Tagged: monster movie
Holiday Horrors: ‘TWO FRONT TEETH’ An Ambitiously Stupid, Low Budget Creepy Y2K Christmas Adventure!
I’m trying to track down some weird cinematic Christmas gold this year by finally checking out some films that I’ve sort of avoided for years. Hearing that they’re a complete waste of precious holiday time or just resorting again to my “go to selections” that I often find myself a bit tired of when I pop on the tube as of late. So took a chance on a film that’s been on my radar for years when I spotted it at Portland, Oregon’s most prized video store, Movie Madness. TWO FRONT TEETH, released 2006 (but looks more like it was shot in the 90s?) is a shot on video (digital?) Christmas themed horror film that looks like a heap of cheap trash, is full of bad acting, lots of jokes that don’t work and yet there’s something about it I kinda love! This one was also made before everyone and their mother were pumping out Christmas themed horror films by the dozens every year. So it still stands out as an interesting largely hidden holiday oddity.
There’s quite a bit to dislike about the film if you’re gonna be really picky, mainly at how badly shot it is-it’s pretty ugly looking with lots of bad lighting, unimpressive sets and terribly bland locations. For instance, the opening scene take place on Christmas Eve in what looks like a cheap manufactured home that’s at the very least got an abundance of holiday decor on display. That’s what sort of saves this one-pretty much every scene is jam packed FULL of Christmas, so as bland as a lot of the sets do look they really give it their all to put the holiday on display. Sometimes obviously overdoing it-but considering the main characters names are Gabe Snow & Noelle it’s quite clear that was the intention here. Pretty much EVERYTHING is Christmas related, but somehow at it’s core has a somewhat “engaging” story that’s part horror, part comedy, part road adventure and even somewhat of a “romantic” drama. It’s a true oddity with a fair amount of heart & passion at it’s core that’s trying damn hard to push a narrative that’s far more ambitious than its budget actually allows. That’s not say though there’s not a lot to be quite impressed with here though somehow.
The plot is a wild one, It’s Christmas Eve and we meet Gabe Snow, a cowardly tabloid writer who’s emotionally traumatized by the holiday for unknown reasons, is investigating a Yuletide conspiracy for a paper called the X-Mas files. Gabe believes that a commercial airplane was brought down on Christmas Eve by a flying reindeer and is determined to bring the truth to the general public. He’s also in the midst of a nasty divorce as his foul mouthed, quite unlikable wife Noelle is banging one of her coworkers that festive evening at their home. But that’s the least of Gabe’s worries. Wicked vampire elves, descend upon his home and nearly murder his wife. This forces him and his wife to head out onto the open road to escape the threat and to find the only one who can seemingly help them, a “Creighton Duke” style bounty hunter who’s got the scoop on the deadly holiday conspiracy.
So as you can see the plot is quite absurd, but not played only just for cheap laughs-though there are plenty of those thrown around. Some of the comedy works and some of it does come off a bit too ham-fisted, again like the writers here think they’re really comedically clever. That being said the bulk of the film is actually played pretty straight for the most part and I think it works in it’s favor, despite most of the time looking like total shit. But being used to watching stuff that most would classify as total shit, I found that to be barely a problem. There’s some interesting backstories thrown in that pack some emotional weight as well that I give props for making attempts at real character development.
The movie never really slows down, at around 74 minutes it’s pretty lean and some of the fx here especially with the vampire elves look surprisingly pretty damn solid. They’re clad in black leather, have real creepy makeup fx with huge fleshy ears & some of their attack sequences are pretty well done too. Plus the “Creighton Cowboy” character is pretty fun addition as well and they definitely try and produce some solid action with him and his “toy guns”.
That’s not all though there are also three ninja nuns that show up as well as a pretty creepy vampire Santa named “Clausferatu” (an instance where the writers think that’s like super “clever”). The whole thing is pretty idiotic, but still shows an ambitious plot execution that you can feel is filled with passion and despite the odds is a lot of fun.
The kind of movie where you sort of begin to root for the cast and crew to deliver the goods within the confines of the budget. I kept thinking that this film if given to the right director and writer to tweak the somewhat too on the nose, cringey “holiday themed comedy” shit down a bit could have been an instant cult Xmas classic, if this exact same film had been shot on video in the 80’s people would likely today would regard it as a holiday horror genre must see. However given it’s release in 2006(an era not fully appreciated yet by most) it’s likely going to take a few more years before people catch on to just how unique this stupid little yuletide adventure really is. I for one will most definitely be giving this another watch next year! Two Front Teeth was a definite holiday treat I think that is currently aging quite nicely…
MOVIE MELT Podcast Goes Back to Hong Kong for the Wild Sexy 90s Horror of the ‘WIZARD’S CURSE’!!
