Category: comedy
VHS Verdict: 1987’s ‘Order of the Black Eagle’ & the Return of Typhoon the Baboon!
I watched Order of the Black Eagle, a VHS that I was pretty pumped to see that’s currently stuck in “video only” limbo and is the sequel to 1986’s ‘Unmasking The Idol’. That one got a sweet Vinegar Syndrome blu ray release-that you just got to pick up if you’re looking for a total 80’s action banger. I was lucky enough to see the first installment here on the big screen in Portland, OR at the iconic Cinematic Theater with in a packed theater and boy was it a crowd pleaser! The star of the show is really the main character’s (a 007 style secret agent named “Duncan Jax”) animal sidekick, a Baboon named Typhoon, who’s got his own damn Letterboxd actor page! The lil guy kicks a LOT of ass in the first film. This of course is while he wears a tuxedo, does martial arts moves and flips people the bird whenever he gets the opportunity!
I HIGHLY recommend picking up that on blu ray-so I was naturally super stoked to find that the movie had a sequel from 1987! Made just a year later, so peeps must have been just as pumped as I was about this nifty little fully over the top adventure romp. Yes- Even more shenanigans from Duncan Jax AND of COURSE Typhoon the baboon. Sign me up! I’m a total sucker for 1980s adventure films jam packed with all the thing that make the era such a unique time for action filled with real explosions and crazy commandos.
Well I found it on VHS and threw up the projector and gave ‘Order of the Black Eagle’ an eager viewing. The rundown goes something like this: On a remote island, inside of a strange castle a gang of ambitious Neo nazi’s have an outrageous plan to revive Hitler from the dead. It’s up to Jax and his rag tag gang of super spies to infiltrate this evil clan and make sure Hitler stays dead forever! Now that’s some incentive huh?! He’s the ultimate evil looking a little waxy while still in suspended animation.
Well along the way we do get quite an adventure, full of explosions, lots of guns, jungles, babes, hunks, evil masterminds and over the top bastard henchmen. It’s pretty fun little dumb pulpy romp that unfortunately is a bit light on Typhoon the baboon and with his role significantly diminished in the second installment the film unfortunately begins to devolve into a generic rich white playboy secret agent man who simply doesn’t have the charm (or the script) of the real James Bond. Luckily he’s joined by a gang of gun crazy numb nuts the likes of this guy right here:
Typhoon was likely the main reason why ‘Unmasking the Idol’ felt SO special-no matter how many explosions you throw at us. Sure it’s still fun to see Hitler’s resurrection get foiled and Jax’s team of tough guys/gals (who barely get any character development) go to town on a huge nazi militia BUT what we really all came to actually see was the damn BABOON! And when he does appear the vibe obviously changes quickly as his charisma level is pretty much through the roof.
So what exactly was Typhoon doing most of the time here? Well even though he wasn’t on screen nearly as much as the last film-he still go plenty moments to flip people off (which never seems to get old) and also his big “highlight” comes when he jumps in a miniature primate sized tank(as seen in the above pic) and blows up a dozen Neo-nazis. So it’s still got a few entertaining chops under it’s sleeve but this time around most of the action involves Jax and his new band of misfit commandos-which is still a lot of fun to behold but still manages to be a bit bland at least in comparison to the first installment.
This also falls a bit into the “Indiana Jones rip-off” sub genre more this time, with lots of island jungle chases, river boating and shoddy cheap-o adventuring inside a castle temple that looks like it’s made out of cardboard. Count me in for anything from the era that strives to give us some “Indy action flavor”, It feels like I’m cutting this film down but it really does make for a fun midnight flick and I personally think Vinegar Syndrome should have released both films in a 2-pack.
This is in serious need of a new transfer as well as a some intense sound editing, the VHS version of the film’s dialogue is severely buried in the background noises and loud score. Overall ‘Order of the Black Eagle’ is a bit of a subpar sequel to a near perfect first installment-obviously it need more of Typhoon the baboon but had THIS been a stand-alone film I think it still would be deserving of a small but dedicated cult following. If you haven’t seen ‘Unmasking the Idol’ though you’re in for a real treat, just keep in mind that the sequel doesn’t really improve on much and it’s clear why a third film never materialized…
Thanksgiving 2023 Movie Pick: Rock n’ Roll Mimes, PCP & Magic Tricks in 1981’s Forgotten Holiday Slasher HOME SWEET HOME!
