Category: childhood nostalgia
INDIANA JONES & The DIAL of DESTINY: A Modern Classic?
Well the wait is finally over, we finally got the sequel we’ve ALL been waiting for over 15 years right?! The ultimate redemption from the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull? The exhilarating final chapter in the Indiana Jones saga FINALLY done like a real Indiana Jones classic….unfortunately it isn’t the fifth installment, The Dial of Destiny. I don’t want to waste too much time here as everyone and their mom has got an opinion on this BIG summer blockbuster. It’s not the greatest Indy sequel as a lot of people out there are claiming and it’s certainly not the “worst movie of the year” as many professional Disney hating man-babies seem to be obsessed with proclaiming. Nope it’s just a very servicable, mediocre end to an epic iconic 80s franchise. It’s definitely a step above Kingdom of the Crystal skull, not by much, but it manages to feel a bit more organic in some ways at least. Based just on the story IMO Kingdom of the Crystal Skull remains the better Indy adventure at least on paper, but how poorly it was executed onscreen left even the most die hard Indy fans scratching their heads in disbelief.
Well the latest installment tries its best(?) to make up for the wrongs of the previous movie. However it starts off feeling a bit too much like its predecessor with a de-aged CGI faced Harrison Ford in a far too long opening sequence jam-packed with tons of wonky CGI and green screen backdrops. This attempt at bringing a younger Indiana Jones to life really felt like an AI imitation at best. I’m still baffled that they didn’t choose to hire Anthony Ingruber for the sequence, whose uncanny resemblance to real life Harrison Ford in ‘Age of Adeline’ left fans clamoring for him to be cast as young Han Solo. Instead in true Disney fashion they choose to use some weird looking digital de-aging technique to try and capture the old magic. In my opinion they end up with something that feels a somewhat soul-less Chat GPT written imitation Indiana Jones opening action sequences.
From that point the movie slightly improves and we get taken on an adventure teaming up Indiana Jones randomly with his God daughter Helena, nicknamed “Wombat”. This character right now is being trashed by the people obsessed with “woke Hollywood”, I personally don’t see that angle here with her. All in all the character of Helena is just fine and never rises much anywhere above that. In many ways she’s essentially “the new Mutt Williams”, who was conveniently killed off, offscreen to make way for the new female sidekick who resembles his son far too much in attitude. I personally would’ve rather they stuck with the landing and just brought Mutt back rather trying to now set up & sell us Indiana Jones’s long lost God daughter, whose father was a “one off” character we’ve never seen before except in the first 20 minute CG heavy opening. I just didn’t feel the connection.
Also they do sort of pull a “Force Awakens” Hans Solo style treatment to Indiana Jones as he’s now separated from new wife Marion Ravenwood (who he just married at the finale of the last film) over the death of their son. We basically are forced to spend time in this installment erasing everything that came before in KOTCS and frankly to me it’s a little bit redundant. From there they embark on a globe-trotting adventure in a race against a group of modern day Nazi’s. They also team up with what I assume to be an attempt bring us a new “Short Round” in the character of Teddy. Unfortunately those shoes are just too damn hard to fill, and Teddy doesn’t quite have the charisma, that being said he’s an ok addition to the cast. The big problem here, everything is just sorta “okay” like a vanilla soft serve ice cream from McDonald’s. It’s totally fine if you’re jonesin’ for a cool treat and there’s nothing else around.
To make a loooooong story short ‘The Dial of Destiny’ is just too damn long, its “comedy” never fully lands, it’s action sequences (which mainly revolve around long car chases) aren’t particularly interesting and the whole thing just feels very unnecessary. Especially when it feels like it really doesn’t build upon what had come directly before it. That being said though, like the previous at least it didn’t spend its time trying to be a “best of/call back” adventure movie. It again at least has its own identity. Though it again did employ its fair share of CGI it was convincing enough to not pull us into the realm of another emabarrassing Crystal Skull experience. As a big fan I think there needed to be a few key things to really consider for a home run smash hit to a modern Indiana Jones finale: No CGI, film it ALL practical. No de-aging for his young opening, cast a REAL person. Bring back key characters that we care about to go on the adventure. Finish it off with at least a good George Lucas original story idea-just to keep it authentic. I spent some time years ago coming up with what I though might be a compelling way to craft part 5 –I posted that very idea HERE.
