Well the wait is finally over, we finally got the sequel we’ve ALL been waiting for over 15 years right?! The ultimate redemption from the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull? The exhilarating final chapter in the Indiana Jones saga FINALLY done like a real Indiana Jones classic….unfortunately it isn’t the fifth installment, The Dial of Destiny. I don’t want to waste too much time here as everyone and their mom has got an opinion on this BIG summer blockbuster. It’s not the greatest Indy sequel as a lot of people out there are claiming and it’s certainly not the “worst movie of the year” as many professional Disney hating man-babies seem to be obsessed with proclaiming. Nope it’s just a very servicable, mediocre end to an epic iconic 80s franchise. It’s definitely a step above Kingdom of the Crystal skull, not by much, but it manages to feel a bit more organic in some ways at least. Based just on the story IMO Kingdom of the Crystal Skull remains the better Indy adventure at least on paper, but how poorly it was executed onscreen left even the most die hard Indy fans scratching their heads in disbelief.

 Well the latest installment tries its best(?) to make up for the wrongs of the previous movie. However it starts off feeling a bit too much like its predecessor with a de-aged CGI faced Harrison Ford in a far too long opening sequence jam-packed with tons of wonky CGI and green screen backdrops. This attempt at bringing a younger Indiana Jones to life really felt like an AI imitation at best. I’m still baffled that they didn’t choose to hire Anthony Ingruber for the sequence, whose uncanny resemblance to real life Harrison Ford in ‘Age of Adeline’ left fans clamoring for him to be cast as young Han Solo. Instead in true Disney fashion they choose to use some weird looking digital de-aging technique to try and capture the old magic. In my opinion they end up with something that feels a somewhat soul-less Chat GPT written imitation Indiana Jones opening action sequences.

From that point the movie slightly improves and we get taken on an adventure teaming up Indiana Jones randomly with his God daughter Helena, nicknamed “Wombat”. This character right now is being trashed by the people obsessed with “woke Hollywood”, I personally don’t see that angle here with her. All in all the character of Helena is just fine and never rises much anywhere above that. In many ways she’s essentially “the new Mutt Williams”, who was conveniently killed off, offscreen to make way for the new female sidekick who resembles his son far too much in attitude. I personally would’ve rather they stuck with the landing and just brought Mutt back rather trying to now set up & sell us Indiana Jones’s long lost God daughter, whose father was a “one off” character we’ve never seen before except in the first 20 minute CG heavy opening. I just didn’t feel the connection.

Also they do sort of pull a “Force Awakens” Hans Solo style treatment to Indiana Jones as he’s now separated from new wife Marion Ravenwood (who he just married at the finale of the last film) over the death of their son. We basically are forced to spend time in this installment erasing everything that came before in KOTCS and frankly to me it’s a little bit redundant. From there they embark on a globe-trotting adventure in a race against a group of modern day Nazi’s. They also team up with what I assume to be an attempt bring us a new “Short Round” in the character of Teddy. Unfortunately those shoes are just too damn hard to fill, and Teddy doesn’t quite have the charisma, that being said he’s an ok addition to the cast. The big problem here, everything is just sorta “okay” like a vanilla soft serve ice cream from McDonald’s. It’s totally fine if you’re jonesin’ for a cool treat and there’s nothing else around.

To make a loooooong story short ‘The Dial of Destiny’ is just too damn long, its “comedy” never fully lands, it’s action sequences (which mainly revolve around long car chases) aren’t particularly interesting and the whole thing just feels very unnecessary. Especially when it feels like it really doesn’t build upon what had come directly before it. That being said though, like the previous at least it didn’t spend its time trying to be a “best of/call back” adventure movie. It again at least has its own identity. Though it again did employ its fair share of CGI it was convincing enough to not pull us into the realm of another emabarrassing Crystal Skull experience. As a big fan I think there needed to be a few key things to really consider for a home run smash hit to a modern Indiana Jones finale: No CGI, film it ALL practical. No de-aging for his young opening, cast a REAL person. Bring back key characters that we care about to go on the adventure. Finish it off with at least a good George Lucas original story idea-just to keep it authentic. I spent some time years ago coming up with what I though might be a compelling way to craft part 5 –I posted that very idea HERE.

I’m really not exactly sure what the point of this last installment truly was, It actually just sort of brings things full circle back to the end of Crystal Skull. It features an aging adventurer who’s seen better days and had so many more exhilarating adventures than what they decided again to bring onto the big screen so many years later. I guess this really just might’ve been trying to set up a new franchise for Helena & Teddy? Sitting in the theater, I couldn’t help but think how incredible this movie could’ve been had they chosen to employ Ke Huy Kuan again as Short Round & for some of the movie at least utilizing Marion Ravenwood and maybe even his son Mutt. Moving things forward rather than course correcting. The fact that they didn’t choose to at the very least bring back Short Round is bewildering to me. Making me realize just how seriously out of touch big Hollywood is with what fans would find as a truly heartfelt send off for Indiana Jones’s final adventure. 

My final thoughts- I guess I can say this last installment was a lot better than i’d initially expected it to be. However it really made me realize just how badly I truly want them to stop making unnecessary “sequels” to my favorite 80s movies. Whatever filmmaking magic they were able to conjure up back then today feels like an impossibility. Again another missed opportunity to bring back the true heart and soul of  indiana Jones one last time. For me the fitting end was The Last Crusade, but today I witnessed the most mediocre finale to likely my favorite film series of all time….