So it seems ‘Blood Rage’ has been ALL the rage as “the first” Thanksgiving slasher flick, the go to holiday horror-BUT what about the homicidal “roid rage” of 1981’s turkey dinner of terror ‘HOME SWEET HOME’?! Yeah- this year it’s time for a new musclebound maniac to go fully unhinged and ruin the family gathering. Home Sweet Home is like Lou Ferrigno jacked up on PCP obliterating anyone who gets in his way on turkey day. He’s literally a brainless hulking beast-who for some unknown reason has gone fully ballistic. Yes this one’s flown under the radar for FAR too long!!
It’s also got a pretty god damn ridiculous cast of characters that get together during Thanksgiving for a total feast- one being a young man named “Mistake Bradley” (how awesome is that?) who dresses up like a mime all the time especially for Thanksgiving and shreds some hot licks on the guitar at the drop of a dime! This guy definitely should have been the main character, one of the most bizarre slasher victims, hands down that I’ve ever seen put to film. He’s also likely one of the most irritating characters you could ever have at a Thanksgiving gathering! Unbelievable. He’s to me at least the main reason to watch this weird little early 80s slasher. Oh yeah and he wears a guitar amplifier backpack!
But honestly this guy is not the only character that has to be seen to believe be believed here, most of the people at this gathering are complete boneheads. and he’s most definitely NOT the only one who plays guitar all the time- there’s also an over the top “Mexican” woman who busts out into ridiculous songs at any given moment also. It just so turns out Mistake Bradley is in love with her too. A horny couple also arrives in they’re convertible and decide randomly to try to have sex right out in front of the driveway, in broad daylight as the people inside are getting ready for Thanksgiving dinner. Meanwhile 80’s fitness icon Jake “Body by Jake” Steinfeld roams around sweating his ass off, with his muscles bulging, murdering seemingly random people any chance he gets. He opens the movie by mowing down an old grandmother (in a car he’s just stolen from a guy who’s neck he’s just broken) while she’s innocently walking in the cross walk.
He also has “Home Sweet Home” tattooed on his hand and continuously laughs like a total psychopath after he does the deed. Yeah most of this movie is a real site to behold but right around the third act the film sadly does start to drag a little bit as most of the film’s most insanely idiotic characters have already been slaughtered like a Thanksgiving turkey. I really hoped they’d all team up to destroy “Insane Jake” but ultimately the tone shifts wildly and these charming idiots are sadly just there to be prey for the big guy.
I can’t tell you how depressed I was when the “rock and roll mime” Mistake was taken out of the equation, I mean he also randomly performs ridiculous magic tricks for the guests who were clearly NOT interested in his shtick. I really do think he’s one of the greatest movie characters I’ve ever seen, so for THAT alone this movie is a must watch.
Unfortunately the version that I watched on YouTube must have been a rip from an old VHS tape and most of it was incredibly hard to see especially the dark scenes at night. Pure blackness..surely this thing could’ve used a tighter edit in the third act (even though it’s only 83 minutes long) but I think it’s most definitely is a contender for a sweet blu ray release where you can actually see what the hell is going on during the night time finale. The VHS version of this too is a pretty penny to purchase. So home Sweet Home has got a lot going for it, there’s plenty of hot babes here too, hunky morons, a few wild inventive kills and a cast so wild it gives ‘Blood Rage’ some serious competition for best Thanksgiving slasher!!