I’m really not exactly sure what the point of this last installment truly was, It actually just sort of brings things full circle back to the end of Crystal Skull. It features an aging adventurer who’s seen better days and had so many more exhilarating adventures than what they decided again to bring onto the big screen so many years later. I guess this really just might’ve been trying to set up a new franchise for Helena & Teddy? Sitting in the theater, I couldn’t help but think how incredible this movie could’ve been had they chosen to employ Ke Huy Kuan again as Short Round & for some of the movie at least utilizing Marion Ravenwood and maybe even his son Mutt. Moving things forward rather than course correcting. The fact that they didn’t choose to at the very least bring back Short Round is bewildering to me. Making me realize just how seriously out of touch big Hollywood is with what fans would find as a truly heartfelt send off for Indiana Jones’s final adventure.
My final thoughts- I guess I can say this last installment was a lot better than i’d initially expected it to be. However it really made me realize just how badly I truly want them to stop making unnecessary “sequels” to my favorite 80s movies. Whatever filmmaking magic they were able to conjure up back then today feels like an impossibility. Again another missed opportunity to bring back the true heart and soul of indiana Jones one last time. For me the fitting end was The Last Crusade, but today I witnessed the most mediocre finale to likely my favorite film series of all time….
Comic Book Cover of the Week: Classic ABSORBING MAN Mayhem!
Here’s a true classic comic that’s always been a favorite of mine since I was just a kid-I’ve always adored the cover too, it shows one of The Incredible Hulk’s fiercest villains as a major threat to ol’ Jade Jaws.
The Incredible Hulk #209 has got another perfect cover from Ed Hannigan & Frank Giacoia, featuring Crusher Creel dwarfing The Hulk as he puts him in a stranglehold. It makes me miss those old Hulk stories in a big way and the issue features the two in one of their best battles.
Sometimes I miss the simplicity of comic books from the 70’s & 80s, maybe it’s just nostalgia because I took this comic book with me everywhere I went, like it was an action figure or something. The Absorbing Man is most definitely one of my favorite bad guys in Hulk’s rogue gallery and this was my first intro to the character, the inside drawn by all time BEST Hulk artist Sal Buscema proves once again just why he was the man for the job for soooo many years.
This issue way back from 1977 will always hold a special place in my heart! It’s cover in particular is a potent look at one of the coolest villains of the green goliath….
VHS Verdict: Molly Ringwald’s Forgotten Australian Slasher Flick?!
So who knew Molly Ringwald starred in a full on supernatural slasher film in the year 2000? Not me-until recently I discovered the clever Australian Y2K horror movie ‘CUT’ that’s actually a pretty sweet nasty lil’ forgotten gem. Taking a few cues from ‘Scream’ but adding it’s own unique flair by joining the ranks of the ghostly “cursed movie” horror sub genre ‘Cut’ brings plenty of action and chills to the party.
Molly Ringwald was the biggest selling point here for me, even though I went into it expecting a total stinker, I was pleasantly surprised how much fun ‘Cut’ actually turns out to be. I’d also expected her role to be more of a cameo, but to my surprise Molly co-stars and looks just as cute as she did somehow way back in The Breakfast Club. But we also get a sweet cameo from pop icon Kylie Minogue to kick off the movie’s opening in a sort of “Drew Barrymore ala Scream” style sequence.
It starts off in the late 80s with Ringwald starring as a teen in a B-horror flick who’s slasher goes on a real life offscreen killing spree, halting production on the film altogether. The movie gets a reputation of being “cursed” and over a decade later a group of college film students attempt to finish the film when they come across the original unfinished footage. Of course they reach out to Ringwald to re-join the cast and against her better judgement she reluctantly agrees.
