Tagged: 80s horror
NIGHT LIFE (1989): If JOHN HUGHES made a Gory Teen HORROR Film in the 1980s!
Today U-Dork covers the ultimate “John Hughes” HORROR flick! From 1989 comes this “trapped on VHS” gem, NIGHT LIFE, one of the best genre mash ups of all time and one of the most unique little teen horror rom coms of all time! This sweet but nasty lil’ gem stars 80s teen heart throb SCOTT GRIMES of CRITTERS fame and a gang of vicious teen bully ZOMBIES who not only wanna eat his flesh but also ruin his love life!! Jam packed with rad practical fx, lotsa gore and ALL the 80s charm this film is totally ripe for the pickin’ to receive a totally def blu ray release from whatever label wants to rule the school of lost but bad ass 1980s horror cult classics!
The MOVIE MELT Podcast’s Wildly Erotic Appointment with DR. CALIGARI!
It’s quite an interesting appointment when you’re set to pay a visit to a brand new new doctor & this week on the MOVIE MELT podcast we got one helluva check up by checking out 1989’s wildly erotic horror flick DR. CALIGARI! A bizarre nightmare from the director of the legendary plot centric-porno ‘Cafe Flesh’, Stephen Sayadian comes this equally strange dive into complete madness!
Yes! ‘Doctor Caligari’ is most definitely a weird one, an erotically gross dreamlike voyage into an insane asylum led by the daughter of the legendary 1920’s mad practitioner! There’s some serious problems when people become human guinea pigs of sultry doc as she performs experiments on patients with the most extreme shock therapies and hormone treatments. the results are quite shocking in this avante garde slice of madness. It’s filled to the brim with neon sets, strange creatures, human sized tongues, babes, hunks, scarecrow hand-jobs and lots of nonsensical plot points that will drive you absolutely NUTS!
Also on this episode is a “best of” battle of the bands, featuring the most idiotic musical numbers and artists to grace the damn internet-listen to the stupidest songs duke it out for the ultimate prize-MOVIE MELT’s seal of approval. Plus we discuss some cool movies we think you’ve just gotta see and so much MORE including a discussion on deepfake penises!
Grab a case of beer, get cozy and ready for the good times to roll as we plunge into the weird ass cinematic world of DR. CALIGARI on the latest episode of MOVIE MELT!
‘CYST’ Brings Back Old School 80’s Gross Out Monster Mayhem!
Where have all the gross out out slimy monster movies disappeared to? Well if you’re in the mood for gallons of ooze, slime and pus you’ve come to the the right place with CYST. A 2020 monster movie that’s largely flown under the radar and brings back all the old style practical fx you might be been missing in 2023.
Set back in the 1960’s at a doctor’s office that specializes in cyst removals, we get the story of an insane practitioner who’s experimenting with a new lazer on patients and their bulging boils. The doctor played by Troll 2’s George Hardy, is really more like a mad scientist who takes pleasure in popping a plethora of enormous pus filled pimples, most of which explode directly onto our main character/heroine Patricia, a nurse who’s had it with the doctor and all of the slimy ooze she’s got to deal with on the daily. She’s put in her notice and it’s her last day on the job. The Doc, flustered about her sudden resignation, takes pleasure in all the pus way too much and he’s hell bent on using this new laser technique on a special patient with a large, ready to burst, boil on his back.
This however triggers the cyst to quickly develop a mind of it’s own-it separates from it’s host and shows it’s true nature-a rapidly growing one eyed monster. This disgusting beastie goes on a rampage and the patients, doctors, nurses and employees are inadvertently trapped inside the building. This begins a fight to the death with the tentacled monster, that looks like a more disgusting creature you might see in a nightmare version of H.R. Puffnstuff or Sigmund the Seamonster.
