Universal Dork

The Perfect Wolverine Movie……ALMOST!!!

July 28, 2013

I just had to give my two cents worth on this weekend’s big hit “The Wolverine” since I totally trashed, heavily here, many times, the god damn awful X-men Origins: Wolverine any chance I could get in the past! So “The Wolverine” was something I was completely ready to hate, however before the movie started I decided I would forget that last venture as hard as it could be. I’ve got to say though, once The Wolverine started rolling I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. It was clear from the first five minutes we were getting a completely different type of film. One that was ready to let Jackman finally shine as everybody’s favorite feral mutant. This was NOT a hokey dumbed down cartoon Wolverine movie, like it’s predecessor. Nope, this one was straight up Wolverine from the comic books!

Here Wolverine is done far better that any of his previous onscreen appearances. Jackman proves and practically erases those past movies except for the referencing of the third and worst X-men film of the franchise. Still though I give it props for sticking with the continuity- So no problems there. Wolverine in this one is a mean bastard, ready to kill, drink, swear and thoroughly fuck up anyone who pisses him off-FINALLY!

Jackman not only proves he loves Wolverine, but actually makes you feel something real for the character. It makes you root for the poor soul, hoping that maybe he’ll get some peace of mind for once in his life and maybe, just maybe find real love, if anything so he can stop having weird ass fantasies about a kinda creepy looking Famke Janssen every ten minutes. However weird these dream sequences were with her popping up all over the film, it still made sense as we all know Wolverine’s past obsession with Jean Grey, that made for a great love triangle in the comic books. Yet I couldn’t help but want to yell out at the screen to Logan to “get the fuck over it already dude!!!” But in a way I felt strangely sorry for the guy.

So this movie finally gets it right, almost and I’ll get to that. (more…)
The Conjuring: A Scary Breath of Fresh Summer Air!

July 25, 2013

I checked out ‘The Conjuring’ last night, a movie I was looking forward to for quite a while amidst this season of over blown shiny rubbery looking blockbusters. My verdict? It was a helluva lot of fun and was jam packed with scares a plenty and then more scares after that! I’ve gotta say I’m really kinda liking James Wan as of late, the guy who I originally considered a hack, mainly for my loathing of movies like Saw and Death Sentence. I’ve got to admit though the guy, though not pulling out anything ultra original has pretty much mastered the Ghost Story / haunting horror genre. I was a huge fan of Insidious and this latest offering is just as good if not perhaps an even more solid haunt flick.

Based this time on the “true” story of Ed & Lorraine Warren who were demonologists back in the late 1960’s and 70’s and their most bizarre case which involved the haunting of The Perron Family in their new home in Harrisville, Rhode Island. From the get go you can tell it’s going to be one heck of a creepy ride as the films opening sequences, which involve once again a creepy ass doll (I love creepy dolls!!) foreshadow what’s yet to come later. This is a great back to basics summer horror/suspense film which doesn’t rely on explicit gore, green screens or video gamey CG to get the crowd’s blood pumping. It relies on what you don’t see(yet many times what you do!) to craft it’s chills. It had me squirming in my seat and at times wanting to cover my eyes. It’s well acted, well shot and the special effects are perfectly executed in a way that makes you feel as if you’re right there in the creepy house with the rest of the family.

It’d have been a damn near perfect viewing experience had it not been for the guy in front of us who for some reason felt like he had to narrate the scares for the whole theater, somehow feeling as if perhaps everyone in the theater had actually paid to come listen to him attempt to be a stand up comedian while a tense horror flick played alongside him. Uggh…perhaps I’ll see it again with out the annoying live commentary, however seeing it for the first time won’t ever be as good as the scares run rampant in this one and you never know exactly when the shit is yet again going to hit the fan. It certainly will make you think twice about playing hide and seek! Now however, what I really wonder is how much of this story was actually true? This film delved pretty heavily into the Catholic church and the power of religion to ward off evil spirits so hopefully the real story bares some real resemblance to what we saw onscreen and Wan wasn’t trying to convert it’s audience.

