Category: Movies

NIGHT TRAP: Sega’s 1992 “Controversial” B-Movie VHS Video Game?!

Anyone else remember the intense horror of 1992’s interactive shot on video Sega video game NIGHT TRAP?! Me neither-but I stumbled on this oddity recently and was fully intrigued to somehow check it out. Well it’s not a video game that I’ll likely be able to track down to play anytime soon on a real consoles, we can watch all the footage though and see for ourselves what this weird lil’ B-movie video game is really all about.

Developed in 1992 for ‘Sega CD’ using SOV footage from 1987 the game concept was originally picked up by Hasbro but was suddenly shelved in 1989. However people were still sniffing around this intriguing interactive movie concept and Sega eventually bit and released it in 1992 and the game generated some real negative hype quick fast. Take a look at these “vampires” in one of the scenes that got it’s creators in HOT water!

The game’s story line was absolutely perfect for B-movie horror fanatics, featuring a teenage girl’s slumber party being overrun with bloodthirsty “vampires” while you watch “live surveillance” video of them and trigger traps around the house to foil the creatures of the night from feasting upon them for a midnight snack. Night Trap however brought along some big controversy though-it was discussed in a Senate hearing along with ‘Mortal Combat’ as being an example of violence in video games that corrupts the minds of youths in America and brings real life violence into the streets and suburbs-Night Trap was that intensely influential to young psychopaths everywhere apparently-who’d a thunk?!

It triggered a “rating system” for games, it must’ve been quite a wild bloodbath huh? Hardly, but it was wild enough to get huge toy store chains to completely remove it from their shelves. I definitely remember in the 90’s the campaign’s for censorship running WILD in the music industry but who knew an SOV horror video game could generate SO much intense governmental rage?! When you actually watch the game’s most “notorious” scenes it’s laughable that anyone would use THIS as an example for extreme video game violence. This is prime cheez and obviously early 90’s politicians didn’t know a good thing when they’ve seen it!

There really is no blood and it’s somewhat pathetic execution of said “violence” is pretty much just dumb fun. There’s vampires being foiled by amusing but sub par “home alone style” house traps and I guess it’s likely that some of the controversy came from the concept of a home invasion on teenage girls. Speaking of the teens a familiar face of the 1980s stars here as well, Dana Plato (RIP) known best as Kimberly in ‘Diff’rent Strokes’ starred in the game to really give it some 80’s star power super cred.

 This is such a cool little relic for fans of bad horror movies and VHS, to me it reminds me a bit of the “Dragon’s Lair” style game play. Where pressing buttons simply changes scenes and outcomes-rather than actually “controlling things”. Like a “choose your own adventure” style video game that really outraged those politicians-looking back they must feel like morons raising a stink about this cheeky, cheezy little video game. I suggest watching the full game on YouTube or check this video out-it gives you a great idea visually what this oddity was all all about!

DYLAN’S NEW NIGHTMARE: Freddy Krueger’s SORTA Back!!

Have you been hoping for Freddy Krueger to return in the same way that Michael Myers has in the latest “Halloween” trilogy? Me neither-But I’m always open to check out a sweet new fan film! From some director Cecil Laird and the same team who brought the excellent ‘Never Hike Alone’ (Friday The 13th) fan film has returned, adding a new chapter to the ‘New Nightmare’ chapter of ‘A Nightmare on Elm St’ franchise. I gave this a whirl the other night and was pretty impressed with this 34 minute short film.

We continue with Dylan, the son Heather Langencamp (Nancy) from Wes Craven’s ‘New Nightmare’, is now an aspiring actor trying to land a role in the next “Hatchet” film when his audition goes off the rails when Freddy shows back up to begin terrorizing him! To keep it extra authentic Miko Hughes returns in the role of Dylan, now all grown up and ready to face a newer nightmare. So this alone is a real treat that keeps the thread of terror grounded firmly in the franchise-a real nice touch. But what about the real star of the show, Mr. Freddy Krueger himself? Obviously we don’t get Robert England back, I’d for a moment hoped they’d have gotten him at the very least for the voice because Freddy here looks pretty great for the most part (his caved in sunken black eyes are a bit much tho). Dave McRae has some big boots to fill here and though he isn’t always the spitting image of the classic Freddy he does a decent enough job in the role, one that’s evident here, is near impossible to fill.