Movie Melt is back and this time I’ve chosen the movie showcased on the latest episode, 1992’s WIZARD’S CURSE! This totally bonkers horror, sex comedy, martial arts hybrid flick is one of my absolute favorites & features the legendary late great ass kickin’ monster hunter Lam Ching Ying aka “Mr. Vampire” in perhaps his most over the top adventure of his filmography. You might have read my review on this one right here on U-dork a few years back. Well it was time to try and get this film a bigger following in the USA and Movie Melt is the BEST spot to make my case for this oddity.
A pair of “on the run” criminal lovers rumored to be practitioners of dark magic are hunted down by local police lead by a taoist demon hunter (Lam Ching Ying). Using his own unique supernatural abilities he aids the cops in killing them but alas, a local crazy cult leader with a creepy ass sewer dungeon lair steals their corpses, resurrects them into one shared physical body, granting them superhuman powers, a wild sex drive & leaving them thirsting for human brains. Creating the ultimate monster-the “TERRIFIC VAMPIRE”. Oh and by the way the Terrific Vampire has a glowing 20 foot long penis that is uses to bludgeon people to death-it’s quite a sight! Check this shit out:
Anyway we go deep into the film’s bizarre plot point, fx, the director and also talk about cool films you just might wanna check out. Oh of course we feature a “battle of the bands” segment that will turn your brain into Swiss cheese too!! Here’s a film that the blu ray companies like Vinegar Syndrome need to take note of-The Wizard’s Curse is unlike anything you’ve likely seen before. CHECK OUT THE MAYHEM RIGHT HERE!!!
Oh and here’s full film for moment up on Youtube it far to sassy to be shown here on Universal Dork as you can see:
Afraid of CGI Grey Aliens? If So ‘NO ONE WILL SAVE YOU’ Delivers the GOODS!
HULU finally brings me a grey alien home invasion horror film I’ve asking for-‘No One Will Save You’ delivers a simple premise with some fairly well executed drama but also manages to take the terrifying silent “greys” of movies like ‘Communion’ & ‘Fire in the Sky’ and turns them into loud rubbery CGI lunatics. Yeah these modern UFO films or all films in general now tbh) just can’t resist going digital and at times these creatures end up feeling more “Roger Rabbit” than ‘Close Encounters of the Third Kind’. I’ve been saying it for years someone should make a home invasion film with “the greys”, I’d always found them quite terrifying and it’d be really a unique premise to see them pursue a human in a secluded home.
Well this movie grants me my wish but makes a mistake, one that just can’t be avoided today it seems-heavy reliance on shoddy looking CGI fx. Last year we saw a practical effects alien attack film in ‘Kids vs Aliens’, which used practical fx but dropped the ball in the approach, like this, showing the aliens far too much in plain sight. Maybe I’m the only one here, but to me being chased down by CGI creatures just doesn’t strike terror in my heart. I need to feel that there is a real threat there onscreen WITH the actual actors-it really needs to feel convincing. The aliens in ‘Fire in the Sky’ are pure perfection, I can only imagine them invading a home, but for some reason Hollywood just doesn’t have either the skill or patience to film real monster effects anymore. That all being said ‘No One Will Save You’ is still somewhat entertaining and filled with a few twists and turns. There’s several styles of aliens too that enter the mix-two of them particularly look awkwardly cartoonish and some of the chase/fight sequences get a bit too ridiculous and cartoonishly rambunctious at times. But, there is a neat little story here at play despite all of my visual gripes that make this worth a look.
There’s a GREAT setting for all of this to take place, a beautiful little home tucked away in the countryside and it really doesn’t take long for the Aliens to arrive and get “nasty”. Kaitlyn Dever does a good job in the lead with almost no spoken dialogue and does her best trying to look scared shitless by CGI creatures. It’s definitely not the best alien invasion film I’ve seen before and works better honestly as drama than a “horror” film. There’s some decent attempts at deep character development/motivation as a young woman lives in seclusion by choice and we go on a journey to put together exactly why she’s struggling so much with every day life. The film by the end takes some turns I didn’t see really see coming-mostly in the film’s last final couple minutes. It’s got a message that’s worth some discussion and likely could be interpreted in several ways.
