Universal Dork

The Most Unsuccessful Blog on the 'Net Since 2009!

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  • JLA 1997 TV Pilot? REALLY?

    I just heard yesterday about this JLA Tv pilot from 1997 that you can see on Youtube now, yeah you can watch the whole damn wretched thing! I honestly didn’t even know this existed until I read about it in The Portland Mercury yesterday. It’s from back in 1997, it never saw the light of day and I can undertsand why! It totally sucks in every way possible. It’s super flippin’ boring for a show that is supposed to be about some of the earth’s mightiest heroes! Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman knew better than to get involved in this terd! Seriously I combed over what I could stomach of this hunk of shit and could barely find anything that remotely resembled an  action sequence-it’s no wonder  no tv station wanted this shit on the air-check it out here…bizarre!!!

     

  • The 8 Other Movies “Super 8” Owes it’s Success to…

    So I’m here to tell tell you a few things today, as you guessed “Super 8” is the movie to see this summer, I loved it. Secondly it’s very obvious that JJ Abrams was a fan of The Goonies and E.T. and was trying his best (he succeeded) in replicating the nostalgic vibe of those movies for the big screen this year. He gave us that feeling we all have missed for so many years in our summer movies. But most of all it was a formula that had been used many times throughout the 80’s not only in E.T. and The Goonies but many more that have been all but forgotten.

    It was a formula that seemed to put kids on dangerous adventures, most often supernatural ones, usually in small towns or the suburbs and most often trying to prove to their parents some crazy story to be true with often times unlucky results. These stories were filled with wonder and most of all they were so undeniably fun to watch that to see a movie like “Super 8” or even Joe Dante’s latest movie “The Hole” in this day and age is a breath of fresh air. So here today in response to Super 8 I’d like to honor 8 more movies Abrams was likely heavily influenced by when he made his latest

    1.  The Gate (1986) To say JJ wasn’t influenced by this movie when making Super 8 would be a crime!! (more…)

  • LARPERS Gone WILD!!

    Ever wonder what might happen if a troop of LARP-ers suddenly went wacko?! Well wonder no more in this new thriller I just saw the trailer for. “The Wild Hunt” follows a crew of live action role players that would make Tom Hanks’ version of Mazes & Monsters look like an afternoon on Sesame Street!

    Now keep in mind I haven’t actually seen this Canadian movie yet but I have heard some great things about it. I have also heard that LARP-ers all over the world are taking offense to flick saying that it gives them a bad name! (more…)

  • Daniel Clowes Delivers Another Dose of Awkward…

    I sat up late recently and read the latest Daniel Clowes graphic novel “Mister Wonderful” in one sitting which quite honestly isn’t that hard to do. Mister Wonderful is a sweet little awkward tale and pretty much exactly what you may already be expecting from Mr. Clowes. It follows the simple story of middle aged Marshall who’s struggling out on his first date (a blind one) in over six years after a nasty divorce. Marshall finally arrives back on the dating scene after gaining a little self worth from a one night stand with a strung out clepto drifter. So he agrees to meet a new woman at a coffee shop and that should be an easy feat right? Wrong, as we see exactly how out of the loop he really is.  He immediately assumes the worst as he waits for his date and ends up getting drunk thinking he was stood up. Well much to his surprise an attractive woman named Natalie shows up and proves his worst fears wrong.

    Now that’s not to say that Natalie hasn’t brought her own heaping pile of baggage to the table with her (more…)

  • Yet Another New Cap Trailer!

    Here we are again with yet another  new Cap  trailer! Still this one again leads me to believe this will be the best Marvel movie of them all, but really now are any of the Marvel comics movies really that fantastic? Not really, they really don’t age well and I’ve got a lot of problems with each of them really. I also wonder if this Cap movie will be well received worldwide? How much does the rest of the world really like  the USA and a super hero that runs around donning our flag? We’ll see I guess! I firmly believe if Cap were a real guy he’d be up in arms over the state of our country and our sub par, dishonest leaders who run the government. Anyway here it is -and this time we get to hear  the Red Skull speak!