Monster Puppets, Magic & Mystery: ONYX The FORTUITOUS & The TALISMAN of SOULS
I went into ‘ONYX The FORTUITOUS & The TALISMAN of SOULS’ not knowing much of what to expect except that it apparently had Barbara Crampton and Jeffrey Combs in it, which I assumed would likely be small cameos. However this new horror comedy was a breath of fresh air and though it did only feature Crampton in a cameo, Combs was a major player here as the movie’s sinister villain. Better yet the film’s jam packed with some really sharp comedy, mainly from the film’s writer, director, editor and star of the film Andrew Bowser who plays the severely socially awkward character Marcus (but he prefers to be called Onyx the Fortuitous). Marcus lives with his mom, works at a fast-food burger joint and gets zero respect from anyone.
He’s quite a strange character who’s brand of humor is likely to divide audiences-luckily I thought he was pretty entertaining but I can see how he could be a bit too much for certain people to endure. Almost like fast talking “Napoleon Dynamite” whose mannerisms sorta have to be seen to be fully embraced. Apparently Andrew Bowser has been doing the character on Youtube for a while now and this is his feature film debut.
Anyway Marcus’ life has reached an all time low when it’s apparent he’s got no real friends or meaningful relationships that is until he wins a contest to a weekend stay at a creepy mansion hosted by his favorite online Satanic occult personality “Bartok the Great” and his sexy assistant Farrah. There he meets a cast off oddball characters who’ve also won this odd vacation opportunity. However they get much more than they bargained for when they realize all is not as it seems and there’s a much more sinister plan afoot that catapults them into bizarre mystery leaving them trapped inside the stronghold. The best thing about this weird little horror comedy are the uniquely ridiculous characters we follow. As Marcus, who convinces the rest of the crew to call him “Onyx” isn’t strange enough he’s joined by a solid supporting cast.
Jeffrey Combs delivers the goods here too, he’s not phoning it in and we all know when he’s on top of his game he’s a cinematic genius to behold. The film’s cast really pushes this one along at a brisk pace with plenty of heart and intrigue-but there’s more for old school horror fans. The special fx here also take center stage with some truly impressive creatures that are brought to life via some incredible puppetry and animatronics. This one would make even Jim Henson’s Creature Shop a bit jealous I think. Minimal CGI here is greatly appreciated and it shows just how special a production can feel when filled with creations that are actually on set.
That all being said I wish that they’d have gotten a bit more screen time, most of the stunning puppetry is contained to one key sequence. The trailer does make it look a little more fully loaded with monsters, still maybe less is more in this case and the movie might’ve benefitted more from the way it’s characters, at the end of the day, shine more than any crazy gore or bloodthirsty creatures. This one’s comedy which I think is pretty razor sharp for the most parts (aside from maybe getting a little too cutesy at the finale) is really the main attraction. But that doesn’t mean the film doesn’t look great-it’s got the spooky atmosphere nailed down but could’ve utilized the set pieces a bit more to really push the adventure to the next level. All in all though this one was a real delight and a bonafide vanity project from Andrew Bowser that’s bound to end up a modern day cult classic.
It’s got the FX, the humor, colorful characters, mystery, totally excellent puppet monsters and just the right amount of heart to give it some emotional weight. Check this one out if you’re looking for something a bit different-hopefully you’ll find Andrew’s character “Onyx” as hilarious as I did-that being said-you’ve been WARNED!!
MOVIE MELT Podcast Goes Back to Hong Kong for the Wild Sexy 90s Horror of the ‘WIZARD’S CURSE’!!
Movie Melt is back and this time I’ve chosen the movie showcased on the latest episode, 1992’s WIZARD’S CURSE! This totally bonkers horror, sex comedy, martial arts hybrid flick is one of my absolute favorites & features the legendary late great ass kickin’ monster hunter Lam Ching Ying aka “Mr. Vampire” in perhaps his most over the top adventure of his filmography. You might have read my review on this one right here on U-dork a few years back. Well it was time to try and get this film a bigger following in the USA and Movie Melt is the BEST spot to make my case for this oddity.
