VHS Verdict: Maria Ford is an ANGEL OF DESTRUCTION!

Jennifer Lawrence for some reason appears to think she’s the world’s first female action star but there’s a treasure trove of lady badasses in cinema throughout the years to behold. Specifically Maria Ford in 1994’s highly underrated & essentially forgotten ass kicker ‘Angel of Destruction’. Ford goes full Jean Claude Van Damme here and it’s a riot as she beats the holy hell out of a plethora of low IQ (no offense if you have a low IQ, I certainly have one) meatheads (If you’re a meathead though too bad) hellbent on either killing her, mansplaining her or trying to pathetically get in her drawers.

Last time I saw Maria Ford was in ‘The Unnamable 2’ a sweet “better than the original” horror sequel from 1992, where she spends most of her time completely nude. Well she continues the tradition here, as she’s in her birthday suit quite a bit and even manages to beat down a gang of home invaders while donning only her g-string. Angel of Destruction is a fast paced, fairly idiotic actioner that’s a great schlocky time from ‘New Horizons Home Video’. Maria stars as a “tuff as nails cop” who’s sister is murdered by a deranged military vet-turned serial killer, obsessed with killing mob bosses, rockstars & random women, whom he role plays with as his “brides on a wedding night” and then murders them for his twisted kicks. When Maria’s sister becomes his next victim she jumps on the killer’s trail in a whirlwind of rage and teams up with her hunky detective boyfriend to kick and blast their way to ultimate justice.


The weirdo serial killer next targets an “on the rise” female pop singer, who’s hoping her latest music video (in which she performs entirely topless?!) will make her the next Samantha Fox and put her on MTV map to super-stardom. Guess that’s an interesting strategy?

Ford takes the job as the singers personal bodyguard to protect her and her voluptuous lady lover from the skeezy serial killer AND her disgusting Harvey Weinstien-esque manager. There’s some wildly entertaining fight sequences filled with broken tables, broken bottles, busted up chairs, roundhouse kicks, bar room brawls with big dumb bone-heads to get fully immersed in.

I really dig Maria’s performance here too, she’s easily the brightest bulb in a cast made up almost entirely of morons. The plot’s a lot of legit dumb fun and of course Ford is hott as hell and fully able to be quite convincing when giving a mad beatdown to dudes three times her bodyweight. There’s a cool showdown too and Maria gets to go the distance against the big baddie for the most part all by her lonesome.

I’m very curious if she delved into anymore cool sexy full on action flicks?! If so I’m game for more sweet 90s cheez! Someone wise up and give ‘Angel of Destruction’ a fancy blu ray already-Maria is a cult ballbuster here just waiting for a bigger audience

 

RIP Steve Barkett: A True B-Movie LEGEND.

It’s just come to my attention that the highly underrated B-movie legend Steve Barkett (born in 1950) has passed away, the news via Jim Wynorski. I think it’s a sad day for anyone who knew of some his wildly entertaining movies and raw charisma as an actor. I only recently discovered his movies about 5 years ago but when I did it was a game changer. If you’re gonna start out anywhere with Steve I highly recommend Empire of the Dark his 1990 horror/action hybrid. He not only directed this movie but also starred in the leading role AND wrote the script. It’s a highly ambitious mix of horror fantasy, tuff guy action film and romantic comedy. It would make the perfect double feature with Evil Dead 2.

Yeah it’s THAT awesome and I know it’s saying a lot but I think Steve here oozes just as much charisma as Bruce Campbell in the leading role. He shines as the unlikely action hero who can somehow go “one on one” with the likes of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Dolph Lundgren.

Also for his budget he makes more than the most of just about everything in this movie from wild demonic set pieces in hell to crazy action battles. This is the one movie of his that I will watch over and over for the rest of my life.

He was a highly ambitious and incredibly inventive filmmaker, it’s a bit of a shame that his directorial output only manifested two movies, but both are awesome. 

 But don’t get me wrong he did so much more he starred in some other sweet B-movies in smaller roles like 1994’s Dinosaur Island, 1995’s Bikini Drive-In, 1993’s Dark Universe his other sole directorial post apocalyptic masterpiece The Aftermath (1982). 

I’d always hope that he’d get behind the camera and in front of the camera in larger rolls a bit more in his later years, but hes left behind a some major league gems that anyone who’s a fan of low budget genre perfection must watch!

Steve will be remembered for all of the laughs and smiles he gave to all of us fans of these crazy movies- If you’re reading this post and you’ve never heard of him do yourself a favor and check out Empire of the Dark and The Aftermath ASAP! RIP Steve….