What we get though is a pretty ambitious little “new” chapter here that highly improves on the imperfections of the wretched remake from 2010. Freddy feels much more like his old self, armed with his campy one-liners with the vibe more in line with the original franchise, with a few moments of practical fx gore to chomp on. It looks pretty good for the most part, it does feel a little fan film-ish and maybe needed a few better locations and amped up  dreamy atmosphere to real hit the point home for die hard Fred Heads. I also think this short film could’ve really benefitted from a more inventive sequence to end the film, one of the best things about Freddy in the movies are the totally memorable horror sequences, things like the roach motel, the pizza with the Freddy faces etc are a staple in the classic franchise-this could have based it’s somewhat lackluster “finale” instead on an more inventive horror sequence reminiscent of the classic franchise to really up the ante and quench that Elm Street thirst. Still it’s a neat little fan film that is worth a watch for the fans as we all obviously yearn for more Freddy.

I’d say it’s time for one final Englund Freddy flick. Though he’s recently stated he’s in no shape to reprise the role, he’s 75 and (thicker around the waist) I still think he could make it work as is. Perhaps it’s been too long in the dream realm and as Freddy’s been out of the psyche of all of the teens he once scared to death, he’s older, much less powerful now and slowly dying off, but he get’s one last chance perhaps being aided by some sort of dream demon apprentice who brings his power back and in turn is willing to continue on his legacy-there we could explore the actual lore that made Freddy into the legendary dream demon. A final showdown with him and his apprentice when Nancy realizes his power is returning-she must enter the dream realm to finish him off before he reaches full power.

Who knows “older Englund Freddy” could even possess Kevin Bacon (as a new character and rumored to have real interest in taking over the role) in the real world, transform him into the new version of Krueger-they could even utilize Robert’s voice when he’s possessed? Just ideas-but likely Hollywood just wants a new Freddy Krueger cast to try and make some $$$ rather than an inventive “one last hurrah”, working a story that caters to Robert Englund’s age. In the meantime though this is a good enough fan film to keep the spirit of Elm Street in the consciousness of teens of the modern age-If they could bring back Krueger there’s so many interesting modern tropes that Freddy could riff on-that being said it’s probably realistically time to leave the Elm Street legacy alone and let it age gracefully….

Check out Dylan’s New Nightmare to watch for free right HERE!

 

William Zabka’s Forgotten 90’s PM Magic-Infused Karate Flick: THE POWER WITHIN!

Ever wonder what William Zabka was doing after ‘The Karate Kid’ franchise wrapped up his character Johnny Lawrence’s story? Well here’s a little glimpse into the action career “post Johnny”. A weird little PM Entertainment flick from 1995 called ‘The Power Within’. This one comes right off the heels of another sweet PM movie with a strong “Karate Kid” connection called ‘A Dangerous Place‘ that I reviewed here that feature the same teen lead. This sweet little magical martial arts adventure film hits all the sweet spots, Zabka being one of the highlights as well as some of the wild action set pieces you might have come to expect from ‘PM Entertainment’ films from the era.

Ted Jan Roberts return for his second PM stint as a teenage martial artist with major problems that escalate from being afraid to ask out the girl of his dreams, to high school bullies and eventually going one on one with William Zabka in a fight for some magical rings given to him by a strange stalker.

Throw in some explosions, some cool martial arts fights, glowing rings full of neon energy and wild prom scene with a low rent grunge band with a saxophone player and you’re really beginning to check off some BIG-time boxes! Better yet much of the movie take’s place in early 90’s Universal Studios where the teens work weekends, giving this whole affair a heavy dose of high powered nostalgia. In someways it feels like a 1990’s Universal Studios commercial in the best ways possible.

It also features kid actor Keith Coogan (Adventures in Babysitting, Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitters Dead, Toy Soldiers) as the wise ass side kick of teenage “PM heart-throb” Roberts. There’s plenty of great teen drama & comedy and lots of familiar b-movie faces to move things along at a steady pace too. Zabka commands the cheez factor here with his “pony tail bowl cut” and red shades as the big baddie who’s determined to acquire a magic ring to obviously do some evil shit.