Cyst is a neat little modern retro creature feature that tries it’s damndest to gross you out with all of the over the top pimple popping pus and blood. However, as gross as that all sounds it’s never very beleivable as all the ooze looks far too cartoonish to ever be taken very seriously. It’s instead plays out like a more disgusting version of Nickelodeon’s ‘You Can’t Do That On Television’. I think with Cyst’s super short run time (69 minutes), it’s black comedy and “try to gross you out” old school monster fx it’d be best described as almost like an excellent lost ‘Tales from the Crypt’ episode. If they ever revive the series they should look to Cyst for inspiration, it’d make for a modern “Crypt” crowd pleaser.
There’s a bit of black humor here too but it’s refreshing that for the most part it’s all played pretty straight. This could have easily devolved into another stupid modern tongue in cheek ‘Troll 2’ style attempt at a “bad” movie. Instead we get a lean old school monster movie with some charming characters and ambitious 80’s style creature and gore fx work here to really amp things up. Cyst is certainly not the greatest modern monster movie but it’s helluva fun ride-best to be absorbed with a gang of horror freaks and some stiff drinks. A pretty damn solid modern midnight movie!
Hong Kong’s 1989 Satanic Cult Action Flick- BLOOD RITUAL!
After re-watching the 1976 classic satanic cult/ road trip/ action/ horror/ hybrid ‘Race with the Devil’ I was still in the mood for more “devil cult” related flicks. Well lucky for me, Hong Kong gave us a nice little CAT III gem from 1989 called ‘BLOOD RITUAL’ and it delivers quite the grimy punch-a wild and crazy little forgotten actioner that’s ripe for a fancy-ass blu ray release!
I had quite a bit of fun with this one and it’s sorta refreshing when weeding through so many overly slapstick Hong Kong horror comedies, when you come across something that really balances just the right amount of humor action and gore all into one weird little freaky package. ‘Blood Ritual’ definitely starts out with a bang. Featuring a sexy sweat covered woman in red high heels, completely naked being, stalked by a gang of cult members all dressed in white. She’s caught, carried away and immediately enters into, you guessed it, a god damn blood ritual!
We then get a tuff cop who’s hot on the case and a detective who’s just been released from prison, who’s trying to start a new life. At least that’s what I was able to cobble together with rudimentary & hard to read subtitles on this film print. They both get way more than they bargained for when it comes to their attention via a pretty sweet looking indie comic book zine that’s been making the rounds in Hong Kong that a killer satanic cult has been taking innocent victims for their bizarre ritualistic sacrifices. It’s all dressed up with evil hand drawn imagery, sexy sinister situations and pentagrams a’ plenty! It’s the kind of comix I couldn’t seem to get enuff of in the late 80s- DAAAAMN~!
This starts a race against time, trying to track down the wicked cultists before they snatch their next innocent victim. Meanwhile we get a pretty likable/comical cast and I’d go as far to say that it at times actually moves a bit into the “rom com” category as well, making it quite an interesting little over the top mash up. So the “recently released from prison detective” (I’m guessing that is what he is?) manages to meet a sassy bar room singer one evening and even manages to rent a room from her family. In classic form, neither of them get along too well together at first and their “relationship” leads to one of the strangest sequences I’ve seen in a Hong-Kong movie yet. Involving a severed finger, a ring, laxative, a fishbowl and chopsticks. Ok so if your imagination is running wild you’ve probably guessed exactly the truly bizarre scenario that unfolds to help complete the detectives bizarre lead on these cult members whereabouts. It sorta has to be seen to be believed, you won’t see this line of action in ‘Silence of the Lambs’ or ‘Se7en’ to get a lead on a case that’s for SURE!
I really love checking out these obscure and in this case forgotten foreign films like this that managed to hit all the right wild beats yet still remain unknown to the general public, here in the USA at least. Movies just like this that manage to show you something you’ve never quite seen before in a film-it’s pretty impressive. ‘Blood Ritual’ delivers some genuine thrills and chills as well as some frenetic action sequences that are quite unique to this era of Hong Kong cinema. Stunt work that blows your mind. Also the cult members are the real devilish deal, sever their limbs and they’ll use them as a weapon in a total animalistic rage against you-it’s not being played for laughs either, something I totally can get behind. Check this shit out if you’re in doubt!
