Category: Movies

The Expendables 3 Wish List!

So everyone is making their “Expendables 3” wish list in hopes that the third installment will be even bigger, louder and more ridiculous than the first two. So naturally Universal Dork has got to chime in with a little wish list as well! There are already rumors about Nicholas Cage (whoopdeedoo…) joining the cast and Harrison Ford & Clint Eastwood being approached. Now that’s all fine and dandy, but for some reason Ford and Eastwood just don’t strike me as the type of actors to jump into a huge ensemble cast. Sure Danny Trejo, Carl Weathers and Kurt Russel would all be great and I know they top the majority of of the lists out there so I am am choosing a few that may have been forgotten but would be equally as awesome as any mentioned. So here’s seven actors I think should get back into the gym and start training for numereo tres!

1. Jesse Ventura: Jesse “The Body” Ventura is one of my favorite people in the world. I loved the guy as a kid and today I love him for his political views. It’s been rumored that he may run for president in 2016 and if so he’ll definitely get my vote, so in the meantime I think Jesse needs to get his ass back into making movies, at least for this one.

He starred alongside Arnold in Predator where his iconic line “I ain’t got time to bleed” was immortalized and again in The Running Man. He later appeared in Demolition Man with Sly so why the hell not get Ventura back to kick some ass in the next installment-he could make a great villain and when he’s finally killed in the finale Arnold could tell him “You’ve got time…….to bleed!”. Hell I should write Arnold’s future one liners!

2. Bolo Yeung: This guy was rumored to be in the second film as a major villain, when I heard that I thought it was a genius idea but somehow it remained purely a rumor. Well if there has ever been an iconic action villain it’s him!

Know for his gigantic pecs and his killer moves Bolo has faced off against the likes of Bruce Lee and Van Damme for cryin’ out loud! This time let’s have him and Van Damme on the same team! Bolo still has the moves & it’s time to give him one last hurrah as the series best villain yet!

3. Grace Jones: Yeah the film needs some female presence and Grace Jones is one of the wildest women on the planet!

She’s like seven feet tall, starred with Arnie in Conan the Destroyer, 007: A View to a Kill and could easily play a part of the Good Guys or villains in the flick. Yeah she’s that much of a bad ass-she could go toe to toe with Sly and it’d be believable. It’s time for the film to feature some ladies and she’d be perfect!

4. Mr T: Seriously Mr. T!! He made my list for the second film but from what I’ve heard T won’t do any violent movies anymore. But he does kick ass for…Snickers?

Well it’s time for him to get back on board with what he does best-kicking peoples asses to the moon and back! Part of The A-Team, Clubber Lang in Rocky III, Partners to Hulk Hogan in the WWF, Mr. T needs to get his head out of his ass and fast because his resume has got The Expendables 3 written all over it. Imagine the fans reaction to Mr. T? It’d be insane…

5. Iko Uwais: Yeah I see the problem we’ve got too many old ass dudes running around doing the ass kicking. I get that. That’s why you grab the best up and coming action stars before they hit it huge here in the USA! If you don’t know who this guy is then you are in for a treat because The Raid: Redemption makes The Expendables look like Kindergarten Cop!

Seriously Iko kicks soooo much butt it’s almost incomprehensible! Even his first movie Merantu was awesome. This Indonesian action star is a master of Silat, a truly incredible form of martial arts. He’d round out some of the old blood in the next movie quite nicely and when in action would raise the bar on the movie’s hand to hand combat sequences.

6. Roddy Piper: Roddy is a no brainer for the third film! He needs to be in the third film. He’s loud, cocky and rowdy! He also starred in “They Live” and “Hell Comes to Frogtown” to name a few.

He’d be perfect as hero or villain and he adds the perfect nostalgia of the 1980’s to the next installment. Plus let’s not forget he also tangled with Mr.T back in the WWF. Hint Hint….Rematch anyone?

7. Ice-T: Yes! Ice was a great action star in the early 1990’s. “New Jack City”, “Ricochet”, Trespass and my personal favorite “Surviving The Game” where he kicked so much ass in that movie alone he deserves to star in the third installment.

Ice has been out of the game for a while, taking more timid roles in recent years. Well Ice it’s time to get back on the saddle again. He’d most likely make a better villain than part of the team but one thing is certain it’s time for Ice to get back on the big screen. So let’s hope he gets on board…

Mama: The Freakiest 3 Minute Movie!

I watched this a couple weeks ago for the first time and it scared the shit out of me! It’s a 3 minute short film called Mama, directed by Andy Muschietti and soon to be a feature length film produced by none other than Guillermo Del Toro set for release in 2013.

It’s a freaky little clip that is sure to raise the hairs on you neck-it’s actually kinda of cool to watch for the first time because you really just have no idea what the fuck is going on check it!

Now that you have seen the clip here’s the synopsis for the feature film via Shocktillyoudrop.com:

“Guillermo del Toro presents Mama, a supernatural thriller that tells the haunting tale of two little girls who disappeared into the woods the day that their mother was murdered. When they are rescued years later and begin a new life, they find that someone or something still wants to come tuck them in at night.