Roberts however gets it first from an old mysterious karate master and from there things keep getting more ridiculous with each passing moment. There’s a good amount of action here and Zabka gets to flash his moves once again while Ted Jan Roberts does feel a bit more subdued 7 restrained than he was in the more frenetic ‘A Dangerous Place’. This I think had a PG-13 rating, (A Dangerous Place was R-rated) and it’s more timid in it’s themes and situations-but still packs a powerful punch.

My only slight gripe would be the film’s finale, which don’t get me wrong, is still pretty fun, but the final showdown with Zabka and Roberts should’ve been a total banger of a battle. Seeing Roberts in ‘A Dangerous Game’ flaunt his skills was a bit of an un expected treat and I was hoping his showdown with “Johnny Lawrence” would really up the ante further. Instead it’s a bit of a quick brawl that’s a bit light on magical ring action. Still I can’t help but relish in seeing a movie this fun as a GIANT fan of The Karate Kid franchise sooo many damn years later.

It’s a real treat to find forgotten gems like this and I’m honestly a bit surprised someone hasn’t jumped on this one since the success of Cobra Kai and the full on renewed interest in The Karate Kid franchise. This is a film ripe for the pickin’ and I can’t help but wonder why some of these really insanely fun PM entertainment releases haven’t see the light of day on blu ray! If you dig The Karate Kid most definitely check this out as well as ‘A Dangerous Place’-it most definitely hits the Cobra Kai sweet tooth!

 

The Next Best Thing to The 1990 Practical FX TMNT!!?

Cowabunga dude!!! I’ve been saying it for years, they need to bring back the 1990’s practical fx Jim Henson Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!! Lets face the damn facts nothing they produced since has been very good or really anywhere close to what the fans want. I really haven’t been excited about the TMNT franchise since the first two films. 

Having recently revisited the 1990 original it was more than apparent how well that movie had aged and  how dark it really is in comparison to anything they’ve put out since. One of the best things about it was indeed the practical effects, but also the sets, choreography and real martial arts that were used to bring them to life on screen. We are now living in an age where no filmmaker seems to be ambitious enough to attempt to bring them back to life in the way that soooo many fans have wanted for so long. So what do you do when you’ve completely given up on the Turtles coming back in the way they did in that original film?

 I guess you just wait for a CGI animated version of the characters that might still deliver that original spirit and oddly that’s exactly what we got in these new 2 pieces of test footage put together by John Likens. This is incredibly interesting, when I first viewed it I was a bit perplexed, at first glance I almost thought these were new practical fx Turtles! I was a bit disappointed to find they were created via CGI, of course, it’s 2023-no one would ever film the Turtles with their real suits. Still tho, this footage is wildly impressive, so much so that I just might be willing to give a TMNT film another real go, check this out and let me know if I’m crazy?!

 Even though each of these 2 clips are only seconds song I can see the potential and as we’re never going to get real life actors playing the characters again this is clearly the best version of them I’ve seen since. Their look reminds me of the darker original comic books of the 80s blended with the 1990 cinematic TMNT.

I’d say give this guy a chance to work his magic, better yet how about a mix of practical fx Turtles AND cgi ala the magic of The original Jurassic Park?! I know it’d never happen Hollywood is clearly unable to wrap their head around filming real fx, with real stunts, clever real life choreography and real old school pyrotechnics. So this seems like the best we might get, but it also feels too much like something fans would like. These days it seems like Hollywood is unwilling to really give fans what they want.  I’m not sure quite why? I’m excited to see the remaining Turtles get the test footage treatment regarless….

VHS Verdict: 80’s ‘Flesheaters from Outer Space’ Invade New Jersey!

Some ‘shot on video’ horror flicks can be a real challenge to get through in my opinion. I always give an “A for effort” but let’s face it, shooting a feature film on a camcorder in the late 1980s doesn’t always equal a real memorable viewing experience. However I can firmly say that if you’re in the mood for some highly ambitious, enjoyable trash that ‘Flesheaters From Outer Space’ all the way back from 1989 surely delivers the damn goods! 