She flies all the way over to Australia and gives it a go while almost immediately, strange things begin to happen on set. Most notably the original film’s killer gets busy murdering once again behind the scenes off set and soon the whole cast begins to suspect something sinister is brewing. The villain here has got a somewhat generic but still solidly effective creepy look, lifting heavily from Carpenter’s Halloween.
I’d have preferred something a bit more ambitious appearance-wise but even so the slasher here is nasty enough to rise to above into his own and really gets the bloody juices flowing with some pretty gnarly kills. The whole affair looks great on film and the Director Kimble Rendall (who was part of iconic 80s alt rock band Hoodoo Gurus) brings a ton of charm to it all with a cast of pretty likable characters as well as some genuinely well crafted horror scenarios to munch on.
The film also wins big points with me when it inserts a supernatural twist with the cursed film stock which can be used in interesting ways to combat the ghostly killer. Ringwald goes the distance too and is clearly having a good time as she squares off with her “movie nemesis” in a game of cat and mouse with a little help from the Aussie film students. This one’s a real treat, especially if you’re an 80’s John Hughes fan-it’s so strange to see Molly in this type of essentially forgotten, oddball Australian horror production as well as Kylie Minogue in a brief but sweet appearance.
Even stranger yet is how ambitious ‘Cut’ turns out to be, filled with cool practical effects & a creepy little fast paced story filled with some campy twists and turns. I’m curious if this one was a minor hit in Australia? The VHS copy of CUT doesn’t sell the film very well with it’s (imo) poorly constructed cover art, if I hadn’t seen Ringwald’s name on the cover I’d have never even bothered. I enjoyed this enough that I quickly upgraded to the blu ray (from Umbrella) which does have better looking packaging as well a slick looking print of the film-‘Cut’ really was a nice little spooky surprise that I’m certain fans of classic 80’s and 90’s slashers (and Molly Ringwald!) will likely enjoy. It’s got some good scares, babes, hunks and the right killer supernatural moves to quench the thirst of lovers of the genre. It’s definitely a top notch Y2K slasher that is in desperate need of a bigger cult following outside of the land down under….
VHS Verdict: John Stamos Gets Sexy With an Apple in NEVER TOO YOUNG TO DIE!
After all these years I never knew that Full Houses’ John Stamos was actually an underrated 1980’s action star?! The proof is in the pudding with 1986’s incredible over the top action extravaganza ‘Never Too Young To Die’. This is one of those rare movies that really left me perplexed, just how it slipped through the cracks all these years? But that makes it even more fun to view for the very first time in modern times!
So not only does this movie feature John Stamos and all of his hunky glory but also features the mega hot pop star Vanity AND hard rockin’ tongue flingin’ Gene Simmons of KISS as one of the most bizarre cinematic villains. Aside from an incredible cast of colorful characters we also get a heavy dose of wild 80’s explosive action sequences as well as a pretty unforgettable sex scene that just needs to be seen to be believed. Yeah the steamy sex scene is one of the best I’ve ever seen put to film and easily one of the funniest, involving Vanity at her hottest, Stamos at his most ridiculously stubborn and an…….apple?!
Whoever came up with the whole sequence deserves an award and just in general this movie is an absolute blast that deserves a bigger cult audience. After a highly skilled secret agent is murdered, his son, who’s a hotshot high-school gymnast, teams up with his father’s super sexy female partner to stop a psychopathic trans-cult leader who had him murdered.
Gene Simmons tears it up in the role as the vicious villain who plans a major terrorist attack on the country’s water supply. Equipped with a killer middle finger nail, his signature gross tongue and some truly over the top outfits, Simmons fully commits to the role too. He steals the show as big baddie “Velvet Von Ragnor” and even performs a “cool” little musical number in the process. I forgot he played the villain a couple other times in the 80’s, the Tom Selleck sci-fi actioner ‘Runaways’ and again in the Rutger Hauer killer thriller ‘Wanted Dead or Alive’.