I really recommend this one if you’re looking for something different this summer. It may not be the most original idea to hit the screen but it’s easily one of the best movies out in theaters thus far this summer. Take a chance and test your nerves and if you got a loud mouth who can’t refrain from thinking he’s part of the MST3K crew make sure to creep up slowly behind his seat and scare the bejeezus out of him, then quietly tell him to shut the fuck up!

And here are a couple clips of the real Ed and Lorraine Warren!
Dexter Season 8: End Predictions!!!

July 23, 2013

Ok so we’re four episodes into the final, yes FINAL season of Dexter! I’ve been a big fan of this show since the very beginning, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t had my problems with the series. Some seasons felt rehashed, too formulaic and predictable, however I’ve stuck with it and season seven proved that there was still plenty of life (or should I say death) left in the series for it’s final season.

Season 8 started out strong, but the show seems to have become a bit unbelievable over time, I mean really, how many damn serial killers can Miami possibly have runnin’ around all the time? It’s really took eight seasons for anyone really to catch on to Dex (besides Dokes of course)? Deb really was in love with Dexter?! Well now we have Deb finally at least trying to deal with the fact that her brother is a serial killer but we also have a new character, Dr. Evelyn Vogel, a neuro-psychiatrist specializing in child psychopaths, who’s now revealed that she treated Dexter as a child and dealt directly with his father helping come up with the code that Dexter has lived by for close to his entire life. She needs Dexter to save her from a rival serial killer she treated in the past who’s back for revenge. Sounds intriguing huh? Yeah, well it also screams of some terribly predictable outcomes. So here are my predictions for the end of Dexter, I wanted to document them here, short and sweet to see if they are able to throw in any real twists we didn’t see coming.

So first off I am predicting that Dr. Vogel is this seasons villain and the ultimate final boss. The mastermind. I see that she’s going to be revealed to be responsible for Dexter becoming a serial killer. It was her idea all along, she admires these killers she makes them, pits them against each other as some sort of experiment. It’s going to be revealed that Dexter didn’t have to go this route with the ‘code’. She pushed it along and made him what he is today. It also seems apparent that Vogel was in some way responsible for Dexter’s father’s murder.

It will also be revealed that Vogel had in fact “treated” many of the rival serial killers that Dexter has squared off against in previous seaons, like “The Ice Truck Killer”and Lithgow’s “Trinity”. This will enrage Dexter to perform one last kill on her. It will also give Dexter a chance at a new life and thus give him forgiveness from Deb which he desires so badly. He will realize that he does have a chance at being normal, I predict he won’t be caught or killed. Dexter will make the choice and change his life and for once be at peace.

So there it is, how off am I? Will they throw in a real twist and have Dexter die? Will he be turned in or killed by Deb? Will his son somehow end up on the same path as Dexter? Will Dexter reunite with Hannah in Brazil after he escapes the clutches of Miami Metro? What do YOU think?!!
Just a Reminder, This IS Electro….

July 18, 2013

In case anyone out there was confused, I just had to take a second to show you all in case you forgot what Electro really looks like. That is all. carry on true believers….
All Hollywood Blockbustered Out?!

July 11, 2013

We keep hearing about how worried Hollywood is that the huge blockbusters are going to flop since the mega poop bomb “The Lone Ranger” dropped into theaters. What’s the deal I wonder? Is all this worry for nothing? Is Pacific Rim going to be the the next big thing or the next big monster turd?! I can only really speak for myself and that’s that I’m kinda all blockbustered out already. For me Iron Man 3 was the cream of the crop and after seeing a few more big glossed over CG stuffed over hyped films I’m currently not feeling that there’s anymore room in my stomach for more fluff!

Could it be that I’m not the only one? Because I feel as if maybe, just maybe people might be looking for a bit more from their summer movies? Even a movie like Pacific Rim, done by my man Del Toro for some reason hasn’t really gotten me fully amped up and at this point I’m not really sure I’ll even see it at the big theater. That movie should technically should have me salivating at the mouth but for some reason it hasn’t quite ignited the spark, even with all the hype. Now maybe what I’m really saying is that a lot of these blockbusters simply have no soul and are purely there to feed the cash cow. However, early reviews of Pacific Rim seem to be pointing to the opposite of my assumptions.