A pair of “on the run” criminal lovers rumored to be practitioners of dark magic are hunted down by local police lead by a taoist demon hunter (Lam Ching Ying). Using his own unique supernatural abilities he aids the cops in killing them but alas, a local crazy cult leader with a creepy ass sewer dungeon lair steals their corpses, resurrects them into one shared physical body, granting them superhuman powers, a wild sex drive & leaving them thirsting for human brains. Creating the ultimate monster-the “TERRIFIC VAMPIRE”. Oh and by the way the Terrific Vampire has a glowing 20 foot long penis that is uses to bludgeon people to death-it’s quite a sight! Check this shit out:
Anyway we go deep into the film’s bizarre plot point, fx, the director and also talk about cool films you just might wanna check out. Oh of course we feature a “battle of the bands” segment that will turn your brain into Swiss cheese too!! Here’s a film that the blu ray companies like Vinegar Syndrome need to take note of-The Wizard’s Curse is unlike anything you’ve likely seen before. CHECK OUT THE MAYHEM RIGHT HERE!!!
Oh and here’s full film for moment up on Youtube it far to sassy to be shown here on Universal Dork as you can see:
Movie Review: Tom Delonge Reveals the “Alien Conspiracy” in MONSTERS OF CALIFORNIA?
I took a chance the other night out of sheer boredom and stopped by the Redbox kiosk at the grocery store to give Blink 182’s Tom Delonge’s first directorial effort a shot-MONSTERS OF CALIFORNIA. I’ve been a bit curious about this for a while now, specifically curious about just what the hell Tom’s agenda is these days as he’s hooked up with Government officials apparently to slowly reveal the “alien agenda” softly to the public. He’s been a BIG alien buff for quite sometime and of course I can totally respect his efforts. But as he’s been hangin’ with the gov’t big wigs I became even more curious just how much he can really be trusted to deliver the truth?
Well here we likely get a glimpse into the thing perhaps he’s trying to reveal in his first “To The Stars Academy” film. I think his heart is sort of in the right place movie wise-trying to put together a of Gov’t conspiracy type of film that appears to be inspired by himself and likely his Blink bandmates. He goes hard with the 90’s/early 2000’s humor which frankly didn’t surprise me one bit some of it lands and well some fall as flat as a Blink B-side. Trying here to not be too PC, we get an onslaught of dick jokes and “I wanna bang your mom and you sister” type of ‘Enema of the State” style stoner humor that sometimes hits but mostly feels a bit generic and safe. Still though he tries his best to create characters and situations that you might feel lifted from an old 80s Spielberg flick as you get three teen dudes who’re obsessed with the paranormal. They spend much of their time trying to prove the existence of ghosts, aliens, the afterlife and yes of course Sasquatch.
Throw in some generic teen “romance and family drama for good measure and you get a sort of “by the books” supernatural adventure that feels oddly familiar. The characters are likable enough, but the only one who really gets any real depth is our lead played by Jack Samson, who in the movie is severely depressed at the disappearance (death?) of his father. His dad was apparently involved in some top secret shit that involved government secrets into the supernatural realm of thing like cryptids and flying saucers. The kid and his friends discover some classified coordinates to paranormal “hot spots” setting out on an adventure to expose the truth and also get to the bottom of the kid’s missing dad. However the Government isn’t too happy with the teens meddling into these top secret affairs and soon it’s a race against time for survival as things quickly spiral out of control.
I think Monsters of California is good watch if you’re looking for something fun at the Safeway Redbox. Tom Delonge tries his best to craft a quirky adventure, some of it works and some of it feels a bit too ham-fisted at times. The special fx are for the most part pretty decent too, aside from the CG ghost the teens encounter, which I think they shouldn’t have shown at all. One of the main problems here is the full reveal of supernatural entities being “real” within the first few minutes sort of spoils the fun. That being said, there’s actually a pretty cool looking Bigfoot that employs some sweet practical fx and a few solid laughs. The movie in general looks pretty great and it’s definitely not a bad effort at all for Delonge. It’s just a bit too timid and doesn’t bring anything new to the table, staying too firmly within boundaries that probably needed to be pushed a bit to make this a memorable cinematic experience. This is first and foremost a comedy but I can’t help but feel as if Delonge is trying to send us some sort of “message” here as to what he’s been privy to with his real life government connections.
