So the big deal all around the world is that New Moon, the sequel to Twilight (like anyone doesn’t know that) is opening this week. Everyone seems to be losing their damn minds over this! My question, what is wrong with everyone?!! Twilight was hands down the WORST vampire movie I have ever seen! It had all the ingredients for the the ultimate shit-fest which is quite an accomplishment really. Terrible acting, an ultra boring story, super incredibly lame vampires that didn’t even have fangs and sparkled, irritating teenagers and terrible unthreatening vampire villains who probably work at Hot Topic on their off-time. But still people seem to think that movie was somehow epic! 

Has the general public ever even seen a real vampire movie?! ’30 Days of Night’ was shown in theaters right? Have people never seen Fright Night or Near Dark? I would understand if this series was just popular with teenage girls and guys that may think Robert Pattinson is the bee knees but grown men and women are pumped up for this crap-tastic vampire romance!  I’ve heard they are going to have lots of werewolves in this one, I am sure they will find some new way to make werewolves suck even more than vampires!

I am convinced that the first movie had some sort of subliminal messages encoded in it to make you keep watching even though you knew that what you were watching was actually making you less intelligent and damaging your brain. That was what I myself was baffled at. I actually sat through the whole damn movie. From start to FINISH! You know how many movies I watch about 15 minutes of and then eject from the DVD player that are twenty times better than Twilight? Countless! But some how I could not stop watching Twilight, even knowing how many brain cells I was losing just by viewing it! The movie didn’t even suck in a good way! Someone please explain this to me. Am I going to wake up standing in line, waiting to see New Moon this week?

 I am convinced that Hollywood has figured out a way to get people addicted to shitty movies that they’re are not actually enjoying watching. They had me watching Twilight on my couch like a zombie. So now I know the danger of seeing New Moon, this sequel would most likely leave me comatose and perhaps could actually start a real life zombie epidemic all around the world….. 

There’s proof that this movie’s got lame werewolves in it too!