Perhaps I shouldn’t second guess Guillermo? From what I have heard in the last couple days it’s got more than a bunch of big shiny CG (though it’s got it’s fair share of that) it’s got heart. So perhaps I’ll jump back in the blockbuster game again or hell maybe I’ll see The Conjuring instead? It’s gotten some great reviews thus far from a ton of horror sites..It might be a breath of fresh air to see a great little horror flick in the midst of rubbery cg monsters and explosions….then again? Hmmm….
‘Curse of Chucky’ Trailer Arrives but What Kind of Chucky are We Getting?

July 8, 2013

Chucky is back! But is that a good thing? After two ridiculous Chucky flicks can anyone take the little guy seriously anymore? Watch the new trailer to find out! What do you think-does Chucky still have the chops?
Under the Bed: New Old School Monster Mayhem!

July 8, 2013

I’ve been out doing a ton of cool summer stuff lately and decided to take a break from the blogging for a couple weeks, kind of summer break. It’s tough to find cool shit to write about everyday that’s not just regurgitating stories from Ain’t it Cool or Bleeding Cool and sometimes I feel like adding even more hype to huge Hollywood blockbusters is an uninteresting, uninspired waste of time. I mean what’s Hollywood done for me lately?! So I was waiting until something cool that’s a little more under the radar got me pumped to do a blog again. Well it came in the form of bad ass little flick called “Under the Bed”!

This cool little monster movie is brought to you by director Steven C. Miller who brought us Automaton Transfusion, The excellent Aggression Scale and more recently the Silent Night, Deadly Night remake. I honestly have been looking forward to Under the Bed for a while now and thankfully it delivered the goods. The movie is described as a ‘suburban nightmare’ which rings true, however I see it as a more Dante-esque style “kids in danger” monster movie. It’s basically a tale of two brothers who go to battle with a vicious creature who lives under their bed.

Older brother Neil, comes back to live with his father, his new wife and his younger brother Paulie. After a two year leave of absence trying to deal with the death of his mother and his previous battle with the monster he returns to his small hometown where everyone thinks he’s bat shit crazy and his father is on the verge of a mental breakdown himself. He soon learns that his younger brother Paulie has also been terrorized by the same evil force for the last two years.

The movie takes it’s time to get to the real action, but the movie doesn’t lose steam at any point. It’s well shot, well acted and pretty dang creepy. Once the boys decide to make their stand the movie changes direction drastically and the films third and final act suddenly delivers a heavy dose of unexpected gore-which was a welcome surprise! The monster also looks great and the film is pretty much devoid of CG which gives it a much more organic old school feel which I personally love.

Once the creature appears the film jumps into hyper drive, without giving away too much it seems to have hatched from films like Poltergeist, The Gate & Insidious while still bringing something fresh and new to the suburban horror genre. I will definitely be looking for this on dvd when it’s released and I’m quite sure it will be one of my fave horror films of 2013. Right now you can see it VOD, so if you’re tired of the usual overblown, glittery, hype stuff summer blockbusters maybe it’s time to get back to the basics with a good old fashioned creature feature….
Lame-O Comic Book Cover of the Week: Marvel’s Kool-Aid Man?!

June 23, 2013

Who didn’t love Kool-Aid back in 1980’s? It was all the rage! However that didn’t mean that us kids wanted a god damn Kool-Aid Man comic book! Well Marvel seemed to think other wise and gave the big ol’ walking punch bowl his own book. Kool-Aid man was pretty awesome when he’d bust down a brick wall and yell out “Oh Yeah!!” but was that any reason to think he’d be able to become part of the Marvel universe? I mean imagine Captain America teamin’ up with Kool-Aid man? He was actually given three issues to shine by Marvel and then moved on to Archie comics with four more muthafuckin’ issues!