‘Never to Young To Die’ is easily his wildest role and who’d have ever thought we’d see Stamos and Simmons square off in an 80’s flick?! Also included in a minor role is Robert “Freddy Kruger” Englund who was a pleasant surprise to the cast. I’d say one of the film’s highlights are the villains in general-Simmons’ cult of evil post apocalyptic punks are a pure joy to behold.
They’re so damn over the top in fashion and attitude, making the movie’s mayhem that much more awesome with every little outrageous twist and turn. Stamos also shines using his “skills” as a gymnast as a “Gymkata light” style teenage action hero who teams up with his wacky roommate, a hi-IQ inventor of weird weapons to take on the villains. Then of course there’s Vanity in maybe my favorite movie role, a bad ass assassin who Stamos has a major boner for. Filled with everything that’s totally awesome about the 1980’s ‘Too Young To Die’ is a major winner in every way. Thankfully Shout Factory put out a super sweet blu ray that’s a must for retro action fans of the era!
Comic Cover of the Week: The 5 Minute Bill Sienkiewicz SPIDER-MAN Cover!
Bill Sienkiewicz did it again! Yes this time likely in 5 minutes or less! I’m going to be honest, I’ve never seen this comic book cover until a few days ago but now my curiosity level is through the roof on this 3-part Spidey adventure way back from 1987. Sienkiewicz never disappoints and these three covers are proof- the first one here really does seem like it was likely something he threw together in a few minutes, and it’s still fucking brilliant! Check out the first two covers, it looks like he spent more time on those obviously. This story took place inside of the Kingpin’s insane asylum-and Bill conveys the madness with pure perfection…
MOVIE MELT Podcast Covers Fangoria’s 1992 Northern Wisconsin Creature Feature: SEVERED TIES!
The latest episode of the Movie Melt podcast is a special one, especially for all of you “cheeseheads” out there-We cover the third Fangoria Films bizarro teen mad scientist monster flick ‘SEVERED TIES’ from 1992! This mostly forgotten gem was filmed in my home state of Wisconsin, way up north in my old stomping grounds-Rhinelander! WTF right? Why in the world would they choose the small town northwoods area to film NOT just Severed Ties but ALL three of their first feature films up there?!
Well the story is truly intriguing and on this episode we bring on special FX artist and native northern Wisconsinite Hank Carlson to tell his wild story of Windsor Lake Studios, the team behind ‘Hellraiser’ who decided to set up shop there. Hank fills us in on how as a small town teen with an unlikely dream of cracking into the biz as a make up artist, he somehow lands his dream job in the late 80s!
We get the scoop on horror history in the making and discuss ‘Severed Ties’ in all of it’s gooey glory! Plus a Wisconsin themed Battle of the bands in this ALL things Wisconsin horror movie mash up..
Who says dreams can’t come true?! Tune in RIGHT HERE to check out the episode and delve head on into one of the strangest horror films of the 1990’s: a practical fx creature feature that’s in desperate need of a fancy blu ray release and a devoted cult following…
Comic Cover of the Week: The Brazilian 80s Alternate Incrivel HULK !
Here’s a sweet alternate Incredible Hulk cover from Brazil’s O Incrivel HULK #50-an interesting version of the American issue #297 shown below. I’m not quite sure why they redrew the cover? At least the top half appears to be a more “Sal Buscema” take on the green goliath? It’s the first time I’ve ever seen this, but it’s a real treat and it makes me wonder if there are other alternate versions of classic Hulk issues?
The original cover from 1984 again features the Incredible art from Bill Sienkiewicz, this was a real sweet era of The Hulk as he slowly loses his “Banner Hulk” persona and further transforms into a truly “mindless” monster. I miss the feel of these 80s Hulk comic books-they were truly a blast-all over the world! Which one do you prefer?