It’s pretty decent streaming content but nothing that’s anywhere near as effective or memorable as Communion, Fire in the Sky or even Dark Skies from 2013. I was pretty excited for my grey alien fix but I feel film now just isn’t capable of going the distance-I’m not even sure many of these modern directors could execute a film like E.T. these days without relying largely on digital fx. I think they could have given us some terrifying creatures using animatronics, like a lanky marionette and used CG to remove wires, strings and puppeteers. Also keeping a creature like a grey in the shadows is when they feel most terrifying-instead this film has them running and jumping all over the place in plain sight. Their design is far too digital to showcase so prominently. Instead the less is more approach makes them much more mysterious and terrifying. This pic from Fire in the Sky is a good example:
The craft of executing a real shot on real film feels like a true thing of the past. This one’s worth a watch, I don’t expect too much anyways from an original film for HULU. I say check it out if you’re looking for some classic alien action and if you’re REAAAALLLY scared of CGI monsters this movie will NOT disappoint.
VHS Verdict: 80’s ‘Flesheaters from Outer Space’ Invade New Jersey!
Some ‘shot on video’ horror flicks can be a real challenge to get through in my opinion. I always give an “A for effort” but let’s face it, shooting a feature film on a camcorder in the late 1980s doesn’t always equal a real memorable viewing experience. However I can firmly say that if you’re in the mood for some highly ambitious, enjoyable trash that ‘Flesheaters From Outer Space’ all the way back from 1989 surely delivers the damn goods!
It’s actually got quite an ambitious little plot going on for something made on a shoe string budget. Somehow director, Warren F. Disbrow, manages to for the most part pull it off while slipping in some heavy metal Jersey hunks and babes as well as gore a ‘plenty along the way. As you can probably imagine the New Jersey area in this Nifty little horror film is a delight to visit and of course features a carnivorous space alien on the loose causing havoc major around around every seedy corner in town. The film goes in a lot of strange directions particularly having a hard time settling on one particular plot narrative to follow. It features a hunky heavy metal band, a woman with psychic powers, a “John Rambo” type drifter as well as an offshoot serial killer storyline trying to interweave into it as well. But all that aside this is really a movie to turn your brain off too becuz ‘Flesheaters from Outer Space’ also really manages to cram in some pretty gory and gooey C-grade monster affects as well for horror hounds to chomp on. Yeah there’s plenty of the red stuff flowing freely here, and a whole motley cadre of numbskulls for this hungry alien creature to munch on.
But it’s not all just horror here, there’s plenty of boobs, butts (men and women), wild 1980s parties, teenage drama and even some unexpected romance as well as a couple musical numbers by a pretty “impressive” glam rock band that’s slightly over stays it’s welcome in the best ways possible. I guess in a way it has a sort of “low-rent x files” type of thing going on as well, at around 90 minutes though it sure does oddly begin to feel it’s run time being much longer than it actually is. However I can’t say in this case it’s a particularly bad thing because this movie never gets boring-it’s is a pretty excellent party flick to enjoy with your friends and a couple of beers. That’s most definitely the best way to view this one. I think it’s likely because the movie goes in so many stupid directions that you feel like you’re getting an overload of ridiculous subplots and without spoiling it all it has one of those relatively abrupt but satisfying endings.
There’s also some pretty cool little twists that you probably will never see coming-I mean it’s no Alfred Hitchcock but it really tries to deliver you the goods and I’ve always got to appreciate the ambition the director had for his shot on video vision. Apparently they filmed a sequel for this in 1998 called ‘Invasion for Flesh and Blood’.
I’m gonna have to seek that out for sure and see if the lighting strikes twice. I see that Troma released this on a double feature disc-but back in the day it was released on video by In the meantime I’m looking forward to checking out the sequel. If you’re looking for something stupid to watch with friends on a Saturday night then this one’s sure to scratch your “so bad it’s good” movie itch. It’s really got it all and you can’t help but find the charm in a movie that really tries it’s best to go for the gold….Oh and there’s no trailer for this one online but there is for the sequel:
Monster “Home Appliance Horror” from 1980s Japan: BATTLE HEATER!