It’s really anyones guess, but the movie clearly has a strong narrative and I do wonder if what we’re shown here is at least a vague idea of what he thinks is really going on with all of these UFO or now “UAP” sightings. Personally I believe Tom might’ve been purposely given dis-information from the Government about the alien phenomenon to spread to the public-time will tell I suppose. However maybe he does really know something we don’t and I guess ‘Monsters of California’ likely gives us a glimpse of what Delonge thinks is happening. I’d say this is worth a watch if you’re hanging around a Redbox, but don’t go too far out of your way to watch it-as it’s a fairly familiar, slightly generic foray into the mind of Tom Delonge and the alien conspiracy….
Forgotten Halloween Gems: The Gory SOV Teen Horrors of 1991’s ‘SOUL OF THE DEMON’!!
Halloween is JUST around the corner and I’ve been on the move hunting down the coolest, forgotten, under-seen Halloween themed horror films. I highly recommended 1991’s ‘SOUL OF THE DEMON’ a largely unknown shot on video film needs a bigger cult following as it’s packed with some really fun characters and practical fx as well as taking place on Halloween night!
If you’re familiar with SOV films you likely know that many of them can be a bit of an intentional slow burn, but while ‘Soul of the Demon’ doesn’t have the budget of many of the more popular indie horror of the era it’s really got all the right moves, at least for me! At a lean runtime under 80 minutes you can’t really go wrong giving this a whirl.
It’s got a great set up, two teens skipping school head off on their BMX bikes to secluded pond and find a strange cursed demonic artifact. They take it home on Halloween night and it becomes the source of evil-possessing far too curious teenager and spoiling a raunchy Halloween get-together at a creepy abandoned house with a spree of satanic bloodshed.
There’s also a ridiculous teen basketball game montage, a BMX bike montage, plenty of sexy bonehead humor and some cool special effects you might not expect for a shot on video film from of the era. Once the horny teens take a break from being sex maniacs and decide to conduct a serious seance, things quickly escalate into a full blown horror buffet of gooey gore.
It’s a film that was clearly not just thrown together carelessly and I’m a bit surprised it’s remains so far under everyone’s radar for a Halloween themed horror film. The director, Charles T. Lang, got all the bang for his buck and his style of filming is pretty ambitious for being shot on video. He’s got plenty of cool camera angles and tricks up his sleeve here that give it a much more cinematic feel than most SOV flicks.
There’s a lot of fun to had here, with a bit of a “Night of the Demons” vibe here going on and our teen characters are pretty hilarious as well sporting some pretty great over the top teen dialogue, impressive mullets, Misfits tees and 80s style party favors to enjoy. Sure like most SOV films it might take a little long for the real action to really get going, but once it does there’s some great gore and make up fx on display.
There’s a pretty impressive finale crafted as well with some excellent animated special fx you almost never see in a movie shot on tape. My one complaint is as much as the kids talk about it being Halloween there’s pretty much no Halloween decor anywhere in sight.
I really do like the seasonal horror films to at least try to sell the holiday on film and unless I missed something I think it really could’ve used a boost in that aspect. Regardless, it’s a pretty great forgotten demonic possession Halloween film that rightly deserves much more attention-I found it on a cheap-o six film dvd package for under ten bucks on Ebay.
So to me that means it’s really ripe for the ripe for the picking for any of these blu-ray labels out there looking for their next release next Halloween. It probably wouldn’t cost a fortune to get the rights to put it out. ‘Soul of the Demon’ is sure to be a real treat for cult horror fanatics. It gets the job done with its own unique blend of SOV practical monster, gore and even animated fx that make this a killer standout among the niche genre.
The director’s got one other film out there listed on Letterbox I’ll need to check out-but in the meantime if you’re looking for something much more obscure this year to check out for Halloween I highly recommend ‘Soul of the Demon’ if you’re a fan of the SOV genre, I think this is one of the best it has to offer!! And as it’s short notice the whole damn thing is up on YouTube for the moment at least!
MOVIE MELT Podcast: “Squatchtober” Returns With LITTLE BIGFOOT 2!!
