Universal Dork

The Most Unsuccessful Blog on the 'Net Since 2009!

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  • Nerds Rejoice! The Descendents are back!!

    Wow-well I just heard the news today that one of my all time favorite bands The Descendents are back playing shows again! As you probably already know they’re the pioneers of pop punk. They have been a major influence on so many bands yet never themselves have ever really gotten the recognition they deserve. Not only are they completely from the old school, as they formed in 1978 but they are also probably the dorkiest punk band on the planet.

    Lead by punk icon and undeniable nerd Milo Aukerman these guys have made some of the most aggressive and sappy punk rock songs of all time (more…)

  • The Rods Rip Up Texas With Their Rad Album Cover!

    This last weekend I went on a super adventure to Marfa Texas for a friends birthday bash! It was a neat little barrio town in the middle of nowhere and was filled with alot of incredible art and interesting people. The kind of city that when you go out to a party in the evening you see everyone you encountered earlier that day, like your waiter at the restaurant, the guy from the liquor store, the person who gave you the art tour, the grocery store bagger guy, and even the 65 year old jewelry maker wound up partying down with the best of ’em. So yeah there were alot of art foundations there too-I even checked out the Andy Warhol “Last Supper” paintings-but I have to say that the best peice of artwork I saw was on an album cover of a record I bought at a vintage thrift store there! 

    The album was by a band I have never heard of called The Rods. It’s called “Wild Dogs” and boy I’m kinda wishing it’s album cover was on display there in Marfa! Yeah I couldn’t resist-I got the album back safely and was pleasantly suprised at how hard The Rods kicked my motherfucking ass with their rock too! Anyway here’s a song from the album-sometimes you can judge a book by it’s cover!!  

  • Pig Hunt Vs. Razorback!!

    I just recently finished wathing the newly released direct to dvd Fangoria Frightfest flick  “Pig Hunt”. I must have tried to watch this movie four times before I actually finished it. Not that it was that boring, though maybe it did take a little bit too long to get to the real action, but mainly because I had such a crazy sleep deprived weekend out in Marfa Texas this weekend. Anyway there not too much to say really about Pig Hunt, the newest in the crazed monster wild boar genre, especially when you put it up against it older stepbrother, the amazing Razorback from 1984. 

    Razorback directed by Russel Mulcahy, who went on later to direct the Highlander films, was a work of art as it followed the story of a crazed Hogzilla in the Australian outback who’s on a killing spree. It’s been most effectively described as Jaws on land. With amazing effects and stunning cinematography this relatively unknown horror flicks remains as one of my fav monster movies of the 80’s. (more…)

  • The First and Last Appearance of Nicotine!!

    So everyone knows that smokin’ is bad for ya! Right? Well sometimes though you can easily be swayed when a dastardly supervillain named Nicotine sweet talks you with pro-smokin’ fancy talk!! After you watch this old PSA starring Superman you’ll clearly see how you sometimes need a hero to help you kick the habit! check this shit out-it’s actually a pretty awesomely animated little cartoon even if it was the first and LAST appearance of one of Superman’s greatest foes!!

  • The Descent Part 3 Starring Kevin Costner!?

    Ok movie fans I hope you can understand how hard it is sometimes to try and find a damn new release to watch when you’re completely spent on everything that’s been released recently. Sometimes when you’re at the video store you just gotta take a chance on a movie you’re sure is gonna be a dud. That’s where a movie like “The New Daughter” starring Waterworld superstar Kevin Costner comes into the equation. I walked around the video store for about a half hour before finally deciding the newest direct to video thriller starring Kevin Costner was going to be what me and my bottle of wine would sit and probably fall asleep to the other evening.

    Yeah my friday night consisted of drying my laundry at the laundromat, drinkin’ wine alone and giving good old Costner another chance. I was curious too, has Costner even been in a theatrically released movie in the past 5 years?? Well anyway it didn’t matter as I was ready to get drunk and watch a timid generic thriller and probably dose off.