There’s been some weirdo horror films out there that feature home appliances that go crazy-movies like ‘The Refrigerator’, ‘Death Bed’ and ‘Pulse’ to name a few but I’ve never seen anything quite like the Japanese creature feature BATTLE HEATER from 1989….
I’d never heard a peep about this until about a week ago, but this little slice of late 80s oddball cinema is essentially a monster movie, with some pretty clever comedy, punk rock and a cast of memorable eccentric characters that keep the party raging until it’s crazy finale. Right from the opening it’s clear you’re in for something quite special, the movie’s title appears onscreen as some sort of UFO/meteorite crashing to the ground and knocking a bad ass samurai style “Ghostbuster” straight into space.
That’s just the start as the story then follows two kooky electronics repairmen who grab a possessed “kotatsu”, a low wooden table frame, underneath is a heat source, built into the table itself. Yes, the table is an evil force to be reckoned with (a possessed appliance!) and one of the repairmen takes it home with him to his super stylin’, spooky apartment complex. The setting is most definitely one of my favorite things about this one, without the creature aspect the building itself looks like one giant haunted maze-with some really interesting decor in it’s lobby and dark hallways that really add to the film’s general uncanny tone.
Here things begin to go off the rails as our hero’s neighbors are all quite mysterious characters in their own right. On one side of his apartment he’s got a murderous couple, who’re trying dispose of the body parts of one of their most recent kills and on the other a wild rockabilly punk rock band with a serious attitude problem to contend with. Slowly this “possessed” heater begins to develop a mind of his own and a serious appetite. It begins to resemble something straight out of 1982’s ‘The Thing’ as it develops tentacles and slimy jaws of death and begins to venture out into the apartment building to feast on unsuspecting victims. The practical fx here are really quite well done and by the finale it’s a gooey visual feast on the eyes. The whole thing is quite as ambitious as it ludicrous.
I really like this era of film, the late 80’s have just the right touch (great monster effects devoid of CGI) and seeing this bizzaro horror comedy’s wild plot unfold onscreen is a real treat. It isn’t all a total farce either, though there’s a few obvious call backs to classic horror films, ‘Battle Heater’ has some great memorable and equally likable characters, even some romance and a madcap plot that’s truly unlike anything I’ve seen before.
As a HUGE fan of monster movies I’d say this is easily one of my favorite recent discoveries-it hits all the right beats for me with enough quirky charm, 80s Japanese fashion, manic energy and a final act that ramps up the craziness in the most unexpected and glorious ways. Things take some pretty ridiculous twists and turns as the table heater grows in size and our bumbling electronics repairmen have to rise to the occasion to survive the monster as well as their creepy neighbors.
The whole thing looks beautiful too, filmed with impressive spooky foggy atmosphere, great creepy detailed sets and some sweet Japanese punk numbers to liven things things up. It’s a straight up horror comedy but also has some stakes as well a few frightening sequences- director George lida has crafted some other unique horror films of note, the likes of Cyclops (1987), Spiral (1998) & Another Heaven (2000). ‘Battle Heater’ however really delivers the spectacle in that classic late 80’s vibe and makes me so damn curious about just what other gems from Japan are still awaiting for me to discover? In the meantime I highly recommend this largely forgotten piece of truly 1980s horror. I got the copy pictured above from Far East Flix-most definitely a fun website to browse!
YTK Horrors: Juggalos from Hell Conjure DEMONS AT THE DOOR!
Moronic demons vs. Moronic humans! Who will win this epic battle you might wonder? Well if you check out 2004’s ‘Demons at the Door’ you’re gonna find out that answer real quickly while also likely lowering your IQ level from severe brain damage by simply observing this incredibly WTF movie. That’s not to say it’s not a damn good time though- It’s just gotta be seen to be believed. I was lucky to watch it for an impressive bad movie nite-paired it up with an equally trashy ridiculous heavy metal infused thriller from 2001 we reviewed here a while back called ‘Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal‘. Highly recommend the duo for a real night of mental cinematic destruction!
‘Demons at the Door’ is really a product of this time filmed in 2001 and later released in 2004, you can see all of the influences worn pretty openly on its sleeves. Director Roy Knyrim, an effects artist who worked on movies like the Abyss, Toxic Avenger II, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3, Auntie Lee’s Meat Pies- really goes the distance here. With the gooey practical effects in full force but also paired with some of the shittiest, pathetic visual special effects I’ve seen maybe….ever? Somehow though it adds to the general charm of the movie making it easily one of the most mind numbing pieces of enjoyable trash I’ve seen in quite some time. That’s a compliment too-this one’s bad to the damn BONE but perfect for a midnight movie.