It’s actually got quite an ambitious little plot going on for something made on a shoe string budget. Somehow director, Warren F. Disbrow, manages to for the most part pull it off while slipping in some heavy metal Jersey hunks and babes as well as gore a ‘plenty along the way.  As you can probably imagine the New Jersey area in this Nifty little horror film is a delight to visit and of course features a carnivorous space alien on the loose causing havoc major around around every seedy corner in town. The film goes in a lot of strange directions particularly having a hard time settling on one particular plot narrative to follow. It features a hunky heavy metal band, a woman with psychic powers, a “John Rambo” type drifter as well as an offshoot serial killer storyline trying to interweave into it as well. But all that aside this is really a movie to turn your brain off too becuz ‘Flesheaters from Outer Space’ also really manages to cram in some pretty gory and gooey C-grade monster affects as well for horror hounds to chomp on. Yeah there’s plenty of the red stuff flowing freely here, and a whole motley cadre of numbskulls for this hungry alien creature to munch on.

But it’s not all just horror here, there’s plenty of boobs, butts (men and women), wild 1980s parties, teenage drama and even some unexpected romance as well as a couple musical numbers by a pretty “impressive” glam rock band that’s slightly over stays it’s welcome in the best ways possible. I guess in a way it has a sort of “low-rent x files” type of thing going on as well, at around 90 minutes though it sure does oddly begin to feel it’s run time being much longer than it actually is. However I can’t say in this case it’s a particularly bad thing because this movie never gets boring-it’s is a pretty excellent party flick to enjoy with your friends and a couple of beers. That’s most definitely the best way to view this one. I think it’s likely because the movie goes in so many stupid directions that you feel like you’re getting an overload of ridiculous subplots and without spoiling it all it has one of those relatively abrupt but satisfying endings.

There’s also some pretty cool little twists that you probably will never see coming-I mean it’s no Alfred Hitchcock but it really tries to deliver you the goods and I’ve always got to appreciate the ambition the director had for his shot on video vision. Apparently they filmed a sequel for this in 1998 called ‘Invasion for Flesh and Blood’.

I’m gonna have to seek that out for sure and see if the lighting strikes twice. I see that Troma released this on a double feature disc-but back in the day it was released on video by In the meantime I’m looking forward to checking out the sequel. If you’re looking for something stupid to watch with friends on a Saturday night then this one’s sure to scratch your “so bad it’s good” movie itch. It’s really got it all and you can’t help but find the charm in a movie that really tries it’s best to go for the gold….Oh and there’s no trailer for this one online but there is for the sequel:

VHS Verdict: Corey Feldman Joins Cobra Kai in ‘A DANGEROUS PLACE’?!

As a HUGE fan of the Karate Kid I was perplexed on just how this PM Entertainment film from 1994 had evaded me for ALL these years? I only found out about ‘A Dangerous Place’ when Corey Feldman posted an article on Twitter claiming this was one of his best acting roles. So obviously I needed to check this out ASAP! I was not disappointed and if you’re also a fan of The Karate Kid and love the rip-off movies this one will deliver the god-damn goods!

Essentially what we have going on here is a much darker version of The Karate Kid, Cory Feldman plays a wildly over the top vicious “Johnny Lawrence type” teenager who heads ‘The Scorpions’.  They are as you can probably guess, a “Cobra Kai” like martial arts gang who’re headed by a Sensei very similar to John Kreese. He’s a full on whack job and so are his students…

This however, isn’t beat by beat clone of  The Karate Kid, though clearly inspired it’s far darker and toxally action packed in that classic “PM” vibe. Filled with murder, crime sprees, car chases and even a very slight “supernatural” element, ‘A Dangerous Place’ goes the distance and even has a few twists and turns along the way. But this guy here is real star, a teen truly ready for some damn vengeance!

It’s got some great ass kickin’ martial arts segments as well as a hefty dose of heart and teen drama that really keeps the story pumpin’ along. The film’s main star Ted Jan Roberts has really got all the right moves too, obviously fully proficient in the martial arts, the 14 year old upon first sight, seems like he might be a human punching bag at school.