The Movie Melt Podcast Encounters ALIENS, CLOWNS & GEEKS!!

I went back on to the MOVIE MELT PODCAST and had a serious close encounter with Richard Elfman’s (older brother of Danny Elfman) latest wacky comedy ‘ALIENS, CLOWNS & GEEKS’! Richard has been making movies since 1980 and this is only my second feature of his I’ve seen, the first being 1994’s “horror” comedy ‘Shrunken Heads’. I can say though I have seen the music video he directed for his bro Danny’s band Oingo Boingo!

In this zany story an out-of-work actor stumbles upon a key to the universe that emerges directly out of his butt. Things in his life change quickly when he that he realizes there’s an intergalactic war between clowns and aliens. I guess the rest of the cast are the “geeks”? He’s stuck in the middle of a “wild” conspiracy and he’s got to get to the bottom of this global threat. It’s a weird one, with a touch of “Killer Clowns from Outer Space” and a dash of John Waters.

 

Plus we talk about movies you need to be watching and there’s also a ‘battle of the bands’ that will blow your mind! Is Richard Elfman my new fave director?! Has a modern comedy FINALLY delivered the goods? Is this movie a stroke of GENIUS or one BIG lame flat deflated joke? CHECK OUT THE EPISODE RIGHT HERE!! Oh yeah and the FULL movie is on Youtube or you can get the blu ray from MVD:

Nightmare FEDDY & ROBERT Cop 2: The Compelling Cinema Icon Step Bros!

Wait just who the HELL is “Nightmare Feddy”? Maybe I’ve been livin’ in a cave here but ol’ Feddy here has escaped me all these years! Am I late to the party here or WHAT?

This Feddy guy is pretty awesome too he’s definitely got the look of the icon, but just with a brighter cheerier Christmas style & sweater sweet ass pair of what appear to be shiny lil’ penny loafers? Either that or he’s headed to a ballet class after killin’ some folks?!

Well that is just fine by me! I guess Nightmare Feddy is a Chinese bootleg doll of Freddy Krueger(duh!), and a damn good one! lots of people seem to make fun of Feddy but he, at least from a distance to me, seems like he could seriously give Ken a run for his money and invade Barbie’s nightmares any freakin’ day of the week!

From what I can tell he came out in 1990s around the same time as “ROBERT COP 2”! Where’s Robert Cop one though? What a name, it’s almost better than Nightmare Feddy….

OMG I love these two misfit morons-Hurrah for the imposters! So I decided to see if I could get a Feddy or Robert Cop action figure for myself but BEWARE: currently a Robert Cop 2 figure on eBay is $895.00 and a Nightmare Feddy completed listing actually sells for a legit $150.00-$450.00. Nice work you guys! I’vegot to check out “BAT HERO” next too bad his name wasn’t a bit more idiotic tho…

 

The Story of Riki-Oh vs. the Savage STONE AGE WARRIORS!

‘Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky’ has a huge cult following for a goddamn good reason, obviously the extreme over the top gore is what really grabs people initially but also the film’s star Fan Siu-wong just kills it as the film’s main character Riki-Oh. Well if you’re looking to see another excellent action bonanza starring lead Fan Siu-wong you’ve come to the right place.

I just watched ‘Stone Age Warriors’ from 1991 and it’s a real treat jam packed with jungle action, babes, hunks & adventure galore. It also stars a couple other heavy hitters it’s female cast, the ass kickin’ Elaine Lui and my new Hong Kong crush, Nina Li Chi, wife of famed superstar Jet Li. It’s a ton of fun, with some Indiana Jones/Romancing the Stone flavor thrown in for extra good measure.

Deep in the rain forests of New Guinea, wildly aggressive natives attack a group of Asian treasure hunters. They go missing and soon a Hong Kong insurance investigator/girlfriend of the lead adventurer(Nina Li Chi) leaves for New Guinea along with his daughter, a martial arts superstar actor(Elaine Lui) to search the jungle on a mission to rescue her dad. However to navigate through the dangerous terrain they’re going to need a damn good guide, luckily they run in to the mysterious Christian missionary/martial arts master played by Fan Siu-wong.

However it’s not just wild animals and wicked terrain they’ve got to worry about, there’s a bigger threat in the jungle, a colorful gang of evil violent drug traffickers have teamed up deep in the jungle with the local tribes as thsir minions. Of course this wicked gang of outlaws are heavily armed & highly proficient in the martial arts and ready to take out anyone who comes anywhere near their operation.