Halloween is all the rage, but what the F#$K about “Squatchtober”?! Well it’s back whether you like it or not-so is LITTLE BIGFOOT! Some people might not have wanted a Little Bigfoot sequel-but you got one anyway and here on Movie Melt we go DEEP into the sequel! If you are a giant fan of the PM Entertainment franchise you are in such luck. All the info and unique trivia you ever wanted to know about ‘Little Bigfoot 2’ is awaiting you right HERE on the latest episode!
‘Little Bigfoot 2: The Journey Home’ follows the exploits of a single parent family on a camping trip, yeah three kids and one helluva annoying dad who thinks he’s the most amusing guy on the planet head out into the woods where they run into a weird small man in an animatronic Bigfoot costume that sorta Romas around d the woods with a blank lifeless look on his face, wait, no that’s the star of the show-Little Bigfoot himself! Apparently he’s lost his family to an evil landowner, who wants to put the creatures in a circus, Little Bigfoot is homesick and severely depressed (coulda fooled me-he seems pretty emotionless about the whole affair actually) and his only hope is this little gang of kids to help him get home to his crew and avoid the evil men out to get him!
Yes! We cover all the bases here and even have a wild n’ crazy Bigfoot themed “battle of the bands” to really get you in the mood for some Sasquatch action! We also cover some movies we’ve been watching on our own time that we think you need to check out and soooo much more cinematic brain candy to make your mind melt like a Halloween Hershey’s bar! Check out the latest episode of MOVIE MELT RIGHT HERE!!!
Forgotten Halloween Gems: Brad “CHUCKY” Dourif Astral Projects in THE HAZING!
Over the years I’ve always wondered what Brad Dourif was up to in the early 2000s in between his stints as the horror icon Chucky-well this year I can tell you in 2004 he was in a largely overlooked and forgotten Halloween themed gem called THE HAZING from 2004. Believe it or not the 2000s had some under looked horror gems and this one’s ripe for the season. Released on VHS as ‘Dead Scared’ we’ve got a flick here that’s in need of a bigger cult following and a fancy pants blu ray release as well. It’s got all the right spooky moves and is the perfect party monster mash up. From director Rolfe Kanefsky who also is known in die hard horror circles for his cult classic ‘There’s Nothing Out There’ from 1991 and his weird erotic 90’s software films, this appears to likely be his only “other cool” horror film.
Taking place on Halloween we have the spooky tale of a deranged college professor played by none other than ‘Chucky’ himself Brad Dourif. He’s a weirdo who loves to dabble in occult black magic with his cursed demonic book and brutally murder hot women who are essentially throwing themselves all over him and keep their dead bodies in his basement dungeon! What gives Brad?! You just don’t know when you got it so good as an old geezer! Anyway as he’s doing what he apparently loves to do on his downtime, a Frat & Sorority are conducting their annual Halloween “hazing” ritual where in costume, they’ve got to go on a weird wild goose chase for some strange objects and one of the items is a book similar to the one Brad uses. Can you see where this is going?
Things get off to an innocent start, until one pair of “hazee’s” decide to break into Professor Brad’s house to find the book-there they stumble upon him down in his dungeon of terror, get into a scuffle and nearly kill him by pushing him onto a taxidermy animal horn. They flee the scene with his cursed book thinking they won’t get caught and head over to complete “the hazing” at a spooky mansion where the frat bros and sisters are waiting to scare them. One BIG problem-Brad Dourif isn’t dead, but in some sort of coma as the police rush him to the hospital. There in his altered states he astral projects and possesses the college kids and traps them inside the mansion where he can open a gate to hell and steal their souls!!
There’s a ton of Halloween themed fun here, great atmosphere, some well done but cheezy practical fx, likable characters and some pretty good scares too. Brad legitimizes the whole affair, the guy to his credit never phones in a damn performance. Yeah Brad shines as the creepy villain and when his astral body possesses the guys AND the gals their face via some nifty make up fx look just him in his more advanced age.