Filled with spooky locales, intense bloody action, some pretty decent humor (as least from what I could make out), some “romance” and a finale that’s right up there with the best of anything that USA produced in that era, imo better – Blood Ritual will knock you right on your ass. Think a bit of Stallone’s ‘Cobra’ with more over the top action and a vicious killer cult to dismantle. I got a copy of this on DVD from Far East Flix, though I enjoyed it, I’d say this movie is in desperate need of a cleaned up blu ray release with better subtitles.
The subs at times don’t seem to make a lick of sense either, many of them disappearing completely into the background of the movie doesn’t seem to help, still I was able to get the gist of things and could tell it’s a unique littler horror thriller in need of a “CULT” following. Someone step up to the plate and give Blood Ritual the damn respect it rightfully deserves!
VHS Verdict: The Hippies and Horror of ‘HIGH DESERT KILL’!’
I just recently ran across a pretty promising looking VHS tape, at least from the cover, ‘High Desert Kill’ from 1989 has all the right ingredients for one hell of a horror flick!
Marc Singer, The Beastmaster himself, rounds out the cast in this intriguing tale of terror in the deserts of New Mexico. However don’t be too dead set on blood-and-guts in this tale of survival. There’s really not a lick of gore to be found anywhere on screen for it’s entire run time.
It actually plays out like a bit of an extended episode of the X-Files (minus the Mulder and Scully type aspect) and I mean that as a compliment. I guess this was indeed a made for cable TV movie, don’t let that deter you though, cuz there’s a lot of forgotten gems in that category. We’ve got a great setting with 3 manly dudes who head out on a camping/hunting excursion deep in the desert in honor of their long lost deceased friend. There’s plenty of testosterone here going around as these sweaty often shirtless guys begin to almost immediately encounter some eerie occurrences upon arriving the first evening as well as some hot “hippie” babes (At least that’s what they seem to think they are for some reason) to liven up the party.
But things quickly go South as they start experiencing hallucinations and begin to believe they are being stalked by some unseen malevolent force. The desert of New Mexico is the perfect place for this creepy tale to unfold, it’s filled with plenty of mystery and the stunning beauty showcasing its natural surroundings..
To be honest the setting here is really the star of the show, there’s not a hell of a lot of spectacle to behold otherwise visually. No real flashy special effects or balls to the wall action sequences. However what it seems to lack in spectacle it makes up for with atmosphere, cleverly mixing a sense of dread and mystery at play with these old friends as the plot begins to slowly unfold and reveal it’s ugly details. The cover of the movie however does reveal perhaps a little more than it should with an alien spacecraft high in the sky, but don’t expect too much of that either and don’t expect too many skeletons to be rearing their ugly heads.
Despite those minor quibbles there’s plenty to love here and the cast of characters makes this weirdo trip one worth taking. It also features a pretty interesting backstory, shrouded and Native American mythology. If you’re in the mood for a simple slowburn with a pretty satisfying twist to it ‘High Desert Kill’ will be more than sufficient watch for any fanatic of erie eighties sci fi. I also see that currently Kino Lorber has a preorder for this one on blu ray– check it out!
Halloween Nite Party Flick Pick: NIGHT OF THE DEMONS 2!
So can you believe it?Halloween is finally here and if you’re like me you’re probably planning on watching something frightfully awesome tonite that will get the party PUMPIN’! Let’s face it, this decision is a BIG one, most people decide to go with one of the classics they’ve seen countless times cuz you don’t want to chance it all on some shitty clunker. One movie that gets a lot of rotation during the Halloween season Is ‘Night of the Demons’ from 1988. But a lot of people (me included) seem to have missed over the years it’s incredible 1994 sequel, a movie that I dare to say is just as good if not actually BETTER than the original!!