The baddies are lead by “The Leopard”, a wild freaky martial arts bunny boiler babe portrayed Devi Sabah, a total on screen force to be reckoned with. She’ll fuck you up bad with her seriously killer form of martial arts and give you a solid scare with her wildly animalistic unpredictable persona. And no she’s not part of any jungle tribe!  But she’s easily one of the coolest villains I’ve seen in a Hong-Kong feature film and quite some time. Her right hand man is a cocky totally over the top 80s white dude, who you might expect to be full of hot air, but he also has got all the right kick ass moves as well as commanding the savage “stone age warriors” (nope seriously though no one is from the Stone Age in this movie). He’s got their undies all up in a bundle when the trio arrives on their rescue mission.

Add in a few more vicious mercenaries and you’re in some serious early 90s trouble with a big ass “capital T”. But hold your horses- things are even more dangerous from the get go for all who step foot in this jungle. Nina Li Chi & Elaine Luis square off against all the odds of nature here when they get separated from their guide and there’s some crazy stunt work the two pull off here (during the credits you get to see them in action). They slide down muddy trails, fall off of waterfalls, get swept away in the river rapids, get covered in scorpions and in the most frightening sequence are being chased by REAL Komodo dragons. If you know anything about them, you know how dangerous they are to be in such close vicinity too and this part of the movie is actually pretty terrifying.

Fan Sui-wong really shines here as well with his ridiculous physique and crazy ass martial arts on FULL display. There’s some super wild fight scenes here especially in the final 3rd of the film in trees, rickety bridges & helicopters, Fan gets to really shine in one of his best lead roles as he’s clearly a larger than life hero once again. It’s not just the boy’s club here though, Elaine Lui also get just as much martial arts action as well as she goes head on with The Leopard woman who’s badass enough to take on BOTH her AND Fan together. Stone Age Warriors is total blast with three charming leads, cool villains, plenty of “Indiana Jones” type shenanigans, wild for real dangerous animals, romance and crazy kung fu.

This one deserves an official fancied up blu ray from someone like Vinegar Syndrome as it really is a total forgotten gem. It also great to see Fan “Riki-oh” Sui-wong featured prominently in sweet action adventure extravaganza! I got this one for pretty cheap off eBay but the official dvd of it’s a pretty rough transfer (but worth the watch). BEWARE though It’s got those annoying subtitles that sometimes blend into the bottom of the film, still tho, highly recommended! 

 

Comic Cover of the Week: ENTER ‘SQUATCH!

To this day one of my all time favorite Marvel comics characters is most definitely Sasquatch, known mainly as a member of Canada’s greatest super hero team: Alpha Flight. However over the years he’s had several great tussles with The Incredible Hulk, one of my favorites is this 1979 Hulk annual, where we get to see the two of them go toe to toe. I’ve always loved how HUGE they made him, as a kid I just could not get enough of him and the Alpha Flight. This particular comic was one I got in the 1980s and the cover always blew me away. The giant tree being used as a weapon was a truly nice touch and it wouldn’t be the first time these two met in the wilderness! Looking at this more closely today again brought me back to a time when comic books felt very special in a day and age when they feel mostly disposable. These books (especially the annuals) had some real weight to them and I’ll always appreciate these older back issues and the wonder they filled me with. A great cover by Al Milgrom a true comic book icon…

And as I mentioned earlier the size of Sasquatch in the comics, here Hulk penciller Sal Buscema really brings the beastly gentle giant to life. What a great full panel!

This issue was loosely made into an animated episode too of the Incredible Hulk in the 1990s-check out a clip fellow ‘Squatch fans!

RIP Marvel’s MODOK: The FINAL Nail in the MCU Coffin for Me!

 The Disney MCU just continues to think MODOK is so damn funny, but us comic book fans haven’t been laughing! You bet I’ve seen the latest take on MODOK from the new MCU ‘Ant-man: Quantumania’ and it’s worse than I’d ever imagined possible. They again blow the chance to make an awesome villain into “live action”. The MCU always had a problem in my opinion bringing classic villains from the comic books onto the big screen. However I’ve really never seen a more pathetic attempt than THIS. Perhaps things have gotten considerably worse in the “Disney” MCU phase? It certainly seems so to me. I’ve found myself over the last couple years being less and less engaged in the whole shebang. I haven’t seen the last three theatrical releases and I’ve barely been able to make it through any of the Disney Plus streaming shows. Whatever the formula is, I’m no longer interested. This MODOK controversy seals the deal. The MCU………OVER IT! Let’s compare the MCU “MODOK” to the comic book version…

Why does everything in the MCU now seem like it’s some snarky joke? The problem is, whatever snarky comedy they once had has definitely worn out it’s welcome. Instead of giving us the truly classic and bizarre version of one of Marvel Comic’s most terrifying weirdo supervillains, we got another pathetic attempt at a joke.

