X-men Origins: Wolverine’s claws are pretty dull….
So today I decided to go check out X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I was pretty pumped I must say since I have always wanted to see Wolverine in a true gritty hack ’em slash’em onscreen adventure. Plus I have been a pretty big fan of Hugh Jackman as everybody’s fav berserker canuck! Let’s face it folks, Hugh is looking better than he ever has as this character. I’ve always had high hopes for this film since we have the perfect leading man cast as Wolverine and let’s face it it’s gotta be pretty hard to make a crappy Wolverine movie right? Well they went against all the odds and succeeded in making an ultra crap-tastic adventure!! Yes true beleivers Wolverine does indeed, well, kinda suck.
But it is tolerable. It’s a crappy action movie with a whole bus load of un-interesting characters. Yeah this stupid movie is jam packed with lame-o’ coulda been cool mutants. The story is completely a mess with almost all of Wolverine’s entire past explained and shown within the opening credits. Sabretooth is for some reason immediately introduced as Wolverine’s brother in a short sequence near the beginning (loosely based on the Origin comic) and from that point on the two brothers run off together, get a wild hair up their ass and decide to fight together for the United States in pretty much in every war we’ve ever been involved in. Yeah things go bad between them when they are recruited by Stryker for a special covert team. Sabretooth tries to kill an innocent and Wolverine quits the team.
Then he decides to be a logger back in Canada with his girlfriend Silverfox. This story continues on in about 50 different directions trying to cover as much ground and introduce as many new mutants as possible in under two hours. That’s also when they start introducing characters for the sake of having them appear in the movie and wowing fanboys. About half-way through they decide to have a boxing match with Wolverine and Blob in the movie for no real reason whatsoever. Then a meeting with Gambit so they can duke it out for a while too. Then throw a young Cyclops into the mix too for good measure.
Hey Let’s box for no reason!
At no point in the movie did I ever really care for any character, not even ol’ Wolvie himself. The movie itself has even less of a heart than than X-men: 3. Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine this time around is merely a shadow what he was in the previous films and an even paler reflection of his comic book counterpart. Leiv Shrieber’s Sabretooth was better than I expected but still my standards for his character were pretty low when entering the theater so still I was hardly impressed. It was pretty funny though watching him jumping ridiculously on all fours like he was playing a psychotic game of leap frog.
Wolverine’s claws managed to look completely fake (cg claws dude! cool!) as well-wow Hollywood can’t even pull off three metal claws sticking out of guy’s knuckle correctly! And you know those epic flashbacks of the Weapon X program transforming Wolvie’s bones and body into a living weapon? Well that whole schtick takes under three minutes of screen time to complete. Apparently these writers never read Barry Windsor Smith’s Weapon X comic series?! Sorry Barry you got screwed! Then there’s the whole Deadpool shenanigans which I think they pretty much fumbled the ball on as well.
By the time the movie ended I just wanted to go home and read some real Wolverine adventures. The ones where you actually give a shit about this amazing character. The ones where he’s a real beer swiggin’ bad ass and Sabretooth is psychotic monster to be feared. The ones where when Wolverine cuts someone with his razor sharp claws they actually bleed.
One thing I know for sure is that this movie will be a hit, there will be a sequel and probably a Deadpool spin-off movie. But really if you truely love this character then I highly doubt this movie will give you the on screen fix you’ve always dreamnt of. It just makes me think even stronger than before that comic book characters should be left in the pages of the books of the writers who truely love them. Not under the control of writers looking to make your favorite comic book into a “Fast and The Furious” multi-million dollar blockbuster for the silver screen….
I think I’ll just take my Frank Miller Wolverine adventures from now on thank you.
Universal Dork 
How disappointing…Wolverine is such a great character with so many story lines that could have made a great movie.
It is beyond me why they didn’t do a Fatal Attractions trilogy instead of all these spin-offs…but whatevs.
Hey David, i was pretty disappointed but still you should check it out for yourself you might like it alot. It’s definately not a complete waste of time but when i really thought about the fact that this was the WOLVERINE movie i had been waiting for my whole life it really bummed me out. Purely as a Hollywood action flick it measures up to the rest of em’ though.
People like you should even have a website to the comments about movies. You and people like lowlife bottom feeding scum they shouldn’t have the right to say what you feel like but this is America and all the people who produced and filmed and worked in the movies get tired of it negative views of the time and file a lawsuit against you and critics like you if you don’t like the movie and don’t say nothing about in this age of computers and Internet you each millions of people in it negative feedbacks are what cause people to download movies where they should go to the theaters to watch a movie for themselves if you do not like this review of your website that’s too bad now you know what the filmmakers and actors feel like when they get a bad review so live with it and next time I see a bad review your get the same have a nice day 🙂
Hey Porthos why don’t you go and write a good review of it if you liked it so much! Then i can say that people like you should have lawsuits filed against you by people who didn’t like the movie!!
p.s. did you work on the x-men origins: wolverine movie or something?
if you are going to start an argument at least make sure it is grammatically correct. and you are right, this is indeed America, where freedom of speech exists. just like this blog, it is part of that same amendment.
ps get over your love affair of sabretooth.