Quite the contrary, he and his older brother take karate classes together, whose good spirited sensei played by Mako who you might immediately recognize as’ The Wizard’ in Conan the Barbarian. There’s a couple other familiar faces but one of the the real treats happens to be Corey Feldman’s totally over the top character ‘Taylor’ who’s like Johnny Lawrence if he was even more of a teen degenerate.

Taylor robs steals VCRs & motorcycles, often getting into high speed chases on the regular with the cops. He heads a group of teenage criminals who spend their time fighting in high stakes bare knuckle one on one beach fights. Corey’s perfect as the big baddie here and still of course showcases his traditional “Michael Jackson” fashion style, but here more so in “The Way You Make Me Feel” era of the king of pop. 

This was a real treat to see for the first time just now, I was expecting a much more “by the books” Karate Kid retelling which would have been just fine, but ‘A Dangerous Place’ really is a much darker movie with real life threatening stakes. Some of it really caught me off guard and it definitely earns it’s R-Rating.

There are explosions, guns and yeah even a small karate exhibition match that shares some similarities to the classic movie. But if there’s anything that resembles the 1984 classic then those elements go way more over the top. Corey’s character Taylor for instance carries a gun, beats up elderly people after he breaks into their homes and SPOILER might even murder people. Corey shines too in the role, an even bigger more dangerous threat to everyone become in contact with. Luckily Ted Jan Roberts, though barely a teenager, more than rises to the occasion somehow to take on people twice his size. I’m quite curious about that actor now, especially his 1995 film ‘The Power Within’ with William Zabka?! Sign me up!

‘A Dangerous Place’ is a wild R-Rated teen adventure with Corey yet AGAIN playing a high school kid (hey he’s still younger here than Ralph Macchio was in the original Karate Kid), it’s one of my favorite forgotten gems and new discoveries-I hope someone gives this a sweet blu ray ASAP and catapults it to cult status-it need more love!

For the time being the dvd and VHS version of this movie fetch a pretty penny online…

The True Sequel, ‘The Exorcist III’ Ignored By New Trilogy?!

Pleeeeez ‘Pineapple Express’ bros just stop trying to make modern sequels to the classic horror films!! Why has this disturbing trend continued after the dumb dumb Halloween rehash disaster?! Who decided that David Gordon Greene and Danny Mcbride are somehow the new John Carpenter and Clive Barker? This trend is a bit bizarre, I thought when they announced the Halloween “H40” trilogy which ignored all of the lore except for the first film that something strange was afoot. I mean Green and Mcbride were certain that their modern trilogy, which started off as a remake of H20 that erased that iconic 90s showdown, was actually a better idea than Halloween II from 1980 as well, a truly beloved sequel. Obviously a bizarre money grab bringing back Jamie Lee Curtis (to pretend her final showdown in H20 never occurred) and that Halloween 2018 was actually some sort of “new” idea, they seemed successful in somehow fooling the masses into coming along on their imo pathetic trilogy.

Now they are back again-this time to make the “REAL” sequel to the Exorcist-one of the most iconic horror films of all time. Danny Mcbride has apparently penned the true sequel we always deserved! Here’s the new trailer, that erases the events of all of the sequels.

Meanwhile, I’m here to remind everyone that an amazing sequel already exists to the Exorcist, one that was written AND directed by William Peter Blatty who wrote the original story/book to the beloved 1973 film. Everyone who is about to be tricked into this “new legit” timeline from the Pineapple Express bros, I just want to remind you The Exorcist III is the real sequel you need to see/revisit. Don’t let these guys fool you again. Just make sure to completely skip The Exorcist II(1977), it’s one of the worst horror sequels out there, even though it does indeed bring back Linda Blair as Regan. Thankfully Blatty decided to bring the Exorcist back into the spotlight way back in 1990.

The movie, based on his 1983 novel ‘Legion’, is a horror at it’s best and ties to the original film in a very unique and inventive way. In the third installment we follow Lt. William Kinderman, Father Damian Karras as well as Father Dyer, all characters from the first film, who’s in the midst of a murder investigation that oddly resembles a bizarre case of his from fifteen years back. On the trail of a what he believes to be a serial killer, things begin to manifest similarities to the demonic events that occurred almost two decades ago during the original Exorcist. Kinderman begins to suspect there’s more than meets the eye going on as the murders pile up and this time comes face to face with literal demons from the past.