MODOK could have been a vile, unsettling freak of a villain one that’s creepy and threatening and can instill true fear into characters like The Abomination and go one on one with The Hulk.

I’m so burnt out on this sort of factory filmmaking and pumped off the assembly line MCU / Disney Plus streaming “content”. But the funny thing is I never imagined MODOK would be the final nail in the coffin, at least for me.  It’s really strange to me as well because even more recently in the comic books they portrayed the character in quite a revolting, serious way as a real threatening villain. But of course recently they also decided at some point to make a ridiculous stop motion animation series about the character as well, further pushing the joke they seem to think it’s so funny that is MODOK. That’s another thing with the current MCU they think they are way more funny than they actually are in reality. Here below is  a more modern portrayal is totally on point and I wish they would’ve just stuck with something like this, but hey everything is now apparently a snarky super funny joke!

I’ll take my 80’s comic books for another re-read and call it a day!  

 

 

 

 

Movie Melt Podcast: The ONE Movie That Surely Inspired The MAGIC MIKE Trilogy!

Oh boy! Happy Valentine’s Day to all the lovers out there! Today we have a REAL treat for those looking for some spicy sexy action! I went back on the MOVIE MELT Podcast to record this special episode, ‘The Life and Loves of a Male Stripper’! Yeah this wild sexy musical “comedy” from 1987 is jam packed with beefcakes galore, bad acting, bad dancing, good dancing, babes, banana hammocks, 80s songs that should have been top 10 mega-hits, bad dancing, more bad dancing & then guess what? Yep even MORE BAD DANCING!

The male stripper here is quite a special guy, he can sorta dance and sorta sing and is irresistible to any woman (and likely any man) who sets eyes upon his “Adonis” like bod. The movie plays out more like a Playgirl male nude dance review than an actual cohesive film.

It features one of my new favorite pop songs-‘TAKE IT OFF’! If you’re in the mood for a good laugh, some ridiculous male dancing, 80s fashion galore and some forgotten retro pop songs that sound like a perfect mix of The Smiths & Oingo Boingo then The Life and Loves of a Male Stripper is going to seriously quench your Valentine’s Day thirst. 

Plus we talk about more movies you’ve just gotta check out, a sexy lover’s edition of Battle of the Bands! So much useless cinematic information to fill your brain and most important, complete coverage of the movie that likely inspired the ENTIRE Magic Mike trilogy!! CHECK OUT THE EPISODE RIGHT HERE!! IF you’re feeling real frisky you can also watch ‘The Life and Loves of a Male Stripper’ right here on YouTube:

     

 

 

 

Blu Review: Jet Li & His MOM Kick Major Butt in THE LEGEND of Fong Sai Yuk!

So I recently gave an long overdue rewatch to ‘The Expendables 2’, as I’ve been pretty curious how the film would hold up over a decade after its initial release. I’m happy to report that yes, it’s still a TON of fun with it’s gigantic bloated cast of classic action heroes. One who really stood out as part of The Expendables cast was Jet Li, even though he really only appears in the wild opening sequence, it’s clear why he was put on the roster in the first installment: he’s one of the greatest action stars to ever grace the big screen! That really sparked an interest for me once again in Li’s earlier work. This time particularly his Hong Kong film career, which I’ve had a bit of a blind spot about for far too long. So I was able to get a copy of a sweet new double feature from Ronin Flix set to drop on Valentine’s Day! The Legend of Fong Sai Yuk 1 & 2 delivered what I suspected I might’ve been missing, Jet Li at his absolute BEST.

As a first time watch I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, except that there’d likely be some impressive martial arts action on hand at the very least. However what The Legend delivered to me was so much more. As a big fan of classic Hong Kong cinema, it really made me a little embarrassed that I wasn’t a bigger fan of Li’s earlier work. First off when I saw it was directed by Corey Yuen, I had a feeling I was probably in for something quite special as he’s responsible for two of my all time fave 80s Hong Kong action bangers ‘Yes Madam!’ featuring Cynthia Rothrock and Michele Yeoh (who’s getting a A LOT of love lately) as well as ‘Righting Wrongs’ with Rothrock again and my personal fave critically underrated icon Yuen Biao.