Porthole-
Good post. Man, petersaturday’s review was so negative and it pissed me off so much that I went out and illegally downloaded it. You are totally right. I couldn’t wait to get to the credits so I could read the names of all the people who worked on it who got paid for the job they did on it and don’t give two shits whether or not anyone likes it because they’ve already done two other films since it.
I doubt this petersaturday guy reaches millions of people despite it being the “age of computers and internet” probably like a hundred-thousand or so. ha ha ha I hate low-lifes too.
you should see the copy i have of the movie. ugh. i didn’t even get half way through because it was just too ridiculous.
i still wanna see that undone version…and yeah sabretooth kinda acts like wampa when he wants some wet food!
oops well i made a dumb picture with wampas face instead of sabretooth but it isn’t showing up.
that would have been sooo awesome.
I saw it on Saturday night. I was twenty minutes late to the theater, so I can’t speak on that portion of it, but I do have some thoughts on it-
Basically, I thought there were plenty of factors/minor elements that were kinda lame most of the way in, but I still thought it was holding strong enough until about 3/4 through it. I would say even to the point where I was still not really seeing it as negatively as everyone who saw if Friday, but after the reactor collapsed, there were no excuses for how quickly it went downhill.
It was worth checking out though. The parts that were good were excellent, but as a whole, I thought it ended up falling short of my expectations. Oh well. I don’t get to the theater enough to be upset about it. I’d hope that everyone checks it out and decides for themselves.
Hey i think it had some cool parts too. It wasn’t a bad action movie. But it just didn’t measure up to what it really should have been-a true movie for Wolverine fans. Especially since he was SO rad in the first 2 X-men flicks!! Dammit i wish Bryan Singer would have accepted directing it!Who know perhaps the sequel will be better-since it looks like by the end of the credits that he is indeed hangin out in japan!!
WOLVERINE ORIGINS SUCKS DONKEY BALLS WITH A SIDE OF THE TOTAL WOLVER-RHEA.AND AN EXTRA SIDE OF ASS RESIDUE.HAHA!!. TOTALLY DIRECTIONLESS, SUPER BAD ACTING SUPER BAD DIRECTING,THE WORST SUPER HERO MOVIE EVER..WHAT THE FUCK WAS HUGH CRAPMAN THINKING .ALL THE CHARACTERS LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE ALL IN AN L.A MANUFACTURED ROCK BAND WITH FAKE LEATHER PANTS AND REALLY BADLY DESIGNED STERLING SILVER JEWELREY -WOLVERINES LEATHER JACKET LOOKS FRESH OFF THE ED HARDY RACK AT TARGET.I MEAN REALLY PEOPLE-IF YOU LIKED THIS MOVIE YOU’RE A SMUCK. AND DO YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT HARLEY IN THE BARN WAS REALLY A 60S CLASSIC. WHAT A BUNCH OF SHIT.I WANT MY FREEKING 9 BUCKS BACK YOU THIN REALITY ASS WIPES.IF I EVER SEE GAVIN HOOD AND GOOD OLE HUGH CRAPMAN ON THE STREETS IM GOING TO RING THERE FREEKING NECKS FOR THAT 9 BUCKS.. I RATE THIS INSTALLMENT OF THE X MEN SERIES AS “IT SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN MADE”.WOLVERINE ORIGINS HAS NOTHING ON THE WHITEWOLF SERIES..
I can totally understand your feelings on it Mr saturday. But for me I loved it I was expecting to hate it tonight and I had a blast with it theres lots I would have done diffrently like having gambit in it alot more would have been wonderfull. Oh and yay it looks like we have moronic talk backers from aintitcool spilling over here. GREAT!!! Thats what we need is more people writing in all caps and making rude insults to the website runners. Damn I thought universal dork was my geek haven away from that crap.
Hey Chris glad you liked it! But for me the best Wolverine is in X-men 2!!! Perfect!
Yeah he was spot on in that for sure!
i just saw the movie in its finished state(also sober). i decided that it was really, really bad. they ruined everything. the plot was sophomoric at best and the speccial effects looke like they were a film school project. i’m not THAT surprised, so i’m THAT not upset but it was terrible.
i expected them to stray from the books as much as they did. i knew that was going to happen. what i did not expect was it to be thrown together so hastily with horrible production. exactly who was that movie appealing to? 10 years old and under? that’s what it felt like. a rushed children’s film.
A-men!
A follow up-I re watched Wolverine again today, thought I was maybe too hard on it-BUT I realzied it sucked even worse the second time!!!
There’s not much worse than watching how ridiculous Shrieber looks running around on all 4’s like a Jackass! LAME!