Hardcore SCOOBY DOO horror!

I checked out the much hyped indie flick “Saturday Morning Mystery” the other evening with high hopes. In case you have no idea what this new movie is all about it can be summed up pretty simply: live action Scooby Doo in an R-rated horror flick. Sounds pretty fantastic right? It’s clearly a pretty great idea but beware, these characters though clearly based on the cartoons aren’t really the comic relief you might be expecting. This is a more realistic take on the group, so don’t expect the dog, named Hamlet to be talking in this one. The rest of the characters are more true to life as well Floyd(Shaggy) smokes weed and does acid, Chadwick(Fred) & Gwen(Daphne) have wild sex and Nancy(Velma) has a crush of her own on one of the team members.

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The movie starts out pretty strong, with the gang investigating a haunted house, but soon like the cartoon find that behind the curtains are just some normal yet truly sick people. They’re even reprimanded by the police for messing up their covert operation-those meddling kids!! It’s not long before the gang is running low on funding for their paranormal investigations so they decide to tackle one last case in hopes of maybe discovering something supernatural before throwing in the towel. Their last case leads them in their vintage van to an abandoned “haunted school” where there’s rumors of satanists and ghosts within it’s walls.

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There’s not too much more I can or should tell you about the story. It’s got a few twists and turns and for the the most part is a pretty solid horror flick with a great premise. However I think the premise of this film is by far it’s strongest attribute. If you take away the whole “Scooby Doo” theme there honestly wouldn’t be a heck of a lot to really separate this from anything else out there. To me they could have benefited by adding a little more comedy, naivety and color to the characters and the story. There could have been more of “Scooby” or Hamlet I should say, in the story as it seemed maybe the film was played a little too real, at least  for what I was hoping for.

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I also hoped for the sets to be a bit more interesting, it’s have been cool to see them an truly unique and colorful haunted setting. An old haunted school should have looked and felt more like it would have in the cartoon, but perhaps it wasn’t in the budget? The settings (at the very least the inside of the school) were a bit bland for my expectations. The film takes a turn in it’s third act and gets gory and gritty and this really would have been more effective had out gang acted a little more like their cartoon counterparts. At times it brought to mind say “Night of the Demons” or “Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2” but clearly operating on a lower level. “Evil Dead meets Scooby Doo” is what Aint it Cool News called it-not quite. In the end though I think it was a decent, solid effort that doesn’t quite live up to the hype. On a more positive note, I gotta give it best movie concept of the year!

Jake Busey is Most Certainly NOT Rutger Hauer!!

It was finally time to check out a sequel for one of my fave horror movies of all time, The Hitcher! Yep, what many people don’t know is that they did indeed make a sequel for the 1986 classic. No, this ain’t a sequel to the highly un-needed  2007 remake. “The Hitcher 2: I’ve Been Waiting” came out in 2003, yeah it took me ten years to finally become curious enough in this movie to check it out. Perhaps this sudden interest came in a recent conversation about the films villain, played by none other than Jake Busey.

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So some might think, a sequel for The Hitcher might just be about some random folks who pick up another crazed hitchhiker. Well what kind of sequel would that really be?! Nope! This one succeeds on one level, by bringing C. Thomas Howell, the original’s hero, Jim Halsey back! Now that’s what I like to see in a sequel, the original star power return. However cool this seems it makes you wonder how in holy hell Jim Halsey could realistically ever pick up another hitchhiker after the crazy shit that went down in the original?!!

To me, it didn’t really matter at first because it was just pretty cool seeing him onscreen 17 years later, as the same character and seeing just what the hell that character was up to. Turns out he was a cop, he flies planes and he’s a little crazy. Rightfully so! Halsey has been struggling still with those visions of the events of the original film shown in flashbacks throughout. He’s wound so tight that he decides to go on a road trip with his girlfriend, flying there in his plane and then picking up a car to drive down that same highway Rutger Hauer terrorized him on in 1986!

