X-Men Apocalypse: The Origin of The X-Men’s Famous Hairdos!!

I checked out ‘X-Men: Apocalypse’ today, a movie I was super excited for as I was a huge fan of ‘Days of Future Past’ and the other Singer X-Men movies. I’m sorry to say that for some reason this latest installment is a big bloated mess that sadly misses the mark by a boatload. I loved that the last movie was set in the 1970’s & was so stoked on the idea of this one taking place in the 1980’s. However, aside from some cool vintage wardrobe and a Ms. Pac-man video game there wasn’t much else in this one that for me really brought me back to that great era of the X-Men comic books.

There was simply just too many damn characters running around, the story was missing heart and the special effects were just too much of a cartoony CG mess to convince me that the Earth was in any serious danger. I had high hopes forthe movies antagonist Apocalypse too and didn’t even mind his look, which most people were in a frenzy about from the start. However, Apocalypse as a villain was just way too hokey to be taken seriously and yeah he really did look a bit ridiculous I must admit.  

And Talk about a villain who takes himself way too seriously, jeez, he seemed more like an overdramatic cartoon version of the legendary villain. We’re really not given that much character development here for anyone, everything that happens happens way too coincidentally including the origin of people’s hairstyles! It seems Apocalypse is not only responsible for huge amounts of global chaos but also for Storm’s white hair & ALSO Professor X’s bald ass head!!

Oh what a mess this one is folks. This might also be the only X-Men movie where they should have cut Wolverine out of the damn movie! Damn I can’t beleive I just typed that shit cuz I love Hugh Jackman’s Wolverine. Yeah that Jackman Weapon X scene felt incredibly forced but it fit in nicely with the rest of the movie countless forced plot lines I suppose. I thought at the end of Days of Future Past he was being taken by Raven masquerading as Stryker?!! WTF?

Also The Angel is actually a lot more badass somehow BEFORE he’s transformed into Archangel-that’s not an easy task people! Archangel should have been one of the movie’s high points and there’s no reason to give a shit that he gets metal wings. In the comic books it was crushing to see Warren lose his wings and return as Archangel. In the movie it’s just another flimsy random encounter…That all being said, I dug Nightcrawler but seriously why the fuck didn’t he just teleport out of the damn birdcage MMA octagon battle?! Also so strange now that somehow Mystique has become a major X-man team player, I think it has something to do purely with Jennifer Lawrence’s popularity maybe? I’d say the only real reason to drop the cash on this one is for the Quicksilver scenes, they are indeed a wonderful spectacle to behold.

I couldn’t help thinking that this was just the wrong story to try and tell. As far as 1980’s X-Men stories I think ‘The Mutant Massacre’ would have been 100 times more compelling than this. Sometimes less is truly more and this installment left me feeling pretty empty. For the first time since “The Last Stand” I find myself really not giving a flying fuck where the X-men go from here. I’m down for a full on reboot that starts fresh without the whole Bryan Singer history-I’d be down for Marvel to get these characters back from Fox for the reboot, I’m crossing my fingers….   

Last thought here: The 1980’s Movie X-Men could NEVER be as badass as the comic book 1980’s X-Men….



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