Yes I said it. This week I re-watched ‘Night of the Demons’ again and also viewed part 2 for the very first time, really not expecting much at all. What I got from Aussie director Brian Trenchard-Smith (also responsible for the likes of ‘Dead End Drive In’ & ‘Leprechaun 4: In Space’) far surpassed what I’ve been secretly hoping for. So again we get the perfect setting and time for the sequel, Halloween night baby! We also see the return of horror icon “Angela” from the very first movie in all of her horrific glory. But the two things I think make this stand out above the original is the even more wildly imaginative special fx and especially the charming cast of characters this time around. We really get a gang we can get behind and root for in the sequel.
Part 2 plays out a bit more like ‘Mean Girls’ meets ‘Evil Dead 2’, the setting here is a Catholic boarding school filled to the brim with horny ass teenagers who’re ready for a goddamn rager on Halloween night. Two of the standout characters, a teenage boy obsessed with exorcisms and demonic possessions, as well as a bad-ass ruler wielding nun, hell bent on making sure these teenagers have a kosher evening that only Jesus would find entertaining.
But alas, we all of course know nothing can stop the raging hormones of teenagers in the 1990s! Similar to the first movie, this gang heads out to the same abandoned house from the first installment to get down to some risky bizness and then once again encounter the demonically filthy Angela! She’s ready to have a party of her own filled with blood-and-guts a’ plenty.
If you’ve never seen this before I definitely don’t want to spoil any of it. There’s just too much damn fun to be had as well as a few “twists”. The special effects are gloriously gooey, and this chapter offers legit frights by upping the ante on some monster mayhem via some spectacular practical effects work that caught me by surprise. For a movie made in 1994 it bleeds of the eighties in all the best ways. With a plentiful amount of TNA and a perfect blend of comedy mixed with some genuine scares. In my opinion it’s the perfect Halloween party movie that’s bound to have people cheering.
I can’t believe that it took me this long to finally check it out. The first movie is such a beloved Halloween horror classic that I figured there’s no way in hell it could live up to its predecessor.
So if you’re looking for something totally bad-ass to watch tonight and are a fan of the original You can really do no wrong with Night of the Demons 2! I’ll say it again it’s better than the first. Deal with it! Now I’m even more curious if lightning can strike 3 times? I’m gonna have to check out part 3 next. In the meantime you can find this one streaming and rental on most of the major platforms.. So grab your booze, blaze up the ganja and grab your closest cinemaniacs for a night of 90s horror gold!
Halloween Party Tips: How to Make a True MONSTER in the 70s!!
It’s time to take a spooky trip down memory lane! Not everyone is an artist but literally anyone can make a monster using using the Monster Maker Kit that was released way back in the late 1970s by Tomy! Yeah you could mash up a whole variety of creepy monster villains with this nifty toy, and as a kid I definitely made my fair share of them.
Interchange the head, the abdomen and the lower body to create some wild weirdos by rubbing your pencil over the top of your chosen creations. It was a ton of fun back in the day, though after. a short period you might discover it slightly redundant-but who gives a shit when you’re making monsters! So check out this sweet little blast from the past with this creepy forgotten little commercial, simpler spooky times must NEVER be forgotten!
Trick or Treat with BIGFOOT during SQUATCHTOBER!
U-Dork’s Back on the Movie Melt podcast where we are celebrating this Halloween season by covering some spooky obscure Bigfoot flicks: We call it Squatchtober! Let’s face it a good freakin’ Bigfoot movie is hard to find but when you stumble across one you gotta call it out to feral forest gods and inner city Sasquatches alike. We’ve been discussing the best & the worst Sasquatch related horror movies this month And it led us down a path to the ‘Black River Monster’ from 1986!
What? You’ve never heard of this one? What do you live in a cave or something? I guess not ‘cuz if so you probably would have already seen it! Well this one’s pretty much flown under everyone’s damn radar but don’t let that deter you in your quest for the big hairy fellow’s greatest roles in cinema!
Lots of discussion on what ‘Squatch related movies you should be watching this Halloween during Squatchtober and so much more useless cinematic information to cram into your brain! All hail the truly elusive original party animal this Halloween and check out our tribute to him on the LATEST EPISODE OF MOVIE MELT!!
VHS: Alive & Runnin’ Wild in Portland Oregon!!