And his Archie comics era:

And of course the live action version!!!
Terminator 5: Will ‘The Rock’ Be Terminating Arnold?!

June 20, 2013

Rumors are running wild about the plot of the green lit Terminator 5 and I’m kinda liking what I’m hearing. Recently Arnold stated he’d be back for Terminator 5 starring as a T-800 and most of the response (including my own) I heard from fans was that perhaps he was a little too old to be donning the shades again. But perhaps he’s really not starring as the legendary cyborg after all, but as it was originally thought as the man whose likeness was used fr the T-800. I always thought it was the perfect way to have him back into the franchise without getting too dang cheesy.

Now the rumor is something even more different than anyone originally imagined as reported today at Ain’t it Cool. The word one the web currently is that Dwayne Johnson could be cast as the first Terminator ever / or maybe a cybernetically modified human assassin sent back this time to the 1940’s. Here’s what they heard from some uncertain sources:

“Incredibly, Schwarzenegger may not play the role of a machine in the next film, but a potentially heroic human figure in or close to the Connor family. One theory is that Schwarzenegger’s remarkable ability to protect the Connor family in the 1940s or 1950s with antiquated weaponry by today’s standards ultimately inspired the machines to develop a terminator in his likeness that was eventually sent to 1984 when Sarah Connor was first targeted for termination.”

This contradicts Arnold’s recent comments about being “The Terminator” again. To me though i am kinda liking the sound of this storyline, it wouldn’t be a rehash of any of the previous films entirely. It would tell the story of the first time they tried the time travel thing (that you’d think they’d just give up after the first few flicks) but it wouldn’t rely on getting the whole old gang back together and most of all it might actually make the rest of the movies make more sense in the way it all may have chronologically went down?

As long as we don’t have Arnold making more cracks about “being old” anymore because that shit’s getting OLD and hopefully they bring back the spirit of the first film, more of a horror sci-fi story that keeps the plot smaller & more simple. Though I like this rumor thus far, I call bullshit, I think Arnie is gonna try and play the old part again and if so I think it’s a lost cause….what do you think?
VIRUS: The Most Underrated SCI-FI Monster Movie of the 1990’s!

June 18, 2013

I had to throw some props out there today for a rad flick that seems to get no love from anyone, “Virus” is a totally bad ass B-movie from 1999 and everyone needs to get down with it already! Chances are you’ve never seen this movie, but I recently watched it again the other night and it’s like ten times more awesome than I originally remembered it to be! The movie was actually hoping to be a big Hollywood hit, but it suffered at the box office and got totally panned by the critics. Apparently we were watching two different movies?!

Virus might be Jamie Lee Curtis’ best movie ever, however she claims it’s her worst and that she’s actually really embarrassed about appearing in it at all. I say totally WRONG Jamie! This is John Bruno’s only feature length movie he’s directed, otherwise he’s only done a handful of Star Trek: Voyager episodes and a Terminator 2 short film with James Cameron that was used at the T2: 3-D attraction at Universal Studios. Yeah I saw this one in person and it was a helluva good time!

To me though VIRUS which is based on a Dark Horse comic of the same title is jam packed with stupid awesome action and a ton of cool ass robotic monsters! I was seriously surprised to find out after watching it that it was actually not made in the late 80’s as the special effects are largely practical and the small amounts of CGI are done pretty damn flawlessly. It goes to prove once again that practical and CG used together can have some magnificent results!

The story is pretty simple and borrows heavily from Alien, attempting at making Curtis the new Ripley. If you’re looking for substance you’re not going to find it here but if you’re looking for some gory gun blazing fun on a mysterious abandoned ship in the middle of the ocean then you’re in for a treat. Also this flick’s got a Baldwin brother and Donald Sutherland lending some of their least inspired acting chops. But actually I don’t know, does William Baldwin have any acting chops to begin with?!

Bottom line here, this movie is rad. I could watch movies like this one all damn day long. It’s a ton of fun and once it gets going you’ll wonder why the hell it’s missing a cult following. So I’m gonna start the cult here today and hopefully make Jamie Lee Curtis eat her words on this one….