The day their father killed their mother, sisters Victoria and Lilly vanished near their suburban neighborhood. For five long years, their Uncle Lucas and his girlfriend, Annabel, have been madly searching for them. But when, incredibly, the kids are found alive in a decrepit cabin, the couple wonders if the girls are the only guests they have welcomed into their home.

As Annabel tries to introduce the children to a normal life, she grows convinced of an evil presence in their house. Are the sisters experiencing traumatic stress, or is a ghost coming to visit them? How did the broken girls survive those years all by themselves? As she answers these disturbing questions, the new mother will find that the whispers she hears at bedtime are coming from the lips of a deadly presence.”

I will be there in theaters for this one without a doubt!

And the Academy Award Goes to….Beasts of the Southern Wild!

I am going to say it here, Beasts of the Southern Wild is going to get best picture this year. I am so certain of this because it’s still on my mind today after seeing it last night. If you get the chance to check this film out you most certainly will not be disappointed. It’s something so beautiful, real and surreal it’s hard to fully put it into words. One thing is for certain by the end of the movie you will be balling your eyes out. It’s been quite some time since I have actually seen a movie that truly moved me in this way. I guess I would put it loosely into the same category as say Pan’s Labyrinth or maybe Where the Wild Things Are. However at it’s core it’s a much more emotional ride than either of those.

It’s based on a small fictional bayou village who’s residents is hit hard by a hurricane and completely desolated. At the center of the story is Hushpuppy played by Quvenzhané Wallis who will probably be nominated for an Oscar even though she’s only six years old. It follows her journey as her and her father try and survive the flood while refusing to leave the area. Sounds simple enough, but the journey that follows is one of the most visually stunning put to screen. The landscape, the characters, the music is hard to erase from your mind. It feels like you’ve stepped into a different world entirely with merely the lightest tinge of fantasy thrown into the story as the beastly creatures that appear from time to time in the story only enhance the fact that you may be seeing things from a slightly skewed perspective of a six year old. This movie blew my mind and even more so was the fact this was director Benh Zeitlin’s first feature length film as were the films two major players Quvenzhané Wallis and Dwight Henry who starred as her father “Wink”.

So if you’re looking for something special to see amidst the usual Hollywood schlock this one is a must, just be prepared for it to be floating in your mind like like a some incredible dream you can’t forget for days after…

Can’t Wait For Machete 2? Check Out “BAD ASS”!

It makes me so very happy that at 68 years old Danny Trejo is finally getting the respect he deserves! He really hit the top thanks to Robert Rodriguez finally casting him in his most iconic role yet “Machete”. Now I also want to take this opportunity to ask Rodriguez what the hell he was thinking when he cast Adrien Brody as the lead in Predators? Think how more awesome that movie would have been had Trejo been cast as the lead instead of a side character that gets disposed of early on in the film. Hell I think it could’ve rivaled Arnold’s role!

So anyway I wanted to recommend a new Trejo film where he takes the front and center. “Bad Ass” was just released to DVD and it’s a helluva lotta fun! Now it’s no where near as epic as Machete but it does play as more of an awesome 1980’s style action flick. The story is very very loosely based on true events. This movie tells the story of a Veitnam vet who stands up for an elderly man (Trejo is considered a senior citizen also, the movie’s tag line is “They just messed with the wrong Senior Citizen” ) on the bus from two nasty foul mouthed neo-nazi’s. By stands up I mean, kicks ASS. Someone records it with their phone and Trejo soon is an internet sensation. This begins a string of events that pushes him, or should I say “Bad Ass”, as he is renamed that sets this vet on a rampage of full on butt kicking for the movies duration.

Yeah this movie is cheezy as hell and it knows it. It’s got a ton of great one liners, a high speed bus chase, Ron Perlman as a crooked mayor and lots of drinkin’ between the action scenes by Trejo. Hell Danny pretty much puts everyone in place in this one. Everything about this one a throwback to films like Commando & Rambo. It’s a bunch of dumb fun and a delight seeing Trejo deliver an ass whooping again and again…

Silver Screen Supermen: The Blog of Steel by Chris “Optional” Gray

Hey folks, its Chris “Optional” Gray here bringing you a guest piece for Universal Dork. This blog was promised to Mr. Saturday long ago, and much like the topic this blog is covering there have been many set backs, production delays, casting issues, wardrobe disputes, you know, the typical things that can go wrong with writing a blog. My original idea was to compare and contrast the film making efforts between Marvel and DC, but that subject is for another time and day.Today we will be focusing on the Man of Steel himself, Superman and his adventures on the silver screen.

The first time Superman was brought to the big screen was in 1941 with the Fleischer Studios animated shorts, bringing the Caped Crusader to life for the first time. These shorts are absolute classics and have endured the test of time so much to be readily available on Netflix for your viewing pleasure.They perfectly capture the Superman of that early era.They feel like your reading a short comic in a newspaper fun,fast and a feast for the eyes especially if you love old animation.

