Tagged: v/h/s
Even More Universal Dork Halloween Horror Picks! The Tall Man!
So this year’s list of horror movies to check out at the theater seems pretty weak ass to me. So far we have has V/H/S which got incredibly mixed reviews, Sinister (who former Universal Dork contributor The One From Beyond warned me was a complete pile of dog shit) and Paranormal Activity 4 which is jammed packed with even MORE doors slowly opening! So what the fuck is a horror hound supposed to do in this day and age of shitty Hollywood Horror? Well I just recently viewed Pascal Laugier’s “The Tall Man” and really enjoyed the hell out of it!
This movie probably should have seen a wide release especially with Jessica Biel as the movies’ main starpower. Now if you’ve seen Laugier’s previous movie Martyrs then you know this guy is a real talent. That movie caused quite a stir and left me with images that to this day are hard to erase from my mind. So I would never really recommend Martyrs to anyone because it’s just too much of a challenge to view. However I am glad I saw it and even though The Tall Man is a much much different type of horror film I can see strong similarities in how the stories unfold in both.
The plot is simple in The Tall Man, it follows a mother (Biel) who’s a doctor in small troubled town suffering from economic collapse. There many children have since gone missing and many locals believe it to be the work of an evil supernatural being called The Tall Man. It’s not long before our main character comes face to face with the legendary stranger as he attempts to steal her son. Now honestly that’s all I should really tell you about the plot, anything more would spoil this cool little film that has a LOT to say in the end.
You will be scratching your head mid way through confused as hell I promise but in the end it will all make sense. If you have seen Martyrs you know what I mean. The movie has many elements to it and to simply call it a horror movie would be a crime. However I think this was an exciting watch and one of the better new horror movies I’ve seen in quite some time. For those of you who’ve seen Martyrs don’t worry this one won’t leave you quite as scarred just more intrigued than anything else…
Hypothermia: Best Movie Poster Of 2012!
I am a sucker for a good creature feature and right now I have high hopes for Hypothermia! This movie will be released Oct 2nd on DVD which is right around the corner here. It seems there’s a shortage of good monster flicks these days so I am hoping this one will deliver. So far I like the plot, which is nice and simple. It follows a group of ice fishers in Maine who aren’t catching anything in their local lake. They do a little research and find out that there are no fish inhabiting the lake at all….just a weird monster beneath the ice!
So far from the still via Dreadcentral.com it looks like a weird humanoid lamprey. Hopefully the movie isn’t jam packed with shitty cg. One thing it definately has going for it though is it’s movie poster! Talk about a throwback to 80’s VHS!!
A Duo of Hopefully Rad Upcoming Halloween Horror!
This Halloween season I will be once again looking forward to some great new horror, at least something good I can see in the theater! So far what’s looking the best to me are two movies in particular that will most likely show up in theaters across the nation. First we have “Sinister” which looks so far like it’s going to be a creepy ass little ghost story which stars Ethan Hawke.
It makes you think twice about setting up a projector and playing random strange films that you uncover from an attic! Check it out, So far I am digging the creepy monster dude who appears to be the movie’s “Freddy Kruger”. Yeah it’s kinda humorous seeing that creepy guy appear everywhere especially since he kinda reminds me of Mortiis, black metal superstar who used to make rad dungeon core music..
Second is one that pretty is fantastic, all but for the fact that it appears to be another “found footage” horror movie. Yeah I think we can all agree that the found footage genre is losing it’s luster quite a bit for me at least. However there’s always an exception as this movie V/H/S undeniably looks pretty damn entertaining…so far at least! This is cool also because it’s an anthology ala Creepshow with various directors bringing their flare to the movie. This movie promises thrills, monsters and the supernatural..
It seems this one has quite a huge buzz around it already. This movie is yet another one (like The Ring) that will make you think twice before watching or in this case stealing random vhs tapes from strange locales..
Grizzly Adams vs. The Christmas Nazi Elves!!
This was the second year that I celebrated Christmas with a “Christmas Horror” night. Yeah I know what you’re thinking, maybe we could have watched Scrooged, Black Christmas, Silent Night Deadly Night or even Gremlins right? WRONG! I wanted something special this year and what’s more amazing than watching a chain smoking “Grizzly Adams” battle evil nazi Elves on christmas eve?!! Yeah this little jem of a movie from 1988 is simply titled “Elves” and it delivered the goods!
The premise is simple, a teenage girl figures out that she is the spawn of a sinister Nazi experiment which involves human breeding with demonic elves attempting to create a race of superhumans. Her and two of her super skanky friends decide to spend the night in a department store hoping to get laid by a group of teenage douche bags in the sporting goods section.
But instead they discover they are trapped inside with a crazy horny elf and a group of neo Nazi’s hellbent on getting this little horndog laid on Christmas eve to officially start the master race. Their only hope is Dan Hagerty(hell yeah- TV’s Grizzly Adams!) who plays a down on his luck, chain smokin’, homeless, recovering alcoholic, ex-con, ex-cop who is currently trying to hold down a job as the department store’s Santa Claus. Really now does it get any better than that? Continue reading
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