen & Goldberg wrote the movie when they were thirteen year olds. I can’t deny that this film will entertain the pants off you and probably have you laughing out loud but I ‘ve gotta say this brand of humor can get a little grating in an otherwise fine, gory and action packed flick. Maybe I’m just getting old but seeing a huge dick on everything for me loses it’s comedic power pretty quickly. It was different in a film like Superbad. That aside I’m happy to say the movie was a damn good time.
Surprisingly this one actually does have a bit more to offer than a hundred dick & pee pee jokes. In fact this one does almost play out more like a Shaun of the Dead / horror comedy than I was expecting. It’s pretty much got it all, the usual (and in my opinion tired) stoner comedy, some cool monsters (with huge dicks of course), some gory special fx and a who’s who of “Apatowian” cast members to see meet their demise. One of the best moments being Michael Cera’s fate as the actor plays himself as quite possibly the most irritating human on the planet, snorting tons of coke, grabbing girls butts, getting blow jobs from random girls while continuously whining like a baby. One thing is for sure Cera hasn’t aged well. But it’s clear all involved were pumped to be poking fun at themselves. That’s where the movie does work as we get to see this ensemble get down and dirty. We get to see how a bunch of rich, privileged actors deal with an apocalypse or rapture in this case when they’re some of the last people on earth who for some reason haven’t been “saved”.
These guys clearly had blast with this one and perhaps that’s why in the end the movie despite all the dick, cum and pee pee humor and an a full on overload of product placement worked despite it’s terrible ending sequence. However this leads me to believe that this rivalry of the apocalyptic comedies is going to be easily won by Edgar Wright’s “The World’s End”. Hopefully he steers clear of the excessive dick jokes becuz Hollywood ain’t got room for any more big cocks this summer on the silver screen!
He’s Back: Arnold Will Be The Terminator Again & I Smell Disaster….
It seems it’s confirmed Arnold will be appearing again soon as everyone’s favorite cyborg. It’s now been confirmed that he will be reprising the role as the killer/hero robot in the upcoming fifth film slated to begin filming in January. Sounds great on paper but I’m not so sure this one is gonna go over well onscreen. Arnold has aged significantly, even in Terminator 3 he was starting, in my opinion, to look a bit to aged to play the legendary role.
I originally thought he might be playing the creator of the T-800 in the next installment, which would make perfect sense but somehow it seems Hollywood just couldn’t resist trying to get him back in his original role. So what are they going to do about his, um, well..ahem changed face and physique? CGI over him? Not Cool. Just play the role the way he is now as an aged Terminator? Not believable. Heavy make up? Unlikely. A beat up Terminator with a ton of battle scars? Best option.
I can’t say I’m too excited about this announcement. I think there are roles that just don’t work for aging actors and this one here is a prime example. A Terminator is not supposed to age. We all saw how terrible Terminator Salvation was and how that CG Arnold stuck out like a sore thumb. So what do you think will be the solution to the old Arnold back in his classic role as a man machine that doesn’t age? Are you pumped for this next chapter?
Cops, Robbers & Flesh Eating Witches!
I’m a big fan of Alex de la Iglesia’s movies anyone who’s seen “Day of the Beast” or “The Last Circus” clearly knows that his movies always have something incredibly different to offer to whatever genre he’s directing. His new flick “Witching and Bitching” or otherwise known as “Las brujas de Zugarramurdi” ups the mayhem ten fold as this latest trailer will leave you breathless and perhaps a bit bewildered. There’s no subtitles on any of the trailers so far so check out this quick synopsis they offered as it will help in making sense of exactly what is going on in the trailer.
“Hugo Silva and Mario Casas play two hapless thieves, whose plan to rob a jewellery store unravels quickly when they have to bring one of their sons along, the ex-wife borrows the getaway car, they end up headed to France for Euro-Disney World instead of the planned Morocco, and they run into a coven of flesh eating witches in the Basque country.”
Due in theaters internationally in Septemeber, I can’t wait for this one to be released here in the USA check this shit out…
Universal Dork 