It’s a highly amusing aspect of the movie and the film most definitely draws it’s frenetic energy more the the 1980s than the early 2000s. Brad’s definitely one of the main attractions here and the other being “scream queen” Tiffany Shepis’ butt!! I’m sorry I HAD to say it and I’m not trying to be pervy but (no pun intended) I watched it with a group of guys and gals and at the end of the movie they all brought up the elephant in the room-how awe inducing her butt was-trust me if you watch ‘The Hazing’ you’ll know EXACTLY what I’m talking about!
Anyway enough about that. The Hazing was a great little surprise with plenty of the season’s spooky cheer. The 2000’s seems to get shit on a lot for it’s horror films but there are actually quite a few solid gems out there and The Hazing has joined the ranks as one of the good ones. If you took Night of the Demon, Hell Night and the Evil Dead 2 and put them all in a blender in the Y2K era you’d end up with this little obscurity. Not quite as iconic as all of those by themselves but a decent blend filled with lots of creepy halloween atmosphere, hot babes, some surprising twists and some gooey fx.
Plus the characters here don’t fall prey to the normal tropes, IE the nerdy asian guy & the “blonde bimbo” played by Nectar Rose aren’t playing by the somewhat tired stereotypical horror rules that came before in the 1980s and 90s. So if you’re looking for HALLOWEEN themed horror from an era that’s not quite as pretentious as most of today’s horror films you just can’t go wrong with The Hazing!
Forgotten Halloween Gems: ‘HELLBENT’ Was The First Gay Slasher?!
I’ve been looking for some different films to watch this Halloween season-We’re now over halfway through October and for me it’s all about “Halloween themed” horror! But this year I’m feeling a lot more like branching out than ever before & watching some of those usual traditional flicks can get a little bit boring each & every year in my opinion. So if you’re feeling like I am & looking for something worth a real watch then you’ve come to the right place I’m going to throw a few gems your way that take place on Halloween! Well back in 2004 “the first gay slasher” was released and largely ignored by the horror community, HELLBENT lives up to the tag line and also takes place on Halloween night! Not only that but it’s a pretty damn solid slasher with unique, likeable characters and some good suspense to keep your heart a’ poundin’.
The only totally gay horror flick of its kind I’ve ever seen, (I guess there might’ve been another one similar on Hulu a couple years back called ‘Into the Dark: Midnight Kiss’ that sort of had this same vibe?) Hellbent though was way ahead of the curve, coming out of the closet almost 20 years ago now, making a purely gay horror movie that during the time was pushing the boundaries of what you might see in your local video store (remember those?). I don’t think the characters here act like the gay stereotypes we’ve seen in most films, instead the director wanted to insert slasher movie character/victim tropes of the 70s, 80s and 90s. So what we kind of get here is more of the “traditional slasher” characters but given the gay twist. In some ways the characters end up feeling almost like they were plucked right out of ‘American Pie’, I’d say the best factor of this movie is just how endearing the characters are. Most slasher films of the past and especially the present feature a lot of people who you might sorta hope die at the hands of the psychotic sicko because they’re just so damn annoying. Not the case here, I really didn’t want to see ANY of them die and that’s a big part of what makes a good horror film so much more engaging, the suspense and the wonder of who, if anyone at all is going to survive.
Back to my “American Pie” comparison, ‘Hellbent’ does feature a gang of pretty hilarious horny gay guys going out on the town during Halloween night, headed off to a wild pride costume party, with fore-knowledge of a vicious serial killer on the loose who’s already murdered two hunky gay men. The main slasher villain is pretty imposing, he’s basically built like Arnold Schwarzenegger, wears a red devil mask, no shirt and carries a sharp sickle that he uses to decapitate his prey. In other words he’s an evil silent force to be reckoned with and his motives are never quite clear-but it’s implied he might be repressed and mentally deranged. It’s anyones guess!