  • Obscure Super Hero Movies! Hunky Vegetables!

    Ok so this isn’t really that obscure of a movie, but I do know that a good number of my friends have never actually seen 1989’s Return of the Swamp Thing!!! What the hell is up with that? You do see the original Swamp Thing movie all over the place but very rarely do you see the sequel, which is actually kind of a reboot. So I say to all you people there that love super radly bad 80’s movie’s that you best be seeking this gem out!

    This box office bomb has it all really, super awesome 1980’s monsters are everywhere in this movie and even better they are throwin’ down with each other constantly! (more…)

  • The Real Hangover 2 : Return To Paradise!

    I know everyone has gone completely crazy about “The Hangover 2” a sequel I have yet to see. I did however see the first movie and I will admit it had a few good laughs-though hearing about The Hangover 2’s plot really got me thinking about another movie which I love. However it also makes me hope that the boys in the third upcoming film highly consider NOT going to Malaysia for the next party!

    It seems to me that people who are looking for a little more realism (I’m not sure there are any looking but what the hell huh?!) in the upcoming Hangover 3 sequel need to check out “Return to Paradise” starring Vince Vaughn and Joaquin Phoenix! Nope it’s really NOT a comedy But it involves 3 dudes who hang around in Malaysia only to see some of the real consequences of partyin’ hardy Americans in so called paradise.

    The 1998 movie is actually pretty damn good flick and will no doubt have you on the edge of your seat. Anyway there are a lot of similarities only minus the crazy monkey…. check it out before you think of traveling abroad and fuckin’ things up in paradise like the three dudes in the Hangover!! Things could get ugly!

  • Conan Comes Clean!

    I have always been a fan of Conan O’brien, you know for years he used to help me fall asleep…well actually it was most likely Carson Daly who caused me to snooze afterwards, so when Conan got screwed by Leno I will admit I was a little mad! I always felt like Conan had to be a great guy and always kinda wondered what he was really like in real life. Well his new movie most likely puts that idea a bit closer into perspective.  “Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop” looks like we’ll all finally get the scoop into the man and get a good idea of what really happened to his tv carreer.

     Sadly I don’t get to see Conan too much anymore as I don’t have cable, nor do I want cable tv because frankly there’s nothing ever on it worth watching! O’Brien would be the exception I guess, oh and maybe that show “River Monsters” that’s pretty awesome as well….

  • Lady Gaga: The Mutant Spawn of Pinball’s CENTAUR!!

    Ok well I just had to share this little bit of incredible info with everyone out there! I have figured out exactly where Lady Gaga comes from! Some people think that she’s from outer space and is an alien-CRAZY huh? No actually right on target! First off I have to say if any of you out there think Lady Gaga’s new album cover for “Born This Way” is original you all need to wake the hell up!

    It’s totally clear what the hell has happened here ! If you are unaware of the 1981 Bally pinball game Centaur then you know where this is headed… (more…)

  • Where Are All The Realistic Comic Book Super Heroes?

    I was talking with some friends the other night about something I think is really interesting and kinda depressing in the world of comics books. The topic of realism in super hero comic books. I am not talking realism in a way of superhuman beings roaming the earth, having crazy powers and fighting crime. Nope, you see that’s all more than fine with me. I am rather talking about the fact that it seems almost every super hero or super team seems to have a full cast of beautifully sculpted super models in their ranks. Even worse is the fact that almost every artist draws everyones faces the same-I mean most of the time Bruce Banner is drawn with same face as Reed Richards, Captain America or Cyclops! Kind of a cookie cutter “safe” bland drawing of men or women in comic books. See this has been happening since the beginning of comic books and to be quite honest it’s kinda lame.

     

    I personally would LOVE to see a little more depth and realism in my comic books. Why does every woman have to have the same perfect body?? Doesn’t The Invisible Woman ever eat too many donuts when nobody is looking? (more…)