I knew after seeing his 2006 film ‘Cemetery Gates‘ (starring none other than Reggie Banister of ‘Phantasm’ fame) I knew I just had to give another movie of his a shot and I’m certainly glad I did. I found this weirdo monster movie on an ultra cheapo bargain bin DVD collection I’d had for a while of ten Z-grade horror films called ‘Urban Chillz’ and connected the dots. Now I’ve got to be honest, I’m quite curious about what other ridiculous gems might also be lurking on that 2 disc collection?
The premise: a group of military archeologist bone-heads in the deserts of the Middle East become trapped inside their lab after an incredibly idiotic encounter with an extremist (obviously post 911 paranoia) triggers a gate from hell to open outside, leaving, you guessed it demons at the damn door! The demons are after some ancient amulet or something and really amped up on hurling the crassest insults at anyone they come into contact with. Unfortunately for them they’re not the brightest bulbs in the depths of Hell.
From this opening “action” scene it’s quite clear you’re in for some really absurdly executed fight sequences as well as full on numb-nut characters. Both the humans and demon alike are the ultimate low IQ adversaries and for the most trying to play it all pretty straight aside from some clearly dated one liners-equally spouted by both parties. The demons at one point declare they’ve “fucked the Blair Witch” so we know they’re real clever guys and up on the current trends of the time.
The cast is made up of quite a motley crew, a couple of meathead ripped commandos, a hot badass archeologist along with her super smart doctor dad and an angel who looks like Lou Ferrigno’s brother who dresses in leather S&M gear. They square off with these seriously dicey demons and their truly foul mouths. These demons try their damndest to get under the crew’s skin in the vein of Linda Blair in The Exorcist except 1000 times more annoying and unconvincing. These demons are racist, sexist, homophobic and also complete dipshits that are in desperate need a good ass kicking’ in the worst way.
They’re created by way of some pretty impressive (yet stupid looking rubber suits/puppetry) old school practical effects and there’s a lot on display here to enjoy for creature fanatics. They’re big, gross and full of green slime that’s just waiting to ooze and spurt geysers of blood. One of the demons is even portrayed by Richard Elfman and is one of the most annoying movie monsters put to film-you’ll seriously wanna bust his chops as soon as his mouth starts a flappin’.
Spoiler alert-there’s plenty of demon ball busting to bring down the house and the whole affair is quite a spectacle to behold. With a quick run time of just over 80 minutes it’s a short and sweet little creature feature/demon romp that’s also got quite the soundtrack-it’s jam packed with Insane Clown Posse tunes, spilling with “Juggalo juice” some might even say! Apparently the director also directed an ICP video as well as their 2006 horror anthology film ‘Chronicles of the Dark Carnival’.
Lastly I’ve just gotta report that the final act of this film is one of the biggest WTF finales I’ve ever seen-you WILL lose brain cells after viewing it-and I’m NOT trying to be funny. I think you’ve just got to see it for yourself to really believe it. I’m now a bit of a Roy Knyrim fan and just got to track down his other films in hopes they’re as entertaining as Demon’s at the Door and Cemetery Gates-it’s quite a tall order indeed. This one is destined to be a cult favorite, the whole thing is currently on Youtube or you can track down that weird ass Urban Chills dvd! Be ready for some of the worst CGI ever put to film and one of the most idiotically entertaining horror movies of the early 2000s…..someone clean this up for a sweet blu ray pleeez!
Here’s a funny IMDB review, it features one of the actors who played a demon in the film check out his insight: “Forgive Me, for I knew not what I did. Yup, thats me under tons of rubber and goo. Shot on one long day in North Hollywood in front of a green screen, I played, the Demon, at The door. Thats my Blair Witch line, uttered with as much emotion as I could, fed to Me by the director himself. Under that 10 pound rubber mask, I huffed and I puffed and howled, because the contact lenses of the original make up design were unwearable. I got paid nothing, so I’m still proud of what was done. You get what Your paid for here. I did a favor for a friend and never heard from said friend again. Hope He’s O.K. What a shock to see it at a Highland Park Blockbuster several years later, actually release on the unsuspecting public. Sheeeesh!!!”