1990’s B-Horror Classic ‘DEMON WIND’ Getting a Sequel?!
Yowza!! I’ve always thought some of the cool lesser known horror movies of the late 80s/early 90s should get modern sequels-I mean why not?! Especially with many of these lost classics now getting discovered by masses of new horror fans with awesome blu ray labels cleaning up often “only released on VHS” gems and repackaging them with lots of cool extras as well as a super sharp new restoration. Vinegar Syndrome did exactly that with 1990’s DEMON WIND and now it’s confirmed it’s going to get a brand new sequel 33 years later!! Ok though, before getting too excited here let’s see what the details are exactly on this one!
First, the official title is apparently going to be ‘DEMON WIND 2: The Serpents Coil’ and it’s NOT being made by the original’s director Charles Phillip Moore and from what I can tell he isn’t writing this one like he did the original. I think it’d have been cool to have the original writer craft the story plus I’m a fan of one of his other movies, ANGEL OF DESTRUCTION from 1994 featuring Maria Ford. Oh well….Instead part 2 will be directed by Eric Mathis from Grime House Films, who’s got only one feature film under his belt, a 2022 horror anthology called ‘The Macabre’, I’ve never seen it-so hey Eric if you’re reading this send me a copy for review! 😉 I guess I’d be basing how promising the ‘Demon Wind’ sequel will be on how well his first movie translates. Curious indeed. Here’s the trailer:
Hmmm…obviously ‘Demon Wind 2’ has too look a little more slick than this-but considering it’s a first effort, at least from the trailer, I’d say there’s still potential. Next I’m wondering if the sequel will have some of the 1990’s films original cast returning? I heard at least one of the cast members from the original might be on board, but to really add that legit inter-connective tissue it’s going to need some real ties to the first film.
Also I think, this modern sequel is going to need to have a similar look and steer away from shoddy CGI fx. I recommend going ALL in on practical effects-gory, gooey, slimey and bloody…oh and NO CGI blood-don’t make that mistake! It seems so far that he’s got a few peeps involved from ‘Full Moon’ and an FX artist Joe Castro who did work on ‘The Barn 2’. I’ve seen the first one and dug it-but I do need to check out the sequel, from the trailer though I’ll be honest the FX stuff doesn’t look quite on par with the first film-and that was a little ruff too.
Still that doesn’t mean Demon Wind 2 won’t look awesome.. here’s what the director had to say himself about the sequel coming at us all 33 years later:
“I’ve dreamed of doing this for so long. Like many of us, I’ve been a huge fan of the original Demon Wind since I was a kid, when my older brother rented it and I secretly watched it after he left it out. For years, I’ve been trying to track down the rights owners, and I finally managed to arrange a phone meeting and work out a deal to produce this film!
My goal is to honor the tradition of the original, which had so many incredible and memorable creature and kill effects. We’re bringing the huge creature FX, loads of gory kills, and all the things we love as horror fans, and delivering them in a major way! We’ll explore the past, the characters, and their stories, and revisit the farm and Harcourt’s gas station, really play on all the things that made the original so great!”
I’m down for this film 100%, I definitely have my reservations though trying to recapture the B-movie magic of a for the most part, underrated gem from 1990. I like the idea of re-visiting the original’s locales but also hope they take it to a few new unique new creepy places. The last thing I’d want is essentially a modern remake/reboot that doesn’t live up to the original. I often times think someone attempting this type of sequel should really research what made the movies from this period look soooo good. Watching the trailer for ‘The Barn 2’ made me realize how cheap things can look when shot digitally, it looks just like it was shot in 2022, while trying to masquerade as an 80s film. Demon Wind 2 needs to have the look and atmosphere of the original even though I’m assuming it indeed takes place in current times. 1990’s Demon Wind was a lot of fun and the plot for part 2 sounds promising with occult researchers investigating a satanic murder site and stumbling upon an evil cursed ancient artifact that opens a gate from hell. Of course unleashing sinister creatures for another total bloodbath.