It’s also got a great cast with the likes of George C. Scott, Brad Dourif, Jason miller & Ed Flanders but most of all it’s really it’s own unique legitimate chapter to the Exorcist story. The film is a slow burn but also thick with dread and doesn’t skimp on the scare factor either.

Greene and McBride have stated this is a direct sequel to the first film, of course attempting to capture lightning in a bottle again, this time with two little girls possessed and a poster that attempts to cash in on Blair’s iconic appearance from the original. The trailer also utilizes the classic ‘Tubular Bells’ theme to make the connection to the franchise, but with the overload of factory made demonic possession films we’ve had to endure over the last 20 years this one could easily be lost in the “Blumhouse” if not merely for it’s attached franchise name.

Could this sequel top the third installment? It’s certainly possible, but judging from early reactions I’ve heard it didn’t exactly grip audiences. I’ll give it a shot, but my gut feeling is David Gordon Greene is no William Friedkin and Danny Mcbride is certainly no William Peter Blatty. What this has inspired me to do is pull out the original and follow it up with the third installment to get fully possessed by the brilliance of the real rich lore and again wonder why exactly the Pineapple Express bros think they can yet again craft a better sequel than the series’ creator….. 

MOVIE MELT Returns for Uganda’s FIRST & BEST Action Flick!

The latest episode of Movie Melt is here, where we head deep into the jungle’s of Uganda to cover their very first and greatest action film! You better believe it, ‘Who Killed Captain Alex?’ is a truly special film that really goes the damn distance. This wild and totally unpredictable little production from 2010 comes with a true story behind it that’s maybe even better than the actual film itself!

Director Nabwana I.G.G. has a real love and passion for action flicks of yesteryear and against all the odds set out to make his dream come true-create Uganda’s first over the top bonafide bad ass action movie, complete with the craziest CGI “explosions” & helicopter battles you’ve ever seen! It so ridiculously ambitious and manic while being set in the beauty of Uganda just makes the whole experience that much more intriguing. 

It will make your brain melt. But It’s also got some pretty impressive top notch martial arts, wildly over the top villains and instead of the the normal audio track (which was accidentally erased forever by the director) we’ve got a dude named “V.J. Emmie” from Uganda doing a rip roaring “must hear it to believe it” commentary track to spice thing way up.

 Think Mystery Science Theater by way of Africa-with this bizarre version of the film being the only version in existence. It’s a real bonkers movie experience and the lengths the director went to make this movie a reality are a real charm-we get into all the incredible details of one of the most ambitious low budget cinematic gems out there. But this is only the beginning for Uganda’s intense string of films from director I.G.G.. We also do “battle of the bands” and dicuss all the weird movie mayhem going on today as well as chat about some must see rare forgotten gems in one of the most intriguing episodes of the show! Check this shit out RIGHT HERE!

Oh and if you wanna watch it before we take the deep dive it’s free to watch on Youtube. However I highly recommend supporting Nabwana’s future endeavors in Ugandan action at his website right HERE!! Also pleeez call our answering machine and leave us a message dial (724) 246-4669 and let us know what you think of the show or tell us about any crazy cinematic shit you’re lil’ heart desires!!

Monster “Home Appliance Horror” from 1980s Japan: BATTLE HEATER!

There’s been some weirdo horror films out there that feature home appliances that go crazy-movies like ‘The Refrigerator’, ‘Death Bed’ and ‘Pulse’ to name a few but I’ve never seen anything quite like the Japanese creature feature BATTLE HEATER from 1989….

I’d never heard a peep about this until about a week ago, but this little slice of late 80s oddball cinema is essentially a monster movie, with some pretty clever comedy, punk rock and a cast of memorable eccentric characters that keep the party raging until it’s crazy finale. Right from the opening it’s clear you’re in for something quite special, the movie’s title appears onscreen as some sort of UFO/meteorite crashing to the ground and knocking a bad ass samurai style “Ghostbuster” straight into space.