MOVIE MELT Podcast Covers Fangoria’s 1992 Northern Wisconsin Creature Feature: SEVERED TIES!
The latest episode of the Movie Melt podcast is a special one, especially for all of you “cheeseheads” out there-We cover the third Fangoria Films bizarro teen mad scientist monster flick ‘SEVERED TIES’ from 1992! This mostly forgotten gem was filmed in my home state of Wisconsin, way up north in my old stomping grounds-Rhinelander! WTF right? Why in the world would they choose the small town northwoods area to film NOT just Severed Ties but ALL three of their first feature films up there?!
Well the story is truly intriguing and on this episode we bring on special FX artist and native northern Wisconsinite Hank Carlson to tell his wild story of Windsor Lake Studios, the team behind ‘Hellraiser’ who decided to set up shop there. Hank fills us in on how as a small town teen with an unlikely dream of cracking into the biz as a make up artist, he somehow lands his dream job in the late 80s!
We get the scoop on horror history in the making and discuss ‘Severed Ties’ in all of it’s gooey glory! Plus a Wisconsin themed Battle of the bands in this ALL things Wisconsin horror movie mash up..
Who says dreams can’t come true?! Tune in RIGHT HERE to check out the episode and delve head on into one of the strangest horror films of the 1990’s: a practical fx creature feature that’s in desperate need of a fancy blu ray release and a devoted cult following…
The Best of Netflix DVD: Reggie Banister Enters the CEMETERY GATES!!
Reggie Banister of “Phantasm fame” is one of my favorite horror heroes-hands down! The horror franchise is my all time favorite of the genre, Reggie is one of the main reasons why it resonates with me so hard. What I’ve noticed though is Reg really doesn’t take center stage in any other movies I can think of, it’s usually just brief cameos in things like ‘Bubba Ho-tep’ or even ‘Kenny & Company’. Well that’s what I was led to believe but low and behold through the Netflix “red envelope” dvd mailer program (that’s sadly coming to an end soon), I received a movie from queue that’d been sitting there for years! The 2004 (or 2006?) horror flick CEMETERY GATES finally arrived in the mail, I really had quite low expectations and quickly noticed Reggie Banister was appearing, I figured he’d likely be doing another “horror cameo” in a low budget production. Well I couldn’t have been more wrong!
I was pleasantly surprised, Reggie is one of the main characters in this one & better yet even the movie is somehow a total gem-a gore soaked, practical fx creature feature with heart and a heroic dose of humor while also a somewhat intriguing story at play. Yeah I was expecting a steamin’ load of shit and what I got was one of my new favorites of the 2000’s horror movies. It’s filled with a cast of fun characters, many of which are total boneheads, which make this little gnarly flick even more of a blast. It’s the story of an escaped lab animal-a giant mutated Tasmanian devil named “Precious” who goes on a muderous rampage in the countryside when set loose by some numbskull animal rights activists.
The lab Precious came from is owned by……Reggie Banister, a seasoned scientist who’s sad about his son moving out on his own. His son an aspiring horror filmmaker is heading out to the country with his horny numb nut buddies to film a zombie film, little does he know his childhood now mutated “pet” Precious (who was experimented on) is running wild in the vicinity.
Precious though is not the only threat, there’s some horny braindead hillbillies, who look like the perfect lunch for a tasmanian devil, also raising hell. Reggie and his sexy scientist buddy soon discover the missing creature and set out to the countryside to try and track it down before it goes completely bonkers on the local population.
Cemetery Gates has got a lot going for it, Reggie pretty awesome in it and there’s a certain bit of idiotic charm to his relationship with his son AND his son’s relationship with the former lab pet turned mutant. It’s also a load of fun to see all these utterly moronic characters get ripped to shreds by Precious. We’ve got the idiotic hillbillies, some middle aged stoners, Richard Elfman as an insane fisherman, the bonehead amateur actors and a few random hikers that suffer the brunt of the gore. The fun is really had when we see Precious in the flesh on it’s killing spree. She tears limbs, decapitates and rips apart a ton of people all in gloriously gooey practical fx and real onscreen “blood” galore. The creature looks pretty damn good too in that sorta 1980s style monster mayhem.
It’s so absurdly charming looking in the flesh and when the final confrontation goes down with Precious it becomes a “family affair’. Reggie, his son, his girlfriend and Reggie’s hot lab partner go all in on taking down the mutated ‘taz in a dark subterranean lair beneath a cemetery. There’s some real heart here at it’s core that sincerely shines through all of the moronic antics that occur and I really appreciate the entire fiasco.