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Sounds good thus far right? Well things get real stupid REAL quick folks. Yep it doesn’t take long before they see a man crash his motorcycle and then jump onto the side of the road……..yeah….hitchhiking!!! Now there’s no WAY Halsey would ever pick up another one of these guys right?! WRONG! His girlfriend talks him into it and there you have it, motherfuckin’ Jake Busey and his big ass teeth sitting in the back seat of the car. BAD bad news. Now what are the god damn chances that the one hitchhiker Jim Halsey sees after driving the damn car for like 15 minutes down the road would be a god damn psychotic serial killer?!! Apparently Halsey is a hitchhiking serial killer magnet! The sheer absurdity of this damn story line is almost brilliant! This movie is just so damn stupid I couldn’t turn the shit off!

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Let me make this point clear as day Jake Busey is most certainly NOT Rutger Hauer!! Busey’s attempt at recreating Hauer’s intensity is laughable at best. He gives a ton of lame ass one liners every chance he gets and comes across as an incredibly irritating nitwit rather than remotely frightening. When Hauer was in the car it made you cringe, but when Busey’s in the back seat you just wanna slap the shit out of him for acting like such a nimrod.

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So what follows really is pretty forgettable. It’s kinda the same plot as the first one, with maybe one unexpected event to keep it mildly disappointingly interesting. Hell Busey even uses the whole “finger in the french fries” schtick in this one too as each and every turn of the film ends up with some moronic dialogue with Busey somehow convincing the cops he’s just an innocent bystander. Perhaps they just thought he was mentally challenged? Oh yeah and let’s not forget they throw in the “roped to the semi” shit again too. But as with most everything this film delivers it never amounts to anything remotely interesting just to more shitty dialogue from the oh so “crazy” Busey. I’d say this one is a full on grade A suck fest and the only reason to check this out is to see C. Thomas Howell as Jim Halsey one last time. If you’re a fan of moronic sequels that fail miserably this one is a MUST see!!!

Indiana Jones is Expendable?!

This is pretty crazy news, that by now everyone knows, but really Harrison Ford joining the Expendables 3 is quite a surprise! This clearly is going to add a different dimension to the movie and give it some serious star power. It certainly seems as if Sly is going for it again with his casting but what does this mean for Ford’s character? Is he a villain? Part of the team? I’m hoping that injecting him into the movie will perhaps bring on a more “adventurous” vibe to the movie, maybe having him play slightly off his Indiana Jones role and taking the team to some truly amazing remote places! How cool would it be if they had to hire him as a guide for the team in search of some strange artifact of some sort.

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Perhaps his involvement means what Stallone mentioned, that the third film might shift genres? I for one hope Ford brings the team into new territory and that the movie does shift into maybe a more sci-fi element, or even better as was predicted, the movie may be based on the discarded “Rambo 5” script “The Savage Hunt”. The ideas for that was that Sly and his team have to hunt down a genetically modified mutant super soldier gone psycho. Now I’d pay to see that! Let’s hope this is the case and that Ford is their guide into the jungles where he or rather it is hiding! Come on Stallone make it happen!!!

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Absent Minds: Portland’s Krusty Kids!

I had to take a second of your time today to put up a cool new video from local Portland Oregon punks Absent Minds new video “Krusty Kids”!

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It’s a helluva lot of fun and I got a chance to see these guys play last week and they were great, blending their 90’s style punk ala NOFX & Lagwagon during their heyday but putting their own spin on it while incorporating a cello into the sonic mayhem. Check it out!

The Perfect Wolverine Movie……ALMOST!!!

I just had to give my two cents worth on this weekend’s big hit “The Wolverine” since I totally trashed, heavily here, many times, the god damn awful X-men Origins: Wolverine any chance I could get in the past! So “The Wolverine” was something I was completely ready to hate, however before the movie started I decided I would forget that last venture as hard as it could be. I’ve got to say though, once The Wolverine started rolling I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. It was clear from the first five minutes we were getting a completely different type of film. One that was ready to let Jackman finally shine as everybody’s favorite feral mutant. This was NOT a hokey dumbed down cartoon Wolverine movie, like it’s predecessor. Nope, this one was straight up Wolverine from the comic books!