That’s just the start as the story then follows two kooky electronics repairmen who grab a possessed “kotatsu”, a low wooden table frame, underneath is a heat source, built into the table itself. Yes, the table is an evil force to be reckoned with (a possessed appliance!) and one of the repairmen takes it home with him to his super stylin’, spooky apartment complex. The setting is most definitely one of my favorite things about this one, without the creature aspect the building itself looks like one giant haunted maze-with some really interesting decor in it’s lobby and dark hallways that really add to the film’s general uncanny tone.

Here things begin to go off the rails as our hero’s neighbors are all quite mysterious characters in their own right. On one side of his apartment he’s got a murderous couple, who’re trying dispose of the body parts of one of their most recent kills and on the other a wild rockabilly punk rock band with a serious attitude problem to contend with. Slowly this “possessed” heater begins to develop a mind of his own and a serious appetite. It begins to resemble something straight out of 1982’s ‘The Thing’ as it develops tentacles and slimy jaws of death and begins to venture out into the apartment building to feast on unsuspecting victims. The practical fx here are really quite well done and by the finale it’s a gooey visual feast on the eyes. The whole thing is quite as ambitious as it ludicrous.

I really like this era of film, the late 80’s have just the right touch (great monster effects devoid of CGI) and seeing this bizzaro horror comedy’s wild plot unfold onscreen is a real treat. It isn’t all a total farce either, though there’s a few obvious call backs to classic horror films, ‘Battle Heater’ has some great memorable and equally likable characters, even some romance and a madcap plot that’s truly unlike anything I’ve seen before.

As a HUGE fan of monster movies I’d say this is easily one of my favorite recent discoveries-it hits all the right beats for me with enough quirky charm, 80s Japanese fashion, manic energy and a final act that ramps up the craziness in the most unexpected and glorious ways. Things take some pretty ridiculous twists and turns as the table heater grows in size and our bumbling electronics repairmen have to rise to the occasion to survive the monster as well as their creepy neighbors.

The whole thing looks beautiful too, filmed with impressive spooky foggy atmosphere, great creepy detailed sets and some sweet Japanese punk numbers to liven things things up. It’s a straight up horror comedy but also has some stakes as well a few frightening sequences- director George lida has crafted some other unique horror films of note, the likes of Cyclops (1987), Spiral (1998) & Another Heaven (2000).  ‘Battle Heater’ however really delivers the spectacle in that classic late 80’s vibe and makes me so damn curious about just what other gems from Japan are still awaiting for me to discover? In the meantime I highly recommend this largely forgotten piece of truly 1980s horror. I got the copy pictured above from Far East Flix-most definitely a fun website to browse!

INDIANA JONES & The DIAL of DESTINY: A Modern Classic?

Well the wait is finally over, we finally got the sequel we’ve ALL been waiting for over 15 years right?! The ultimate redemption from the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull? The exhilarating final chapter in the Indiana Jones saga FINALLY done like a real Indiana Jones classic….unfortunately it isn’t the fifth installment, The Dial of Destiny. I don’t want to waste too much time here as everyone and their mom has got an opinion on this BIG summer blockbuster. It’s not the greatest Indy sequel as a lot of people out there are claiming and it’s certainly not the “worst movie of the year” as many professional Disney hating man-babies seem to be obsessed with proclaiming. Nope it’s just a very servicable, mediocre end to an epic iconic 80s franchise. It’s definitely a step above Kingdom of the Crystal skull, not by much, but it manages to feel a bit more organic in some ways at least. Based just on the story IMO Kingdom of the Crystal Skull remains the better Indy adventure at least on paper, but how poorly it was executed onscreen left even the most die hard Indy fans scratching their heads in disbelief.