It to me, hits all the right beats, finally another film essentially featuring Reggie front and center to love. He’s here in all of his hair dyed glory to kick some monster booty once again & who’d have thought it’d be again in the mid 2000’s? There’s some good atmosphere and plenty of mischief for Reggie & co to get into as well. If this thing had been released in the 80s it’d be a bonafide cult classic. I’ve NEVER heard anyone speak a peep about Cemetery Gates, so I’m taking it to my platform to get the damn word out.
It’s the perfect midnight movie to rock with some starving cinemaniacs-they may doubt it’s merit by it’s cover but chances are it’ll quench any gorehounds thirst as well as tickle their funny bone. Cemetery Gates is true 2000’s cult classic in the wings….
VHS Verdict: The 1990s Fairy Tale “Horror” of RUMPELSTILTSKIN!
I saw ‘Leprechaun’ IN the theater back in ’93, my girlfriend and I were the ONLY ones in the entire theater! Of course I had a damn good time and believe that ‘Leprechaun’ sort of kick-started a little mini genre of “fairytale horror” in the 1990s. While the director of the original Leprechaun also made another movie a few years later 1995 Rumpelstiltskin! Yep Mark Jones the writer and director of the ’93 cult classic also gave the a similar treatment to this weird little one without the “success” of the Warwick Davis fronted franchise.
Well last night I Pulled out my cool promotional copy of the VHS along with my projector, some friends, drinks and checked it out on the “big” screen. In all honesty I’m not entirely sure that I’ve ever really seen this movie before (even though I could have sworn that I had). Nonetheless Rumpelstiltskin delivered the same ridiculous goods in the same fashion as the original Leprechaun. The best way to describe this one would be a sort of “Terminator style” road chase movie- but instead of an imposing hulking cyborg you get a gimpy numb-nut fairy tale villain, who cracks ridiculous one liners while he chases a woman down trying to steal her baby to suck it’s soul!
In other words it’s a god damn good time! Our main mischievous villain here, Rumpelstiltskin, looks like he was plucked right out of Stephen King’s horror anthology ‘Cat’s Eye’. He wakes up from a 1000 year slumber and dropped into the 1990s. This all after being turned into a small stone sculpture after a group of villagers hunt him down after he steals one of their babies. You might think that this guy would have a hard time navigating the ’90s, but quite the opposite. Rumpelstiltskin seems to be quite adept in nearly everything he tries, Whether it’s riding a Harley or driving a stick shift semi truck- ‘ol ‘Rumpy can do it! The funny thing is he comes across more like a character that might appear in ‘Ernest Scared Stupid’ than a wicked soul sucking goblin!
It’s your fairly standard “being chased through the countryside road trip” horror formula (which I FUCKING love)- but it definitely does have a few really fun tricks up its dirty little sleeve. Our main character is a widowed single mom (Kim Johnston Ulrich) with a baby of course and some of this actually plays out a bit like a “Sex in the City” episode. She hangs out with her horny female friends, drinks wine and tries to navigate being single in the era with a baby…the last thing she needs is THIS weirdo throwing a wrench into being a mom!
There’s definitely a certain degree of unpredictability to some the characters we’re introduced to which makes this an even more interesting watch. Particularly when we’re introduced to a sleazy, cheezy, sexist TV host, who comes across a bit like a second rate Howard Stern. The type of character you won’t be seeing “rise to the occasion” in any movie coming out in 2023 that’s for sure.
However I’m a sucker for an unlikely pairing of characters ‘on the run’ from true danger in horror movies and this one really BRINGS it. You’re never quite sure who’s going to suffer the consequences from an encounter with ol’ Rumpy! If you’re a fan of the original ‘Leprechaun’ there’s definitely a lot right here to love, Some cool make up effects, pretty sweet action sequences, explosions and like Warwick Davis’s character, some great idiotically witty banter! Rumpelstiltskin is prime candidate for a sweet new blu ray. It’s really long overdue that he gets a cult following and the true recognition he deserves-this is a really sweet totally 90s horror comedy, jam packed with ridiculous fashion of the time and characters you’re likely not to see anytime soon on the big or small screen. A great example that the 90s indeed does have some horror gems hidden within the decade! Track down this weird little fairy tale & turn off your brain to thoroughly enjoy the ride..