The next time Superman graced the screen was in 1948 when Alan Kyrk starred in the theatrical series, which were very similar in style to George Reeve’s later television series. Unfortunately, Kyrk really lacked any kind of screen presence to pull off the roles of Superman and Clark Kent. The most entertaining aspect of the shorts comes from the lack of budget that prevented them from actually showing Kyrk take flight, those segments had to be animated which while distracting is still very entertaining. It makes even the worst modern day CGI look glorious in comparison, but the shorts still come off as enjoyable.

Now we come to George Reeve’s debut as Superman in the little known B-Movie Superman and The Molemen Continue reading →

Zero Dark Thirty: Cinematic Bin Laden Propaganda?

We all knew that it wouldn’t be long before we got a “hunt for Bin Laden” movie which chronicles the United States search for the evil doer and the “capture” carried out by the Navy Seals. Now to me the way this story has played out in the news makes for a perfect movie! It’s right out of an eighties shoot em’ up! I have had a hard time with this whole story from the get go however, it’s very similar for me to “United 93” as it’s actually very unclear what happened on that flight as many speculate it was actually shot down by our government. The movie however spins it one way, that the people on board beat the terrorists. It was actually an entertaining movie but as I watched I kept really wondering if the film was a big load of propaganda to help fuel more war?

So now we have “Zero Dark Thirty” the latest from Kathryn Bigelow (Near Dark, Point Break, The Hurt Locker). Yeah folks now we’re all going to get “the real story”. Ugghhh…I am not sure about you but didn’t anyone think the whole Bin Laden killed and dumped / burial into the sea immediately because we didn’t want to upset any muslims thing was a little off? No pictures of his body and a Navy Seal story of his killing that changed a half a dozen times? Whatever the case when I heard the news my bullshit detector immediately went off in my brain, watching Obama tell us what happened didn’t sit right with me. Aside from the fact that we assassinated him instead of putting him on trial for the world to see, Bin Laden was never even indicted with a crime by the USA.

Now this is all beside the point that Bin Laden wasn’t ever seen on video for almost ten years after 911. What we did always get were “confirmed” audio tapes of his voice during that period of time spouting off his evil deeds. Seemed a little off to me. It was also claimed several times that Bin Laden had died of kidney failure in 2001. Was Bin Laden actually dead all these years? Has our Government been hiding things all these years about Bin Laden and the true story of 911? We all know Governments never lie to their people right? Well rest assured it’s good to know now all us Americans are now finally gonna get the real story with Zero Dark Thirty….whoopee…..

Do We Really Want a Darker Superman Movie?

I have watched the “Superman: Man of Steel” trailers quite a few times lately since they were recently put on the web for everyone to enjoy. I think so far it looks pretty interesting. However I am just not so certain that this is the Superman movie I really want to see. It’s clearly a darker more realistic take on Supes and it’s clearly trying to use the Nolan / Batman recipe for success. The trailers show a darker more emotional style of filming that may take a bit of getting used to. This however isn’t really what we’re all used to from Superman, so I am not going to jump to any premature conclusions yet, I’m quite sure I will enjoy this one immensely. Yet I would much rather have a brighter, more colorful Superman story to be honest. I could just be feeling this because this is all I am used to?

Hmm…Looks like Superman’s got Dr. Manhattan syndrome if you know what I mean! Blame it on Snyder again I guess…

I just don’t know how I feel about this one so far. What works for Batman may not necessarily work for Superman. I picture a Superman movie playing out a little more like Whedon’s Avengers personally – like a comic book really transformed into reality except without all the dark gritty real world vibe. I enjoyed Singer’s tone on his Superman film, I LOVED Brandon Routh as Superman.

Damn he was almost on par with Reeve in my opinion. He had that perfect charm, innocence and humor as the Man of Steel that is desperately needed to make the character work on the big screen. It’s still a mystery to me how Singer messed it up and somehow made a boring Superman movie! So instead now we get this, a dark Superman movie. It’s going to take a lot of convincing here for me folks…what do you now all think after seeing the trailers? Am I way lame for feeling this way?

MAD GOD: Probably the Coolest Thing I Have Laid Eyes On This Year!

I have just seen the Kickstarter video for legendary stop motion / effects master Phil Tippett’s latest movie he’s recently started working on again and it looks incredible!Seriously before you read on check out the Kickstarter video! Phil is famous for his work on little films called The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi, Jurassic Park & Robocop to name a few.

All I really need to say watch this teaser and if you’re interested check out the interview with Harry Knowles. It’s even better news to know the movie reached it’s funding goals on Kickstarter! So it will be a reality and most likely one of the most amazing little movies of current times…

Truly Sad….

There has been a dark shadow cast today for us all upon discovering the horrific event that happened today at the premiere of “The Dark Night Rises”. I can’t even imagine the terror of what those people witnessed. The world can really be an ugly place sometimes. To me the movies have always been a favorite way of escaping reality it’s a sad time when you don’t feel safe in a theater. My deepest thoughts are with all those who were directly affected by this event….