I’m not sure how or why 1993’s ‘The Legend‘ went under my radar for so long, but I’m happy it did, because I got to watch it for the first time last night. It at first appears almost like it’s going to be a more serious period piece. What it really is though is a non-stop roller coaster of some of the most inventive kung fu action melded with truly charming characters & just the right amount of comedy to keep you smiling ear to ear.

In a nutshell Jet Li stars as Fong Sai Yuk, kung fu expert extraordinaire and just an all around giant ball of charisma. He falls for a rich local mechant’s daughter while competing in a wild sort of “track and field” tournament & also comes to a stunning revelation that his parents are connected directly to the Red Lotus Flower Society, group of rebels with plans to overthrow the evil emperor. Thing go way off the rails, as you might imagine and soon Fong is teaming up with his family to enforce some ass kickin’ justice for all enslaved by the evil empire.

Of course Li finds more zany mischief to get into along the way, resulting in one of my favorite action sequences of the entire movie: a tournament to win the hand of the local rich merchants beautiful daughter in marriage. Just beat his top female bad ass in combat on a huge wooden monkey bar like structure set high above the eager crowd of townsfolk. This is a hilariously entertaining epic duel, as the main objective is to knock your opponent to the ground below, but of course nothing is that simple. Li and his female opponent use every tactic to stay above ground, running across the crowd’s heads and displaying jaw dropping acrobatics.

Even better is Fong’s mom enters the tournament as well, disguised as a man and the results equal more high jinx of the wildest order. The chemistry of Fong and his mother is pretty kinetic too, a truly shining example of tight knit family dynamics on display in all the best & sweetest ways possible-oh and yes his mom is just as talented at kicking butt as he is. In fact it’s quite refreshing seeing just how awesome the women are in this movie, being fully incorporated into all the crazy action at times even more so than the guys.

What makes ‘The Legend of Fong Sai Yuk’ work so well for me is the perfect balance of comedy, action, high stakes & romance that are blended into a period piece. At times Chinese period pieces can be something I might have to force myself to sit down and watch. This though is pure pulpy adventure and luckily it’s not filled with any annoying, often offensive, slapstick “comedy” which can also bog down some otherwise excellent Hong Kong productions. Both Films on the disc have a good lean runtime too around 90 minutes, some period pieces can be a bit long, but this one’s a perfect party actioner. It’s no wonder why Jet Li rose to such acclaim as an international/American action star. I hope Sly Stallone realizes just how lucky he was to have snagged Li for his Expendables movies.

The blu ray from Ronin Flix looks and sounds great as well plus the English dub is really pretty well done. It also features the sequel, also released apparently in 1993 as well. It features a cool interview with Corey Yuen & also with the writer Jeff Lau. All in all if you’re looking for a wild, funny, action packed adventure with a ton of charisma, heart & incredible set pieces then you just can’t go wrong with The Legend of Fong Saw Yuk! A true martial arts bonanza I had the pleasure of viewing 30 years after it’s release for the very first time! 

 

New Vintage 35mm Practical FX Horror Fantasy: Moon Garden!

I’ve been thinking lately while watching lots of movies from the 1980s about how much I really miss the feel of movies using practical effects, shot on real film, at real locations & on real sets. Let’s face it, even if you just love, say, Marvel movies, you’ve got to be able to admit that they can feel a bit soulless, jam packed with an overabundance of CGI, green screening & basically are void of any real life stunt work. I mean they even CG costumes on people. I’ve been thinking about how interesting it’d be if modern filmmakers would set out to make a fantastical film either in the horror, sci-fi, superhero genre and choose to not use ANY technology past 1990. A real bonafide, old school, hands on MOVIE. 

Well I’ve probably gotten my wish, or at least something very close to it. The upcoming horror fantasy ‘Moon Garden’ appears to be going for the gold here, first being shot on expired 35mm film, which apparently can create some interesting and unexpected results. A bold move I think, secondly utilizing practical effects like puppetry, animatronics and stop motion animation. The trailer looks pretty incredible!

The premise is simple, a little girl has quite a troubling family life. One evening we find her running away from her arguing parents, she trips, falls down hard and as a result descends into a deep, dark coma. She awakens in a strange new place, more akin to a waking nightmare. She begins a journey through a sinister world where bizarre creatures are lurking around every corner.

The little girl goes on an adventure to carefully make her way back to consciousness armed only with a radio. This brought to mind an underrated Australian film from 1988 called ‘Paperhouse’, ‘The City of Lost Children’ and obviously the more popular ‘Pan’s Labyrinth’. All have a surreal, dreamlike quality to them and Moon Garden at first look appears to be in the same realm. This looks like something special and it’s Coming sometime this year- Check this out!