1990’s B-Horror Classic ‘DEMON WIND’ Getting a Sequel?!
Yowza!! I’ve always thought some of the cool lesser known horror movies of the late 80s/early 90s should get modern sequels-I mean why not?! Especially with many of these lost classics now getting discovered by masses of new horror fans with awesome blu ray labels cleaning up often “only released on VHS” gems and repackaging them with lots of cool extras as well as a super sharp new restoration. Vinegar Syndrome did exactly that with 1990’s DEMON WIND and now it’s confirmed it’s going to get a brand new sequel 33 years later!! Ok though, before getting too excited here let’s see what the details are exactly on this one!
First, the official title is apparently going to be ‘DEMON WIND 2: The Serpents Coil’ and it’s NOT being made by the original’s director Charles Phillip Moore and from what I can tell he isn’t writing this one like he did the original. I think it’d have been cool to have the original writer craft the story plus I’m a fan of one of his other movies, ANGEL OF DESTRUCTION from 1994 featuring Maria Ford. Oh well….Instead part 2 will be directed by Eric Mathis from Grime House Films, who’s got only one feature film under his belt, a 2022 horror anthology called ‘The Macabre’, I’ve never seen it-so hey Eric if you’re reading this send me a copy for review! 😉 I guess I’d be basing how promising the ‘Demon Wind’ sequel will be on how well his first movie translates. Curious indeed. Here’s the trailer:
Hmmm…obviously ‘Demon Wind 2’ has too look a little more slick than this-but considering it’s a first effort, at least from the trailer, I’d say there’s still potential. Next I’m wondering if the sequel will have some of the 1990’s films original cast returning? I heard at least one of the cast members from the original might be on board, but to really add that legit inter-connective tissue it’s going to need some real ties to the first film.
Also I think, this modern sequel is going to need to have a similar look and steer away from shoddy CGI fx. I recommend going ALL in on practical effects-gory, gooey, slimey and bloody…oh and NO CGI blood-don’t make that mistake! It seems so far that he’s got a few peeps involved from ‘Full Moon’ and an FX artist Joe Castro who did work on ‘The Barn 2’. I’ve seen the first one and dug it-but I do need to check out the sequel, from the trailer though I’ll be honest the FX stuff doesn’t look quite on par with the first film-and that was a little ruff too.
Still that doesn’t mean Demon Wind 2 won’t look awesome.. here’s what the director had to say himself about the sequel coming at us all 33 years later:
“I’ve dreamed of doing this for so long. Like many of us, I’ve been a huge fan of the original Demon Wind since I was a kid, when my older brother rented it and I secretly watched it after he left it out. For years, I’ve been trying to track down the rights owners, and I finally managed to arrange a phone meeting and work out a deal to produce this film!
My goal is to honor the tradition of the original, which had so many incredible and memorable creature and kill effects. We’re bringing the huge creature FX, loads of gory kills, and all the things we love as horror fans, and delivering them in a major way! We’ll explore the past, the characters, and their stories, and revisit the farm and Harcourt’s gas station, really play on all the things that made the original so great!”
I’m down for this film 100%, I definitely have my reservations though trying to recapture the B-movie magic of a for the most part, underrated gem from 1990. I like the idea of re-visiting the original’s locales but also hope they take it to a few new unique new creepy places. The last thing I’d want is essentially a modern remake/reboot that doesn’t live up to the original. I often times think someone attempting this type of sequel should really research what made the movies from this period look soooo good. Watching the trailer for ‘The Barn 2’ made me realize how cheap things can look when shot digitally, it looks just like it was shot in 2022, while trying to masquerade as an 80s film. Demon Wind 2 needs to have the look and atmosphere of the original even though I’m assuming it indeed takes place in current times. 1990’s Demon Wind was a lot of fun and the plot for part 2 sounds promising with occult researchers investigating a satanic murder site and stumbling upon an evil cursed ancient artifact that opens a gate from hell. Of course unleashing sinister creatures for another total bloodbath.
Fingers crossed that ‘Demon Wind 2’ delivers the gory goods, brings back some original characters and looks and feels a lot like the 1990 original. I don’t know if the original writer/director is still around or alive-but I think meeting or consulting with him would be a great idea too! I’m cautiously curious about modern sequels to lesser know horror classic-but I’ll be there for the show for SURE! Follow Grime House Films on Instagram for more juicy details!
Universal Dork 