 Well the latest installment tries its best(?) to make up for the wrongs of the previous movie. However it starts off feeling a bit too much like its predecessor with a de-aged CGI faced Harrison Ford in a far too long opening sequence jam-packed with tons of wonky CGI and green screen backdrops. This attempt at bringing a younger Indiana Jones to life really felt like an AI imitation at best. I’m still baffled that they didn’t choose to hire Anthony Ingruber for the sequence, whose uncanny resemblance to real life Harrison Ford in ‘Age of Adeline’ left fans clamoring for him to be cast as young Han Solo. Instead in true Disney fashion they choose to use some weird looking digital de-aging technique to try and capture the old magic. In my opinion they end up with something that feels a somewhat soul-less Chat GPT written imitation Indiana Jones opening action sequences.

From that point the movie slightly improves and we get taken on an adventure teaming up Indiana Jones randomly with his God daughter Helena, nicknamed “Wombat”. This character right now is being trashed by the people obsessed with “woke Hollywood”, I personally don’t see that angle here with her. All in all the character of Helena is just fine and never rises much anywhere above that. In many ways she’s essentially “the new Mutt Williams”, who was conveniently killed off, offscreen to make way for the new female sidekick who resembles his son far too much in attitude. I personally would’ve rather they stuck with the landing and just brought Mutt back rather trying to now set up & sell us Indiana Jones’s long lost God daughter, whose father was a “one off” character we’ve never seen before except in the first 20 minute CG heavy opening. I just didn’t feel the connection.

Also they do sort of pull a “Force Awakens” Hans Solo style treatment to Indiana Jones as he’s now separated from new wife Marion Ravenwood (who he just married at the finale of the last film) over the death of their son. We basically are forced to spend time in this installment erasing everything that came before in KOTCS and frankly to me it’s a little bit redundant. From there they embark on a globe-trotting adventure in a race against a group of modern day Nazi’s. They also team up with what I assume to be an attempt bring us a new “Short Round” in the character of Teddy. Unfortunately those shoes are just too damn hard to fill, and Teddy doesn’t quite have the charisma, that being said he’s an ok addition to the cast. The big problem here, everything is just sorta “okay” like a vanilla soft serve ice cream from McDonald’s. It’s totally fine if you’re jonesin’ for a cool treat and there’s nothing else around.

To make a loooooong story short ‘The Dial of Destiny’ is just too damn long, its “comedy” never fully lands, it’s action sequences (which mainly revolve around long car chases) aren’t particularly interesting and the whole thing just feels very unnecessary. Especially when it feels like it really doesn’t build upon what had come directly before it. That being said though, like the previous at least it didn’t spend its time trying to be a “best of/call back” adventure movie. It again at least has its own identity. Though it again did employ its fair share of CGI it was convincing enough to not pull us into the realm of another emabarrassing Crystal Skull experience. As a big fan I think there needed to be a few key things to really consider for a home run smash hit to a modern Indiana Jones finale: No CGI, film it ALL practical. No de-aging for his young opening, cast a REAL person. Bring back key characters that we care about to go on the adventure. Finish it off with at least a good George Lucas original story idea-just to keep it authentic. I spent some time years ago coming up with what I though might be a compelling way to craft part 5 –I posted that very idea HERE.

I’m really not exactly sure what the point of this last installment truly was, It actually just sort of brings things full circle back to the end of Crystal Skull. It features an aging adventurer who’s seen better days and had so many more exhilarating adventures than what they decided again to bring onto the big screen so many years later. I guess this really just might’ve been trying to set up a new franchise for Helena & Teddy? Sitting in the theater, I couldn’t help but think how incredible this movie could’ve been had they chosen to employ Ke Huy Kuan again as Short Round & for some of the movie at least utilizing Marion Ravenwood and maybe even his son Mutt. Moving things forward rather than course correcting. The fact that they didn’t choose to at the very least bring back Short Round is bewildering to me. Making me realize just how seriously out of touch big Hollywood is with what fans would find as a truly heartfelt send off for Indiana Jones’s final adventure. 

My final thoughts- I guess I can say this last installment was a lot better than i’d initially expected it to be. However it really made me realize just how badly I truly want them to stop making unnecessary “sequels” to my favorite 80s movies. Whatever filmmaking magic they were able to conjure up back then today feels like an impossibility. Again another missed opportunity to bring back the true heart and soul of  indiana Jones one last time. For me the fitting end was The Last Crusade, but today I witnessed the most mediocre finale to likely my favorite film series of all time….