Fingers crossed that ‘Demon Wind 2’ delivers the gory goods, brings back some original characters and looks and feels a lot like the 1990 original. I don’t know if the original writer/director is still around or alive-but I think meeting or consulting with him would be a great idea too! I’m cautiously curious about modern sequels to lesser know horror classic-but I’ll be there for the show for SURE! Follow Grime House Films on Instagram for more juicy details!
Needs to be BLU: Brigitte Neilson’s 90s Sci-Fi Ass Kicker GALAXIS!
Today I’m starting a new series on U-Dork called “Needs to be Blu” Where I’m going to start documenting all of the movies that I’ve seen that most desperately need a fancy ass blu ray release! There are still some real gems out there that just aren’t getting the attention they deserve, are out of print on dvd or have only EVER been released on VHS format.
Today my recommendation to all those fancy labels out there like Vinegar Syndrome, Culture Shock, Arrow video, Visual Vengeance etc is Brigitte Nielsen’s sci-fi actioner GALAXIS aka Terminal Force released in 1994. Brigitte Nielson stars as a inter-galactic space babe who kicks a lot of ass coming across like Dolph Lundgren’s lady action counterpart. Check it out:
I wish she’d have had more cheesy roles like this(I’ve got to check out BODY COUNT still), she’s such charming presence and iconic femme fatale. In this particular film she really looks the part too, she dwarfs most of the men in height and doesn’t take a lick a shit from a single one of them. It’s a bit of a mix between The Terminator and Highlander and feels like it was shot in the late 1980s. It hits all the right beats for me- the fish out of water, light romance, charmingly idiotic characters, some genuinely fun special fx as well as a good sense of humor throughout. Plus Moll here who’s a great B-movie villain (check out ‘Dungeonmaster’ from 1984 for more proof of that) is of course a lot of fun to watch ham it up!
A cool little sci-fi “run for your life in a big city” adventure where Brigitte is your guide and Richard Moll reprises his “bad guy” role again as a sort of Darth Vader type villain. Top top it all off Sam Raimi even shows up for some of the fun early on and so do some stop motion robots thankfully. Lots of lasers, dark steamy alleys, ridiculous bad guys and of course Nielsen looking all sexy as the amazonian leather clad lead, just legit dumb fun that I’m always all in for.
Aside from Brigitte the co-lead John Brennan plays a charismatic numbskull treasure hunter who’s on the hunt for some strange artifact, one that Brigitte and Moll are on the hunt for as well. Along the way he of course gets mixed up in a boatload of shenanigans that Nielson usually has to solve by kicking someone’s ass.
The lucky guy gets to join forces with Nielson, and the two slowly fall for each other, too bad the evil Moll always seems to arrive before anything can ever really happen for the two! As far as dumb bad guys go too there’s a really over the top mob boss guy played by Fred Asparagus who somehow manages to be a major player in the action all the way up to it’s boiler room style finale. Obviously this is prime cheez, it’s fun, fast paced and largely forgotten- Someone release this on blu ray!
Comic Cover of the Week: The 1970’s LEGION OF MONSTERS!
Here’s an awesome comic book cover from the 1970s, that every time I look at it makes me wish that Marvel would have released a 1980s film about this particular team of superheroes. Imagine this being released as an 80s horror/action film, with special FX work similar to the Monster Squad?! I’d be in heaven!
Well as it stands I definitely DON’T need a Legion of Monsters movie personally that feature’s Jared Leto’s Morbius-However I’d take Nic Cage any day still as Ghost Rider as long as they could make him NOT look like a flaming TURD! I actually quite enjoyed the Werewolf by Night MCU mini movie, which featured Man-Thing too so hey were 3/4 of the way there already…hmmmm? I love this horror monster team from 1975 and the art work is pretty sweet and apparently the only Marvel Comics cover art ever done by Nick Cardy.
Universal Dork 