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Here Wolverine is done far better that any of his previous onscreen appearances. Jackman proves and practically erases those past movies except for the referencing of the third and worst X-men film of the franchise. Still though I give it props for sticking with the continuity- So no problems there. Wolverine in this one is a mean bastard, ready to kill, drink, swear and thoroughly fuck up anyone who pisses him off-FINALLY!

Jackman not only proves he loves Wolverine, but actually makes you feel something real for the character. It makes you root for the poor soul, hoping that maybe he’ll get some peace of mind for once in his life and maybe, just maybe find real love, if anything so he can stop having weird ass fantasies about a kinda creepy looking Famke Janssen every ten minutes. However weird these dream sequences were with her popping up all over the film, it still made sense as we all know Wolverine’s past obsession with Jean Grey, that made for a great love triangle in the comic books. Yet I couldn’t help but want to yell out at the screen to Logan to “get the fuck over it already dude!!!” But in a way I felt strangely sorry for the guy.

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So this movie finally gets it right, almost and I’ll get to that. Continue reading →

The Conjuring: A Scary Breath of Fresh Summer Air!

I checked out ‘The Conjuring’ last night, a movie I was looking forward to for quite a while amidst this season of over blown shiny rubbery looking blockbusters. My verdict? It was a helluva lot of fun and was jam packed with scares a plenty and then more scares after that! I’ve gotta say I’m really kinda liking James Wan as of late, the guy who I originally considered a hack, mainly for my loathing of movies like Saw and Death Sentence. I’ve got to admit though the guy, though not pulling out anything ultra original has pretty much mastered the Ghost Story / haunting horror genre. I was a huge fan of Insidious and this latest offering is just as good if not perhaps an even more solid haunt flick.

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Based this time on the “true” story of  Ed & Lorraine Warren who were demonologists back in the late 1960’s and 70’s and their most bizarre case which involved the haunting of The Perron Family in their new home in Harrisville, Rhode Island. From the get go you can tell it’s going to be one heck of a creepy ride as the films opening sequences, which involve once again a creepy ass doll (I love creepy dolls!!) foreshadow what’s yet to come later. This is a great back to basics summer horror/suspense film which doesn’t rely on explicit gore, green screens or video gamey CG to get the crowd’s blood pumping. It relies on what you don’t see(yet many times what you do!) to craft it’s chills. It had me squirming in my seat and at times wanting to cover my eyes. It’s well acted, well shot and the special effects are perfectly executed in a way that makes you feel as if you’re right there in the creepy house with the rest of the family.

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It’d have been a damn near perfect viewing experience had it not been for the guy in front of us who for some reason felt like he had to narrate the scares for the whole theater, somehow feeling as if perhaps everyone in the theater had actually paid to come listen to him attempt to be a stand up comedian while a tense horror flick played alongside him. Uggh…perhaps I’ll see it again with out the annoying live commentary, however seeing it for the first time won’t ever be as good as the scares run rampant in this one and you never know exactly when the shit is yet again going to hit the fan. It certainly will make you think twice about playing hide and seek! Now however, what I really wonder is how much of this story was actually true? This film delved pretty heavily into the Catholic church and the power of religion to ward off evil spirits so hopefully the real story bares some real resemblance to what we saw onscreen and Wan wasn’t trying to convert it’s audience.

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I really recommend this one if you’re looking for something different this summer. It may not be the most original idea to hit the screen but it’s easily one of the best movies out in theaters thus far this summer. Take a chance and test your nerves and if you got a loud mouth who can’t refrain from thinking he’s part of the MST3K crew make sure to creep up slowly behind his seat and scare the bejeezus out of him, then quietly tell him to shut the fuck up!

And here are a couple clips of the real Ed and Lorraine Warren!

Dexter Season 8: End Predictions!!!