Ok so you probably have all realized how much I love me some damn VHS tapes! Yeah those relics from decades ago still provide me perhaps even more excitement today than they did way back in the 1980’s & 90’s. When I’m out there in the wild at a thrift store and spot a unique horror, sci-fi, action flick or weird 80’s comedy on VHS my heart literally races.
Ahhh the endless quest for the hidden cinematic gem on tape is a great adventure in these crazy times! So I got interviewed at my shop, Hollywood Babylon, here in Portland Oregon about all the crazy ass VHS tapes we sling there for the movie maniacs in the ‘city of roses’. Check this out and if you want follow the shop on Facebook or better yet Instagram, with the handle @hollywoodbabylonpdx
VHS Verdict: ‘Saga of the Phoenix’ Brings the Monsters & 80’s Mayhem!!
I finally got a round to checking out 1989’s ‘Saga of the Phoenix’, the wildly entertaining sequel to ‘The Peacock King’ from cult classic Hong Kong director Lam Ngai Kai (Riki-Oh). If you’re a fan of ‘Riki-Oh’ I highly recommend checking out the director’s other work and while ‘Saga of the Phoenix’ isn’t as shockingly violent, it’s easily just as wild and crazy as anything he’s ever done. In the sequel we follow once again, the exploits of the two magical monks Lucky Fruit and Peacock but more so this time the “Hell Virgin” Ashura who in the last movie caused some major problems, almost destroying mankind as we know it while under the enchantment of the devil. Ashura though still loves the mortal world and eventually is granted permission to live there for 7 days, only if she makes a promise to stay out of any mischief that might interfere with the human world. She gladly accepts and quickly hunts down a weird gremlin creature named “Genie” when arriving on Earth. Peacock, Lucky Fruit and 3 bad ass nuns are also then sent down to chaperone her visit, but of course the wicked “Hell Concubine” has other plans, to send her evil minions there as well to try and corrupt her once again.
Though I’ve heard many seem to think this one is more “kid friendly”, probably because the gremlin character “Genie”is focused on quite a bit. Though we follow Ashura and him running around Hong Kong in the 80’s having fun (which I totally dug), it’s still got plenty of downright bizarre scenarios to behold that I think places it in a league all of it’s own and quite a worthy sequel. There’s also the inclusion of a brother and sister human duo that befriend the main characters and the brother just happens to be a madcap inventor of an inter dimensional time machine. Go figure! There’s a few hints of romance and of course the three nun protectors all decide to go for a dip in the human’s swimming pool after their outfits get shredded in battle, donning swimsuits for the first time in their rather “sheltered” life. There’s also some pretty perplexing plot choices surrounding the character of Genie that just kind of have to be seen to be believed. The character which is a mix of puppet and stop-motion animation has got plenty to do here and is given more than his fair share of moments to shine and even scare.
Sure there’s a lot going on here in a movie with an admittedly flimsy plot, the good thing is that the majority of it all is one helluva good time. Bleeding sweet 80’s fashion & locations, outrageous characters, wild sets, puppets, stop motion animation, giant monsters and plenty of neon lasers to behold, it’s hard not to at least be enamored by all of the eye candy. There’s also a splash of martial arts action thrown in the mix to keep the action going at a steady pace from Lucky Fruit and Peacock. Sure there’s lot’s of logic issues with the plot & the dialogue (translations likely) can be a bit incoherent at times but there’s more than enough outrageous charm throughout to easily satisfy fans of directors like Steven Speilberg, Sam Raimi & Peter Jackson’s 80’s and early 90’s work.
If you’re a fan of weird 80’s fantasy, action & horror you definitely need track down The Peacock King & The Saga of the Phoenix. It’s jam packed with all the things I love so much about that era of film making. Lam Ngai Kai (aka Ngai Choi Lam) is easily the best cult director out of Hong Kong for the time, it’s a shame he completely disappeared from film making after 1992. Perhaps he decided his body work couldn’t be topped? Thankfully he’s left behind a truly unique legacy of outrageous films that have yet to be explored by a huge portion of American cinemaniacs.
Universal Dork 