‘Hellbent’ has also got a lot of solid locations for a horror movie as well, some taking place in the midst of the party, a heavily wooded foggy park and some of the most vicious scenes right on the dance floor. There’s plenty of Halloween decor to absorb as well as some creepy misty atmosphere, despite the fact the film was shot on digital video which can at times be a bit shoddy looking and at other times quite fantastic, you can clearly tell that the director put a lot of passion trying to give it just the right vibe. Sadly some of it’s scenes can look a bit inconsistent in presentation-maybe a clean blu ray restoration could clear that all up? That would be nice.
So does this slasher deliver the the gory kills? While it’s not a total bloodbath, there are enough ghastly kills too keep you on the edge of your seat, covering your eyes and I’ll go as far to say this is one of the best slasher films I’ve seen of the 2000’s Y2K era. But it’s all not just blood-and-guts as there’s plenty of well delivered comedy and even a surprising amount of romance in the air for this gang of wild and crazy dudes. As you might expect, not everyone makes it out of the predicament alive and it’s tension rises as you try to figure out who’ll be the last to survive this grizzly Halloween night party massacre!
I’ve never quite seen a horror movie quite like it, you’d think in 2023 this sort of concept would be all the rage. But this one doesn’t make a giant deal out of the fact that our main characters are all gay, instead they just happen to be gay and put into an extremely tense situation. Hellbent also doesn’t preach to the audience or bring up tired tropes about aids or even dabble in homophobia, it rather showcases a sweeter side of being gay and having cool friends to hang out out and party with…
It’s not trying to lecture you either, like a lot of films currently seem to feel the need to try to do, it’s just trying to give you a good Halloween horror adventure with characters to root for- just like many of the great slasher films of the iconic 80’s era. This one deserves a lot more love and I’m certain it’s bound to soon be discovered again by a new generation of horror fans and build a firm cult following.
Back in 2004 it played the gay & lesbian film festival circuit and was released on dvd by TLA Releasing, a global leader in LGBTQ films. It’s been disputed if it’s indeed actually the first gay slasher film-but hey that’s how they marketed it. So If you’re looking for something different this year like I am, you can’t go wrong with this cool little indie queer horror fright film- It’s full of plenty of tricks and treats standing on its own as a good example of how to celebrate diversity in horror in a refreshing way….
MOVIE MELT Podcast: Sensei Kreese is the Real HERO and also the ‘JUDGE & JURY’!!
First & foremost, I am one of the BIGGEST ‘Karate Kid’ fans on the PLANET! Hence that means I’m a HUGE damn fan of Martin Kove AKA Sensei Kreese-so imagine discovering that Kove starred in a weird action/horror hybrid flick called ‘JUDGE & JURY’ from 1996 was quite exciting for my lizard brain! Better yet Martin Kove isn’t the villain, nope he’s the god-damn hero finally and it’s a also plays on the horror trope of “evil death row inmate who can’t be killed in the electric chair and comes back for vengeance with supernatural powers” -YES! Look at this crap-tastic VHS cover too- is it really any wonder why it’s not a well know film?!
This falls into the whole “Shocker/Horror Show/Prison” genre but with almost a “Lifetime channel” film vibe mixed with huge explosions, car chases and supernatural shenanigans a’plenty. Well now all of you Cobra Kai fanatics can get the full scoop on this odd little forgotten 90’s gem that IMO deserves a lot more love and attention (not to mention a sweet long overdue blu ray) on the newest episode of MOVIE MELT! We cover all the details of this bizarre film, talk plenty about Martin Kove’s career & also for some reason get stuck in a wild hamster wheel of discussing the hottest, sexiest primate on the damn planet: SHABANI!! Have you heard about this handsome model-esque real life gorilla model? HOTT as HELL!
Ok well there’s also a “battle of the bands” and soooo much more ridiculous cinematic brain numbing nonsense you likely need to fill your head with- we discuss RIGHT HERE! Check this shit out….And Martin Kove if you’re listening (I know you often read the blog still) pleeeez call the Movie Melt hotline to let us know what you think about our intense feels about JUDGE & JURY!! Even if you’re not Mr. Kove call us at this number (724) 246-4669 we promise no one will answer!!! Listen to MOVIE MELT RIGHT HERE!
Universal Dork 