Ok so we’re four episodes into the final, yes FINAL season of Dexter! I’ve been a big fan of this show since the very beginning, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t had my problems with the series. Some seasons felt rehashed, too formulaic and predictable, however I’ve stuck with it and season seven proved that there was still plenty of life (or should I say death) left in the series for it’s final season.

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Season 8 started out strong, but the show seems to have become a bit unbelievable over time, I mean really, how many damn serial killers can Miami possibly have runnin’ around all the time? It’s really took eight seasons for anyone really to catch on to Dex (besides Dokes of course)? Deb really was in love with Dexter?! Well now we have Deb finally at least trying to deal with the fact that her brother is a serial killer but we also have a new character, Dr. Evelyn Vogel, a neuro-psychiatrist specializing in child psychopaths, who’s now revealed that she treated Dexter as a child and dealt directly with his father helping come up with the code that Dexter has lived by for close to his entire life. She needs Dexter to save her from a rival serial killer she treated in the past who’s back for revenge. Sounds intriguing huh? Yeah, well it also screams of some terribly predictable outcomes. So here are my predictions for the end of Dexter, I wanted to document them here, short and sweet to see if they are able to throw in any real twists we didn’t see coming.

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So first off I am predicting that Dr. Vogel is this seasons villain and the ultimate final boss. The mastermind. I see that she’s going to be revealed to be responsible for Dexter becoming a  serial killer. It was her idea all along, she admires these killers she makes them, pits them against each other as some sort of experiment. It’s going to be revealed that Dexter didn’t have to go this route with the ‘code’. She pushed it along and made him what he is today. It also seems apparent that Vogel was in some way responsible for Dexter’s father’s murder.

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It will also be revealed that Vogel had in fact “treated” many of the rival serial killers that Dexter has squared off against in previous seaons, like “The Ice Truck Killer”and Lithgow’s “Trinity”. This will enrage Dexter to perform one last kill on her. It will also give Dexter a chance at a new life and thus give him forgiveness from Deb which he desires so badly. He will realize that he does have a chance at being normal, I predict he won’t be caught or killed. Dexter will make the choice and change his life and for once be at peace.

So there it is, how off am I? Will they throw in a real twist and have Dexter die? Will he be turned in or killed by Deb? Will his son somehow end up on the same path as Dexter? Will Dexter reunite with Hannah in Brazil after he escapes the clutches of Miami Metro? What do YOU think?!!

 

All Hollywood Blockbustered Out?!

We keep hearing about how worried Hollywood is that the huge blockbusters are going to flop since the mega poop bomb “The Lone Ranger” dropped into theaters. What’s the deal I wonder? Is all this worry for nothing? Is Pacific Rim going to be the the next big thing or the next big monster turd?! I can only really speak for myself and that’s that I’m kinda all blockbustered out already. For me Iron Man 3 was the cream of the crop and after seeing a few more big glossed over CG stuffed over hyped films I’m currently not feeling that there’s anymore room in my stomach for more fluff!

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Could it be that I’m not the only one? Because I feel as if maybe, just maybe people might be looking for a bit more from their summer movies? Even a movie like Pacific Rim, done by my man Del Toro for some reason hasn’t really gotten me fully amped up and at this point I’m not really sure I’ll even see it at the big theater. That movie should technically should have me salivating at the mouth but for some reason it hasn’t quite ignited the spark, even with all the hype. Now maybe what I’m really saying is that a lot of these blockbusters simply have no soul and are purely there to feed the cash cow. However, early reviews of Pacific Rim seem to be pointing to the opposite of my assumptions.

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Perhaps I shouldn’t second guess Guillermo? From what I have heard in the last couple days it’s got more than a bunch of big shiny CG (though it’s got it’s fair share of that) it’s got heart. So perhaps I’ll jump back in the blockbuster game again or hell maybe I’ll see The Conjuring instead? It’s gotten some great reviews thus far from a ton of horror sites..It might be a breath of fresh air to see a great little horror flick in the midst of rubbery cg monsters and explosions….then again? Hmmm….