    Anyway I will say the movie indeed started off like the usual PG-13 thriller, Cos moves to a new home with his son and daughter and not long after she begins to  act strangely after hearing whispers in the new house. It was totally on parin the begining with Dragonfly, which I think was the closest thing Costner has done to a horror movie. However very soon in the film I was pleasantly surprised when outside the girls room, we hear a creepy moan and then we get a glimpse of a monster crawling around on their roof!! (more…)

  • The Avengers Teaser Trailer!

    Well I have been away from the computer for a few days so it was just today that I saw the teaser trailer for the new avengers upcoming flick-It’s not much really but at least we got something!

     I am crossing my fingers that this movie is going to be quite astonishing! Hopefully we can keep the rest of the cast together as now if any other of the major players drop out of the race it’s just NOT gonna hold it’s weight.  We’ve already Lost Edward Norton and Terrence Howard who quite honestly the best actors of the whole bunch! Here is this minalmalistic teaser trailer in all it’s glory for those of you who may not have seen it yet!!

  • NES Nightmares!!

    I was thinking this morning for some reason about fun it used to be when I was a kid in the 80’s and I’d spend a far too hot summer afternoon with my friends playing Nintendo in my brother’s room in the basement. Those were good times, eating chips, drinkin’ pop chilling in the cool basement and most of all playing video games. These definately weren’t the games of today with ultra realistic graphics and a controller with like fifty buttons on it. Nope, these were times when video games were actually fun to play!! Simple and to the point, well most of ’em at least. We’d play ’em all back then, Super Mario Bros, Castlevania, Rygar, Mega Man and one game in particular which drove us fucking bat shit crazy- Ghosts ‘n Goblins!!! Just seeing the packaging alone for this game here below brings back so many nostalgic memories of the 80’s and many extremely frustrating ones as well!

     Yeah this was one of my favorite games of all time for some reason-me and my brother played the shit out of this game trying to beat it and to this day were never able to do so (more…)

  • THE TECHNICOLOR NIGHTMARE PT.3-BODY TROOPERS

    BODY TROOPERS, AKA: CHASING THE KIDNEYSTONE (Idsoe, 1996)

    A decade after Joe Dante made INNER SPACE, a Norwegian woman made a movie about a boy and his grandpa’s kidney stone. What follows is a disturbing art film about bodily functions and fluids.  Get ready for a swim! (WARNING: gross stuff ahead)

    BODY TROOPERS-CHASING THE KIDNEYSTONE Poster

    Simon lives with his grandpa, a widowed saxophonist, and they have a self-pitying stuffed bear that talks like a hot dog salesman. The night before grandpa’s jazz band reunion show (whom grandma sang for) he wakes up Simon with the kind of groaning that a football to the crotch or bad burrito will induce. Feeling helpless, the boy and the whiny bear bust out a chemistry set and shrink Simon to microbial size.

    It all starts with grandpa’s mouth (specifically his giant lip and tongue). Simon steps over taste buds the size of basketballs, some of which talk. A lot. They even have telephones.

    Bitter Bud on her flesh phone.

    They are disturbed by the boy and want to know how he tastes. Bitter bud calls the Brain. (more…)

  • August = A Good Month For Power Metal!!

    So as you all know the new Iron Maiden album is set to be released this month as you all probably know from me ranting about their live show I witnessed and posting their new song El Dorado. What some metal fans may not know though is that there’s another metal album being released this month that I am equally as pumped about! Blind Guardian’s “At The Edge of Time” is set to be released on August 24th!

     If you like power metal with heavy influences of fantasy then you best run out and prepare to play this album during battle in your next D&D campaign! Blind Guardian has been around since 1984 and they just seem to keep getting better!  Anyway I found some full songs from the upcoming album posted on youtube so if you’re ready to get epic as shit then you best sit down and take a good listen!!

  • Babysitting & Burning Churches!!

    Black metal and babysitting who would have ever thought how nicely they mix!!